Taken from the Gospel of St. Lucien, Chapters 33-55
“And when the Easter Bunny knew that he was alone, he got down on his knees.
‘Oh Father, I know of the trials you have in store for me. But I am afraid. Please, Father, give me the strength to be faithful to you. Give me your love, so that I may help the people. For dark times are ahead.’
After he finished praying, the Easter Bunny got back up. He went to rest. His body ached, and so did his soul.
The next night, the Easter Bunny gathered his followers. As they had finished eating, he held up his hands. His followers went silent. A look of pain was on their messiah’s face. Jack Skellington, his most loyal follower, went over to his master’s side.
‘Holy Easter Bunny, what pains you?’
Gently resting his hand on his follower’s should, he looked up at the rest.
‘My brothers, I am afraid that I have terrible news.’
All of them looked up. From far away, the Leprechaun felt fear creep into his heart.
‘Please, Easter Bunny, tell us, what is this news?’
‘I am afraid that one of you has betrayed me. Even now, Santa Claus’ soldiers are readying to take me away.’
The followers all got to their feet. Cupid looked dismayed.
‘Who among us would betray you?! Surely not I!’
Old Man Winter also stood up.
‘I would never betray you, Easter Bunny!’
Jack Skellington stood up as well.
‘Lord Easter Bunny, I say to you, I would never turn my back on you. Not this day, nor any other. I am the most faithful of all!’
The Easter Bunny cast a cold look on him.
‘I say to you, Jack, that before the sun comes up, you will deny me three times.’
Skellington looked shocked.
‘Never, Lord Easter Bunny! I would never betray you!’
It was then that Cupid put his hands on the table.
‘We must get you away from here, Lord Bunny! Please, let us hide you!’
‘Yes, let us take you to Halloweentown!’
‘You must let us do something!’
The Easter Bunny held up his paw.
‘I say to you, my brothers, that the Lord has told me of this betrayal. The one who has betrayed me has been paid in full. But now amount of money will spare him from my Father’s wrath. I say unto you – this one has no place to hide.’ His face grew saddened. ‘But you must now go into hiding, my brothers. For you will be taken too, if you are with me.’
‘No, Lord! Let us stay with you! Do not send us from your side!’
The Easter Bunny held up his paw again.
‘Fear not, brothers. Though I leave you today, you will see me again. For you shall have entrance into my kingdom. Continue my teachings, brothers. Spread my candy to all that you find. My father shall keep a place for you there.’
The followers of Easter Bunny prayed to their Lord, and were together for that night.
As they parted, the followers of the Easter Bunny went their separate ways, as commanded by their teacher. It was hard for all of them. Skellington made his way to the town. As he was going, a woman caught sight of him.
‘You are one of the followers! The followers of the Easter Bunny!’
Fearing for his life, as the crowd looked angry, Skellington shook his head.
‘I am not! I do not know him!’
The crowd grew.
‘Yes you are! I have seen you with him!’
Again, Skellington shook his head.
‘I tell you now, I know nothing of this Easter Bunny!’
The crowd grew even larger.
‘I know that you are one of his followers! I know you are!’
Becoming exasperated, Skellington turned on them.
‘I tell you all, I do not know this Easter Bunny! I am not one of his followers!’
Then, sitting on the floor, he looked up and realized that what the Easter Bunny had told him was true. He fell to the ground, weeping.
The next day came, and the Elves of Santa Claus came to where the Easter Bunny laid. He did not run from them. He greeted them, and was beaten by them. They put him into stocks, leading him back to the Workshop. Once there, they chained him to a post. For many hours, they beat and lashed him. When it was done, the threw him into a cell. A crown of thorns was placed over his head. Getting it by his ears caused them to be torn and cut. Blood ran down his face. Yet, as they beat him, the Easter Bunny continued to pray for them.
After three days, the crowds gathered. Santa Claus came from his workshop, dragging the broken body of the Easter Bunny. He put him out to the crowd, and then asked them.
‘What would you have me do with the king of the Bunnies?!’
The crowd chanted, ‘kill him! Kill him!’
It was then that Santa Claus turned toward them. ‘You have spoken, people! Know that this man’s death will not be yours and your children’s burden to bear.’
They continued their chant, and Santa took him back. He prepared him for the crucifixion. It was the worst way to die.
They lashed the man’s arms to a wooden cross. Then, they opened the gates, forcing him to march up the hill. As they passed, the Elves, Ghouls and all manner of the Holiday peoples came. They spit upon the Easter Bunny. They screamed obscenities. They cursed him, hit him, and threw both food and fecal matter at him. Yet through it all, the savior still prayed for them.
They got to the top of the mountain, and the Easter Bunny was tied down. After putting a wedge underneath, they nailed his bottoms paws together. They then put his upper paws together, and nailed them down at the arm. They then raised his cross up. For days and days, he hung there. His white cotton tail dripped with blood. As he died, he looked to the heavens.
‘Forgive these people, Father, for they know not what they do.’
Then, in that moment, his life drained away. The moment this happened, the vault of the candy stores ripped open. The chocolate bars burns apart. The malt balls exploded. It could be heard from Halloween Town to Christmas Town, the children cried.
Happy Easter, everybody.
Until next time, a quote,
“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.” -George Carlin