Top 15 Comfort Films/Series

I’ve been in something of a depressing funk lately.  I lost an amazing opportunity after six days for reasons that make no goddamn sense.  So now it’s back to the job hunt, which was already difficult before.  Now it’s looking like I have a serious shelf life, and I’m not too enthused about that.  When I am depressed, one thing I like to do is to take my mind off it.  I have a number of ways to do that.  Reading some of my favorite books is always a perk.  So is playing some of my favorite games.  However, there is one way that I like to get my mind off my troubles that I thought I would elaborate on here – my favorite movies/series that are something of a comfort food for me.  You can put any of these things on and place me in front of them and I’ll be enjoying myself.  Many of these are on my favorite movies list, so some of them you will see coming, but all the same, I thought I would make a little list today when I’m feeling down of the things that help me feel better.

15. Mushi-Shi
This is one of my favorite anime, and man it is one of the most soothing things I will ever watch.  This series is so vibrant and beautiful, but it also tells these amazing stories of the adventures of Mushi master Ginko, voiced brilliantly by Travis Willingham in the dub.  For all you sub purists, fuck off.  I watch my anime dubbed, and my favorite anime, to a one, have dubs that kick the ass of their Japanese counterparts.  Anyway, this series is so quiet and chill that it’s like something of a meditation, like listening to the soundtrack of a movie that’s much higher up this list.  There is conflict in the episodes, but it never gets super hardcore about it, so you can just take in what’s happening and Ginko solving little mysteries and it’s a good time.  Back when anime would have 24 episode runs and that was all you needed.  Good times.

14. Howl’s Moving Castle
There are a LOT of films by Studio Ghibli that could be on this list.  One that most people would put on it is Spirited Away, which is one of my fiancee’s favorite movies.  Don’t get me wrong, I love that film.  If this list went to top 20, it would probably be #16 on that list.  But Howl’s Moving Castle is an amazing film.  So many anime fans think it is the red sheep because it is based on a book by an English author.  However, for my money, this is one of favorite films to come out of the studio.  The dub for this is so fantastic.  You have the late British Actress Jean Simmons (not the singer from KISS) as Grandma Sophie, Josh Hutcherson as Markl, Christian Bale as Howl, and the fantastic Billy Crystal as Calcifer.  Telling a cute little fairy-tale like story about a woman who is cursed and ends up finding love and a home she can belong in and a family she can call her own.  It’s so poignant and fun.  A classic movie that I can sit and watch anytime.

13. Prohibition
A documentary series created by Ken Burns and Lynn Novick, this tells the story of one of the greatest failures in American history, of the same name.  It was a dark time in American history, and led to one of the most film-laden concepts ever – gangsters.  The gangsters of the 1920s and 30s are iconic in our history, from their flashy way of dressing to their unhinged violence.  This film series really delved into this, in a way that only Ken Burns can.  I love this guy’s documentaries.  He makes them quiet and reserved, telling a story with a kind of nostalgia that feels like a grandfather telling the tales of his days on the farm growing up.  It’s very soothing stuff.  And as I am one of the people who finds this era in history fascinating, naturally I think this one is fantastic.  I might have put his one on national parks on this list.  Maybe #17?  Hard to say.

12. The Martian
It’s genuinely surprising to me how a film about a man stranded on Mars can feel so chill to watch.  This is an amazing movie from Ridley Scott tells the story of a man who ends up stranded on Mars after his crew believes he is killed as they are fleeing a storm.  Facing the possibility of dying there, he vows that he is going to survive, and it becomes a fantastic story of his triumph against the most insane odds that anyone has ever faced.  There are a TON of great performances in this movie, but the best one comes from Matt Damon, who is literally talking to himself and his data recorder the majority of the film.  It’s great stuff.

11. The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross
Oh man, this is a show that I grew up with, and some wonderful human being has uploaded the ENTIRE collection of his televised works to YouTube.  It’s magical stuff.  I have favorited so many of them.  It’s funny, but I learned that what people thought was impromptu decisions by the titular painter when he was creating his masterpieces in 30 minutes was actually VERY meticulous planning.  This guy would plan out each and every painting to the smallest detail before he started it.  But it makes me respect his stage performance that much more because he really does make it look like he is just making it all up on the spot.  This man was a kind-hearted person.  It makes sense that he had a much more turbulent past, having once been a Drill Sergeant in the Army.  He talked about that sometimes, but only briefly and always pointing out that he didn’t want to be that kind of person anymore.  All he wanted was peace and happiness and a kindly, gentle world.  He was too good for humanity.  But I’m glad we got to see his genius all the same.

10. Constantine
Apparently, among DC comic fans, there is a widespread disdain for this movie because the character isn’t enough like the one in the comics or the more recent animated films.  Well those people can fuck right off.  The low-key and quieter acting of Keanu Reeves is not everyone’s cup of tea.  The guy is very soft-spoken, and that can be boring to some.  To me, on the other hand, it is absolutely fantastic when in the right film.  This movie is the PERFECT film for how he goes into a role.  Playing an run-down sorcerer who is looking to find a way to buy his way into Heaven, knowing that he is the one soul the Devil would come to collect personally.  This film has some amazing performances, most notably from Peter Stormare in his all-too-brief role as Lucifer.  It’s a strangely quiet comic book film, and is always a fun story to watch.  I hear they’re making a sequel all these years later (probably to release 20 years from 2005), but I’m skeptical of that.  In the meantime, this film is a classic, and one of my comfort films.

9. Various Julia Child Cooking Series
This is a broad category, and so I can’t just put one thing, but I enjoy them all.  The one I grew up with was Baking With Julia, but I have loved all the ones I have been introduced to.  There was In Julia’s Kitchen with Master Chefs, The French Chef, and Cooking with Jacque and Julia.  All of them have their charm, and all of them are comfort shows to me.  It’s funny, growing up, while Sally and the rest of the fam was watching the Super Bowl, I would be watching cooking shows on PBS.  It was fun for me.  Julia Child was such a great lover of food, and seeing her playing off master chefs and doing her own show from WAY before my time is always fun.  Her time with Jacque Pepin was always fantastic.  Those two had such chemistry.  Her old shows are being brought to YouTube.  More and more of their old catalog of stuff is coming to YouTube, and that makes me genuinely happy.  I was wondering how long it would take PBS to realize there is a lot of money to be made from ad revenue for this stuff.  Lots of nostalgia, and I get to feel better on sad days.

8. Best of the Worst series by Red Letter Media
This is a much newer addition to this list than any of the others, by a country mile.  But it is one of my favorite comforting things to watch on bad days.  Red Letter Media has created a series that is so fun and never stops being fun.  Every time they have these crazy ideas just out of nowhere, it’s always a lark.  It’s fun to see how their stuff has evolved over time.  The crew of Mike, Jay, Rich Evans, and the rest of the guys are all so fun and it’s clear that they love what they do.  At no point have I gotten the feel that they are phoning it in.  There is clearly passion behind what they have put together, and they have this amazing audience.  Some episodes are just fantastic.  Their Wheel of the Worst series is probably my favorite of their stuff, because some of what they watch is so stupid that it’s magical.  I can never get enough of this series of videos on their YouTube channel, and I’m glad they are still going strong today.

7. FLCL
Fooly-Cooly is one of those anime series that is just so strange and spastic, yet at the same time feel so quiet and reserved.  There is a very Indie film quality about this anime. It only goes from six episodes, but it is so charming and the relationships in it are so enjoyable to watch that you can’t help but fall in love with it.  The series makes the most of every frame over its very limited runtime.  It’s clear that the animators here just took all the things that they loved from when it was being made and just found a way to work it ALL into this series in one episode or another.  It’s fantastic stuff.  Add in a dub that is so perfect and is able to play with the fact that this series treats the fourth wall like their bitch and you have something that I can watch whenever and always feel good about.  I can’t recommend it enough.  But don’t watch the sequel series.  That was ass.  Unrepentant ass.

6. Cowboy Bebop
It should come as no surprise that my favorite anime of all time is on this list.  This show is perfect.  Absolutely, unequivocally perfect.  Well, except for that ONE EPISODE (Boogie Woogie Feng Shui), but we don’t talk about that one.  This anime is such a unique idea, and while it does have a very melancholy overtone, it is still fun to watch the adventures of the perpetually-broke crew of the Bebop.  This is another series where the dub absolutely beats the shit out of the sub in every conceivable way.  It’s one of those shows where, aside from a few plot-related episodes, you can go into a lot of it blind and you will have a good time without knowing much about the overarcing plot of the characters.  For a series with as much shooting and fighting as there is, it’s strange how comfortable it is.  There is a skill in being able to make characters talking into drama without having it feel like exposition dumps, but this series is great at it.  So much of the dialogue works because you have characters saying multiple things at once.  So many people think you’re a sheep of you love this anime.  If soo, then baaaah!

5. BBC Documentary Series
This is another of those broad categories, as it includes a WIDE array of different series.  There is Planet Earth and its sequel.  There is Blue Planet and its sequel (which I would argue is better than the original).  There is Life.  And most recently Green Planet, which made the world of plants come to life in a way that I did not believe was possible.  It’s genuinely shocking the amount of drama in the world of green things that grow at a rate that is so slow.  All of these series have so much going for them, and while they do also make me realize how much humanity is fucking over our planet, there is still this love that I have for the beauty of the natural world.  These things will be a record of what our planet once was when the coral reefs are gone and the polar ice caps have disappeared.  The one comfort I can get from that is the fact that Florida will be underwater then.  Good riddance.  Listening to David Attenborough narrating about nature is fantastic, and I could listen to it forever.

4. Cosmos (2014)
The reboot of the old series done by Carl Sagan, this has Neil deGrasse Tyson taking over and telling us about the world and the universe and the questions of scientists as of 2016.  It’s amazing stuff.  I could listen to Neil tell me about science with the visuals in that series for forever, no joke.  Then there is the science itself, which is all fun.  The visuals in the series are top notch.  The fact that they had CG this good for a televised production is really saying something.  Then you had these fantastic little animated bits showing parts of history that were always fun to watch, with some great voice acting across the board.  It’s a shame that Possible Worlds will never come to blu-ray, but neither will Cyberpunk: Edgerunners, so life is made of little disappointments.  But we still have this, and it’s wonderful.

3. Blade Runner
I think this is the most perfect science fiction dystopia movie we’ll ever see.  Don’t get me wrong, the sequel was alright.  Denis Villeneuve put in a lot of heart to it.  But this film is so fantastic in all areas that I cannot find one single fault with it.  I got it on blu-ray, and holy shit!  The effects of this movie have all aged like fine wine.  Like cognac.  Like whiskey.  It looks amazing.  The performances are amazing across the board.  It’s funny that Harrison Ford hates this movie as he thought it was going to be more of a detective story, yet he still put in an amazing performance.  The late Rutger Hauer was phenomenal, as was Daryl Hannah.  But the thing that really makes this film work is the soundtrack.  It ties together the emotions and makes the world of the film have that surreal cyberpunk feel.  This movie is arguably the first that made the cyberpunk genre what it is today, and I am okay with that.  There isn’t a frame of this movie I would change.  And it is one I can watch anytime and enjoy.

2. Summer Wars
Something most people don’t know is that this film is a reimagining of a movie that Mamoru Hosota had already made – the Digimon movie.  Specifically, the second of the three stories that America stupidly smashed together with the flimsiest duct tape story contrivances ever, even though the three stories had literally nothing to do with one-another in the Japanese version.  The second of the three is the one that everyone remembers most from the Digimon film, and Hasota wanted to remake it outside of that franchise.  This is what he came up with.  This film is amazing.  The visuals and action are top class.  No surprise, it was made by Madhouse Studio, RIP.  The two interweaving stories about a family coming together for their matriarch’s birthday, along with the catastrophe inside of the digital world of OZ are told so perfectly and playing off each other so brilliantly that how they all come together in the end is so poignant and couldn’t be done any other way.  The character of Granny is so lovable yet still exudes this strong element that is part of the Jinuuchi clan.  Kenji is this very fun nerd to ends up finding his own inner strength by the end.  The dub was not one done with a lot of big-name actors and actresses, and it’s better for it.  Voice actors don’t get the respect they deserve, and this film showed that they should.  It’s got fantastic performances across the board, which is good because it makes this family with so many people in it seem relatable.  Everyone knows somebody like each part of this family.  It’s fun, beautiful, poignant.  There’s nothing more I can really say.

And my favorite comfort film is…one that people should see coming from a mile away.

1. Fantasia
Yeah.  If you’ve been following my site for any extended period of time, you knew this was coming.  Of course it was going to be Fantasia.  Not just my favorite comfort food movie, but my favorite movie of all time.  This film is perfect.  In every way, it is flawless.  There is nothing about it that hasn’t aged like fine wine (save for that part with the very uncomfortable black face faun in the very original that was edited out of all subsequent versions, but let’s not talk about that little bit of revision that we’re glad was gotten rid of).  It is 2D animation at its very best.  Never has animation risen above that.  For as far as it has come, and for some of what i hear are the gorgeous things being made together, animation has never gotten to the point it reached all those years ago.  This movie combines classical music and the greatest animation ever put to celluloid into a package that is made for adults more than kids, but which I saw and fell in love with as a child.  No film has been able to get above this for me, and I will love it until I pass.

Those are my favorite comfort films/series.  Let me know which ones you all like down below.  If any of the guys from Red Letter Media see this, I love your stuff and I hope you keep it up.

Until next time, a quote,

“We haven’t lost yet!” – Natsuki Shinohara, Summer Wars

Peace out,

Maverick

When Fantasia’s Copyright Expires (Musing)

I read in the news that the copyright of Mickey Mouse and Steamboat Willie is about to expire, so that character depiction will be public domain.  That got me to thinking about something – when will Fantasia‘s copyright expire?  I looked it up – in 2036.  Shit!  Was hoping it would be sooner than that.  Not that it matters, because my big idea of what could be done with it won’t happen anyway.  But I do have big ideas of what could be done with it, if I had the cash and could find those willing to participate in it.  This idea is large, and I guarantee that this would be a movie that EVERYONE is talking about!  No joke, if I had the scratch and could find the people, I would create a 2D animated spectacle the likes of which hasn’t been seen in over 80 years. Let me break my idea down for you.

It would start with finding the right music.  I made a whole post on pieces that I would love to see in a third Fantasia movie (linked here), but I would also be open to new ideas.  But we would have to get some animators.  This is the tricky part.  I would begin by looking up all the old dejected 2D animators who either quit the industry or who are doing small work for cartoons.  I would give them as much budget as they need, and that this would be a place where creativity could be let off the chain.  We’re making a movie not just for kids, but for adults as well.  Next, I would see if I could find some of the old Studio Ghibli or Studio Bones animators and see if they would be interested in making something that is unique.  I would even tell them I would be looking for music by a Japanese composer so they could make something to honor their heritage and culture.  I would also see if the team behind that French animated film A Cat’s Life (Or A Cat In Paris, as the English release was known) was still kicking around, and see if they wanted to do something for French culture.

The goal of this project would be to create something for children and adults all over the world.  Something that is culturally broad and actually takes cues from it.  But I would also want to make a film that is creative and doesn’t tie people down.  As such, I would really be open to all kinds of ideas.  It would still be classical music that we are working with, but I would welcome a strange idea if they could make it work.  Even ideas that are risque.  The original Fantasia had topless female centaurs and naked harpies that had nipples, along with naked flame women.  The idea of this is to really stretch the limits of creativity, and some countries are more prudish than others.

Of course, once assembling the animation teams, the next goal would be selecting the music.  As I said, it’s all going to be classical.  I’m not gonna budge on that.  Yes, it is an art form that isn’t as appreciated as it should be, but that’s part of why I want to do this.  I was awakened to my love of classical music and 2D animation through the original Fantasia.  How many kids today don’t know about or are not aware of classical music because they aren’t exposed to it?  I don’t want to preach the medium’s virtues to them, merely just to expose them to it and if they think it is as beautiful as I do, that’s great.  This is a voyage of discovery, into the realms of color, sound, and motion.

The third criteria is that all the pieces of music would have to mesh with the three forms of music that are listed in the opening of the original – pieces that tell a definite story, ones that don’t have a specific plot but do have a series of definite pictures, and then music that exists simply for its own sake.  The third category would be the one that opens the film.  Something that is abstract and allowed the animators to REALLY cut loose with their creative potential.

I know what you’re thinking – is 3D animation just completely off the table?  I won’t commit to that entirely, but it would have to be done in a segment.  See if some of the OG Pixar animators were interested in bringing their neat aesthetic to work for a project like this.  But it would be primarily, first and foremost, a 2D effort.  People have this belief that 2D animation is dead in American film, and that pisses me off.  With all the people hung up on nostalgia, why is 2D animation not making a comeback?  I think there is a lot of potential there, and I would run with it.

Next, I would keep the aesthetic of introducing the pieces with someone sitting amongst an orchestra, as in the original film.  Maybe even have the musicians get to play around a little with some music like in the first film.  I think that would be fun.  The dark lighting might make it a little hard, but I want to make this faithful.  But unlike the Blu-Ray release of Fantasia, I would keep the intros short.  The original version of the film I had on VHS did this flawlessly.  Short, to the point, and conveyed what they needed to.  In a perfect world, I would do the intros myself, but I don’t have a face for television.  A shame.  But whoever did the intros would be something with a classy look and could convey a classy tone.  Giancarlo Esposito comes readily to mind.

The last thing is that this film would have to end on a BIG high note.  Something where everyone went all out, with a piece of music that is dramatic and can give this thing a powerful finish that will captivate people.  The funny thing is that Walt Disney originally wanted this to be an ongoing idea, for each showing of the movie to be different.  So by taking this IP and making something new with it, in the animation genre he pioneered, I would be continuing his legacy in a way that ACTUAL Disney has not.  Oh, and the film would have to open the way the original did, with some tweaks to the names it drops, because the IP is public domain now, and we’re running with it.  And that’s what I’m going to end with.

Until next time, a quote,

“How do you do?  My name is Deems Taylor, and it’s my very pleasant duty to welcome you, on behalf of Walt Disney and Leopold Stokovsky, and all the other artists and musicians whose combined talents went into this new form of entertainment, Fantasia.  What you’re going to see are the designs, pictures, and stories that music inspired in the minds and imaginations of a group of artists.  In other words, these are not going to be the interpretations of trained musicians, which I think is all of the good.  Now, there are three types of music on this Fantasia program.  First there’s the kind that tells a definite story.  Then there’s the kind that, while it has no specific plot, does create a series of definite pictures.  Then there’s the third kind, music that exists, simple for its own sake.  Now the number that opens our Fantasia program, is music of this third kind.  What we call absolute music.” – Deems Taylor, Fantasia

Peace out,

Maverick

Disney Can Never Ruin Fantasia, Which Makes Me Happy

It’s no secret that my favorite film of all time is Fantasia.  It is a combination of flawless and phenomenal 2D animation and some of the most beautiful classical music ever.  There was a deleted scene from that movie of Clair De Lune, my favorite piece of classical music that got cut, and thankfully someone uploaded it to YouTube.  I wish they had included that on the blu-ray release of the film.  Make it the complete version it was always meant to be.  But I digress.  A film this creative, where the concept is to let their imagination run free with animation and music and let the artists themselves make the concepts they play around with.  It was amazing stuff.  The sequel is good, but it just doesn’t reach the same heights.

However, as I think about all the TERRIBLE “live-action” (cg abortion) remakes that Disney has made over the last ten years or so, so creatively-bankrupt and just trying to make a quick buck, I realized that I will never have to worry about Fantasia getting the same treatment.  A film so creative, where the concept is tying in visual creativity with classical music.  The current Disney as it exists today isn’t creatively capable of doing something like this.  This company, who now only cares about trying, DESPERATELY, to capitalize on nostalgia because they are so obviously out of new ideas, doesn’t have the rigor to be able to make a film as unique and special as Fantasia.  And this makes me happy.

With how many IPs that I grew up with having been forever stained by the hellscape that is modern entertainment, it’s nice to know there is a port in the storm that I can always find comfort in.  We’ve now seen that Lucasfilm has gone through the last of their IPs that Kathleen Kennedy could ruin, with their new Indiana Jones movies.  We can now add it to the KD ratio of Disney to IPs that they own.  A choom of mine went to see that movie to review it, and he said there were 15, maybe 20 people in that theater with him.  Nobody is going to see this movie.  This film that every person I trust has told me is a Frankenstein’s monster of reshoots that were cobbled together into a haphazard mess that doesn’t know what it wants to be, nor who it is made for.  The last franchise of Lucasfilm that they can ruin.

Let’s not even talk to what they have done to Star Wars.  Between the terrible sequel trilogy, and some of the absolutely forgettable/terrible crap they have put on Disney+, like Boba Fett, Obi-Wan, and the last season of The Mandalorian, this IP is a dead horse that has been beaten to the point that I just wish it would be led out to pasture and allowed to die.  Disney is shutting down their Star Wars Experience hotel.  Apparently that was a colossal waste of money.  Their Star Wars theme park additions are not doing much better.  This IP has died the death of of a thousand cuts.

Disney is a creativity void.  When I think about the landscape of film-making that existed when Walt Disney made Fantasia, and the mindset that went into its creation, I realize that a company as money-grubbing and unconcerned about whether or not something is good as Disney will never be able to replicate it.  This company has grown so large, and so unwieldy that they can’t afford to make something that isn’t going to get a massive return.  Which makes the fact that their returns are getting worse and worse that much more alarming for them.  Their streaming service isn’t pulling in the numbers it needs to keep that financially viable.  Add to that the tepid reaction to 90% of the content they put out (outside of the sad Disney adults who slobber every time Disney puts out anything because these people have no identity outside of Disney) on that platform, there is little incentive to draw people in.  More and more streaming services are having that platform.  It is costing upwards a $100 a month to be able to watch all the content that one would like to watch on the various streaming services.  At this point, it’s looking like a cable subscription would be cheaper.  Ye Olde Pirate Bay is getting more traffic, because people can’t afford that amount of dedication, and it’s gotten easier than ever to pirate things.

In this landscape of creative bankruptcy, where Disney can’t even do the “throw everything at the wall and see what sticks” approach because it takes so much money to make things anymore because they have to get poorly-paid and overworked CG artists to make everything because they have forgotten how to do animation, they couldn’t make something with the creative integrity and free expression of Fantasia.  The most they could do (and I had heard they were trying to do, but I guess it quietly went away) is try and make something from the various parts of it.  But the film, as a whole, is safe from modern Disney’s treatment.  This makes me happy.  Very, very happy.  A little piece of my childhood and my adulthood that is safe from the machine of modern Hollywood, all because it is too different for them to be able to fuck with.  Which means that all the memories associated with it can never be tainted in my eyes.

Not talking about that Kinect game, though.  We don’t talk about that.  That doesn’t exist anymore (literally, the Kinect is dead), so that abortion of an idea is gone from the zeitgeist.  Thank Groj.

Until next time, a quote,

“And now, we’re going to do a combination of two pieces of music so utterly different in construction and mood that they set each other off perfectly.” – Deems Taylor, Fantasia

Peace out,

Maverick

Top 10 Games I Would Make if I Controlled a Video Game Company

I did a post recently on the films I would make if I controlled a film studio.  It was a cool post.  You should check it out, if you haven’t already.  But that got my creative muscles flowing, and I thought to myself – what about video games?  I have said many, many (probably too many) times that gaming is creatively stagnant.  We have endless sequels, and now remakes are becoming popular.  Sony is getting big for doing cash-grab graphics mods disguised as remakes of games and then charging full price for them.  There is a HUGE waste of creative energy, and it is frustrating me to no end.  There is virtually unlimited possibility, but every company now wants every game to be a mega hit that they can monetize into oblivion.

With all that being said, what games would I make if I put out games?  First thing to know – I would NOT be pursuing the uncanny valley.  The endless need to make games super realistic is killing the creative potential of the medium, and I am over it.  I would be making games that look good, but aren’t at the cutting edge.  This way, I could have my dev team focusing on making something that plays well, is fun, and doesn’t have to have a locked framerate.  Keep that in the back of your mind as we get into this.

10. A morally uncomfortable modern warfare FPS
You know what I hate – how all modern warfare games are basically just Michael Bay movies in video game form.  Something I liked in the 2018 reboot of Modern Warfare was that there was some level of grit to it.  You had SAS soldiers fighting in Piccadilly Square with people running in terror everywhere.  You had a home invasion where not everyone was a combatant.  I like that concept.  A game where you have soldiers doing infiltrations, where you have to be careful of who you kill, but where if you do kill innocent people, you don’t just immediately lose, and the game then makes a point about how many innocent people you have killed sounds interesting.  Make it so the player cares about what they are doing.  They have a dog in the fight.  Have multiple endings, depending on what kind of player you have.  If someone kills civilians without any care for it, have an ending where they are in discharged and go to prison for the rest of their lives.  I like the idea of having conflict in places you wouldn’t expect.  I also would love to not have this involve America in any way.  Have this be set in the UK, France, maybe Japan, or somewhere that we could get a nice look at how another country responds, with voice acting in the native language, as well as making sure to have the devs study these countries and their protocol for dealing with terrorists.  Make it feel authentic.

9. A game where you play as different animals
You know what my favorite game of this year is – Stray.  That game is such a breath of fresh air.  The amount of work that went into making a game where you play as a cat and have it feel natural is just amazing.  The game is gorgeous and the kitty movement and parkour is all on point.  It got me to thinking – why has it taken so long for there to be a game with a kitty where the movement and everything else feels on point?  I would love to see this idea applied with other animals.  Wolves would be fun.  Have a game set with a wolf pack where there is no dialogue.  Just by having the animals interact, we get to know them.  Have a wolf who starts out at the bottom of the pack, but works their way up.  The idea of a game that tells a story without exposition and instead using animal behaviors is inspired.  Or a tribe of monkeys in the Amazon?  There is an endless well of possibilities, but getting monkeys to do motion-capture might be difficult.

8. A sequel to Tetrisphere
Are you thinking – what is that?  Well, let me tell you about one of the most criminally-underappreciated games for the N64.  It was such a cool game!  Taking the concepts of Tetris and making them three-dimensional on a spherical grid.  It was so much fun.  What’s more, this is a game where it could be done without a huge investment.  A nice A-tier game that would be loads of fun to play.  Like so many of the hidden gems of the N64, many have forgotten it, but not me.  I would want my studio to be able to make bigger budget stuff, and smaller budget stuff.  It would let my team flex their creative muscles and see what they can come up with.

7. An arcade flight sim in a cartoon-y setting
You know what I miss – Star Fox.  The good kind.  The kind that was an arcade flight sim.  N64 really got that down well.  But the problem is that they all follow the same formula, like every game that Nintendo puts out.  I would want to create my own universe, with its own characters and conflicts.  I am thinking something more akin to Conker and the World War II vibe.  But in a futuristic setting, but a legit war.  What’s more, I would want to make the ships that you pilot more varied.  Have fighters that are made for fast and flashy, bombers that are tougher and deal out more punishment, and weapons that can be swapped out before a mission.  Have it be customizable to the play style of the gamer in question.  Being able to customize your bird would also be a perk.  All of which would be in-game stuff.  No microtransaction bullshit.  You earn as you play, and the stuff that the player would have out the gate would be substantial.  I would also do a multiplayer mode like Star Fox 64, with split-screen functionality.  You know, something 343 Industries isn’t able to do anymore for some weird reason.

6. A fantasy realism road trip game
You know what game had a REALLY fantastic concept that got absolutely wasted – Final Fantasy XV.  Same with the setting.  When the game was first announced, back when it was Final Fantasy versus XIII, it looked incredible.  It was a game where you had a realistic world based on Japan, but with a fantasy side to it.  You had a city like Tokyo, but where there were airships floating in it.  I loved that.  The concept was awesome.  A game where a bunch of guys are going out on a roadtrip in this fantasy setting.  Driving around and getting into lots of wacky adventures.  That sounds like an awesome game!  I would want to play that game!  Instead of the narrative having high stakes, have it be a coming of age story about a ruler, who is trying to make the most of this part of his life, settling into the reality that he is going to be a king, but wanting to build as many memories as he can.  It would be a game that is much more character focused, with the young ruler and his cohorts.  A story about them growing up together and learning from each other.  Add in some open levels where you can do all sorts of stuff, and there is a lot of potential.

5. A sequel to Skies of Arcadia
Probably the most squandered potential in gaming.  This is a game that is BEGGING for a sequel.  I would buy the rights to this game, all so I can get the opportunity to make one.  This game had it all.  An amazing setting that is fun to explore.  Lots of neat little things to find.  Hidden bosses and story-lines that you can entirely miss.  Being able to recruit members to your crew and each one bringing something new to the table.  Being able to build your own base and customize it as you see fit.  Getting to have your own ship and make it your own with whatever weapons and armor you want for it.  How this game never got a sequel is beyond me.  It is a rich setting with a TON of narrative potential.  It needs a sequel, badly.  One that keeps the anime art style but brings forward the visuals to the current world.  I’m thinking anime Borderlands 3 visual style, but with the same turn-based ground and ship-based combat.  It would be a game where I would also want to eschew some of the JRPG cliches and make a little more grounded.  The sky is literally the limit with this one.

4. Historical fiction games
I’ve had a TON of ideas for settings that would be fun.  Make a game in the vein of Ghost of Tsushima, but based around Robin Hood.  Each of the characters in Hood’s band of Merry Men would have their own play style that you could use.  The narrative would be intricate.  The area would really take in the beauty of the English countryside.  I would make Robin a very fun-loving libertine character, true to his source material.  Think more Disney’s animated film version than the Kevin Costner one.  There is also a mobster game where you start at the bottom of a mob and work your way to the top.  There are dozens upon dozens of historical fiction settings that are not being utilized.  Something from the era of the tribal Arabic societies where we could really look at those societies.  Something from the perspective of the Native American when the vikings decided to take them on.  That could be fun!  The Assassin’s Creed franchise has limited the possibilities of this concept because of the Ubisoft formula machine.  This is one of the instances where going AAA would be the best way to go.  Or at least higher end of AA.  I would want to let my devs flex some creativity, so long as they do their research on the topics they are making games about.

3. A stealth action game with Shadow of the Colossus elements
I had this idea ruminating around in the back of my head of a game about a young woman who is part of a tribal society that is far away from a big empire.  They live in their own world, but all is upended when a colossal titan destroys their village.  With this girl being the last of her people, she decides to swear and oath to destroy the titans.  Thus, she follows that one.  When she kills it, she realizes that it is but one of many, and now they have noticed her.  The story would take her into the land of the empire, getting her caught up in the local politics, all while trying to finish her mission.  The gameplay would be very stealth-action oriented.  I would acknowledge that she is more flight of foot than strong of blade.  She’s a warrior from a society who didn’t use thick armor.  But she is an expert with her weapons, so she uses that to her advantage, along with being smaller than the knights of the kingdom.  It’s just a basic outline of an idea, but I think it would be crazy cool.

2. A metroidvania FPS game
You know what blows my mind – that no game company has decided to take the concepts that were introduced in Metroid Prime and run with them.  It was such a novel idea.  The Metroidvania concept but with an FPS layout.  It made for some fun boss and sub-boss encounters.  It made for these amazing areas that were all interesting to explore.  Plus, finding the flavor text for enemies, and the various factions lore was awesome!  It made exploring even better, because you wanted to find the next thing.  Outside of the Metroid universe, there is endless creativity to how this could be done, and I would love it if we were able to flex our creative muscles with the concept.

And the game I would like to make most if I had my own game company is…

1. A game modeled after the concept of Fantasia
I already did a post on this, but here is the break-down of my idea.  When I played the game Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance, there were levels that were basically areas from Fantasia that you could explore and play in.  It was such a validation of everything I have believed – that getting a game that had a theme of classical music combined with level design that is interesting is an untapped reservoir of potential.  Which is EXACTLY what I would want to do.  No dialogue.  None.  Just music and gameplay.  If there is to be interactions, I would have it done as in my favorite film.  With body language.  Don’t tell me that can’t be translated into a game.  It can.  I would want the various levels to be themed off various kinds of classical music.  This would be all about letting my devs see what they could come up with.  Some levels could be more about fluidity of movement.  Some about exploration.  Some about action.  But all of it would be just with music and gameplay.  It would be a game where people could debate about what the symbolism and meaning is.  Have some internet bards make interesting videos on the subject.  It is a dream that I have had since I played that game, and it could be done.  Alas, no game company seems to have the willpower to commit to something that interesting.

What games would you like to see made if you had the power to will them into existence?  Would love to hear from you down below.

Until next time, a quote,

“I am not a merry man!” – LT. Worf, Star Trek: The Next Generation

Peace out,

Maverick

Disney: Where Creativity Goes to DIe

I was sent something by a choomba of mine, and I just had to share it with all of you, because it has firmly rooted the idea that there is nothing truly great that will ever come from Disney ever again. I saw this, and I was given a moment of pause. Truly, I just had to digest it.  This was something so stupid, so creatively bankrupt that I felt like Johnny Silverhand in his crusade against Arasaka, if he ever saw them do something so stupid that for a second, he stopped to ponder if his crusade meant anything at all anymore.  This was what alcoholics call a moment of clarity.  I came to a sudden realization in this moment and now I am at peace with something. 

Take a look at this –

Disney announces feature film #Wish, which will tell the story of the iconic wishing star from Disney films. pic.twitter.com/mCFqXqZ8cy

— Variety (@Variety) September 10, 2022

As my fiancee, and she will tell you what my absolutely stunned reaction to this was.  Just this look of pure disbelief.  Utter inability to comprehend how stupid this was.  It’s a look that I cannot describe in a way that you can understand.  After that, I started laughing.  As Mike from Red Letter Media said, “no, I was just laughing like someone in a straight jacket.”  She looked over at me and was in disbelief of what was making me laugh so hard.  When I told her, she similarly was given pause.

It’s no mystery that I have a beef with Disney.  They have destroyed my childhood, and they just keep going.  More and more god-awful CG abortion films.  Except now, they have weaponized social justice so as to not have to accept any criticism of the shit films they make.  Think that the new Little Mermaid movie looks like CG shit with the dimmer switch on?  You hate black people!  They market their diversity all the time, and it’s clear now what the purpose is – a weapon against those who would be critical of what they create. It’s all so perfect.  This company has created a perfect shield, and they get the morons of the Internet to do this.

At no point will I understand why people defend their shitty movies and Disney+ shows.  It is completely beyond me.  But everywhere I look, there are people running to defend this company and the garbage they put out.  They feel some sense of loyalty, and I’m just thinking to myself – how?  The only thing they’ve made in the past 12 years that is worth anything is the MCU.  Is that it?  Is this just Gen Z who are indoctrinated?  How did Disney make a rabid fanbase that will eat whatever slop is placed in front of them and just lose their shit on anyone who is critical?

But when I saw that post on Twitter, I stopped wondering.  I stopped feeling anything.  At this moment, I had what alcoholics call a moment of clarity.  What was it that I came to understand?  Simple – Disney will never make anything truly great, ever again.  They will never even make anything exceptional again.  Instead, what they are going to make is material that is standard.  Stuff that is okay, serviceable, pretty good.  And that’s at their best.  They are scraping the very bottom of the barrel now.  This isn’t even the bottom of the barrel.  This is the crusted remains of creativity that is caked on the bottom.

They are literally making a movie about a fucking star!  A wishing star!  Instead of just having it be some magical element, now it’s a magical tool that they are explaining the “backstory” of.  We’ve reached that point.  They are making a prequel to The Lion King (2019), for fuck’s sake!  This company has nothing left.  Their creative energy ran dry, and now we are getting to see them just give up and make content that doesn’t exist to even be good.  It just exists to be content.  Something that they can pump out into the world with as little thought or creativity as they must.  Because they know that they will get a ton of people to slobber all over it.  They don’t have to care about making anything good now.  Everything they make is going to be mediocre in the extreme, creatively bankrupt, but that doesn’t matter.  The brain-dead public will watch it like cows chewing their cud. 

So I know that there is nothing to fight against with Disney.  It’s over.  They won.  Now we get to just watch as they don’t make anything even remotely worth my time.  And I’m done talking about them.  What’s to talk about?  Their latest bland remake?  I’m sure, at some point, they are going to come after Fantasia, when they have gone through everything else and they have more scraping of that nostalgia barrel.  But I won’t be hurt by that.  Instead, it’s just par for the course for me.  They are the evil corpo monolith.  The Arasaka of our time.  Hell, they already have a military intelligence apparatus.  Just waiting to see who they will go to war with, when the corpos decide to take over the world outright.

Most people who give up decide to just watch the crap they are given.  I won’t.  Instead, I am going to keep watching what once made me happy, and still does.  Because after all, there’s nothing new to get excited about.  Ever.

Until next time, a quote,

“This is why you don’t bring back fallen warriors. Sooner or later they see that everything they fought for has turned to shit.” – Johnny Silverhand, Cyberpunk 2077

Peace out,

Maverick

Lucien’s Cool Video Game Concept, #6

Doing these posts is a constant reminder to me that so much of the potential this medium has is being wasted.  Gaming could be at the fore-front of creative innovation.  But it isn’t.  Right now, it’s potential is being wasted.  Why?  Because AAA game companies have discovered that gaming makes them obscenely rich, they make games that are addictive and monetized to shit.  Play on the addictive personalities people have and then say that you are not part of the problem when people get addicted to microtransactions.  Hell, Blizzard is straight-up saying that the only people who complain about the P2W mechanics in Diablo Immortal are haters, and that their complaints are not legitimate.

Things like that should be the death knell of games like that.  They should be the point where everyone uninstalls them and then never gives Blizzard the time of day again.  But these companies do what Disney does, and trot out old nostalgic franchises to get people to come back.  And it works.  You have no idea how frustrating this is, to me.  I play games like Flower or ABZU, and I realize that there is an endless well of creativity.  Companies like Activision Blizzard or EA or Ubisoft have such deep pockets that there is literally no reason they couldn’t bankroll a ton of neat little ideas.  But that’s not what we get.  Instead, we get more of the same, year after goddamn year.

Today, I was thinking about my favorite film – Fantasia.  In Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance, you play a series of missions set in levels that are taken straight from the film.  No dialogue, just combat and music of the film.  They are great stuff.  Not perfect, but pretty great.  So my question is – why has nobody ever tried to make this into a video game, except to expand on the concept and improve upon it. 

The idea with that film is that it combined animation with music, to create an experience to watch.  Gaming has this potential.  And for my money, it would be best suited by going into a third-person perspective of an animal, like Stray.  To allow you to traverse a world of color, sound, and motion.  I can already hear the “LSD Simulator” people, and I guess it would feel like that.  But there is real potential here.  But there would need to be some rules.  For starters, no music with words.  I want this to be a sensory experience.  An experience where a lot of it is open to interpretation.

The second rule is that I want this to be something where the animators are allowed to let their creativity run free, but it has to match up with the music that they are using.  Fantasia was about combining animation with music in a way where the two things matched up.  I think this should be no different.  But I don’t want this to be something that is on-rails.  I want there to be some impotence to explore the setting.  Like the film I am inspired by, it would be cool if each individual level had a different piece of classical music associated with it.  Also, no two level should be exactly like the other ones.  Each one should be unique, in art style and hopefully experimenting with play styles as well.

The third rule is – no combat.  Of any kind.  This is about the experience of perception.  That’s when you get all the “walking simulator” assholes.  Fuck off.  Not everything needs to be high-octane all the time.  Some things can be quieter or louder, but not violent.  They can be about opening your mind to interpretation.  Seeing a kitty wandering a world that looks like an MC Escher painting, or something that is absurd with no rules at all.  But that’s not to say that you couldn’t have sequences with a character running or sliding around or parkouring about.  I understand that this is an interactive medium.  Journey was able to do this flawlessly.  Combine various elements.  The goal of this is to get video game devs to really flex their creative muscles and see what they come up with.

The final rule is that if there is a story that combines all this, it needs to be simple.  Something very fairy-tale in its conception.  Like that story of the cat who is looking to get home and goes into a world of mysteries and has adventures before getting home.  What was that called…?  Anyway, the whole idea of this is that it needs to have a quality that is abstract.  Perhaps the kitty having dreams?  Or maybe the kitty waking up somewhere and trying to find their way home, but having to go through a world that is musical and strange.  Meeting some odd characters along the way who help them on their journey.  Keeping it light and somewhat whimsical will allow for the various worlds to be the way they are without the players questioning it too much.

Gaming has a lot of potential.  It endlessly drives me up the wall when it doesn’t use it.  There are so many great video game ideas that will never see the light of day because of studios who only want to make as much money as possible with the least amount of effort.  We are seeing where that gets us.  AAA companies who nearly go bankrupt after one major AAA failure and then get bought out by a console company.  We shouldn’t be dealing with this.  Gaming should have 8 or 9 smaller games in addition to their big releases.  Stuff that is allowed to let devs be creative and pursue neat ideas.  Instead, everything is done to pad the bottom line.  We can do better than this.  I genuinely don’t understand why we aren’t.

Until next time, a quote,

“Walt Disney described animation as a voyage of discovery into the realms of color, sound, and motion.” – Angela Lansbury, Fantasia 2000

Peace out,

Maverick

Lucien’s Mish-Mash of Random Thoughts, #6

My girlfriend is running a DnD campaign with her friends, so I am hearing them in the background. As I am doing my best to not be too loud (because I’m a nice guy like that), and as such thought about things that are on my mind. Figured a train of thought post was just what the doctor ordered for today. Hopefully you all enjoy. If you have your own random thoughts on my thoughts or just thoughts on things you think should be talked about, feel free to ramble below.

Back at the beginning of December, I ordered a small table and chairs and a bookshelf. Well, a full three months later, they finally arrived. It FINALLY feels like I am living in this apartment.  Plus, a full three months late by the time all this is done, I get to make my holiday treats.  Will be doing a post on that when we get there, so I guess I will cut this line of thinking short.  It will be funny, I promise.

They released another trailer for Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands, and it included info about the Season Pass the game is going to have.  And instantaneously, my brain didn’t want to get this game anymore.  I have no problem with meaningful story DLC.  But here’s the thing about how Gearbox does this – they release the DLC and charge a third of the total game cost to get each part.  By the time you get it all, you’ve basically paid for the game twice.  So, to my thinking, why should I buy this game now?  Why not wait until a complete edition is released later and then buy the game?  No sense wasting my money on a portion of a game, right?  So that’s what I’m doing.  Christ.  I remember when Mass Effect 3 was released, and each piece of major story DLC cost only $15.  And they were big parts that added tons to the story, gave you new weapons, and had new war assets to read about at the end.  Good stuff.  The last Borderlands game had DLC where the enemy’s levels always scaled to yours, and enemies that were obscenely difficult.  It was basically a force of attrition to beat anything.  It was exhausting.

Another piece of furniture that I ordered was my bookshelf.  Something people don’t know about me is that I stand really tall.  Being able to look the games I am picking to play at a given time at eye level is something of a novel to me.  At least this far removed from childhood.  This place has really come together.  This move has been hard.  My relationship with my partner has been tested.  We’ve both had it rough.  I quit my job because it was literally sucking the life out of me, but new problems have popped up.  I keep trying to have a stiff upper lip about it, but it isn’t easy, I’ll tell you that.

I am working on a new novel.  I talked with my partner, who is a huge fantasy buff, and I found a fertile ground on which to make a fantasy setting – old western motif.  Cool, right?  Six-shooters, cowboys/girls, trains, along with magick and magical creatures.  It is a ground that hasn’t been done to death, and from where I’m sitting. the muse has been going crazy with new ideas.  Even been reading westerns so I can get a handle on how this writing style works.  Wanna make this sound authentic. 

My girlfriend looked over because I am listening to The Nutcracker.  Why?  Because I want to.  Reason enough.  Lots of people are confused about the fact that I love classical music and listen to music for melody rather than lyrics.  I have one word for any of you who are of the same mindset – Fantasia.  That movie was the first Disney film I ever saw when I was a little kid.  It formed my love of classical music and 2D animation.  The death of the latter in American cinema breaks my goddamn heart.  To this day, I still love both things, and now that all the COVID stuff has reached the peak and is finally clearing up, it will be nice to look into going to hear the local symphony.  Been too damn long. 

Open World games need to die.  I am getting REALLY tired of open world games that have these vast and beautiful landscapes with fuck all to do in them.  Or at least fuck all novel things to do.  You know what my favorite thing to do in Ghost of Tsushima was?  Write haikus.  Finding haiku spots was always exciting, because it gave me a chance to make something neat and to see the absolutely breath-taking visuals they chose for the various lines.  It was a novel thing that never stopped being fun.  I scoured the land for them, and it was always a rush when I would find one. 

But as I traversed the long and gorgeous landscapes of Horizon: Forbidden West, I got to thinking – this game could use an open overworld, but more interior locations like in Batman: Arkham City.  That game had the concept right.  An open space to explore and find stuff and side quests that felt as important as the main question, with internal locations that were rich and detailed and had personality.  There was this bullshit list of Top 10 Open World Games put out by IGN, and it was written by someone who just wanted to slobber on the knob of modern open world games.  No Arkham City.  No AC IV: Black Flag.  It was just all the games that are popular to be super in awe of now.  No games with unique ideas or mechanics or anything.  Hell, even the new Spider-Man game (haven’t played the Miles Morales one yet.  Blame the fact that the PS5 is harder to get one’s hands on than actual gold bars) had good use of interior locations, by and large. Instead, it’s just wide, open spaces that are boring and have nothing to do. Groj, Uncharted 4 really did open my eyes to what one can do with open level design.

Watched Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse with my girlfriend.  I forgot how much I loved the animation of that movie.  Can you believe this was made by the same people who made The Emoji Movie?  That studio who should be ashamed of that film (and James Corden is in it.  He is to comedy what Megan McCarthy is to…comedy.  They are both terrible) made this one.  A movie that is as close to a comic book in film form as ever there will be.  Really hoping the sequel is just as bomb, but I am always skeptical.  Sequels have disappointed me for too long. 

Also got to watch the new Dune film with my girlfriend.  She loves it and is super excited to see it when it comes out on blu-ray.  Not seeing it in theaters.  After I decided to wait to watch Avengers: Infinity War at home, I have realized that theaters are bullshit, and so is going to see movies in them.  It’s better to watch movies at home, where you can pause them at any time to talk about whatever is awesome in the movie.  Or get a refill of your snacks of choice or drink or use the bathroom.  No annoying old bitties talking over the movie.  No asshole on their phone the whole time.  No screaming children.  Just peace, quiet, and the film you want to see.  Can’t wait to see The Batman at home.  Bet it will be awesome.

I have reached a conclusion about the series on Disney+, having watched the trailer for Obi-Wan Kenobi.  They don’t try to make good content.  They just try to make content.  All of the series that I’ve heard of on there are just people saying that it was either fine, or boring.  It’s content for content’s sake.  Not to make anything.  Not to keep building on a story.  Just to put out content.  Something for the brain-dead masses to consume and then move on to the next thing.  Red Letter Media gives me all the best takes for modern entertainment – “Consume product, then get excited for next product!”

Well, my girlfriend is done with her campaign for the night, so I think I am going to cut this post off here.  If you all feel like talking about something in the comments, feel free.  If it’s something I have a thought about, I’ll jump in. 

Until next time, a quote,

“Some asshole made a sweater for their snake.  I mean, I love snakes, but who does that?” – Lucien Maverick

Peace out,

Maverick

Critical Examination: My Love of 2D Animation

Evolution is a funny force, sometimes. It happens all around us, all the time. It is a constant element of life on Earth. Everything evolves, without exception. Life evolved from single-celled organisms with no nucleus, to sentient life-forms who are poisoning their planet. The irony of that isn’t lost on me. But it isn’t just life. There’s culture, technology, and even forms of entertainment and what is in fashion and what is not. Sociologists study the evolution of society outside of a biological perspective. I bet I could have an engaging conversation with them in regards to my love of 2D animation and what happened to it in pop culture, where it went from the way that animated movies were told, to a completely lost art in the United States.

I’m watching the Disney classic, Bambi, and I am again reminded of how breath-taking the animation is. Blu-ray was a gift for a film with animation this good. Not the only one. Another film that comes to mind is The Secret of NIMH, or really anything by Don Bluth before the 90’s. Before the dude lost his effing mind and created some of the weirdest, most bonkers shit ever. Films from this point in time had a magical quality. They felt like Walt Disney wanted animation to be – a voyage of discovery into the realms of color, sound, and motion. Sure, Bambi is a little cutesy, but I can look past that because of how flawless this animation is. Not a single frame is wasted.

As I think about this, part of me really wants to analyze 2D animation and point out why I love it so much, and what about it feels so much better to me than anything Pixar has made or especially why the modern live-action remakes of classic Disney movies are absolute trash. I want to make this a proper Critical Examination and not a diatribe of random nonsense, but I make no promises. I shall now subject you to more of my long-winded writing about stuff I love. If you think it’s worth your time, I commend you for reading. Let’s get into it.

Fantasia

If I have seen any Disney films before this, I don’t remember. I can’t remember the first time I saw this movie, but I remember how much I loved it. It was unlike anything I had seen before. Just music and animation. The music was glorious. No words, just melody. I was too young to understand what I was listening to, but I remember being in love it. This set the stage for both my love of classical music and 2D animation. I’ve never gotten into the parts of the film that stuck with me the most.

Most everyone has their favorite segments. The one that is most famous is The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. There was even a TERRIBLE live-action film made of it that Nicholas Cage can add to his frankly impressive list of terrible movies. However, that list isn’t even in my top 3. While it was fun, it was just alright. No, the three bits that stuck with me the most were The Nutcracker Suite, The Rite of Spring, and the combo of A Night on Bald Mountain with Ave Maria. The three of those captivated me.

The Nutcracker Suite was essentially used to tell a story about the seasons, starting with spring and ending with winter. It’s interesting that them using the seasons motif was completely divorced from the actual piece of music it’s based on. But that’s part of the fun. Unrestrained creativity. The Rite of Spring told the story of the growth of life on Earth. Speaking of evolution, eh? From single-celled creatures to the dinosaurs and even the end of them. The original piece of music was much more abstract, so Disney decided to go nuts with it. Paid off in spades.

A Night on Bald Mountain musically tells the story of a night in the coolest place in Mother Russia. A little village at the base of the titular Bald Mountain. It’s a dark, foreboding place. One night each year, a great demon at the top of the mountain, called Chernabog, calls forth the souls of the death to the top of the mountain for one Hell of a party. The craziest, most entertaining looking party one can imagine, where the great terrifying nightmare demon watches over and has fun fucking with his guests. As a kid, I was always scared of that bit, but I couldn’t get enough of it. It terrified me, but captivated me at the same time. The end of the segment seamlessly transitions to Ave Maria, as the light of dawn casts the darkness away. Lots of ghosts with hangovers.

The film showed me everything that animation could be, and why classical music and melody is the best thing ever. It’s ironic, because my current partner listens to music for lyrics, almost exclusively. It is one of the many areas where we have been diametrically opposed. Amuses me more than a little. The best that 2D animation has ever been can be seen in Fantasia. To my eyes, Disney has never been or will ever be better than when this was made. A sequel was eventually made, and while it was pretty alright, it just didn’t have the heart at the first film did.

Ratatouille

Unlike most people, I didn’t immediately fall in love with Pixar when they started making movies. In fact, I really didn’t think much of them at all. Don’t get me wrong, Toy Story was cute, but to me it was not much more than a novelty. Something about the CG animation style just didn’t do anything for me. It all had this artificial feel. This feeling persisted long into the films I saw from this studio. It continues to this day, but there are some films that have come a lot closer than others to reaching my level of appreciation like I have for 2d animation. The biggest one is Ratatouille, and there is a clear reason why.

I remember when I first saw this movie, there was something about it that spoke to me in a level not seen in any other Pixar film. There was a kind of motion and expression that seemed so familiar to me. The characters moved and looked a certain way. Almost like something that was drawn on paper first and then adapted to CG. Sure enough, when I saw the director of the film, I realized I was right. Brad Bird got his start in 2D animation, being one of the many directors forced to adapt to the changes in animation style, lest he get left behind and be out of work. Dude is too talented for that. So he took what he learned there and made it into his first big Pixar film. The characters in this movie were drawn on paper first and then adapted to film.

Watch the film again and see how the characters talk and express emotion. The look and style and way that the faces move is beat-for-beat what you would see in a 2D animated film. Especially the 90’s age of their animated works, when characters had big, expressive eyes and faces that always showed emotions at 110%. It’s good stuff. Plus, it took cues from 2D animation with lighting and using lighting effects at just the right time. Brad Bird definitely put everything he learned to use. It’s my favorite Pixar movie, by a country mile. The vast majority of their work outside of that feels so hollow in comparison. So soulless. It will never replace 2D animated films, but it ain’t bad, all the same.

Live-Action Remakes

There are not words to describe my utter hatred for these things. Each of them is, without a single exception, a piece of shit. None of them are good. Not one. In fact, each one seems to be worse than the last. It is baffling to me that Disney has gone this route. Like, I don’t understand it. Actually, I perfectly understand it. See, Disney has gotten so big and so bloated that they can’t risk things not being huge hits anymore. One big box office bomb can cripple the studio. Just look at what happened with Solo: A Star Wars Story. That film died so hard that it caused Disney to rethink their entire approach to this IP.

See, creativity is a risk. Especially in modern times. More and more cinema is going to streaming directly. But that is a market with a limited share and not nearly the reach that traditional movies get. You won’t see numbers like Avengers: Endgame on streaming. Most studios are adapting to this. Netflix and Amazon independent productions have limited budgets, thus allowing them to spread their money across lots of projects. You can appeal to a niche in any market. If something is a critical bomb, then that’s it. If something is a critical smash, then maybe there is something to run with.

One would think that Disney would be in the perfect position to capitalize on this sort of things. After all, they have more money than just about anyone. But Disney has a different thought process. Cinema in the US is dying. They hit a high water mark with Endgame, so Disney has to change tracks. You know where cinema isn’t dying – China. In fact, it has never been bigger there. The executives at Disney love that sweet China cheddar. It is almost bigger than what you would make in the US. Release some dumb action blockbuster, or some adventure movie that doesn’t break any of China’s rules, and boom! You have instant cheddar.

This comes at a cost, however. When you make something to appeal to a market where you have to follow strict rules in order to have movies played there, you literally cannot afford to take any serious risks with the subject matter. Which means that you can’t let directors have a unique vision or do something never done before. You have to stick to tried and true methods and not deviate from these in any way. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? Except it is broke. It’s creatively bankrupt.

The thing is, Disney knows that they can’t just appeal to China. They want as much cheddar as is humanly possible. So the question becomes – how can they earn as much cheddar back home while not upsetting the Chinese market. In a perfect world, and with Disney’s nigh-unlimited resources, you’d think that they could make films that were smaller and have some for the Chinese market directly, and some for back home. Give directors some breathing room to go nuts. But nope. Some of those might not be huge blockbusters. So instead, Disney decided that they are going to do what they do best – capitalize on nostalgia! After all, millennials are having kids now. Millennials love things are nostalgic. To think about a time when we don’t have crippling student loan debt, medical debt, jobs that suck, and families to raise that are awful so we think about being kids again ourselves to escape it.

With that in mind, they hit upon an idea so stupid, yet financially brilliant. Why not remake old animated films that all the millennials love? Well, you can’t do that in 2D animation, because there are so few people who even remember how to do that anymore. Not to mention, who even likes that stuff now? Nobody but those pretentious hipsters with blogs that talk about how much they love and miss it. Fuck them, am I right? Remake them as CG, like Pixar? No, because then everybody will call foul and just say that we should have remade them as 2D animated films. I got it, why not remake it as “live-action”?! It’s brilliant. It will pretty much be CG, because nobody knows how to use practical effects anymore. Now it is nothing like the original films, so we can talk about how unique it is. Fantastic idea, marketing team!

And…it seems to have worked. These movies make money hand over fist, because it turns out that playing to nostalgia with millennials. What’s more, you can placate the woke crowd with some passive progressive shit. Look, ethnically correct actors in these terrible – I mean wonderful! – live-action movies. What’s that? The music is so much worse than the originals? What’s that? The effects will be dated in 10 years, while the 2D animated classics are timeless? What’s that? The films are clearly soulless cash grabs? Eh, whatever. After all, parents are easy prey, and now have some movie to take their kids to that is safe and makes the parents relive the happiness from their childhood. So what do we care if everybody thinks they are awful? Money talks louder than critics and comments on YouTube.

I read somewhere that Disney is planning on doing a live-action remake of A Night on Bald Mountain. Not of the whole film of Fantasia, but just that bit. When I heard that news, I was actually pissed. Not in some joke way, but legit pissed off. Like, why the fuck would I want this?! How would they possibly do that? China has a big rule about movies that are okay to show over there – no ghosts, no gays. This bit from my favorite movie of all time has the first of those. In spades! It’s all about a demon summoning the spirits of the dead for his crazy party at the top of the mountain. So how do you market that to China? I literally cannot see how they could water this down enough for that.

Not to mention, oh boy! Another movie with CG that will be dated in five years, where actors are clearly in a room made out of green, reacting to things that aren’t there. Not to mention, what kind of story would they make out of that? The plot of that bit was simple – a demon has a party with the dead and the damned, only to get cast back into slumber with the rising sun. That’s it. The simplicity of it is part of why it is touching. So, what would they do? I’m having flashbacks to that Groj-awful remake of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Are we gonna get some forced plot? Some tween mystery? Come to think of it, how do you market this to Americans? A movie about a party with demons and ghosts? Conservative America would lose their shit. Gotta water it down even more! Make it so bland and uninteresting that you don’t even talk about what the film was originally about. Now it’s just some boring movie with the same name as what it is originally based on. Like World War Z. And we all remember how great that movie was.

It breaks my heart, what has happened to 2D animation in film. On television, it is just as depressing. Getting other flashbacks to that TERRIBLE and short-lived remake of Thundercats that looked like something cheap made on Newgrounds. Ugh! This art style has died the death of a thousand cuts. Hell, even Studio Ghibli is making CG movies now. And they’re fucking terrifying! Their CG animation is nightmare fuel. I keep hoping that it will make a comeback. That some studio is going to take a risk on it and really do something incredible, but I know that’s just a prayer in the wind. It means nothing, and will not mean a thing. I’m done with nostalgia culture. Especially when it shits on the stuff I loved, growing up.

Oh yeah, and fuck Disney.  Fuck them in their soulless, cash-grabbing ass.

Until next time, a quote,

“Now, there are three types of music on this Fantasia program. First there’s the kind that tells a definite story. Then there’s the kind that, while it has no specific plot, does paint a series of more or less definite pictures. Then there’s a third kind, music that exists, simply for its own sake.” – Deems Taylor, Fantasia

Peace out,

Maverick

Top 20 Favorite Films (2020 Edition)

Almost ten years ago, I did a list on here of my top 20 favorite films.  It’s been a long time since those days.  So much of my life has changed.  I’m not in college anymore.  I’m not the shit-kicker I used to be.  Well, at least I’m not picking fights with idiots the way I used to.  Now I am so much more of a shit-kicker in other ways.  A full decade later, having grown as a person I thought I would come back to this topic.  Here’s the criteria for my favorite films – if you were to put this on in front of me, my super tall self would sit my ass down and watch it and enjoy it, no matter what I was doing.  These are not the films that I think are the best made, though I do think they are all of quality.  No, these are the films that are my absolute favorite to watch on any day when I am feeling the need for a good movie that I can sit and enjoy.  Enjoy.

20. The Martian
This film has come into my life recently, but man has it left its mark.  I love this movie.  Some of you might know from being continuous readers of this site that I LOVE me some smart science fiction.  With all the crap like anything JJ Abrams puts out and all the big budget films that treat smart science like a dog to take out back, having a film like this be as good as it is just makes me feel so good.  Telling the story of an astronaut who ends up trapped on Mars, and the effort to bring him home.  I love Matt Damon’s role as Mark Watney.  It was so brilliant to have him recording logs into the camera.  That way they could have him acting and showing off his personality without talking to himself.  There isn’t a single bad role in this film.  If you haven’t seen this yet, you owe it to yourself to check it out.

19. The Boondock Saints
Some of you who have been readers more recently may not be surprised at this pick.  After all, I’ve made no secret that I think there is a problem with the broken nature of this country, and a film about two antiheroes looking to do some vigilante justice is just up my alley.  After being put in a situation where they have to kill two Russian mobsters, the MacManus brothers get a vision from God that they need to take their justice further, thus starting their crime spree across Boston.  This film is just a joy to watch.  It’s got some hilarious dark comedy.  The action scenes are fantastic.  Willem Dafoe is a joy to watch in his role as the effeminate FBI investigator who is trying to track down the ones responsible.  The three vigilante heroes, though, are just the best.  Norman Reedus really showed off his chops here.  So did Sean Patrick Flannery.  This film is a cult classic, and for damn good reason.

18. Ratatouille
Far and away my favorite of Pixar’s creations, this is a film that is just some good soul food for me.  I’ve talked about it before, but I love to cook.  There was a running joke back when my girl and I were first living together that I was the one who made us sandwiches after sex.  It’s true.  Cooking has been a passion of mine since I was young.  So the story of Remy, a rat with a passion that is being restrained by his life as a rat is just so touching.  It helps that the main character is voiced by Patton Oswald.  Anything that guy touches is gold.  He’s naturally funny, and brings so much of his sarcastic charm to the role.  One of the reasons I love this film so much is that Brad Bird made it.  He came up in animated films, and it’s clear that they drew this film before they animated it with CG.  That level of care and the knowledge of how that sort of filmmaking works goes so far in making the world of Paris come alive.  Not a lot more to say.  It’s a feel-good movie, and that’s all it needs to be.

17. Dredd
What a criminally-underappreciated movie.  Kills me inside to think that there isn’t going to be a sequel.  This movie opened to absolutely abysmal numbers, but thankfully it has gone on to have a fantastic legacy.  One of the things holding it back was the unfortunate comparison to the Stallone film Judge Dredd.  But this film is an improvement on that hackneyed piece of shit in every way.  For starters, this movie is violent as fuck!  Add to that Karl Urban as the titular character, who never shows his face, and you have not just a fantastically violent action movie, but a fantastically violent superhero film as well.  The story goes that Dredd is taking a rookie out for her assessment.  After responding to a call, they end up in a game of cat and mouse, desperately trying to survive from a criminal warlord called Ma-Ma.  If you haven’t seen this movie and miss the days of genuinely violent action films, you have to check this out.  All the roles are pretty great as well.  I gotta give it to Karl Urban.  The level of dedication he put into his frown, and the decision to never show his face, makes the character true to the source material.

16. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
When Disney released this back in 1954, audiences weren’t sure how to feel about it.  The people who liked Disney films for being light-hearted and fun wouldn’t warm up to the haunting role of Captain Nemo, brilliantly played by James Mason.  The fans of serious stuff wouldn’t get into Kirk Douglas’ role of Ned Land, playing a song on the ship with a guitar.  However, when I first saw it, this film touched me deep inside almost immediately.  Mason’s role as Captain Nemo is just incredible.  The level of depth he brings the character, going from a man clinging to virtue, to a tortured survivor, to a brilliant scientist, and lastly to a deranged man on a question for revenge, it’s amazing he makes all those roles work.  The story is of Professor Aronnax and his companions ending up on the “submarine boat,” the Nautilus.  The journey they make and the emotional depths they are taken to is gripping.  It makes how tragic the ending is that much harder.

15. The Secret of NIMH
Some of you will know my love for 2D animation, and the absolute level of heat-break it takes me to in thinking that it’s gone from film.  Nobody understood how amazing and visually captivating this medium could be like Don Bluth.  The level of detail and the worlds that he would create was captivating.  I love each and every one of his films, but none more than the tale of Mrs. Brisby and the Rats of NIMH.  The story goes that Mrs. Brisby has to move from her home before the plow comes for the field that they live in.  However, her child is sick, and she’s out of options.  A visit to an unforeseen source gives her the information she needs.  She must go to the rose bush and seek out the wisdom of a group of rats living there.  This is a fantastic film, about science, nature, and the unknown.  It is a surprisingly smart film, especially since its targeted at children.  The animation is breath-taking, and the story is engaging.  Don’t need much more than that.

14. Spirited Away
It’s really hard to mention the great anime movies without talking about Hayao Miyazaki  This guy’s legacy of creating some of the most memorable films in the medium speaks for itself.  And make no mistake, you haven’t seen the last of Studio Ghibli’s works on this list.  You literally can’t ask for a more feel-good and warm fuzzy film than this.  Telling the story of Chihiro, who is moving to a new town, her family ends up lost in the woods and finds their way to a strange shrine and an abandoned town beyond it.  After her parents get turned to pigs, she winds up at Ubaba’s bathhouse.  She has to work there, while finding a way to save her family.  This film is cute, has a sweet story, and all the voice actors they got were on point.  I’ve said before that I only watch anime dubbed.  This film got all the right people.  If you’re ever feeling down and need a movie to watch, you can’t go wrong with this one.

13. Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
My absolute favorite of the old Star Trek films.  Ah, for the days when this franchise wasn’t a giant pile of shit.  Before the days of Star Trek: Picard, which tried to make this franchise super dark and gritty.  Never mind that the original shows in the good times of the franchise had already done that.  It’s hard to watch the episode of DS9, “In the Pale Moonlight”, without feeling chills.  Some people have made the comparison with the shitty Picard sequel and this film.  After all, doesn’t this film get super political?  The whole premise is modeled after the end of the Cold War.  That’s got to be a political screed, right?  Here’s the thing – unlike Star Trek: Picard, this film takes an actually hard look at the characters with its political allegory.  Capt. Kirk is framed as a man out of time, being left behind by a changing world.  Spock is ruminating on aging and the concept of his world being an illusion.  Bones just laments that they are too old to be in the situation they are, and that they were supposed to be retired by now.  While the franchise as a whole has lost its damn mind, the best aspects of it survive in films like this.  The perfect send-off to the original crew.  At least until that other movie came around…

12. WIII: Patlabor
An anime film about two detectives trying to solve a mystery surrounding mecha, with an edge of creature horror.  It sounds like a giant clusterfuck, yet it is one of the most zen movies I’ve ever seen.  What clinches it for me is the music.  Kenji Kawai scored this film, and when I need to decompress, this is what gets me.  It’s also a neat narrative too.  The mystery is that a mysterious force is destroying giant robots called Labors.  Two detectives are investigating, and quickly realize that all is not as it seems.  After coming face to face with the creature responsible, it becomes a race against time to contain the situation before the city goes into a panic.  The science is smart, the dub work is great, and the plot is nice and zen.  It doesn’t need to be anything more.

11. Hanna
I remember when I first found this movie, a long time ago.  It was a very strange sort of film.  A young girl, raised in the middle of nowhere, trained to kill.  Her father was cold to her, and she grew up with no social graces.  Now, she takes on the next part of her mission – to find the woman responsible for killing her mother, and give her the same treatment.  This is probably the strangest spy film I’ve seen in a long time.  Saoirse Ronan plays the role of the titular Hanna with a strange kind of dark innocence.  Cate Blanchett as the villain is perfect casting.  The action scenes are brief and direct.  It feels like battles between trained combatants.  The scenes where Hanna is desperately trying to fit in with the normal family she finds is just touching, marred by how it all ends up.  The ending is definitely very tragic, but fits.  If you like a good spy film, you owe it to yourself to check this one out.

10. Contact
Again, loves me some smart science fiction.  Based on a book by Carl Sagan, this film tells the story of a young astronomer, played fantastically by Jodie Foster.  She is on a mission – to get a radio that can hear out into the stars.  She wants to find the truth, and maybe, just maybe, find closure to her own pain.  This is a very mellow film.  What I love about it is just how down to earth some parts feel.  The battle against the forces of bureaucracy and personal bias, underpinning a story of faith vs. science and dogma vs exploration.  Sure, the romantic subplot could have been excised, and the bit where she meets with her father on the beach was kinda sappy, it was still a narrative that kept me going.  Now much more to say, really.  It’s a feel good smart science fiction film.  I’m okay with that.

9. Howl’s Moving Castle
I told you that Studio Ghibli would be coming back to this list.  And we’re still not done.  What baffles me is why so many people don’t like this movie.  I think it’s fantastic!  The story of a young woman who falls for a wizard named Howl and all the trouble that brings to her life is really fantastic!  The thing that really sells this movie is the voice acting.  The dub for this couldn’t have possibly been more perfect.  For starters, both the women they got for old and young Sophie.  Then you have Billy Crystal as the voice of Kalcifer, the fire demon who is quite affable.  Finally, you have Christian Bale as Howl.  It’s nice to see him be able to be the carefree wizard and also a very serious and deep character.  For whatever reason, this film is a black spot on Studio Ghibli, and for the life of me I cannot think of why.

8. Constantine
Oh boy.  I know so many comic book nerds who despise this movie.  It’s kind of funny and kind of frustrating at the same time.  These people need to get a life.  For my part, I just love this film.  Keanu Reeves brings the character and his brooding dark humor to life in a way that I honestly can’t think of anyone else being able to.  Tilda Swinton is a fun villain, and even Shia Lebouf isn’t bad.  Telling the story of a man trying to buy his way into Heaven after he committed suicide as a young man, this is a very grim look at the war between the two sides, and all those caught in the middle.  I can never get enough of how Keanu Reeves does brooding.  The dude really sets the standard, as far as I’m concerned.

7. The Sky Crawlers
On my initial list of best films, this one was at the top, and to be clear, I do still love it.  However, it isn’t the same love I had for it initially.  Far and away Mamoru Oshii’s best work, this film is tragic, somber, telling a narrative of a war that never ends, by design.  The film follows a squadron of fighters at a small base.  The pilots are cloned children who never age.  Their whole life is a war that is being fought between two corporations.  This war is allowing the world to have peace, believing that their peace is being fought for.  What’s more, these cloned children never really die.  If their body is killed, their mental data is taken and then reconstituted into a new clone of them.  None of the memories, but all of the skills they gained in battle.  I love what a dark and slow burn this film is.  For anime, it’s weird.  Every character has a ton of personality, and by the end it has you hoping for that way out that the main character mentions.

6. Reservoir Dogs
Far and away, Quentin Tarantino’s best work.  At least in my eyes.  Maybe not from a filmmaking standpoint.  To me, this film is the one that best exemplifies everything I love about Quentin Tarantino and the films he makes.  It’s a story about the telling of stories.  All of which is done, brilliantly, through dialogue.  The conversations in this film are just the best.  When you can have a scene with tons of dramatic tension play out entirely in dialogue, that’s brilliant!  My favorite is Mr. White and Mr. Pink, when they first get to the safe house.  Steve Buschemi owns that scenes so hard, but Harvey Keitel is pretty great too.  Telling the story of a jewelry store heist gone horribly wrong, all without ever showing a single second of what happens there and having the whole story ignore the “show don’t tell” rule in the most brilliant way imaginable.  Tarantino is a world-class writer, and it’s truly tragic that his next film will be his last.  The man wants his life’s work to be ten films long, and the next one will be it.  People have their preferences with his work, and this is mine.

5. Cowboy Bebop: Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door
It should be no surprise that a film based on my favorite anime series of all time makes this list.  This film was absolutely fantastic.  The animation is some of the best I’ve EVER seen.  You have the voice-cast from the original reprising their role.  I could listen to Steve Blum as Spike for forever.  The dude has so much cool.  The action is slick, and the plot is engrossing.  Really, this film is like a really long and really good episode of the series.  What’s more, it doesn’t take place after the series.  A lot of people thoughts it did, for a while.  It takes place towards the end, but not after it.  Just another day in the life of the chronically-broke crew of the Bebop, trying to track down a terrorist on Mars.  There’s not a whole lot to say, really.  It’s slick, it’s fun, and has some of my favorite characters.  I love this film.

4 Summer Wars
This film is such a fascinating anomaly.  The director of the Digimon movie wanted to remake the second film in the anthology (and the only one people remember), but without it being tied to the Digimon franchise.  So, studio Madhouse gave him the budget and told him to go nuts.  And I love this film so much.  Not only does it have fantastic plot about battling a program in a massive social network, but you have a touching family drama as well.  The animation on this film is impeccable.  The action has that slick Madhouse formula that only they can do.  I love every single one of the human characters who all have so much charm as this enormous family going through this crazy situation together with their own drama.  This is a fantastic movie.  As anime action movies to, it’s hard not to think this is in a class of its own.  Everyone only remembers the Digimon movie for the second major plotline, so no wonder it worked so well made into an original film away from the license.

3. Blade Runner
The original cyberpunk film that is single-handedly responsible for making the entire genre.  A movie directed by Ridley Scott at the height of his talent.  An engrossing neo-noir detective story in a futuristic world that’s grimy, run-down, and filled with uneven power relationships.  This film is a marvel.  I recently got in blue-ray with the Final Cut, and holy shit!  I cannot begin to tell you how absolutely well the visuals in this film aged, and how amazingly they convert to high definition.  The effects in all their blu-ray glory are absolutely breath-taking.  I cannot begin to imagine how much effort went into making this film look good.  It’s ironic that Harrison Ford actually hates this film because he feels like he never got to be a detective in it.  Well, his opinions of it aside, he’s great in the role of Deckard.  A blade runner who is on the trail of some rogue Replicants who have come back to Earth on a mission to stop themselves from dying.  This movie has it all.  Atmosphere, great acting, an incredible soundtrack, and that slow-burn pacing I love SO much.  The sequel was pretty good, but nothing can match up to the original.

2. Princess Mononoke
The greatest film that Studio Ghibli ever created, bar none.  When Hayao Miyazaki originally began production, this was meant to be his life’s work.  And given how this movie nearly bankrupted the whole damn studio, it’s not surprising.  Every scene of this film is a masterpiece.  It’s a 10 out of 10 movie, make no mistake.  The animation is in a class of its own.  The action is smooth and beautiful.  What’s more, here’s where all the anime dub purists will get to be super angry at me, but the dub for this is incredible.  Every role is just the best.  My two favorite roles are Billy Bob Thorton and Minnie Driver doing the roles of Jigo and Lady Eboshi, respectively.  Thorton brings a kind of dark cynicism to the role of Jigo, making him simultaneously scummy, but you can’t hate him because you see early on where his philosophy comes from.  The dude is only in it for himself, but not actively hateful.  Driver, on the other hand, makes Lady Eboshi a very enigmatic character.  She is a violent woman and has no problem killing her enemies, yet you see her softer side when you meet the lepers and have her asking Ashitaka for his help to look after the people of Iron Town.  Neil Gaiman (yes, THAT Neil Gaiman) did the ADR directing, and no dub is more faithful to the source material while making the language not stilted for an American audience.  This is a true masterpiece, and if you haven’t seen it, you owe it to yourself to do so.

And my favorite movie of all times is…

1. Fantasia
Those who have read this site for long enough probably saw this coming from a mile away.  This is, without any question, the greatest film that Disney has ever produced.  It will never be topped.  Sales numbers be damned, no film has as much creativity and artistic poetry like Fantasia does.  The music is beautiful.  The animation is sublime.  The visuals they have to go with each piece are perfect.  Not a single frame is wasted.  This film also nearly bankrupted Disney to make, but holy shit!  No film can make color, sound, and motion come together like this.  It makes how terrible Disney has become that much more heart-breaking, but it is what it is.  This film got me into 2D animation and classical music.  I love it from the bottom of my little black heart.

What are your favorite films?  Let me know down below.

Until next time, a quote,

“Look everyone!  This is what hatred looks like!  It’s eating me alive, and very soon it will kill me.” – Ashitaka, Princess Mononoke

Peace out,

Maverick

SIONR: Disney is Remaking A Night on Bald Mountain in Live Action (CG)

I fucking hate modern Disney.  There are not words to describe how shitty they are.  I could sit here and explain in exhaustive detail all of my grievances with modern Disney, but then I’d be here for hours and you all would get REALLY bored.  Understandably so.  But what they are doing to cash in on people’s nostalgia has finally reached the point that it pisses me off beyond the pale.  I could handle them fucking over the legacy of Robin Williams with their shit-tastic version of Aladdin.  Especially since Will Smith sounds medicated in that movie.  I listened to the soundtrack, and he sounds so tired in every song he sings.  I was annoyed but just shrugged and went “whatever” when I saw their “live-action” version of The Lion King being advertised.  Sure, all the CG animals have zero personality because they have the uncanny valley level of CG detail, but whatever.

I’ve heard that they are remaking Lilo & Stitch.  Because that’s just what that filmed needed!  A fun and colorful and touching story about a girl, an alien, and finding the meaning of family.  It needed to be remade with Disney doing their now trademark diversity pandering!  Yay!  They’re remaking The Little Mermaid.  Maybe they can have Ariel be a Muslim mermaid.  Have her wearing a seaweed burka.  Diversity, after all.  And you know what, that’s all fine too.  Because after all, why would we want to have those old 2D animated films be the ones we remember?  Those aren’t the moves for “grown ups,” after all.  No, instead we have to remake them in the worst way possible, with acting that is The Last Airbender levels of bad.  Taking all the charm and whimsy the animated films had and bending them over a table without any lube.

Then I found out something utterly horrifying that has pissed me off so much – they are remaking A Night on Bald Mountain in “live-action.”  Oh boy.  Fuck you Disney!  Fuck you and your creatively-bankrupt company!  You all take the things that people love and fuck them over the ass. I loved that piece in Fantasia.  It’s my second-favorite.  My first being The Rite of Spring, telling the story of the growth of life on Earth.  A Night on Bald Mountain is a fantastic piece.  The levels of darkness, both musically and dramatically is just insane.  The demon Chernabog summoning the souls of the dead and the damned for an insane party for one night, it’s incredible.  The animation is flawless.  Absolutely flawless.  The portrayal of the dead and the damned is just so perfect.  As they rise from the graves, rising up the mountain, you can almost feel the dread the townspeople are feeling as they stay inside and hope that dawn comes soon.  It all builds and builds, culminating in the most visceral experience I have ever seen in 2D animation.  Nothing else has even come close.  Plus, at the end, there is the fantastic pairing up with Franz Schubert’s “Ave Maria,” which has the townspeople seeking the light of Heaven to cleanse them of the darkness.  It’s perfect.

So I guess a whole bunch of suits and Disney are sitting around going…
“Hey guys, we’ve been remaking all of these classic movies and making money like gangbusters.  What else do we got?”
“How about we take that one bit from Fantasia about the demon and remake it!”
“But that’s not a whole story.  It’s a musical showing of what happened during one night.  How could we make that into a full-length movie?”
“Just have some big actors/actresses with some stupid story about killing the demon and put in some diversity shit to make people talk about how, if you don’t see it, you’re a bad person.  All of this nostalgia shit makes money anyway, so we can make this into whatever we want.  Just make sure all the advertising for the movie only shows the stuff that will play on people’s nostalgia.  We don’t want them to know that this is just a cash-grab that can make us a fuck-ton of cash.”

And then I figure that they laugh heartily and pay some Thai child to dance on top of a tank full of piranhas for their amusement.  Because Disney is pure evil, after all.

I can’t believe that Disney is doing this.  It isn’t enough that they took this franchise and turned it into a fucking Kinect game?!  It isn’t enough that they have made cash-grab after cash-grab of all their old 2D films, and every last one of them has fucking sucked?!  Without a single exception!  They are all nothing but trash!  That isn’t enough?  Now you have to take one of the hallmarks of animation and turn it into another piece of shit, all so you can make a quick several hundred million dollars to satisfy your investors?!  Oh how I wish Chernabog were real, so he could turn you and all your board of directors into pig demons.  It would be fitting, after all.  Then he could put you in front of a pile of money and tell you to worship it.  Would be fitting, given what you all do.

How people can stomach modern Disney is beyond me.  They pander to diversity because it sells.  The moment it doesn’t, they will kick it out the door like a $10 whore.  It’s why you don’t see gay characters in their big-budget movies, after all.  Because then they wouldn’t be able to sell their films big in China.  Although, I guess they won’t have to worry about that with this live-action trash.  You can’t have ghosts in films that go to China either.  So hey, go big with the gay pandering in this movie.  Oh wait, that would be hard because the premise is about a demon having a giant party.  Associating that with gay people would send the wrong message to the far-left community you are trying to pander to.

Ah, what the Hell.  Just fuck over the entire storyline.  In order to make this have a 90 minute runtime, you’re already gonna have to do that anyway, so might as well go big.  Make Chernabog a person of color transgender pansexual.  They aren’t having a party with all the damned and the souls of the dead that they summoned to them with their presence.  They just wanted to give all the dead POCs a place to gather where they feel included.  The villain can be Christian white nationalist groups!  Maybe they are having a straight pride parade!  Yeah, that’s a great angle.  It’s not like Disney or whatever two-bit director they will get for this shit actually cares about the story they are adapting anyway, so why not?  I’d kind of prefer that you all just go the distance with fucking the story over.  Then I don’t have to feel like you are shitting on one of my favorite movies.

But you can guarantee that I’m not giving Disney money to see this trash.  Not a fucking chance.  Disney and their live-action butt-rape of this bit from one of my favorite films can suck a dick.  Can suck all the dicks.  Fuck Disney.  Fuck these live-action movies.  They all suck.  They will always suck.  The critics who say nice things about them are paid shills.  The audience who likes them is Americans who we already know are dumb as dirt.  Fuck this.  Can these people please stop raping what I love?

Until next time, a quote,

“It’s very simple – if you stop going to bad movies, they’ll stop making bad movies.” – Jay Sherman

Peace out,

Maverick