Your Pro-Gun Fantasies are Delusional (A response to Josh Feuerstein)

Man, I haven’t gone after a super-religious idiot in a very long time.  In my early days on this site, I had a lot of posts ripping on religion and some of the idiots who follow it.  I am firmly an atheist and think that people who need religion in their lives are people who are afraid of reality.  But the topic got old and it was basically beating a dead horse while playing a broken record.  It got pretty stale.  But I have always had at least a passing eye on the insanity that is Josh Feuerstein.  For those who don’t know, he’s an insanely religious man who is absurdly popular on Facebook.  His page has millions of likes.  It’s bananas.

The guy is also something of a scam artist.  Not just because of the beliefs that he touts, though there is that.  But he was able to crowd-fund over $60,000 for a special camera, but clearly still does video on his phone.  Yeah, money I’m sure well spent, given how obesity is clearly the biggest problem he has.  That and an inflated ego.  Many years ago he went after the biggest YouTube atheist, The Amazing Atheist, because TJ had responded to his most popular video – where he “disproves” evolution.  It was sad, to say the least.

Over the years, Josh has become something of a marvel of Christian stupidity.  This guy is not only a firm fundamentalist Christian, but he also is a radical conservative as well.  So naturally, when the Supreme Court cast its ruling that allowed gay marriage to be legal in all 50 states, Josh was against it.  Yet he took great umbrage when people called him a bigot because of that.  Funny how that works.  Oh, and he also in the videos where he said “Obama done did it” about gay marriage, he said that it was the beginning of the “Christian Holocaust” and held up a gun to say that he would fight the government.

Josh fancies himself one of these people who would start some kind of civil war against the government if they ever step out of line.  The reality is that he is one of a plethora of fat-ass conservatives who would fight the government for all of 20 minutes, until they blast him and his little obese army of “patriots” with a drone.  Any war against the government in the 21st century would very, very short-lived.  He is one of these people who says that if they come for his guns, they can have the bullets.  No, Josh, you’d open fire, and they blast you to bits.  Hell, I guarantee that the moment they blast open your door, you will piss your fat britches and surrender on the spot.  Because it’s easy to be tough when you are not facing down any real resistance.  Just the imagined kind in your head.

When I say he’s a radical conservative who is something of a class act in paranoia, I’m not kidding.  He had his wife driving around a Wal-Mart for ten minutes talking about how them closing it is a conspiracy and they are stockpiling weapons and tanks inside.  This guy is really something.

But now it seems that Josh has a new take on the idea of guns – that they’re in the Bible.  That the 2nd Amendment is in the Bible.  Oh boy, this is gonna be a hard sell.  Let’s take a look at what this moron has to say.

Oh my Groj, you delusional fuck.  So, let me see if I got this right.  You keep a loaded gun in your car, on the unlikely off-chance that somebody is going to come at you with a firearm.  And if this person in your fantasy world comes at you, you are going to let loose with .45 “freedom seeds.”  That is the funniest name for bullets I have ever seen.  Especially given the long history in this world of dictators using those “freedom seeds” to kill people they don’t like.  Guns have a long, sordid history of one thing – violence.  I’m not against people owning them, though I do believe there should be some regulation in that regard, but to call bullets fired “freedom seeds” is so utterly ignorant of history.  But why should I be surprised.  This guy is an obese “patriot” who is looking to be Dirty Harry in his fantasy world.

Here’s my question to you, Josh – if you should come upon some fantasy shooting where you get your .45 out of your car and open fire, what if there are lots of kids around?  You say you are against school shootings, so what happens if you there are lots of little civilians around you?  Acceptable risk?  Killing kids?  You want their potential blood on your hands?  Not to mention, it ain’t like the guy is jut gonna stand there and let you shoot him.  Life isn’t a video game, Josh.  This person will move and then shoot back.  And say there’s armed security.  They come into things, not knowing who is who, so they start shooting at you too.  Are you just so convinced that they are going to know that you are the good guy?  If I saw your fat ass with a loaded gun shooting, I would assume you are the shooter.  You look the type.  You certainly have the attitude.

Then he says probably the most delusional thing I’ve ever heard – that the 2nd Amendment is in the Bible.  This is a dude who sees that painting of Jesus giving America the Constitution and cums all over it, isn’t he?  I believe it.  His evidence?  Because God armed angels.  I need scriptural evidence of this, Josh.  Because as I remember, angels in the Bible were pretty much just God’s messengers and heralds.  They had no form unless they took on the form of a human.  But in reality the angels of the Bible had more in common with those from Neon Genesis Evangelion than they do with your imagination of them being Dirty Harry with wings.  This man is so insane.  I don’t get how someone can be this delusional.

Guns did not exist in the Bible.  Nowhere.  There was nothing about guns in the Bible.  Not to mention, people having rights to own guns is also absurd in the Bible, because in that time period, people only had the rights that the king, Caesar, or other leader provided them.  It was a Feudal, primitive society.  Even Jesus said “give unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s, give unto God that which is God’s.”  A reference to taxes, neat fact.  So your weird belief that democracy and democratic republics with their legal perspective was a thing in the Bible is equal parts funny and ridiculous.

Then we get the conservative schtick about guns being the heroes always and the good guy prevailing.  His metaphor is that a bully only backs down when the little person has a bigger person.  He doesn’t see the irony in that statement.  The idea that the little person has a bigger person to basically go to bat for them.  Kind of like, in principal, how cops are supposed to work.  Because that big guy can’t be with the little guy all the time.  But the little guy knows that he can call on them and they will sort out the person hurting them.  It blows my mind how you are so dumb with the shit you say, and nobody calls you out on it.

Lastly, he says that we need vets in schools, armed with guns.  You know, Josh, I have this growing perspective on the military since a girly-mate who is quite important to me joined the Navy, and she tells me about life with that.  She took the oath of service, to protect her country.  And it’s weird that Josh of all people is saying that vets needs to be in the schools, because he has said that he would fight the government.  In his “Christian Holocaust” series, he outright says that he will fight the government because of the perceived attack on his religious freedom.

This fat ass has never once served his country.  He hasn’t done shit.  He champions a President who said he couldn’t serve his country because his foot hurt.  Just like all the stupid-ass conservatives who believe that underneath it all, they are Dirty Harry, he just lets the delusions talk.  Not to mention, why veterans?  Why not cops?  Could it be because we now have documented proof that cops have a bad habit of being gutless cowards who run from danger or shoot it in the back?  Or in the case of Scot Peterson, do nothing while a shooter is inside a school killing kids and ACTUAL heroes who gave his life to protect children from bullets.

I have said it so many times, these people believe that life is an action movie, and the villains are just gonna stand there and get shot, while not being able to hit the broadside of a barn.  But we know in reality that life isn’t like that.  That shootings are messy.  We saw that with the armed guards at Columbine, at Virginia Tech, and other schools.  Now, am I against armed security?  Of course not.  But this idea that we need to get random people who served in the military to do this, instead of people who are trained for the task of protecting kids, is absurd.

By the way, Josh, I guarantee that if you went into a school shooting to go pump some of your “freedom seeds” at the bad guys, your ass would get arrested too.  Probably because you’d have killed other kids instead of the bad guy.  But hey, maybe I’m wrong.  You are Dirty Harry in the flesh, after all, right?

Until next time, a quote,

“Most people are drowning in delusional ignorance, without knowing that their suffering was created by themselves.” – Jakushoa Kwong Roshi

Peace out,



Lucien’s Review (Sort of): God’s Not Dead and God’s Not Dead 2

I am not feeling very good today, and a friend of mine has these two films on bootlegged DVDs because he has religious family who gave him this stuff.  And I can safely say that I have seen the worst, the absolute worst in Christian propaganda films.  This is more going to be a discussion of what about these films annoys me, rather than the films themselves, because that’s a wash.  Both of them suck.  I will have a Final Verdict for them and justify it, but I really am just looking to talk about Christian propaganda films and how these two movies are exemplary of what is so wrong with them.  What an awful use of my time today.

First we have God’s Not Dead.  This was Pure Flix’s claim to fame, and they have never forgotten that.  Every chance they can they will shove that in your face.  In it was have Josh Wheadon, which always makes me think of Wil Wheaton (Shut up, Wesley!).  He has an philosophy class with the EVIL philosophy teacher played by Kevin Sorbo.  We also have a dozen other characters because that film has more subplots than Carter has little pills.  It’s really bad.

Here are the tropes in this film that exemplify themselves in other Christian movies.  First, we have Kevin Sorbo as the EVIL philosophy teacher who comes right out in the very first class and, instead of doing what an actual teacher in college would do at the start of class, like go over the syllabus or give some basic rundown for how things will work with that class, he has to make very clear the film’s forced message – God is Dead!  The quote by Nietzsche that religious people take such umbrage with without understanding it at all.

When Nietzsche said that “god is dead”, he didn’t mean there is a literal God and he is literally dead.  What he meant was that religion’s roll in society was coming to a close.  But the religious crowd have been touting that as the great heresy against their respective belief structures and how it must be destroyed.  One of the many stupid points in this film.

Since our good boy Josh is too good to do what the strawman philosophy professor tells him to do and write “god is dead” for that day’s only assignment.  Another sign that this is not even a real college course in any way.  Strawman course with a strawman teacher.  Christian films don’t set the bar very high.  He can’t write that, so the professor challenges him to a debate about the nature of God’s existence.  Another thing that philosophy isn’t exclusively about, but this film really makes it out to be.  In fact, this whole damn movie paints college as the act of EVIL secular society and people in there are snobbish assholes.

We then get to suffer through the debate, and this is just amazing.  The debate between our hero Josh and the EVIL professor is basically watching the absolute paragon virtue fighting it out with Ray Comfort’s vision of an atheist.  All of the terrible arguments that Josh makes are ones that I, a pseudo-intellectual asshole who got my degree in journalism could handily refute.  It’s terrible.  No atheist argues the way that the EVIL professor does, and Josh’s points are never refuted in a way that any atheist would.  It’s a stereotype beating a strawman.

Naturally, the whole film is really just a Christian circle-jerk.  All the Christians who feel so downtrodden in a country where 80% of the population identifies as Christian can sit there and feel so validated by what’s on the screen.

Overall, the film is terrible, but to stupid to be frustrating.  It’s almost kind of fun to watch Kevin Sorbo’s terrible acting.  That guy has always sucked.  But the next film absolutely takes the cake for Christian circle-jerk factor.

God’s Not Dead 2 came out and now we have Sabrina the former Teenage Witch and now reborn Mega Christian (no joke, the actress is very, very Christian now) starring as the teacher who is being trampled down by the EVIL secular society and their EVIL secular values as the EVIL ACLU is brought in to try and destroy her.  This film is made to have fundamentalist, conservative Christians cumming in their pants because their absurd sense of siege can be blasted all over the screen.

This film is the worst.  The absolute worst.  None of what happens in this movie would have happened.  If a teacher at a public school went into religion with a student, would they get talked to?  Maybe.  But this whole insane thing about her nearly being fired would never have happened.  It would have been just “yo, don’t get too crazy into the religious stuff, we don’t want to upset anyone, so just tone it down, will ya?”  And then any sensible person who gets the separation of church and state would be like “sure.”  That’s where this would end.

But no, they have to get the EVIL ACLU involved to try and destroy this woman’s life.  Because the ACLU is so awful, right?  Fighting for the constitutional rights of citizens to be upheld.  Those bastards!  Oh, and the film tries to head off the argument about separation of church and state by saying that nowhere does it say that anywhere in our law.  Here’s the thing this movie doesn’t get – part of the job of the Supreme Court is to interpret the laws as they are written.  It’s the reason that Roe v Wade gave women the rights to their own bodies, or Obergefell v Hodges granted gays and lesbians the right to marry in all 50 states even though that isn’t in the Constitution either.  It’s that branch’s job to interpret the laws in respect to other issues.  So in the case of Everson v Board of Education, it was strictly laid out the separation of church and state in respect to public schools.

You can’t explain that to conservative Christians, though.  For whatever reason, these fucking morons have this inexplicable sense of siege in this country, and I will never understand.  I know so many people in atheist groups I have been a part of online who are teenagers and say that they can’t say who they are to their parents because they would disown them, or even fear for their physical safety.  But nope!  It’s all Christians who have it so hard.  Hand to Groj.  Ugh.

This film has court scenes that are so bafflingly stupid.  From characters being questioned and the ACLU representative never objecting even though it is so obvious that this has nothing to do with anything.  Like when Lee Strobel is on the stand.  Hell the ACLU has no cross-examination then, and you can bet your ass that I’d be all over that guy if I had him in a courtroom to testify under oath.  Trust and believe.  Then we get this teenage girl running in and not only does the bailiff not do anything, but they allow this girl to take the stand.  Then, when it is patently obvious how much this case has been a breach of legal rules and how it would so obviously get destroyed in appeal, the film doesn’t do that.  Because after all, they have to suck the religious cock and make all the religious people blow their metaphysical load all over these films.  It’s the worst.

Unlike the other film, there was nothing to enjoy there.  That film is the worst, the absolute worst.  It’s religious propaganda at its worst and I hate that I devoted time to actually taking it in.  I don’t get how religious people aren’t offended by how their religion is made to look in films like this.  It’s terrible.

These films suck.  Don’t watch them.  Ever.  Oh, and the Newsboys fucking suck!  They are the worst group ever.  Brings to mind that great quote by Hank Hill – you’re not making Christianity better, you’re making rock worse.

Final Verdict:
God’s Not Dead:
4 out of 10

God’s Not Dead 2:
2 out of 10

Peace out,


Media Complicity and the Santa Fe Shooting

As always, the first thing everyone does when they see a school shooting is wonder why the shooter did it.  Valid question, for sure.  In this case, we have an answer, and it was pretty quick too.  In a statement by the shooter about why he spared the lives of people he liked, it was so he could “have his story told.”  In one moment today, as I am more than a little stoney baloney (been laughing for hours at that verbiage.  It’s my new favorite thing), I was reminded as to why the media makes me so angry.

See, the media is at least partly complicit in statements like that.  If the goal of this person was to do this shooting so their story could be told, it’s tied into something I’ve believed for a long fucking time about the media in respect to shooting such as this.  Every time we have a school shooting, the media is right fucking there with cameras in everyone’s face.  Not missing one goddamn tear.  Then begins the round-the-clock coverage about the shooter.  To Hell with the victims.  They don’t get clicks and constant coverage by the slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging retards who watch cable news (not just talking about Fox, so you know).  24/7 coverage asking to know everything about the shooter because the stupid-ass public for some reason feels this is vital information to know.  Meanwhile, you have all the people being buried that buried in the coverage too.

Then we have seen that there are copycat killers who rise up and choose to do the same thing, because they want to see their names made famous by the atrocity that they commit.  They want to see everyone talking about them.  The disenfranchised youth or unhinged adult who just wants someone to pay attention to them, they see this and because they already aren’t well, they think this is a golden opportunity.  Am I saying this is everyone?  Not at all.  That would be intellectually dishonest.  There will always be the Timothy McVeigh’s of the world who have some big political agenda or something.

But for fuck’s sake, can just one night we get one of these talking head assholes to actually say that maybe, instead of constant coverage of the killer and wondering what their entire life is like and getting their story told to the entire world, we can not do that?  We can instead make it about the victims.  Get their names known.  Have people know what they were like.  Or the heroes like the teacher in Parkland who gave his life to protect the lives of children.  At least glad we got some light shined on the coward deputy sheriff in Parkland who refused to go into the school.  One thing the media did right.

Maybe, if we get the victims of these crimes known and becoming household names, the people in our government wouldn’t be so quick to not give a shit about them as they do nothing to stop the next goddamn shooting from happening!

Until next time, a quote,

“There are conditions of blindness so voluntary that they become complicity.” – Paul Bourget

Peace out,


Santa Fe Shooting, a Turning Point in America

Another school shooting.  Let the usual fluff and bullshit begin.  The conservatives yelling about how the insane ease of access to firearms in this country has nothing to do with anything and “don’t take our guns!” becoming another bullshit mantra.  There will be the conservative retards screaming about how we need to arm teachers, because in their delusional world everyone is Dirty Harry.  We can have the left and right maligning video games again, because that’s always fun.  Nobody will ever see that all of this is diversionary tactics to get it so that nobody will talk about actually doing anything.  Because if that precious NRA money doesn’t flow into Congress, how can the corrupt leaders of this nation keep hoodwinking the stupid-ass public?

In the end, nothing will happen.  Because by the time people mobilize to take action and those who actually give a shit about the loss of human life are able to get into action, people will have moved on to the next stupid thing.  Royal wedding coming up.  I’m sure that’s important to talk about.  Right?  Or maybe we can move on to the next mass shooting.  They happen with such regularity in this country that it starts to almost look like a pattern.

I’ve come to realize something about this country.  It breaks my fucking heart, but it’s true.  We don’t care about this shit anymore.  Not even a little.  We’ve gotten to the point that mass shootings and tons of people getting killed doesn’t phase us anymore.  It doesn’t matter how many people die, how many schools and streets and places that people should feel safe are splattered in blood.  We, as a society, have decided to stop caring about the violence that we see every day.  Because now it’s just become the flavor of the week.  It’s become the thing that we all just live with.

That breaks my fucking heart.  It really does.  To think that a land that used to be seen as a place of peace and prosperity now gets to be known for the killings, with nothing being done, and the sides of the political spectrum doing everything they can to make it about their bullshit topic.  You have the conservatives who go through the motions of saying “look at how violent this other country is!  Violence is going down!  All of this gun violence stuff is so overblown!”  Then you have the left where people are like “why can’t you talk more about brown people?!  This is diverting people’s attention from cops killing black people!”  With both sides calling the other snowflakes (a term that neither side has ANY right to use).

Oh, and let’s not forget how we need more Jesus!  Yeah, because his almighty ass sure is doing a lot of save people in this country that supposedly he fucking loves.  “But Lucien, he’s not allowed in schools anymore!”  Fuck you, you retard!  He can’t be mandated in public schools.  Teachers aren’t allowed to lead schools in prayer.  If students want to pray, they can do that all they want.  They can even start religious clubs.  There was one at my high school.  There is nothing stopping any kids from being as religious as they want.  So where the fuck is he?!  Where the fuck is your bullshit “all-loving” God now?!  No-fucking-where, that’s where.  Because he isn’t real.  He’s a myth that people cloak themselves in because death is scary and the idea that things happen that are awful for no reason hurts to think about.  So fucking sick of all the religious retards I see having to sing the blues about how they are so oppressed and Jesus is so hurting in a nation that is 80% Christian.  Yeah, you all are so under-represented.  How many of those morons call the other side “snowflakes?”

The song and dance never changes.  Nothing gets better.  Nothing ever well.  We’ve stopped caring as a country.  Everybody will just say stupid shit like “nothing you can do to stop it anyway.”  Yeah, that’s said in a nation where this shit happens all the time.  But maybe those people do have a point.  After all, any efforts to do anything of merit would have the NRA dropping millions of dollars to lobby against it.  And since they are an immensely powerful lobby, money talks.  Money is all the talk.

It’s the reason why the drug war keeps going even though there is no measurable amount of success it has ever had.  It’s why this country is slavishly dependent on oil (I live in a big oil state that is seeing the oil dry up, so I am seeing the end result of this first-hand) when green energy is getting bigger and bigger everywhere else.  China is leaving us in the dust in terms of being environmentally friendly.  Granted, it’s because they have no choice.  Pollution there is out of control.  But hey, at least they fucking learn from their mistakes!  When the fuck does America do that?!

There are so many days where I get so fucking tired of reading the news.  In my home state it’s story after story of violence.  My state is the second most violent state to live in, from a study I found the other day.  There are so many shootings in my city that I don’t count them as a weekly thing.  I see something in the papers almost daily.  But nobody cares.  It’s just the flavor of the week.  Parents weep for dead children.  Spouses week for lost teachers and people just trying to help save lives.  Siblings weep for family they will never talk to again.  But what the fuck does this nation that cares do?!  NOTHING!  Fucking Nothing!

While Trump can spew all of his bullshit about “Make America Great Again,” I am watching this nation bleed to death.  I knew all of that shit was a con from the start, but can the people who supported the orange monkey finally admit it too?  Can they admit that the fucker is a corporate tool?  We all know he won’t do shit. Last time he actually said he sent thoughts and prayers to them.  Well thanks for that, you useless lump of shit!  I’m sure the families there are so comforted.  Fuck!

Does this have a bottom to it?  Is there a point where it ever ends?  I don’t fucking know.  I wish I did.  Truly, I wish I knew where all of this bullshit ended.  Because I’m getting tired of a friend who is becoming a teacher being afraid that she is going to have a gun in the room with little children and be expected to use it when she is a naturally very fearful person who doesn’t like conflict.

You don’t fucking care, America.  I just want you fuckers to admit it.

Until next time, a quote,

“It’s not the violence of the few that scares me.  It’s the silence of the many.” – Rev. Martin Luther King Jr

Peace out,


Florida Taxpayers Fund Pension for Coward Cop

Remember that shooting in Parkland?  Of course you do.  That was the shooting that got a lot of attention for a whole bunch of very sad reasons.  One of which being a cop who stood outside and did absolutely nothing while students and teachers inside were being killed.  Including a teacher who heroically went inside to get people out and to if need be take bullets so other people don’t have to.  He did indeed take them, and died from them.  A true hero who had no gun, no training, no badge, and no expected responsibility to protect and serve.  He went in and took bullets so others didn’t have to, saving lives and giving his in the process.

Then we have what I believed to be four deputy sheriffs who stood outside the school and did nothing.  Gutless cowards who are given a gun and a badge.  Meanwhile, there was at least one person who has been taken to task for it.  Scot Peterson was originally going to be suspended without pay for his lack of involvement in what happened, but decided to let his butthurt show and take resign instead.  Now he is getting a pension.  And it’s a pretty amazing pension.  He is being paid $104,000 per year, for the rest of his life.  All for not doing his duty when it was called for and protecting and serving the lives of the children in that school.

Florida taxpayers are going to help fund this man’s pension.  Your money gets to go to a gutless coward who stood outside and did nothing while children died.  Oh wait, his lawyer says we don’t have all the facts.  He says that he stayed outside because he believed the shooting was happening outside, so he took a “tactical position.”  Bullshit!  For starters, video cameras don’t show you doing that.  For second, we all know that’s a fucking lie.  At this point he isn’t getting punished for it so the fucking worm might as well come clean.  Finally, if he believed the shooting was outside, then he should have been inside helping the people to escape.  This is a farce that this pathetic, gutless maggot is spreading so he doesn’t have to become a pariah.  Well fuck that!  I want this man’s name to be known everywhere.  I want everywhere he goes to be a reminder to him that his is a pussy who was too cowardly to do his goddamn job.  I want every person he sees to be spitting at him and calling him a child-killer, because his lack of action in that event means that their blood is at least partly on his hands.  He was there, with his gun and badge and obligation to protect and serve, and did nothing.

I think back to all the shootings in schools, where you have teachers and aides and school employees being expected to help the children get to safety, away from the violence, and keep them as safe as you can.  I think of that teachers who gave his life to protect the lives of others, and how many others there are standing with him in the halls of REAL heroes.  Then I think about all the people who tell me that the cops are the best and bravest and are willing to put themselves in harm’s way.

How many stories are there are cops shooting family pets who pose no danger to them?  How many stories are there of cops like the one who shot a guy in the back seven times, then walked over and was planting his taser on him to make it look like he had taken it so his cowardly ass wouldn’t be punished for shooting a man as he ran away?  Story after story of pussy cops who are clearly scared of the people they are supposed to protect.  Their job is to protect and serve, and they can do neither.  All they can do is cower in fear.  Because the people who take up that mantle more often than not are either G.I. Joe wannabes or scum-fucks who are looking to have power over people.  We give them guns, badges, and virtually no oversight.  It doesn’t surprise me one bit that when a gunman who was actively killing people is in the area, this pussy-ass former deputy sheriff did nothing.  Now the taxpayers get to fund his pension for the rest of his worthless life.

This man should not get a goddamn cent from that pension!  You ask me, there should be a clause in there that if you are a gutless coward who hides while children die, you should lose that pension.  It should be some kind of contract with the government that if you are too weak to do the duty that you swore an oath to do, you lose the benefits that come with that job.  It pisses me off that this piece of shit gets to live a comfortable life on over $100,000 a year for the rest of his worthless life.  More than ANY teacher at that school, where they had at least one person prepared to give their life.

Scot Peterson – fuck you.  Fuck you, you gutless, worthless, spineless, lily-livered, timid, pusillanimous coward!  I hate that I have to breathe air on the same planet as you.  Because I am a suicidal asshole who hates children, and even I know that in your position, if I am too scared to confront this asshole directly, I’m going to be doing everything I can to get the children to safety.  What did you do?

Oh yeah, took a “tactical position.”

Until next time, a quote,

“I won’t have cowards in my Army.” – Gen. George S. Patton, Patton

Peace out,


RAB: I Hate Movie Theaters

Not joking at all, I hate going to the movies.  Theaters are the worst.  I went to see Infinity War, and while the film was totally worth my time, the beginning of the showing was the worst.  Why?  Because after having to suffer through endless bullshit they put on before the show (what happened to the days when theaters just either had slides of ads in the background and some music playing?  That was what theaters were like when I was young.  Groj how I miss those day), I then have to watch the previews.

The previews before this movie were the worst.  The absolute worst.  It made me want to slit my wrists.  It made me want to think that film as a medium is dead.  Why?  Because there was no ad for Deadpool 2, because that’s a violent film for grown-ups, so we had to get really mediocre family films advertised.  Like did you know that Shaq is taking another stab at acting?  This time as an old man playing basketball!  Oh the shenanigans!  I bet that will just be totally silly.  I can’t wait to see what things Shaq will get up to next.  Has a bunch of other old basketball players.  Surprised they didn’t get Michael Jordan in there.  He has more self-respect than that.  He pimps underwear, after all.

Next, they played a trailer twice!  Twice!  For that shitty Jurassic World sequel.  I thought that Jurassic World was a giant piece of shit.  Nothing was good about it.  Nothing.  Yeah, there was the big battle at the end, but that was short, and boring, and stupid.  Nostalgia Critic getting the guy who did the narration on the Honest Trailers videos was cooler than that.  Now they are making a sequel that ironically addresses something I have always thought about in these films – dinosaurs being used for military applications.  Except with Chris Pratt.  But they showed that goddamn trailer twice!  Because it was so good that i Just had to see it again, right?!

Then we have even more product placement as we have the theater shilling itself.  Gotta love corporate marketing.  Probably how these places stay in business since the attendance numbers for box office films are down over the last few years.

I am so glad I went to see this film during the day, before school got out.  That way I can see it with no children around.  That’s another reason that I will never, ever go to a family film when the little ones are around to see it. I don’t even watch family films anymore anyway, aside from superhero ones.  Haven’t seen any that look appealing to me.  Before you ask, I haven’t seen Moana.  After Frozen, the Disney section that does CG films that isn’t Pixar is dead to me.  And I didn’t see that film in theaters either.

Theaters should be made exclusively for adults, where the little ones are not allowed.  Where you can get quality food, alcohol, and seats that are super mega comfy.  Yeah, that sounds just about perfect.  I hate kids in general, but children at theaters fucking up my movie experience is the worst.

Then you get the assholes who are on the phone the whole goddamn time.  Makes me wish that hacking was the way it is in Watch Dogs, because I’d be hacking everyone’s phone and sending every dirty picture they ever sent to their mother and telling them if they do this again, I’m going to send them to their boss.  That’s how much I hate people who sit on their goddamn phone the whole show.  Go home if you are so bored by the film that you can’t be bothered to stay off your goddamn phone for a couple hours.  Entitled millennials.  I had some dude looking at porn during this movie.  No joke, he was on his phone looking at porn.  Wow.  Stay classy, boo.

Finally, you get the two besties who absolutely have to talk about everything in the film with each other.  They are going to go on and on and on about it.  And of course they need to be loud enough for you to hear their conversation, because I totally wanted to know if they think that Captain America would be cuter if he was gay.  Thanks for telling me about that.

I don’t like going to theaters, and I’ll avoid it at all costs if I can.  Since most films that come out anymore are shit anyway, I don’t have to find a lot of reasons not to be there.  Fuck Hollywood.  It’s out of ideas.

Until next time, a quote,

“If I flick popcorn at their ears, maybe they’ll shut the fuck up.” – Quinn Pierce

Peace out,


SIONL: Thanos in Infinity War

I’m about to go into MAJOR spoilers for Infinity War, so if you haven’t seen it, turn back now.  Just stop reading and go watch the film.  It’s been a few weeks.  Why haven’t you seen it already?

The best thing about this film is Thanos.  It really isn’t even an Avengers film.  It’s a Thanos film.  This whole movie is getting the audience to understand why Thanos is doing what he’s doing, and the character as a whole.  Josh Brolin is so amazing as this character.  It’s resounding clear that he had nothing but fun in this role.  He’s twisted, evil, but guided by clear motivations.  You see the things that got him there and why he feels that destroying half of all life in the galaxy is a good thing.

Even when Gamora takes him to task for what he does, like how he lined up half of all the people of her home planet at random and killed all of them, he is able to justify his actions to her.  He says outright that her family was starving to death, asking if that’s how she wanted to live.  He points out that the planet is now a thriving world where no one is starving, all because he killed half of their entire population.

It ties into real-world issues.  Overpopulation is something humanity is dealing with today, in the real world.  There are too damn many people, and we do need to have the population start moving in the opposite direction.  Our resources are finite, and for every baby that people have, the pollution just gets worse.  We need to stop procreating if we are going to survive as a species.

But back to the film, I love how right off the bat they set up what a complete badass this character is.  Me and my coworker were wondering what a fight between Thanos and the Hulk would be like.  And the film heads off that fan expectation pretty handily, by having their fight be right out of the gate.  Then it upsets your expectations by having Thanos beat his ass like a little bitch!  We’ve seen the Hulk as this character who will fuck you up if you make him mad.  He will fuck up your day.  He beat Loki’s ass like a little bitch, and he’s a God.  Meanwhile, Thanos fucks him up pretty handily right at the beginning.  To the point that Hulk won’t face him again later on.  He’s afraid of the Titan.  As he should be.

This character is always engaging.  The scene that really stole the film, in my eyes, and made me love this guy as a character, was the scene where he meets Gamora as a young child and adopts her.  She is a scared little kid looking for her mom.  Thanos sees her and asks here why she’s scared, and she says she wants to find her mom.  He then offers to help her, and walks her away from the people of her town being lined up.  Then, he takes out a little knife and shows it to her.  While more and more people are being lined up, he has a tender moment with her showing her this little toy to play with, and inviting her to do so.  As the massacre of her people begins, she turns to look, but Thanos gently turns her head away and keeps pointing to the toy he gave her.  That scene made me feel a lot of really complicated shit.  It was hardcore stuff.  It sets up a genuinely tender side to this man, but all in the bounds of his twisted sense of morality.  That’s awesome!  It makes this character not just some cardboard villain who is evil because they are.  He has depth to him.

It also makes Gamora a more interesting character too.  I haven’t been a huge fan of her, outside of Zoe Saldana’s performance.  She’s been kind of boring.  But then you see her being pushed to her brink with this man who has been a father to her.  When she believes she killed him with the same knife he gave her, and her tears that show that as evil and twisted as this man was, she did at least partially see him as a father to her.  A cruel, twisted father who used his children in cruel and calculating ways.  She was his favorite, though, and you could see where that came from.

Then we get to the second scene that really made me like this character, when he sacrifices her to get the Soul Stone.  It genuinely brings Thanos to tears.  We realize that as twisted and genocidal as he is, he isn’t devoid of empathy.  He does genuinely care for this child, and to kill her does cause him legitimate pain.  But he truly believes, with all of his heart, that his path is the right one, and he has to do what he has to do.  When he is telling Doctor Strange about his back-story and the fate of Titan, you see it.  So he is willing to push himself to whatever point he feels he must in order to achieve his goal.  He will do whatever he needs, at the cost of his own soul, to finish his quest.  It’s a hardcore moment that makes you feel some heavy feels.

What I love most about this character is that there is a constant juxtaposition in everything he does to a sense of purpose and morality that he has, to the barbarous, genocidal actions that he takes.  It’s so beautifully twisted.  Like when Scarlet Witch kills Vision, and Thanos actually talks to her.  He has a human moment with her after she has had to kill the man she loves, telling her he understands.  And while Wanda doesn’t realize it, he actually does understand.  He had to kill someone he truly does love for his own twisted ambition.

Wanda isn’t the only character he has a genuine heart-to-heart conversation with.  After fucking up Hulk and his crew, Thanos talks to Thor as well.  He tells him the ugliness of the universe and advises him to accept it.  There is the scene where he has his showdown with Tony Stark and I genuinely do like it.  He knows who Tony is, and respects him.  When Stark is throwing everything he has at him and still failing, after finally beating him down, Thanos tells him that he hopes humanity remembers him fondly and that he will not destroy them outright.  In his own twisted way, he respects Stark and him trying to hard to defeat him.

Then, in the end, he gets to Earth, fucks up all the Avengers without a second thought.  He even has Rodgers desperately trying to hold him back, and he looks down at him with a kind of gentleness.  Like he understands why he is fighting, but is trapped by circumstances of fate.  It’s a great dichotomy.  Genuinely fantastic.

Finally, we see him coming out of a ramshackle hovel on some nameless planet.  His arm is completely fucked up because he destroyed half of all sentient life in the universe, but he is smiling.  It’s not a twisted evil smile.  It’s a quiet, peaceful smile.  Like he did what he needed to do and can rest peacefully now.  It’s like if we had the massacre scene from Berserk, but afterwards we have Griffith just looking peaceful on some scenic villa.  There again, that juxtaposition.

Thanos is an amazing villain.  I love him in this film.  It makes how boring he has been up ’til now redeemed.  He isn’t just the best villain in the MCU, bar-none.  He is one of the best villains of all time.  I personally like him more than I do the Joker in The Dark Knight.  In that film, it always seemed like the Joker was just trying to prove a point.  Here, Thanos has nothing to prove.  He explains his sense of justice to people with the hope that they will understand, but if they don’t, oh well.  Their problem, not his.  He bears no malice towards those who do battle with him openly and earnestly.  Warriors who fight to the bitter end.  Unlike Loki, who tries to be cunning and manipulative, which pisses him off as he sees the man as a pathetic little schemer and kills him quickly and brutally.

Hopefully you see him the same way.  Let me know if you don’t.  I love a good discussion.

Until next time, a quote,

“You’re not the only one burdened by knowledge.” – Thanos, Avengers: Infinity War

Peace out,