SIONR: Disney is Remaking A Night on Bald Mountain in Live Action (CG)

I fucking hate modern Disney.  There are not words to describe how shitty they are.  I could sit here and explain in exhaustive detail all of my grievances with modern Disney, but then I’d be here for hours and you all would get REALLY bored.  Understandably so.  But what they are doing to cash in on people’s nostalgia has finally reached the point that it pisses me off beyond the pale.  I could handle them fucking over the legacy of Robin Williams with their shit-tastic version of Aladdin.  Especially since Will Smith sounds medicated in that movie.  I listened to the soundtrack, and he sounds so tired in every song he sings.  I was annoyed but just shrugged and went “whatever” when I saw their “live-action” version of The Lion King being advertised.  Sure, all the CG animals have zero personality because they have the uncanny valley level of CG detail, but whatever.

I’ve heard that they are remaking Lilo & Stitch.  Because that’s just what that filmed needed!  A fun and colorful and touching story about a girl, an alien, and finding the meaning of family.  It needed to be remade with Disney doing their now trademark diversity pandering!  Yay!  They’re remaking The Little Mermaid.  Maybe they can have Ariel be a Muslim mermaid.  Have her wearing a seaweed burka.  Diversity, after all.  And you know what, that’s all fine too.  Because after all, why would we want to have those old 2D animated films be the ones we remember?  Those aren’t the moves for “grown ups,” after all.  No, instead we have to remake them in the worst way possible, with acting that is The Last Airbender levels of bad.  Taking all the charm and whimsy the animated films had and bending them over a table without any lube.

Then I found out something utterly horrifying that has pissed me off so much – they are remaking A Night on Bald Mountain in “live-action.”  Oh boy.  Fuck you Disney!  Fuck you and your creatively-bankrupt company!  You all take the things that people love and fuck them over the ass. I loved that piece in Fantasia.  It’s my second-favorite.  My first being The Rite of Spring, telling the story of the growth of life on Earth.  A Night on Bald Mountain is a fantastic piece.  The levels of darkness, both musically and dramatically is just insane.  The demon Chernabog summoning the souls of the dead and the damned for an insane party for one night, it’s incredible.  The animation is flawless.  Absolutely flawless.  The portrayal of the dead and the damned is just so perfect.  As they rise from the graves, rising up the mountain, you can almost feel the dread the townspeople are feeling as they stay inside and hope that dawn comes soon.  It all builds and builds, culminating in the most visceral experience I have ever seen in 2D animation.  Nothing else has even come close.  Plus, at the end, there is the fantastic pairing up with Franz Schubert’s “Ave Maria,” which has the townspeople seeking the light of Heaven to cleanse them of the darkness.  It’s perfect.

So I guess a whole bunch of suits and Disney are sitting around going…
“Hey guys, we’ve been remaking all of these classic movies and making money like gangbusters.  What else do we got?”
“How about we take that one bit from Fantasia about the demon and remake it!”
“But that’s not a whole story.  It’s a musical showing of what happened during one night.  How could we make that into a full-length movie?”
“Just have some big actors/actresses with some stupid story about killing the demon and put in some diversity shit to make people talk about how, if you don’t see it, you’re a bad person.  All of this nostalgia shit makes money anyway, so we can make this into whatever we want.  Just make sure all the advertising for the movie only shows the stuff that will play on people’s nostalgia.  We don’t want them to know that this is just a cash-grab that can make us a fuck-ton of cash.”

And then I figure that they laugh heartily and pay some Thai child to dance on top of a tank full of piranhas for their amusement.  Because Disney is pure evil, after all.

I can’t believe that Disney is doing this.  It isn’t enough that they took this franchise and turned it into a fucking Kinect game?!  It isn’t enough that they have made cash-grab after cash-grab of all their old 2D films, and every last one of them has fucking sucked?!  Without a single exception!  They are all nothing but trash!  That isn’t enough?  Now you have to take one of the hallmarks of animation and turn it into another piece of shit, all so you can make a quick several hundred million dollars to satisfy your investors?!  Oh how I wish Chernabog were real, so he could turn you and all your board of directors into pig demons.  It would be fitting, after all.  Then he could put you in front of a pile of money and tell you to worship it.  Would be fitting, given what you all do.

How people can stomach modern Disney is beyond me.  They pander to diversity because it sells.  The moment it doesn’t, they will kick it out the door like a $10 whore.  It’s why you don’t see gay characters in their big-budget movies, after all.  Because then they wouldn’t be able to sell their films big in China.  Although, I guess they won’t have to worry about that with this live-action trash.  You can’t have ghosts in films that go to China either.  So hey, go big with the gay pandering in this movie.  Oh wait, that would be hard because the premise is about a demon having a giant party.  Associating that with gay people would send the wrong message to the far-left community you are trying to pander to.

Ah, what the Hell.  Just fuck over the entire storyline.  In order to make this have a 90 minute runtime, you’re already gonna have to do that anyway, so might as well go big.  Make Chernabog a person of color transgender pansexual.  They aren’t having a party with all the damned and the souls of the dead that they summoned to them with their presence.  They just wanted to give all the dead POCs a place to gather where they feel included.  The villain can be Christian white nationalist groups!  Maybe they are having a straight pride parade!  Yeah, that’s a great angle.  It’s not like Disney or whatever two-bit director they will get for this shit actually cares about the story they are adapting anyway, so why not?  I’d kind of prefer that you all just go the distance with fucking the story over.  Then I don’t have to feel like you are shitting on one of my favorite movies.

But you can guarantee that I’m not giving Disney money to see this trash.  Not a fucking chance.  Disney and their live-action butt-rape of this bit from one of my favorite films can suck a dick.  Can suck all the dicks.  Fuck Disney.  Fuck these live-action movies.  They all suck.  They will always suck.  The critics who say nice things about them are paid shills.  The audience who likes them is Americans who we already know are dumb as dirt.  Fuck this.  Can these people please stop raping what I love?

Until next time, a quote,

“It’s very simple – if you stop going to bad movies, they’ll stop making bad movies.” – Jay Sherman

Peace out,

Maverick

Top 10 Classical Music Suites

Well, I recently did a post on my top 10 favorite classical music pieces, and I thought to myself – why not do a post on my favorite of the larger kinds of classical music.  These are the orchestrations with more than one part.  There are a lot of technical terms, but I think I’ll eschew those, so me and me don’t come off sounding nerdy and with no life.  These are the longer kinds of music.  They typically have either understood different segments, like adagios, prelude and the like, or they have changes that weren’t written in but are clear to anyone listening.  I will have links to every composition on the title.  Also, this is just orchestral music, so nothing with lyrics.  Hopefully some of my audience are mature enough to enjoy it.  Let’s get down to it.  Oh, one last thing – we are taking another cue from Fantasia and using pictures to describe what we see when we hear the music.  Enjoy.

Toroweap Point10. The Grand Canyon Suite
Ferde Grofe
This is an interesting piece.  In fact, I hadn’t heard of this until just recently.  There is a classical music station in the part of the world where I live.  I know, amazing.  Given all the stations that play shitty music, Christian “rock” and Alex Jones’ insanity, the fact that we have decent music in this red state amazes me.  This is a piece of music that really does feel like the telling of the story of a day.  From the gentle opening number, to the way it all comes to a gentle end, this feels like a day.  And you know, it actually makes me think of something like the Grand Canyon.  Somewhere out in the desert, where the sun shines down.  If you haven’t heard this piece before, I highly recommend.

Pastoral9. The Pastoral Symphony
Ludwig von Beethoven
Now, this was Beethoven’s 6th Symphony but it was called the “Pastoral Symphony.” When it was written, Beethoven meant for it to describe a day in the life of the countryside that he was familiar with.  I first heard this piece in Fantasia, and have been in love with it ever since.  I know, I’m a little biased.  So are all of you.  Don’t pretend to have the high ground.  In any case, this is an amazing piece of music.  It also feels like the hours of the day, starting off softly and ending in a nice wrapping up that feels like the setting sun. You have all the emotions of the day playing out, and the whole thing always feels a little playful. It’s a lovely piece of music, and it has earned its spot here on the list.

Heart of the City8. Afro-American Symphony
William Grant-Still
I don’t know if this guy knew him or not, but it is abundantly clear that he took a lot of cues from George Gershwin.  I’m not ragging on him.  Far from it.  I love Gershwin, and you will see some of his work on here later.  This is a very mellow piece of music.  To me, this is music that talks about a city.  I’m thinking New York, because this city has personality.  Each street tells a story of history and the people who live there.  Each part of the symphony tells the story of a different part of the city.  There are the quieter parts, the louder parts, and the parts that are just different.  Like any good city is supposed to be.  You know, if America wasn’t a crime-ridden cesspool.

The Firebird7. The Firebird
Igor Stravinsky
Now, this is a full ballet number.  However, the full piece has a REALLY dull opening number and it drags.  The best version of this song is in Fantasia 2000.  They shorten all the extraneous stuff, and get to the best material.  Though maybe I’m biased, because it is an awesome sequel to one of my favorite movies of all time.  Me and me are so biased!  In any case, the animation captured the feel of this perfectly.  You have spring returning to the forest, with the Spirit of Nature revitalizing everything.  Then there is the confrontation with the titular Firebird.  The epic scale they gave that part of the piece in the film is just awesome.  For real, if you haven’t seen it, you really must.  On blu-ray!  Then there is the end, where it just keeps building and building, breaking open and ending with such joyful emotions that it makes you all warm and fuzzy inside.  I love this music, then and now.

Beach House6. Porgy and Bess
George Gershwin
Now, this one is cheating a bit.  After all, this music was written with spoken words in mind.  However, I just can’t help it.  As music goes this is so good!  This music clearly tells a story, even without the words.  A down-south story of love, family and growing up.  It evokes the emotion of finding out who you are.  Each piece of music has a different emotion, and that is what ties all of it together.  It is an emotional experience, from beginning to end.  When I hear it, I think of some island in the Caribbean.  Where a young man is growing up, trying to deal with the ups and downs of life.  What do you all see when you listen to it?  Don’t look at the visuals.  Just close your eyes and hear it.  Do that for all of the pieces I list.  What do you see?

Nutcracker5. The Nutcracker
Leopold Tchaikovsky
Now, the first time I heard this music was in Fantasia, but make no mistake – I love the original version of it as well.  My dearest lady-friend and I go see it every year as part of a new tradition, which is a continuation of a tradition she used to have.  It is a favorite thing of mine, not just because I love the music, but because I love spending time with my dear lady-friend.  I see so little of her these days.  This is some of the greatest holiday music ever recorded.  Granted, this version doesn’t have the cute little overture that I so enjoy with this music.  Still, you take what you can get.  Part of me laments that 2D animation has gone the way of the dodo, because the original format of this ballet lend itself to animation.  I can see gorgeous vistas and amazing visions of the dreams.  All the possibilities!  Alas, the kind of animation I grew up with and have so much respect for is all but dead.  Sad-making…

Rhapsody in Blue4. Rhapsody in Blue
George Gershwin
Now, I know that this piece of music has only one section of it, technically.  However, you can’t argue with me that it might as well have more.  This piece changes in emotion and mood so much that it feels much longer than it is.  Just like Afro-American Symphony, this piece tell the story of a city with attitude.  The version of this in Fantasia 2000 is almost perfect with the mood of this song.  It helps that they used a style of animation that was used in drawing by Al Herschfeld.  That is clever.  So much emotion comes through the song.  Not to mention, the film captures how this song tell the hours of the day.  It is a story that begin as the start of the day, and ends where the day ends.  Given that it is NYC that I see, I bet the entire city is a mess of lights by the night.  Neon lights that cut through the dark, breathing a different kind of life into the city.

A Night on Bald Mountain3. A Night on Bald Mountain
Modest Mussorgski
This is probably the darkest piece of music created.  Ever.  People can talk about heavy metal all they want, but that doesn’t even come remotely close to the dark emotions in this piece of music.  The piece actually tells the story of Bald Mountain, which is a place where Satan and his chum supposedly gathered each night.  This suite goes through such a night.  The terror that it leaves you with is palpable.  You are effed up by the piece of music.  I can only imagine what a mind-fuck that would be like to see in real life.  Demons, ghosts, all forms of hell-creature.  That must be one fun party!  How I wish that I could be there.  It would be quite a sight.

Jewel2. The Planets Suite
Gustav Holst
I don’t know where the inspiration for this came from, but wherever it was, it was amazing.  Each of these pieces of music flows from a theme – the Roman gods that they were all named for.  You have Mars, the song is warlike.  Venus is gentle.  Ironic, given the violent and destructive nature of the planet, but hey, that’s old-timey civilization for ya.  Mercury is light and whimsical.  Jupiter is big and bombastic.  Saturn is sad and old.  Uranus is weird and off-putting.  Neptune is quite and thoughtful.  When I hear this music, it brings to mind images of wandering through space, seeing the universe as it has never been seen before..  There was this art project called “The Planets,” which was being worked on by a guy named Greg Martin.  I never knew what happened with his work.  It was pretty awesome.  I guess that they gave up on the project, somewhere along the way.  Sad, really.  Still, this is some amazing music, with each part telling its own little story.

And my favorite classical music suite is…

Rite of Spring1. The Rite of Spring
Igor Stravinsky
When this music premiered, it was so controversial that it caused a riot, with Stravinsky having to flee Paris.  This music – harsh, violent and unforgiving – was so unlike anything that was being made at the time that people had no idea what to think about it.  In a lot of ways, people still don’t.  Then Disney came along and decided to make the song a telling of the history of life on Earth.  You know what, that feels perfect.  To me, I get the feeling that Igor Stravinsky would be more than a little pleased if he had seen Disney’s interpretation of his music.  If you haven’t seen Fantasia, I cannot stress how much you are missing out on great music and great animation.  Have I sucked these films’ dick enough?  Maybe.  Still, there is no other way I could envision the cold nature of Stravinksy’s work than in this way.  Bless its heart.

So, what are your favorite classical music suites?  Let me know down in the comments section.  You know, I wonder how much of my audience actually likes classical music.  I think that me and me are part of a dying breed.  Sad-making…

Until next time, a quote,,

“Walt Disney once described animation as a voyage of discovery, into the realms of color, sound and motion.”  -Angela Lansbury, Fantasia 2000

Peace out,

Maverick