The more I thought about the things in movies that bug me, the more I was able to find an increasing amount. Even after this, I’ll probably find more, so bear with me on that. The second in these posts, here’s a link to the first. There are so many things in movies that are just baffling to me, to the point where I wonder if filmmakers are deliberately stupid. It’s a genuine thing to wonder, isn’t it? Let’s waste no time, I got a lot to talk about.
10. Classical music is always associated with evil
You ever notice that all the heroes in big budget action films listen to the most down-home Americana music ever? The worst of it is country. How many action movies have heroes listening to country music? Then you have the villain, almost always a pretentious intellectual, with classical music playing in the background. Because no civilized, decent person listens to that stuff, right?
9. Good guys associated with down-home culture
This kinda ties into the last one, but there’s another angle to talk about. You know what I loved? V For Vendetta. In that movie, we have a hero who is not only a terrorist, but he is well-spoken, eloquent, quoting Shakespeare, and driven by ideals rather than just because he wants to do the right thing. You know what I get to see in almost all other movies? Heroes who are bland, boring, and associated with all the things that you see in Americana. Because how will people relate to someone if they aren’t a blank slate to wear as a skin?! The irony is that Marvel made fun of that in how everyone poked fun at what a fuddy-duddy Captain America is. Quentin Tarantino did too in Inglorious Basterds, where you have the upstanding British officer talking with Aldo about what a lunatic one of his men in his outfit is, and Aldo just brushes that off because he’s an uncivilized basterd in his own right.
8. Films blatantly shoving a political message down your throat
When I say this, I’m talking about modern movies that are not even remotely subtle about the message they are pushing, like a LOT of what Disney has produced in the last few years. The biggest one that comes to mind is Black Panther. Part of why I couldn’t stand the film was because of the politics being shoved in my face throughout the entire running time. I’m just sitting there like “could this film be any less subtle?” It’s ironic, because when I first got to see the character in Civil War, I liked him because of how he was played not to just be a walking stereotype. Then he gets his own movie and it couldn’t be any more blatant. Another film that comes to mind in walking stereotypes is Spider-Man: Homecoming. MJ’s character was the personification of a Tumblr feminist. She really was. It was insufferable every time she opened her mouth.
7. Endless explosions/noise in space
Did you know that space doesn’t have oxygen? Apparently Hollywood doesn’t know that, because space sure does have a lot of shit blowing up in big, bright ways. Not even like some flash and then gone because the air that keeps the explosion going is snuffed out. No, it just goes on and on and on. Also, did you notice that space is noisy as fuck? Yeah, I was noticing that too. Because sound carries SO well in a vacuum, right? That lack of oxygen doesn’t get in the way of all the sound out in the void. The film that immediately comes to mind as the worst offender in this regard is Armageddon. Everything was burning space for forever. It took me out of the scene, every time.
6. The endless sequels/remakes/reboots
Hollywood is out of ideas. That’s it, they are. It’s impossible to argue at this point. How do I know this? Did you know there is a fourth Toy Story movie coming out? I did. The teaser for it dropped today, and I’m like – where can they possibly go with this?! The narrative was wrapped up REALLY nicely in the last film. It brought the arc to a nice, clean stop. It truly did feel like saying goodbye to friends because of how most people who watched it had been kids when the first movie came out, and now they got to say goodbye to their good friends. Oh, and did you know that they are rebooting Shrek and Puss in Boots? Why?! They aren’t even that old! They’re rebooting Twilight, for fuck’s sake! Who asked for this?! I honestly want to know. It is abundantly clear that they are so addicted to quick cash and so void of any drive to try something new that they will scrap the bottom of whatever nostalgia barrel they can find. It’s infuriating
5. Guys with facial hair in the military
How does this one not bother more people? For a nation that’s as big on “god bless ‘Murica” as this one is, you’d think more people would be bothered by this. But nope! Probably because you can’t have a manly man unless he has himself a manly beard. When I see guys who are supposed to be legit soldiers and they have facial hair while they are serving, it bugs me. There are rules about these things, people! Uniform regs exist for a reason.
4. The death of 2D animation
Do you think there is anyone left in this country who knows how to do this? Probably not, given some of the crap this country puts out. I mean, did you all watch the trailer for Thundercats Roar? That had some of the shittiest animation I’ve ever seen. The death of 2D animated films just depresses me. I think of some of my favorite films, and how much effort went into making them beautiful with some incredible animation. There is Don Bluth, the absolute master of intricate environments, and old-school Disney. Ah, for the days before Disney was pure evil and sucking the bottom of their own barrel for quick cash-grabs. *cough*Aladdin Live-action remake!*cough* It saddens me to realize that this art form has died an unceremonious death.
3. Using CG instead of practical effects
Oh boy. Let me say before I get into this that I don’t just hate CG on the merits of it. I get what it is and why it exists. And for some movies, it does wonders, when it’s used well. Then there are the films that are smart enough to mix the effects and it looks like it’s actually something real. Then you have shit like Jurassic World and it’s shit-tastic sequel. Where the effects are so bad it is OBVIOUS that people are interacting with something that isn’t in the room with them. Thankfully, you have some directors who are rebelling against this. I swear, I think a computer murdered Chris Nolan’s family or something, because he will go to EXTREME lengths to not have to use digital effects. Some of the stories about things he has done will blow your mind. But can we PLEASE have some directors who will give practical effects a go? Asking for a friend.
2. Films being set in other countries, with everyone speaking English (usually with shitty accents)
I rewatched Hunt for the Red October recently, and I was invited by a friend to a special screening of Hunter Killer tomorrow, and as I saw both the movie and the trailer for those films (respectively), I couldn’t help but notice – why is everyone speaking English? It bothered me more in the former of those listed, because it starts with them speaking Russian, and then they just stop. Why?! They clearly know what subtitles are, so why do that? It immediately hurts my suspension of disbelief in a movie when I see character who are supposed to be in a country where English is NOT their primary language speaking perfect English with a shitty accent. Definitely the worst offender in this regard is Enemy at the Gates. Good movie. I like it, but hearing everyone with terrible accents hurt my ears. Speaking of that movie…
And my top thing that I hate in movies (part deux) is…
1.Being in the cold and not seeing a character’s breath
Am I the only person that this bugs? One of the reasons that I liked Enemy at the Gates is because you actually believe that it’s cold in Russia. Seeing everyone’s breath was a great tool for selling me of the film’s setting. But then you have a vast plethora of movies where people are all in big coats, and you are told how cold it is, but don’t see anyone’s breath. Are they just unable to film in cold places?! Is that what’s going on? If so, then they need to work on that. Maybe don’t spend the money on big CG effects that probably look like shit anyway and instead focus on proper setting. Am I asking too much here? Immediately slashes my suspension of disbelief into thirds when it happens.
What about you? What things in movies bother you? If you didn’t see yours on there, check out my first list, it might be there. Let me know if you have additional ones in the comments.
Until next time, a quote,
“What do you know? Haven’t you heard of suspension of disbelief?!” – Ed Wood, Ed Wood