Lucien’s Unpopular Opinion: Trendy Trans People

I did a post recently responding to a 17 year old shit-stain named Milo Stewart and her video where she makes a statement that all cis people are transphobic, all men are misogynistic, and all white people are racist.  She goes out of her way to say that these statements are not insulting (yes they are) and that they aren’t generalizations (yes they fucking are!) and how I found that more than a little insulting.  Milo then goes on to list all the horrifically-terrible qualities about herself that make her a genuinely terrible person.  But that wasn’t the thing that annoyed me most.  The thing that annoyed me is this idea that some 17 year old punk has the balls to make some kind of declarative statements about humanity when this little puke-spot hasn’t done shit.  She hasn’t gone out into the world and done shit.  All of her ideological positions come from the Internet.  She’s a parrot to the things that she hears online.  Oh, and she gets her viewpoints from a black woman who says that black people are unambitious losers and the most effeminate black nationalist I have ever seen.

But when I did a little digging into Milo and what she actually believes, some things became abundantly clear.  For example, while she identifies as trans, she has stated that she has no intentions of pursuing anything in the realm of sexual transition.  Okay, that could just be a personal choice.  I dated a girl whose gender identity was rather fluid, but that was tied in to some biological problems she had associated with a shit-kicking list of problems she had at birth that had her in medical hell for years growing up.  I get why she would have some issues.  Milo, on the other hand, is far more typical than she wants to believe.

She has openly stated that she does not like anything masculine.  At all.  Yet she demands that she go by male pronouns.  I refuse to, but that’s because I don’t respect this little prick enough to give her the respect for that designation.  The girl is obsessed with gay men, which isn’t that surprising.  If you look at the prevalence of yaoi art among girls her age, her obsession with gay men is actually pretty normal.  She’s a “non-binary, trans, asexual, aromantic q*eer who doesn’t care about your cisgendered feelings.”  Did you catch that laundry list of stuff?  Yet she is obsessed with gay men.  Something is a little off.  I’m getting this sneaking suspicion, and when I look at sites like Tumblr, it is becoming more and more clear to me that what I am seeing in her isn’t an isolated incident.

Milo Stewart is part of a group of people that I like to call “trans because it’s trendy.”  Just like these otherkin people with their headmates, conditions, and autism.  It’s cool to be these things.  You want to be all the stuff.  Because after all, if you are this laundry list of stuff, then you aren’t some lonely, typical teenager.  You’re special!  You’re unique!  Just like all the other people who you got to meet and hear all about their unique things on Tumblr!  That’s amazing!

Let me make something very clear – I am NOT saying that this is all trans people.  I am fully supportive of people who have put a ton of thought into this and are working to transition or find out their gender identity.  But those people aren’t the kind of people that I find on these websites.  My ex was as “gender-fluid” as it comes, and I guarantee that she would want to bitch-slap the likes of Milo Stewart for being the stuck-up narcissist that she is.  The reality is that people like Milo are giving the trans community a bad name.  Because to them, these sentiments are just a tagline.  They’re just a Tumblr “About” blurb.  They are a way to make themselves look special.

Internet Aristocrat made a great series of video about these kinds of people.  Go on YouTube and type in “Internet Aristocrat Tumblrisms.”  The stuff you’ll see will blow your mind.  And the problem is that we have these people, these “trans because it’s trendy” people who are doing real harm to a community who is probably just looking to be left alone and allowed to live their own lives, without having these people holding them up like a prop.  Just like the otherkin and headmates communities are doing harm to people who are schizo and need mental help by telling them that they are that way too.

I know this opinion will not be met with a lot of love.  I understand.  I don’t mod comments.  If you want to come in and bitch me out, you’re free to do so.  But I have seen through the veil on this issue, and it’s time that we called people like Milo Stewart out for what she is – a stupid, ignorant little Tumblrite who has to make sure we all know how special she is.  Kid, you’re 17 years old.  It’s time for you to grow up.  I know, it’s hard.  Groj knows, Tumblr is doing everything in its power to make sure that people can crawl into a little nostalgia bubble and live there forever.  But your ignorance about the way the world works is more than a little insulting.

For more information, here’s a link to a video where someone far less nice than I decided to go after her.  It’s a good watch.

Until next time, a quote,

It is my belief that we all have the need to feel special. It is this need that can bring out the best in us, yet the worst in us.” – Janet Jackson

Peace out,

Maverick

Your “Comedy” is Cancer, Willy (A response to Wil Wheaton)

Hey Wil, can you please take Captain Picard’s advice and shut the fuck up!  Every time I get to hear about you, it reminds me that everything you say is cancer, and you are the anti-thesis of funny.  Now you want to go and “mansplain” the new Star Wars film, making any detractors out to be stupid dudebros who hate the movie just because there’s a chick in it.  Oh, and they hate Rogue One because there’s a chick in it too.  Why does Wil think this?  Because his succubus wife tells him to.  Just like Steve Shives, it is clear that this “man” is his wife’s bitch and has no ability to think on his own.  So he takes SJW talking points that they use to stereotype and strawman the people they don’t like and have Wil make a “comedy” video about it.  This is supposed to be funny.  I am going to post the video here, so you can see I’m not taking this out of context.  I’m sorry if you get cancer for this retardedness on the screen.

Oh Groj, kill me now.  Alright, let’s talk about this visual-equivalent of butt-rape.

So he starts off saying that he will explain everything that is wrong with Star Wars: Rogue One.  And, because he has to make this pander to the SJW confirmation bias, the biggest problem he assumes that all the strawman detractors have is the fact that there’s a female protagonist.  Um, no, Wesley.  My biggest problem is that they have thrown the Expanded Universe is the trash and the actual story about the beginning of Rogue Squadron was not this.  Nor was the story of how the Death Star plans came into the hands of the Rebellion.  I get that Disney is fucking canon like a $6 whore, but that doesn’t make it any easier.  Believe it or not, but I really like both the story of the origins of Rogue Squadron, and the game that tells the story about how the Death Star plans ended up in the hands of the Rebellion.  Now that story has gotten fucked, because Disney decided that instead of trying to make good characters, they were going to make “empowered ones.”

I already did a post (linked here) about how making a character with the intent of them being empowered is flawed because modern views of empowerment are characters who are complete Mary Sues with no flaws and just totally awesome all the time.  They ignore actual female characters who are empowered, having to overcome adversity and grow.  Plus, the new chick is REALLY cliched bad.  That line, “I thought you were a rebellion.  I rebel” was fucking terrible.  That was every bad acting job I have ever heard.  See, this is what people like myself are talking about.  To be clear, I do want to see this film.  Unlike the more recent Star Wars film, this actually feels like it belongs in that universe.  A pity that other movie couldn’t have this same feeling.  Speaking of…

You then go into The Force Awakens, and you make the STUPIDEST assumptions about what men think about it.  Yes, we hated Rey because she was “fully clothed!” (he emphasized that line, not me)  Or maybe, it’s because she is BORING.  She’s one of the most boring characters I have seen in a long time.  Not to mention the fact that her winning the fight against Kylo Ren is fucking stupid.  She had never used that weapon once in her life, and she is able to beat somebody who is a skilled combatant with a lightsaber.  That’s retarded.  Kylo Ren should have kicked her ass seven ways to Sunday.  Her defenders will be like, “but it’s the power of the Force!”  Bullshit!  Did the Force magically give Luke the ability to wield a lightsaber?  No.  In the first film, he was getting his ass beat by a floating droid!  Oh, but then there are the people who are like, “she wielded a staff, so she knew how to fight!”  Let’s find someone who is skilled with a staff.  It is the only weapon they have ever used, all their life.  Now, let’s give them a sword and tell them to fight someone who is very skilled with a sword.  Who do you think is going to win?  The trained swordsman!  Duh!

And is it true that Leia wasn’t wearing a bra throughout all the original series of films?  I honestly did not know that.  I don’t really care, it’s just that Wesley brought it up, so I thought I would ask my audience and see.

Every argument that Wesley makes is strawman after strawman.  It’s so ridiculous.  And he makes sure to get a “joke” in about Ghostbusters.  Did you watch the new trailer for that, Wesley?  Did you see the “comedy” in that film?  Did you see how amazing these “characters” are?  How they are all so blatantly stereotypes that the trailer actually goes out of its way to tell you what those stereotypes are.  That’s amazing, in its own little way.  But no, I’m sure that all of us just don’t like it because it’s got women in it.  Of course.  You keep peddling that strawman.  Maybe your wife will give you a cookie when you get home.  Maybe you’ll actually get to touch her hoo-hoo with your pee-pee too!  A boy can dream.

Finally, we get to Wesley’s real opinion.  Now we can end the “comedy.”  So, what are your actual thoughts, Wesley?  His first argument is that The Force Awakens is instantly good because the prequels are bad.  I despise this argument.  It is the argument that so many Star Wars fanboys/girls use to justify the fact that the new film was nothing more than a popcorn film.  If I were capable of turning my brain off, maybe I would have liked it.  But I’m not, and it is a VERY mediocre film.  No surprise.  It’s JJ Abrams who made it.  He can make a good popcorn film, and nothing else.

Representation does matter, but here’s the other thing that matters, Wesley – making good characters.  Rey is not a good character.  She’s just not.  She’s bland.  She’s boring.  She’s “empowered” in the same way that Katniss Everdeen is empowered – as a complete Mary Sue.  In the films, at least.  In the books, she was a good deal more interesting.  Partly because she was deaf by the end of the first.  By defending this sort of “empowerment,” you are saying that we can ignore flaws and character growth and instead just have them be strong all the time.  Because that’s how strength works, right?

Let’s look at the original films.  Was Luke just strong because he was?  No.  The first time he fought Darth Vader, it was all over his face that he was afraid of him.  When it becomes clear to him that Vader is playing with him, Luke has several moments where he realizes that he is very likely going to die in this fight.  Then, he loses his hand and his weapon, being pushed to the brink and losing everything.  At that moment, Vader informs him that he didn’t kill his father, but that he is his father.  It breaks Luke’s spirit.  It tests his faith in Obi-Wan and what he knew about his life.  The pain on his face when his father is reaching out to him is palpable.  But he overcomes that in the next film and finds the determination to confront his father and bring out the good in him.

Now, maybe this is because Daisy Ridley isn’t a terribly-good actress.  Though maybe it comes from Abrams being a mediocre director so he just isn’t giving her enough of a way to express herself as a character.  But the thing is that Rey is just awesome and strong and can do no wrong.  Oh, sure, she tries to run away, but that lasts for all of five minutes, and then she just comes right back.  It’s supposed to be a moment that tests her faith in what she’s doing, but because this wasn’t a better film with a better director, we never got a chance to see that.  It just folded in to the next set-piece moment.  Because that movie is not well made.  It’s a bland movie.

And people like you, Wesley, have to come out and defend it because you want to please your SJW mistresses who give you all your ideals.  Because you don’t have the guts to tell these people that they might just be wrong.  Representation is important.  But I will be damned if I take bland, boring stereotypical “empowered” characters over someone who is a genuinely good character.  I would rather have a flawed female character who has to overcome her personal weakness, rather than Rey.  I would rather have a complete dick female character who has to be humbled through life experience than, “I thought this was a rebellion.  I rebel.”

But you don’t care.  Your wife keeps your dick in a Mason jar under the sink.  And I have nothing left to say to you.  I think I’m going to let someone who you REALLY should have taken some cues from close this out.

Until next time, a quote,

“Shut up, Wesley!”  – Captain. Jean Luc Picard

Peace out,

Maverick

Let’s Answer 9 Questions Native Americans (of BuzzFeed) Have for White People

It’s another day, and we have another retarded list of questions that the hipster fucktards at BuzzFeed want to give to us white people.  And today I thought that I would give them some answers.  I know that none of their hipster idiot audience will ever see this post, but here’s hoping that maybe somebody can read this answers and be enlightened by them.  Here’s a link to the original video, so you can see I’m not taking anything out of context.  Now let’s do this.

Why do you people like headdresses so much?  It’s not a fashion accessory.  It’s a ceremonial item.

I don’t.  I mean, I guess they look cool and all, but I honestly couldn’t care less about them.

You do realize coachella is not considered a vision quest?

What the fuck is coachella?

Why do you always ask me how native I am?

What makes you think I give a fuck how native you are?  I went to college with a crap-ton of natives, and not once did that question come up.  Who are these people that you’re asking these questions to?  Citation needed on the people who do this.  Just like all your other question lists, these questions are designed with an audience of I don’t fucking know who.

Why should I have to prove myself to you?

I couldn’t possibly care less about how native you are, and you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone.  Who are you talking about?  Who are these people that you’re talking to?  I am genuinely curious.

Why do you tell me that I don’t look like a native American?

Funny story – I have a lady-friend who is really native, but you’d never know that by looking at her.  She looks as pasty-white as anyone else.  You know who she gets the most shit from for looking the way she does – other natives.  She has told me about how she gets a lot of dirty looks when she goes to the native medical center here in town.  How’s that for some irony?

What the fuck does a Native American look like?

Um…more naturally tan than people?  I don’t know.  Don’t really care, either.  Friends with several native people I went to college with.  Was having casual sex with a native girl because she asked if we could have casual sex.  I honestly couldn’t tell you what I think a Native American looks like.  Honestly don’t care.

Should I put some war paint on?  Should I make my hair longer?

I think I see what’s happening here.  We got some butthurt people asking butthurt questions about their butthurt.  Some random person ruffled your jimmies and now you are coming to BuzzFeed to bitch and moan about it.  Gotcha.

Why do you think that we get everything for free?

Last i checked, I don’t have nationalized health care.

What’s up with the Washington R-word?

Why are you so afraid to call them Redskins?  I’m going to ask some of my native chums about this later and see if they are so hugely-offended by this term to the point that I guess it’s the native-equivalent of nigger.  Oh, I’m sorry, I said a word that a white person isn’t supposed to say.  I guess now I’m a horrible racist, even though I am using this word in context.  Call me what you like, anyone who knows me or reads my site knows better.  Racism is an active force.  I don’t give enough of a fuck for that.

Why do you think that real Indians all live on reservations?

I don’t.  Last I checked, my home state doesn’t have any technical reservations.  There are the native villages, but I don’t know if those are officially called reservations.  But this city has a TON of natives in it.  Believe me, I know what’s-what (in the butt).

So, what’s it like seeing yourself accurately portrayed in the media?

Okay, fine, I will give some points here.  I watched North.  I know how there are some bad stereotypes in the media.  But it’s not on everyone else to correct.  I mean, I can’t honestly think of a huge amount of movies with Native Americans in them.  Here’s a tip – if you want better Native American characters in films, make some movies and show Hollywood how it’s done.  Tell you what, you send me a copy (or a link to a copy) of your Indie native films, and I’ll watch them.  Hell, I’ll do a review.  Here’s hoping it doesn’t suck.

Why do you guys think we all know each other?

Who…thinks this?  I genuinely want to know.

Do all white people know each other?

Why yes we do!  I just got off the phone with all the white people.  They said that these questions are really dumb.

How are you enjoying our land?  It’s pretty nice, right?

Oh, is that the game we’re playing?  Do you think the native tribes that slaughtered one-another enjoyed the land they got for it?  What, you don’t think that happened?  It did.  All the time.  Because your history is no less violent than pretty much anyone else’s.  If you want to get on your high horse because of what happened hundreds of years ago and be butthurt little assholes about it, then you can fuck right off.  I personally haven’t taken shit from you, and if you think otherwise…see previous sentence. *rude hand gesture*

Here’s a lesson to all the butthurt ethnic groups on BuzzFeed – how’s about you try and not keep blaming people for what happened hundreds of years ago.  Food for thought.

Until next time, a quote,

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”  – Christopher Hitchens

Peace out,

Maverick

You’re Crying Over Dead, Fictional Lesbians?! (A response to Buzzfeed)

I won’t deny that I tend to get very invested in characters in a piece of fiction that I like.  I was tearing up at the end of the opening scene of The Last of Us.  Thankfully, the characters I like best are still alive in Game of Thrones.  But the thing that never leaves my mind is the fact that these are fictional characters.  They aren’t REAL.  At no point did this character ever exist in real life.  I may feel very profoundly bummed when Legion gives his life to give intelligence to his people in Mass Effect 3, but at no time do I think that there is a real geth that is designated Legion and helping Commander Shepard save the galaxy.  That did not happen.

So you can imagine my unbelievable shock as I saw a video by Buzzfeed where you have women honest-to-Groj losing their shit about dead, fictional lesbians.  Listening to this video was the most bat-shit crazy thing I have seen in a LONG time.  And now we get to watch it together!  And then talk about it.  Because it needs to be talked about.

They open this video by making it look like these are women talking about real dead girlfriends.  For a few seconds, you actually feel pretty bad.  Like, are we going to hear about how these women lost someone they loved?  That’s kind of sad.  Worth talking about, I guess.  Is there a connection?  Like cancer or hate crimes or something?  And that’s when I realized that I hadn’t read the title close enough.  Yes, I’m dumb.  So sue me.

Why are these women so in love with these characters?  You listen to them describe them, and you’d think that they found their lesbian soul mate.  Does that not rub you as a little bit creepy?  Like crazy cat lady creepy?  Like this woman sits by her TV and waits whenever a new episode isn’t on?  How is this supposed to be something that people look up to?  This is genuinely disturbing.  Then you have the second person who apparently idolized some fictional character.  Fucking bonkers!  Where do they find these sad, lonely women who are apparently so bad at connecting with real people that they have romantic attachments to fictional ones?  Oh, wait, these people are in a BuzzFeed video.  Of course they’re sad and pathetic.

Does BuzzFeed actually believe that all young lesbians have romantic attachments to a TV character?  Do they believe that these women are as lonely and detached from the human condition as they are?  I hope not, because this is just crazy!  By the way, the whole concept of “Dead Lesbian Syndrome” is bullshit.  It’s bullshit that idiots who over-analyze fictional stuff made up in order to justify their sad, lonely lives that can’t find human connection to save them.  Have a lot of chicks died on TV?  Sure.  But so have a lot of dudes.  One of my favorite fictional characters of all time was gay, and he took a bullet in the head.  Hell, the show even made his death uncathartic by making it so that he was just an anonymous corpse that was marked and disposed of.  How’s that for unpleasant.

We then have a montage of all these women holding up signs of dead lesbian characters that they apparently were emotionally devastated by.  I honestly don’t know who these signs are more insulting towards.  Women?  Does it make women look like emotional wrecks who can’t handle a fictional character dying?  Maybe.  Lesbians?  Is the implication that lesbian women are so pathetic that they can’t handle a fictional character who is also a lesbian dying?  Maybe.  This is so fucking nuts!  I honestly wonder where they find people like this.  Sad, lonely individuals (situation) to hold up signs and look on the verge of tears to talk about this.  It’s insane.

But the thing that really blows my mind is the fact that they are treating this like it is some kind of national crime!  How?!  It’s fiction!  They aren’t real!  Go out and make real lesbian friends!  Find a girl who you love and have that connection a real person!  If we have reached a point where the death of a fictional character can get a video that is in black-and-white and has the sad music and makes it sound like we are doing some Sarah MacLaughlin pet adoption video, then I can’t help but think that lesbian women should feel more than a little insulted.  This is how pathetic BuzzFeed thinks you are.

As someone else pointed out in a video response to this bat-shit craziness, when writers see SJW butthurt videos like this, do you think they will be compelled to have lesbian characters who don’t die?  No, they won’t.  They will be compelled not to have lesbian characters at all, because they won’t want to be the next group of people targeted by the virtue-signalling, lonely retard squad.  Let us all thank the SJWs for helping to make TV worse, a little bit at a time.

Insulted, yet?

Until next time, a quote,

“Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage.  The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.”  – William Ellery Channing

Peace out,

Maverick

Really Good Bad Advice Number Four

It’s that time of year.  I’m tired, bored, and wanting to exert my inner asshole on people who are trying to get help and don’t understand that coming to online advice columns is the stupidest thing in the world, because why on Earth are you airing out your dirty laundry on the Internet?  I have no idea, and pathetic people are fun enough for me to make sport of.  So let’s have ourselves some fun and intercept this question asked by someone and answer it ourselves!  This should be fun.

Dear person who actually wants to help me and not be a dick,

Recently, at a family gathering, I overheard my father-in-law ask my oldest to grab him a “beer” from an ice chest.

My father-in-law is not in the best of health. He is overweight, drinks a lot and to add to it many in my husband’s family are heavy alcohol drinkers.

I tend to avoid these parties with my children when alcohol is involved. Growing up, I was never asked to grab a beer for my father or for any other adult. My children, or any child under the age of 21, should not be touching alcoholic beverages.

I’ve expressed my concerns to my husband, but he just brushes it off and says I’m overreacting, He also says that as a child he too would grab a beer from the fridge for his father and it didn’t bother him.

Am I overreacting, because this does not feel normal to me. Since my husband has no intention of letting his father know how I feel, I need your advice on how I should approach this the next time it happens. — Mom in Montana

We live in this world where people get weirded out about the weirdest shit, don’t we?  Does this woman think that if the kid is exposed to grabbing a beer for someone that they are going to magically be like, “you know what I want to do?  Drink that beer!”  I was a kid, tried some beer, and I still think that beer tastes like piss.

Why are parents now so terrified of their children being exposed to anything?  I mean, do we honestly believe that children are going to become alcoholics by transitive property?  Like that bit in American Dad where Steve is able to rationalize him touching boob by stating that he touched a girl’s hand, and that her hand has touched her boob, so therefore he was also able to touch boob.  That’s how ridiculous this is.  How can a woman who has a child honestly believe that the kid is somehow going to attain an addiction to booze just because this kid fetched the old man’s beer for him?  I’ve fetched drinks for my parents many a time.  Hell, I have been strong-armed into buying my mother smokes.  Does that mean that I have a smoking problem?  Nope.  I would partake of the green herb more (it’s legal in my state, so bite me), but I don’t have money for luxuries like that.  Poverty sucks.

Guess I should actually answer this lady’s question.  I am the king of tangents, aren’t I?  Lady, you are overreacting.  Parents have kids to make them do shit for them.  Why get up and get things when you can have the child do it for you?  A kid grabbing beers for your apparently booze-addled, unhealthy family isn’t going to affect him.  Tell you what, if you want to turn the kid off of booze, tell him to have a sip.  Trust me, since I am sure that it’s cheap American beer that your family drinks, it will work like a charm.

Some people, man.  We live in the age of perpetual wussiness.  I feel for the next generation that is going to grow up in this environment.

Until next time, a quote,

“Parenthood is a lot easier to get into than out of.” – Bruce Lansky

Peace out,

Maverick

Meeting Him

Making peace with what I am now was hard.  It took months of ugly soul-searching and ruined relationships for me to finally realize that I had to make the best of the time that I have.  Call me stupid for not realizing it sooner, but you’ve never looked at yourself in the mirror and seen a skeleton looking back at you.  Now that I made peace with my life, I was going around and repairing bridges that I had broken.  The one with my family was hard, don’t get me wrong.  But that wasn’t the hardest one.  The hardest bridge I had to rebuild was the one with Angie and her little.  Needless to say, neither one wanted to speak to me for some time after how I left things at the club.  But I finally got them to come around.  I took the two out for a drink and explained the situation as best as I could.
It wasn’t easy.  I mean, how do you properly word telling somebody that you had been dead?  If you have an answer for me, I’m all ears.  I told them what I could.  When Angie realized the things that I had going on, she softened almost immediately.  Her little gave me a hug.  That was sweet.  Such an adorable kid.  Made the dynamic I have had with her a little strange.  Hard to have such a person who acts so young being naked with you.  Strange life, eh?  You don’t even know the half of it.
The three of us ended up going back to Angie’s place and putting things to bed in the best way we knew how – by picking up where we left off.  It was intense, hot, and left the two of them very sticky.  Again, a living person’s problem.  But things were finally in a good place again.  I promised the two of them that I would see them again in the club.  I meant it.  Now I was finally back where I wanted to be.  It was a good day.

A week or so later, I was at the club for another play party.  Good times.  I was in the socializing area, talking to a bunch of people, when I saw someone new.  It was a boy.  Probably the most effeminate boy I have ever seen.  Soft features, clearly soft skin, hair cut very short.  Very much a boyish charm.  Never seen one this androgynous before.  Was off-putting, at first.  He was sitting very much alone, looking more than a little fidgety.  I remembered that look.  It’s the same one that I had the first time I came to this place.  So awkward and wondering what was going on.  But then I realized something – this was the place that I belonged.  It was a crowd of people that was so misunderstood, and filled with the nicest bunch you would ever know.
Deciding to be the person to put my best foot forward, I decided to talk to this guy.  Walking over, I looked down at him.  Very short dude, too.
“This seat taken?”
He shook his head sheepishly.  Was he blushing?  Hard to tell in this light.
I sat down, having to break the ice, I had the perfect question.  “So, all new people have to answer this – what was the last porn search that you did.”
His eyes went wide, then his hands started fidgeting.  “Well, this is gonna sound weird.”
“Cool!” I replied, smiling at him.  “We love weird here.”
That got a smile from him.  This guy was cute.  “I looked up yaoi porn.”
My heart skipped a beat.  This guy is into gay porn.
“Interesting….”  I let the thought trail, to clue the guy into me finding this appealing.
He looked up at me.  “What about you?”
Fair question.  I chuckled a bit.  “Man, I haven’t looked for porn in forever.”  Trust statement.  Ever since I discovered the club, I never needed to.  Not to mention that since death, it never even occurred to me.  Jerking off to porn was also a living person’s problem.  For the longest time, sex had been a means of escape for me.  Though, now that I was doing it for fun again, I was feeling more alive in that department.  What was the last porn I looked up?
“I guess it would have been lesbian submissive.  I know, pedestrian, right?”
The two of us got a laugh.
“I guess.”  He then looked down again.  This guy was so shy.  It was adorable.
“What brings you here?”
Looks back into my eyes.  “I’m trying to find the answer to a question.”
My heart skipped another beat.  It was the same thing with me!  I remember that exact thought going through my head, a long time ago.  It was like looking into a very effeminate mirror.
“What question?”
“Whether or not this is for me.”
How did someone this much like me elude me for so long?  A younger version.  Make sense, since he looked to be about four or five years younger than me.
“That’s cool.  I hope I can help you answer that.”
We sat there for a moment, without speaking a word.  He just looked up at me, and I down at him.  There was a tension there that I can’t describe.  It felt awesome.  With the pulsing death metal in the background, I could almost feel the blood that would be coursing through my veins right now, were I alive.
“You seen the private rooms here?” I finally asked.
He just shook his head.

With air escaping his lungs, he landed on the mattress.  I was quickly on top of him.  His lips met mine.  They were so damn soft!  I’ve been with women and men, and never had I met a guy with lips like this.  Never.  So eager.  Like he was dying to get close.  The heat coming off of him was incredible.  Another thing I had never seen in a guy.  Our passion kept ratcheting up.  My hands were exploring his body.  Everything about this dude was soft.  I was working my way up his leg, heading toward his pubic bone, when his hand stopped me.
“Wait!  Please.  I’m not ready for that.”
I pulled back, nodding.  “Okay.  Okay.”  The passion didn’t evaporate.  There was fear.  I could sense it.  Being a Reaper gives me some powers to read people above and beyond what normal people could do.  Why was he afraid?  What was he afraid of?  Something was off here, and I wanted to know what it was.  I don’t like to feel like I’m being dicked around, you know?  His eyes conveyed need, but something was holding him back.  Perhaps best not to push it.
Moving forward, I was a little softer with him.  Letting things simmer down a bit.  The heat was still there, but he was holding back.  What was going on?  I had always been good at reading people, but this Reaper talent was just bugging me.  My hand went up his stomach.  This was the smoothest stomach I had ever touched.  This guy must never work out.  Ever.  How was he so thin?  He looked underweight.  Dude’s short enough.  Probably has the metabolism of a squirrel.  Lucky people.  Well, lucky back when I was alive.  Gaining weight was literally impossible now.  My mortal shell is just a facade.  The things you take for granted, right?
That’s when it happened.  I was reaching up, and he was about to grab and stop me, before I came to something that got my attention.  Were those binds?  Like the kind you use for bandages?  What the hell?!
He pulled back immediately, moving away.  His eyes welled up.  I figured it out.  This wasn’t a guy at all.  It was a girl, doing a damn good job as passing herself off as a guy.  She faced away, crying into her hands.  What was going on here?!
I moved a little closer, but not much.  This was unfamiliar territory, and I didn’t know what to do.  Was a little annoyed.  This was a person who was lying to me.  Not a feeling I am a fan of.
“What’s your deal?!” I asked, trying my best not to sound upset.
She stood up quickly, straightening her own facade and then looking to leave.  “I’m sorry.  I have to go.”  I noticed that her voice got less masculine.  Even a cover for her voice?  This made no sense.
“Wait!  What’s up?!  I’m not mad or anything.  I just…I don’t understand.  Why dress like a boy?”  I was familiar with the concept of transgender.  Forgive me if I hadn’t had much direct experience.  Plus, it was all happening so quickly.  I hadn’t had time to process.
She didn’t answer.  Just took off.  I was left in that room, staring at the open door.  That’s when I started to feel guilty.  But if she didn’t want someone to know her secret, then why come back here with me?  So many unanswered questions.  The thing that worried me is that I might not find out the answers.  Like I may never end up seeing her again.
Angie’s little came over.  “Did something happen?” she asked.  “He was crying.”
Shaking my head, I decided not to get into it.  Because the truth was… “I don’t know, Meggy.  I just don’t know.”  And I may never find out.

I decided to head home early.  It was late anyway.  What a weird night.  I get out toward my car, and I hear a crying sound.  Immediately, I wonder if it’s someone in trouble.  Should I assume Reaper form?  No, best not to risk being seen until we know the situation.  It’s coming from a back alley not far away.  I walk over, leaning in.
“Hello?  Is everything alright in here?”
From the shadows, I see her walk out.  There are tear-marks all down her face, and eyes puffy red.
“Oh.  Hi,” I whisper.
“Hi.”
Not exactly sure what to say next.  “You okay?”
She shook her head.  “Not really.”
This was so fucking awkward.  “What’s wrong?”
She looks up at me.  “I didn’t want you to find out.  Not like this.”
So confusing.  “Why?”
“Because you were so nice to me.  I’m a boy, and you’re all sweet and romantic.  Then I become a girl, and you are repulsed.  I saw it all over your face.  You looked like you were grossed out.”
Assume, much?  “I didn’t think that at all.  I was just shocked.  I mean, it wasn’t like I was expecting that, you know?”
Some awkward pause.
“So why do you hide the fact that you’re a girl?”
Her face got less awkward.  “I…was always a little weird about being a girl, you know?  Like, sometimes I liked it.  Sometimes I didn’t.  I don’t really like girls all that much.  They’re so whiny and stupid and boring.  At least the ones I know.  But I don’t always like the idea of being a guy.  You got the ones who are all into sports and shit.  I’m not.  I guess I just don’t know.  But whenever I bind my chest and dress like a guy, that part felt right.  I know I shouldn’t bind it.  That’s unhealthy.  I just like how it feels when people look at me as a man.  Like how you were looking at me.  That felt really good.  I don’t know.  I guess I was afraid that if you knew that I’m a girl, that you wouldn’t want to be intimate with me anymore.”
My emotions about this softened greatly.  She as lost and confused.  Been there for months.  This was something I understood very well.
“You could have just told me.”
She cracked a small smile.  “You like girls too?”
I nodded.  “Yeah.  I go both ways.”
She walked toward me.  “I’m sorry.  After how things ended with my Master, I guess I am a little slow to trust.”
So she has plenty of experience in this community.
“Did he not like the girl side of you?”
Shaking her head.  “No.  Opposite.  He didn’t like it when I looked like a boy.  Said that it was gross.  That I should accept that I’m a girl.”
What a dick.  “Geez.  That sucks.  Is that why you left?”
More tears welling up.  “I didn’t leave.  He kicked me out.  Told me that he didn’t want a boy as a slave.”
Again, what a dick.  “I’m so sorry.”
More awkward pause.
I finally knew what to say.  “Look, if you want to be a boy, that’s fine.  But the female side of you is going to come up.  Like, if we’re in private again.  You go boy when it comes to sex?”
Was too dark to see, but I could tell that she was blushing.  “Well, no.  I mean…I like how it feels, being a girl during sex.  I know, I’m weird.  Like, make up your mind, right?  Even I don’t get where I am with this.”  Back to my eyes.  “Maybe, I could be a boy when we’re at the club or in public…and a girl when we’re together in private.”
My smile grew wide.  “So you want to be in private again?”
Dead-locked with my eyes.  “You do seem to be a phenomenal kisser.  Wouldn’t mind seeing where that goes.”
This night turned out to be pretty good very quickly.
“Alright.  You…got anything else going on tonight?”
He shook his head.  “Nope.”
“Then maybe I could take a boy back to my place.”
He bites on his bottom lip.  “I’d like that.”

Until next time, a quote,

“When a man’s knowledge is not in order, the more of it he has, the greater his confusion will be.”  – Herbert Spencer

Peace out,

Maverick

Top 10 Batman: Arkham Series Boss Battles

Among the series that have had the best boss battles, near the top is the Batman: Arkham franchise.  Aside from the most recent (and shitty) entry in the franchise, they all have had some phenomenal boss battles.  Whether they be unique, challenging, or straight-up fun, some of these boss battles are the most fun I have had in years.  It really is a pity that the third game decided to suck so bad in this regard.  But I guess they had more important things to do.  Like focus on that STUPID bat-tank nonsense.  I really do hate that game so much.  It was the most disappointing game I have ever played.  Objectively, it isn’t bad, but I was so disappointed.  That game is boring.  The worst offense.  Wow, got off-topic.  Here is a list of the top 10 bosses in a franchise that could have rewritten the rules for superhero games forever.  If only it had ended on a higher note.

Man-Bat10. Man-Bat
Arkham Knight
Well, if the game has to eschew bosses in the name of bat-tank stuff, one of the few bosses it does have might as well be cool.  And this boss was cool.  Very, very cool.  Not only does it come right the fuck out of nowhere, but there is a pretty depressing story connected to it.  You get to go through the history of this villain and discover that it was just a deaf man trying to regain his hearing.  To do so, he became a monster and murdered the love of his life.  Fighting this guy was tricky.  You had to find him whenever he would show up, and then get on his back.  Easier said than done.  A fight with all kinds of presence and one of the best jump-scares I’ve had in a while.  Much fun.

Firefly9. Firefly
Arkham Origins
No, we’re not talking about the version in Arkham Knight.  That was more boredom involving the Bat-tank.  God I hate that vehicle and everything associated with it.  However, the version in Arkham Origins is just awesome.  Not only is this fight challenging, but it is intense!  You have this guy burning everything around him.  He cooks an entire bridge to get what he wants.  After you dodge him and hit him with projectiles, then you have to hang on for dear life as he flies away.  This fight is all about adrenaline, and I kinda like that.  Arkham Origins might have been a bit copy-past from Arkham City, but the boss fights in this game make it all worth it.  As you’ll see further up the list.

Poison Ivy8. Poison Ivy
Arkham Asylum
Everything building to this fight is just awesome.  You first go into Ivy’s greenhouse and it’s pretty standard.  The place is overrun with plants, but that’s to be expected.  However, all hell breaks loose when Joker hits Ivy with the TITAN formula.  Then the growth goes out of control.  In order to stop it, you gotta cut off the source.  But Ivy isn’t about to let you damage her plants.  Now you gotta beat her and the plant life down.  It’s a fight where you are not only fighting her plants, spores, and mind-controlled minions, but the lady herself is protected within her plants.  As the prelude to the final act of the game, it’s a pretty awesome fight.  A pity that the final boss was so dull.  Oh well.  You win some, you lose some.

Solomon Grundy7. Solomon Grundy
Arkham City
Everything leading to this fight is just great.  As is the case in all the boss battles in Arkham City.  You are finally taking Penguin down.  It’s pretty cathartic.  But just as you are wrapping things up, the bird has one last surprise.  Deep within the bowels of his club, there is the immortal, unkillable monster Solomon Grundy.  This guy is tough!  There is no way to face him head on.  All you can do is cut off his power source, then bring on the hurt.  But be careful.  Along the way, he will be working to beat your ass down.  And even once you finally put him in his place, the monster then tries to use the power source itself to kill you.  Guy does not go down without a serious fight.

Killer Croc6. Killer Croc
Arkham Asylum
If there is a fight where you have to constantly be keeping an eye on your surroundings, it’s the one against Killer Croc.  You are locked into a sewer with him.  Your only means of getting around is via boardwalks above.  But if you walk too fast on them, you will alert Croc to your presence.  When he does come at you, all you can do is hit his shock collar with a batarang before he gets to you.  Once he closes the distance, it’s all over.  What’s more, you aren’t even in his lair to fight him.  You’re there to collect spores.  So you are having to constantly keep your eye out, in more ways than one.  Intense is the word for this fight!

Ra's al Ghul5. Ra’s al Ghul
Arkham City
I find it kind of interesting that this entire battle is a battle where the goal is for nobody to die.  Only Batman can make a statement about how nobody will die sound badass.  That’s kind of awesome.  But this is an awesome fight.  You go between the world of Batman’s delusion that is being supplied by the Blood of the Demon, and the real world.  Part of me wonders if he is fighting nothing for extended periods of time and Ra’s and Talia are just standing there dumbfounded.  That would be kind of funny.  But then Ra’s jumps in and Bruce’s sense of presence makes him defend himself.  Whatever the case, it is an awesome fight, and a very cool way to close out the second act of the game.

Scarecrow4. Scarecrow
Arkham Asylum
The thing about this fight is the fact that it is so involved.  The lead-in is awesome.  You are first in the morgue, and see Bruce’s dead parents.  Then there is a scene where it looks like the game is broken, and you start over.  But the Asylum is different.  Each fear cutscene leads into an instance where you have to hide from Scarecrow’s eyes.  The moment he sees you, you die.  The only way you can escape from his nightmares is to get to the bat-signal and shine it at him.  It is probably the most indirect boss fight in the series, but it is still awesome.

Deathstroke3. Deathstroke
Arkham Origins
As I said, whatever the flaws of this game, it was totally worth it for the boss fights.  This is the most adrenaline-fueled of all the boss fights.  It is also the closest I have ever been in a game to feeling like it’s a true fight between two skilled martial-artists.  Deathstroke is an awesome fighter, and so is Batman.  The two are mono-e-mono, and all you can do is beat down Slade’s defenses until you finally best him.  On the higher difficulties, any mistake can be your last.  It’s so intense!  That’s kind of awesome.  I want more boss fights like this.  It could only happen in a game where it is mostly about countering mechanics.

Mr. Freeze2. Mr. Freeze
Arkham City
From the stance of pure inventiveness, this boss fight is probably the best that has ever been made.  It’s a fight where you are constantly having to think.  Since you can’t take Freeze head-on, you have to do battle with him covertly.  But there’s a catch.  Every time you attack him from a certain vantage point, like from a ledge or a grate, he will then eliminate that method of attack.  Like he will freeze ledges so you can’t climb on them, or electronic generators that can suck him in when magnetized.  The sheer level of place and having to think on your feet makes this fight totally worth it.  It would be at the top of the list, were it not for one special boss, that most of you probably see coming, given another list I have done.  This was an awesome fight, in the best game in the franchise.  What more do you need?

And the best boss fight in the Arkham franchise is….

Clayface1. Clayface
Arkham City
This boss fight is not only my favorite boss in this franchise, it’s one of my favorite final bosses of all time.  It has everything going for it.  All the twists and turns of this game all culminate here.  You learn that Joker was manipulating everything in this game up to this point.  You have the love of Bruce’s life getting shot and killed in front of him.  You learn that Clayface was Joker’s stand-in, and was there so that he could have the ultimate role to play.  It all comes to a head, when you have to use every trick you have to take down this clay monsters.  After you beat him down to a certain point, Joker blows up the floor and you’re in the room with the Lazarus Pit.  Clayface dispatches clay minions to attack you, and you get to employ Talia’s sword to take them down.  Finally, you get the cure out of Clayface, and the fight ends in one of the greatest ending sequences of all time.  This game is so awesome, and I love this final boss fight so much.  Kills me that the ending to the entire series couldn’t be so good.  But I guess they needed more bat-tank stuff.  Fuck that game.

What are your favorite boss fights in this franchise?  Let me know down in the Comments.

Until next time, a quote,

“You weren’t even supposed to be in  here, Karlov.  Why sign on with Joker?” -Batman
“Easy.  For the role of a lifetime!”  -Clayface, Batman: Arkham City

Peace out,

Maverick