Dan Savage and Journalism Failure by Faith

As a journalism student, I fully intend that there are going to be days when I am going to be involved stories that I find objectionable.  I fully expect that there will be times when I will cover and event that really gets under my skin, but I will do so with the fullest measure of sincerity and to the best of my ability, because I am interested in what all great journalists are supposed to be interested in – finding out the truth.  The truth isn’t something that is only what you want.  There will be times when the truth is something that shakes you, and is something that leaves you shaken.  That is the nature of the beast with journalism.

However, a number of students at the National High School Journalism convention, this is something that they couldn’t handle.  Dan Savage was one of the main speakers there, and he had some comments about Christianity.

We can learn to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about gay people, the same way we have learned to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about shellfish, about slavery, about dinner, about farming, about menstruation, about virginity, about masturbation.  We ignore bullshit in the Bible about all sorts of things.  The Bible is a radically pro-slavery document.

What he said there is absolutely correct.  The Bible is a pro-slavery document.  Lincoln could have used some help from the Bible back when he was trying to free the slaves.  There is verse after verse in the Bible about how to treat your slaves, what kinds of slaves you can own, and even how you can beat them.  Not two words was taken out of context.

We have also learned to ignore a lot of bullshit that is in the Bible for the backwards-ass garbage that it is that is holding back progress, and is making life harder for people.  Of course, groups like the Westboro Baptist Church still wants to believe it, but they are nothing more than Christian fundies who are banking off of how much people hate them.  They like the hatred of others.  It gives them fulfillment, and also helps them earn money when somebody kicks the shit out of one of their people and they can sue the person.  Cheap, tasteless, and we ignore it.

Of course, while Savage was explaining this, there were a number of students who got up and walked out, apparently all offended.  He had a rather poignant statement about them too –

It’s funny, as someone who’s on the receiving end of beatings that are justified by the Bible, how pansy-ass some people will react when you push back.

Another complete truth.  I think a lot of Christians miss the days when you weren’t allowed or it was totally beyond the acceptable norms to argue with a Christian about their beliefs.  You couldn’t say that they were full of shit, because the communities at large would go against you.  Then came the internet.

On the internet, the Christians have no community backing.  Their arguments stand alone, and they have to defend them.  Probably 70% of all the Christians who I have seen talk to atheists eventually just give up trying to convince the atheist of their point and end with the statement – I’ll pray for you.  An easy way not to have to justify anything.

So now, with the internet, there is a growth of this community in the real world.  The atheists on the internet are no longer nameless people.  They have faces, vlogs and blogs and are willing to stand up to the Christian intolerance that still massively afflicts this country.

But what does it say about a Christian when they won’t even take criticism?  When they won’t even allow their point of view to be debated and question and criticized?  I get my point of view criticized all the time.  I will sometimes argue, but that is more because I like to argue than I think I should.  I have a weird enjoyment of doing it.  But Savage’s comments have spread to the Christian right and have been the latest phoned-in controversy that they can use to say that they are somehow being attacked.

The group GOProud said that Savage should apologize for his comments.  Why?  He wasn’t lying.  We have come a long way from when we obeyed ever ridiculous edict in that equally-ridiculous book.  The Bible does condone slavery.  There is no text in there saying that slavery is wrong.  Hell, it describes people as slaves to God.  But one Christian blogger wrote that Savage was using this as a means of Christian bullying.

It’s unreal that Christians in this country can ever claim that they are a bullied party.  Yes, because being a Christian in America is so fucking hard.  Isn’t it?  Don’t you feel so oppressed?  You get beaten and raped and killed every day, while getting quotes thrown at you from a holy book.  You get told that your existence is a sin and that you will burn in Hell for all eternity.  You are told that your parents should have their friends come over and “screw her (you) straight.”  Oh wait, that’s stuff that happens to members of the LGBT community.  My bad.

But let’s ignore that – what kinds of future journalists are these kids?  What exactly are they saying when they won’t sit and listen to Savage criticize their book?  Guess what, kids, but that is the job.  You don’t get to pick and choose the story.  You run with what you are presented with, and hopefully it all turns out okay.  That is how it works.  I guess that you didn’t figure that out.

This is a failure of journalism, and all of it is through faith.  Isn’t faith great?

Until next time, a quote,

“So, regardless of Dan Savage’s tone, or how terribly offended some Christians were, his underlying point is completely valid.  And it’s impact was only amplified by the incredible sight of devout Christians literally fleeing from the truth about their Bible and their own moral hypocrisy.”  -Zinnia Jones, Dan Savage is right about the Bible

Peace out,


My more intellectual thoughts on this subject.

Lefty on the Left

There was a video that was posted on YouTube by a channel called ForaTV.  They are pretty good about posting some thoughtful videos.  Whether you agree with them or not, they are quite thoughtful.  A very recent video had the former governor of Michigan, and the host of Current TV’s “The War Room,” Jennifer Granholm talking about health care in America.

It’s not a mystery that America spends more money on healthcare.  The amount rounds out to roughly $8,000 per person.  This would be perfectly fine, if what we were getting for our money was worth what we spent.  This, however, is not the case.  Approximately 45,000 people die every year from a lack of health insurance, according to a study from Harvard University.  Over 50 million people in America don’t have health insurance.  One of the biggest causes of bankruptcy is health care costs.  These are…

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Video Game Confessions: Olimar

Being a journalism major, and a future journalist, suffice it to say that I get around.  In my travels, I have met some of the most insane characters!  These are the kinds of people that most nerds only dream of seeing, and I have gotten to meet, in the flesh.  And, seeing as how it is late, there is soft jazz music playing, and I am feeling all deep and introspective, I thought that I would tell you one of my stories now.

Well, I was walking down the street one day, when I see a guy who I haven’t ever gotten to see before, and honestly never expected to see on Earth, Olimar.  I mean, oxygen kills this guy, but he is here?  That was kind of weird.  So, I walked over and introduced myself to him.  He seemed pleased to meet me.  I’m getting a reputation of being the guy who talks with video game celebrities.  And this was kind of a weird experience for me, seeing a guy who seems so out of place here on Earth.  I mean, he had that helmet on, because if he didn’t, he would die.  Now, he was looking a little bit chipper.  Or as much as he can.  These creatures don’t really look like much of anything.  It’s a little like telling what emotion Gilbert Gottfried is at any given moment.  It’s a mystery.  So I ask him, “So, what’s with the chipper face?  Something good happen?”  He looks up at me, because he is a really short guy, and smiles.

“Oh yeah, I feel great.  I haven’t felt this good in months.  I don’t get this kind of feeling all that much these days.  Especially with some of the gigs I get.  I’m telling ya, volunteering for Smash Bros. Brawl was one of the worst decisions I ever made.”

This kind of interests me.  “Why’s that?”  He lets out a sigh, shaking his head.

“Let me tell you, it’s not easy.  I mean, I had to go out onto those battles, and get the crap kicked out of me.  Getting hit by Link’s sword hurts!  Same with getting blasted by Samus’ missiles.  I swear, that bitch has a fetish with those damn things!”

This had me kind of perplexed.  “Well, seems like everything is going kind of wrong lately.  Why the smile?”  The smile came back, and he chuckled.

“Oh, because there is one benefit of being able to fight against all of the people in Brawl – getting to watch those annoying Pikmin get beaten up.  I use them the way that they should be used – as props to get the crap kicked out of them and to kick the crap out of the others.”

This suddenly had gotten kind of dark.  I look over, a little weirded out.  “You don’t like the Pikmin?  I thought you all were on good terms?  You were in a couple games together, and seemed to be on good terms.”  He nodded a little, but then shook it off.

“Nah, hate the little bastards!  I mean, for a while they were useful, but after a while, the little cretins were just hanging onto me like I was their dad!  Needy little parasites!  They followed me everywhere, and just when I thought I lost them, there they are!  It was just the worst!  They make those weird noises, and everybody thinks they are all cute.  Cursed little fungus creatures.  Or if they aren’t fungus, it sure felt like it.  Little bastards did seem to grow off of me.”

I nod, taking down notes.  I had my tape recorder, but best to have both it and my notebook.  He looked back at him.  “Well, that sounds even more unpleasant.  So if these things annoy you so much, and you don’t like being in Brawl, why are you so happy?”  His smile got even bigger, like just thinking about it made him happier.

“Well, a while back, I figured out a really good way that I could make use of these little monsters.  I figure, if they are going to always follow me around, and there never seems to be an end to them, why not find a good use for them?  It took me an age to figure it out, but I finally did!”

I perk up a little, as he had stopped for a little bit.  “What was it?!”  The smile got even bigger, and looked a little bit off to me.

“I eat them.”

This gave me pause.  “What?  You eat them?”  He starts laughing a little.

“Oh yeah!  I cook the little bastards alive!  I love it!  They taste great, you know!  It’s like eating lamb!  I figured it out when I just got so annoyed by one that I threw him on the stove.  He screamed, which gave me a lot of happiness, and after that, he suddenly was dead.  I decided that out of curiosity, I fould find out what one of them actually tastes like.  So I bet into him a little, and it was heaven!  You’ve never had a meat item like them.  I’m telling you, I haven’t eaten so well in months!

By this point, with the expression on the guy’s face, I am more than a little terrified.  I mean, he was reveling in this!  This couldn’t have possibly been more creepy!  “Well, so do you kill them before eating them, like farmers do with what they eat?”  He snorted a little at this.

“As if!  No way, I want to enjoy every screaming moment of hearing one of those little parasites die.  Of course, I don’t kill them all.  I have learned to go back to their world and harvest one of them whenever I am feeling peckish.  It’s like veal in that regard, all young and tender.  So yeah, I kill them living.  It’s a lot like killing a lobster.  The fresher, the better!”

By this point, I am absolutely appalled.  I mean, this guy is really enjoying this.  He sees my reaction, and scowls.

“Oh come on!  You can’t sit there looking at me like I am the devil while you are eating meat and enjoying it, can you?  I mean, there are plenty of cows that are slaughtered that scream for their lives, along with pigs and what have you.  We are doing the same thing, but I am just a lot more honest about it.”

It kind of hit me, he kind of had a point.  I love my meat  I couldn’t see myself going without it.  So am I a better person than he is?  I also like fresh lobster.  I sit there, nodding a little.  “Huh, I suppose you’ve got a point.  So, you just eat the Pikmin on your own?”  His smile comes back.

“Hell no!  I’ve got a jumping restaurant on eating them.  I take the strongest with me to Brawl, and I am making a metric ton of cash on the Pikmin dinners at my place.  You should check out our menu!  We’ve got Pikmin salad, Pikmin soup, Pikmin steaks.  We boil them, fry them, what have you.  Now, at the restaurant, they will slaughter them before eating them.  Pansies.  But when I make them up at home, I just listen for the screams!”

He got up and left, still smiling.  Before he got too far, he turned back.

“Always remember, you all are no better than me.  You just don’t want to hear the animal scream.”

I sat there, staring at the wall, and I really did have to think about it.  I don’t know if I will ever see a burger the same way again.

Peace out,


Today’s Sexist Bigot Award Recipient – Dominic Dieter!

Well, what else can you say?  What can you possibly remark to a person this sick?  First off, let’s give a little back-story to why exactly we are saying that this man is today’s sexist bigot.  You see, there is a shock-jock DJ in Cleveland, Ohio, who was written where a man was asking about his gay daughter.  Why the dad wrote this guy is a complete and utter mystery (and worth looking into, because he is at least partially responsible for what was happened, and what could inevitably happen).  Anyway, he wrote the shock-jock, Dominic Dieter and told him that he came upon his teenage daughter kissing another girl.  He asked Dominic what he should do.  Here was part of Dominic’s response –

You should get one of your friends to screw your daughter straight.

How many levels of wrong is this?  How horrible a statement is this?  Well, let’s take this apart in layers.  First, this man is a bigot.  There is absolutely no arguing that.  He is a bigot, and his hatred of gays and lesbians is laid out before our eyes.   But honestly, that isn’t the part really hits me about this.  The part that really gets under my skin is the fact of what this man told this father, this girl’s father, to do.

He is advocating that this man should, as her father, have himself and a friend rape his daughter.  What is wrong with this guy?!  Seriously, what part of horrible, dog-shit piece of lacking humanity compelled this monster to say something so horrible?  Does he have no shame?  Well, clearly he doesn’t, because he put this lovely nugget of bigotry out for all to hear.

The next issue that needs to be addressed is that there is no denying, this is hate-speech.  Now, I will admit that I have problems with the hate-speech laws.  It is so easy to look at something and call it hate-speech.  But in this instance, it can’t be called anything else.  This man is saying that somebody, or this girl’s father and her friend, should rape her.  That is advocating violence against another person, and I am calling a spade a spade.  Sick fuck…

Next, this is blatant sexism.  Screw her straight?  Yeah, I bet he wouldn’t say that to a guy.  Hell, given what this man’s moral values (or lack thereof) is guiding him to say, I bet with a guy, he would advocate killing them.  So yeah, he thinks that just some forced sex with cure her.  If that isn’t sexism, I don’t know what is.

So what should happen to this guy?  The first thing – I DO NOT want an apology.  America’s pathetic need for people to apologize is just worthless.  He isn’t going to mean it, so why do we want him to say it?  No, he shouldn’t apologize, because there is no point.  It’s just as worthless as when you were a little kid, and your parents told you to say sorry to the kid you hit in the face.  You aren’t sorry to that kid.  You don’t mean it for two seconds.  But parents, just like the American public, want to believe that it means something.  It doesn’t.

No, instead, this hateful bigot should be fired, and get to find out what real work is, not just working your jaws and saying hateful shit.  Maybe, after that, he can have a real respect for how hard life is.  But honestly, getting fired is just so nice.  Because the truth is that this man is ethically responsible for what he says.  We all make our own choices, but this man is an advocate, and let’s face it, the audience that he plays to is probably about as smart as a banjo.  A stupid and suggestable audience, you have to take some responsibility for what you say.

But the worst part, worse than all of that, is the fact that this man goes to show you just what is so wrong with this country and the poeple in it who are spreading hatred all over the place like a virus.  This is why the suicide rate among LGBT teenagers is so high.  This kind of bigotry is directly responsible for the pain and violence against these people, because, as I said, this man’s audience doesn’t have 20 brain cells to rub together.  And the bigotry spreads far and wide.  These people are making the world worse for everybody, but who cares?

Well, the fact is, not much of anybody.  The most tragic fact of all is that while Dan Savage and people like him will say that it gets better, it really doesn’t.  LGBT youth, I beseech you, get tougher.  Grow a thicker skin to this.  The thicker, the better.  These people are everywhere, and their hatred is part of our society.

Your parents are lying to you, saying it gets better.  I don’t have to lie to you like that.  I believe that you are stronger than your parents and society does, needing to force-feed you shit like that.  I believe that you are not the doormat society believes you to be.  It doesn’t get better, you get tougher.

And you can get tougher, and fight back against people like this.  You can educate the future youth to not take this bullying.  Fight back, and fight back hard.  Don’t lay down and take it.  Of course, picking and choosing one’s battles is the sign or real wisdom, but since you are young, you can get a reputation now of being somebody who will not lay down and take bigotry from assholes like Dieter.  You can stand tall and say that this man is nothing more than an empty shell of a man.  A thug who thinks that he is attractive, and tough, while he is safely behind a microphone.

Dieter, you are a piece of shit.  Everybody who likes what you had to say is just as much a piece of shit.  I have a feeling that you are a Christian, too, and I thought I would make a point that the faith that guides your bigotry can die, along with you.  Seriously, while I will never advocate violence against another person, if you got hit by a bus, the world wouldn’t miss you.  Douchebag.

Until next time, a quote,

“It doesn’t get better.  What the fuck are we talking about?  Why do we have to feed this lie to ourselves?  Why do we have to say it gets better when we know, god-damn well, that, no, it really doesn’t get better?!  We just get more callused to it.”  -TJ Kincaid, It Gets Better 

Peace out,


Egypt Legalizes Necrophilia? So what?

Yeah, I’m gonna catch a lot of crap, but honestly, I saw the story about this, and read the comments, and to be honest, I don’t get what people are getting so bent out of shape about.  For the two of you who don’t know, Egypt has officially legalized a husband being able to sleep with his wife, after she is dead, for up to six hours.  As you can imagine, I find that revolting.  I’m not against the people finding this whole interaction gross, because it is.  I think sex with dead people is totally gross.  But here’s the thing, so what?

Really, who cares?  Of all the problems that exist in this world, and are afflicting real people right now, where do you think Egypt legalizing necrophilia ranks?  Think about this – who is getting hurt in this transaction?  Not the wife, she’s dead.  You can’t hurt the dead.  Granted, it sounds like this person is violating the corpse, but that only matters if you have a belief structure that says that the dead should be respected.

As for me, I have no such belief structure.  While this activity is not one that I have any intention or compunction to partake in, I don’t care what happens to the dead.  They kind of lost the ability to speak up after their hearts stopped.  Once they were pronounced dead, they don’t have the ability to consent.  See, for me, that is where it all lies.  Is it consensual?  It is the reason that I don’t think that friends with benefits is wrong.  It is the reason that I don’t think that two consenting adults who are related having sex is wrong (so long as they don’t have kids).  If there is mutual consent, that is where the line is drawn.

But Lucien, after death, they can’t consent!

What is required to consent?  You are dead.  After death, you have lost any will or desire to have control over your own life.  George Carlin once made a clever joke about the “sanctity of life” argument.

 You know where the ‘sanctity of life’ came from?  We made it up.  You know why?  Cause we’re alive!

Life is only sacred when one is living.  After you become a corpse, you lose the ability to consent, and whatever a person wants to do with you is their business.  I may find it revolting, degrading, and demoralizing of a dead person, but it is your choice.  And I am here, in my country, able to say without hesitation that I find your actions to be disgusting.  But I support your right to do it, regardless of that.

The fact is that there are a lot more and a lot bigger problems out in the big wide world than the husbands of Egypt wanting to be able to have some post-death sex with their wives.  We have massive student debt problems here in America.  There is a massive economic and financial inequality issue that America can’t seem to solve.  There is problem after problem, and what am I having to hear about?  Fucking dead people.

The simple fact is that in the long run, this is a lot less of an issue than what is going on in the world right now, and we need to keep that in perspective.  Okay?

Until next time, a quote,

“Living people have a strong interest in promoting the idea that life is sacred.  You don’t see Abbot and Costello going around talking about this shit, do ya?  We’re not hearing a lot from Musolinni on the subject.  What’s the latest from JFK?  Not a god-damn thing, cause JFK, Musolinni and Abbot and Costello are fucking dead!”  -George Carlin

Peace out,


If Jesus Came to Your House…You’d be Really Bored

Well, this is kind of old news, but I thought that I would do a post about a song that I heard about a long time ago.  The name of the song is “If Jesus Came to Your House.”  It was and still is really popular to people who are into that kind of stuff.  I listened to the song, and it is unintentionally hilarious.  I am in a good mood, so I thought I would do something relatively upbeat.  Hope you enjoy!  Here is the video I saw the song in, and we will do this hit for hit.

If Jesus came to your house, I wonder what you’d do.

A guy in a white robe, a scraggly beard and long hair and preaches that he is the Messiah comes to my home, what would I do?  I would roll my eyes and remark that another drunk hobo is sniffing around my property.  I may call the cops, but since everybody is all about how peace and love Jesus is, I would probably just give him booze and send him on his way.

Oh, I know you’d give your nicest room to such an honored guest.

Uh, no, I probably wouldn’t.  He wouldn’t be an honored guest in my home.  He would be some guy in my home.  I probably wouldn’t even invite him in.  Since his dad is an egomaniacal judgmental genocidal maniac, I really want nothing to do with the guy.  Inviting him in would definitely bring trouble, which I don’t need.

And all the food you serve to him would be the very best.

Well, assuming that he has broken into my home, why do I have to feed him?  Isn’t Jesus really God? (A lovely paradox, especially considering that the Christian religion is supposedly monotheistic) Why do I have to feed the guy?  He can’t just clap his hands and make a feast?

And you would keep assuring him you’re glad to have him there.  That serving him in your home is joy beyond compare.

Actually, I probably wouldn’t.  I mean, if he is a judgmental dick, I would probably get very annoyed with his presence after a while.  I mean, he is a preachy guy who always thinks that he’s right.  Wouldn’t you get annoyed by that after a while?  I know I would.  There is only so much preaching that one can take.

But, when you saw him coming, would you meet him at the door,with arms outstretched in welcome to your heavenly visitor?  Or, would you have to change your clothes before you let him in?

It’s Jesus.  You need to wear your Sunday best for this guy?  If memory serves, he traveled with guys, just guys, and told them to take nothing but the clothes on their back.  I have a good feeling they all smelled pretty bad after a while, and their clothes weren’t in the best of shape.   So yeah, I don’t think I would change my clothes.  And no, I wouldn’t meet him at the door.  He could come in and chill out.  I’d introduce him to indoor plumbing.

Or hide some magazines and put the bible where they’ve been?

Okay, who just has their porn sitting out where people can see it?  I’m assuming that they are talking about that.  Of course, since Christianity has never been a big fan of science, I bet Discover or National Geographic would piss him off too.  In that case, no, I would still keep them out.  The idea of pissing off the Messiah sounds kind of fun.

Would you turn the radio off and hope he hadn’t heard?

Heard what?  What is Jesus’ taste?  What if he likes Chris Botti or my taste in music?  What if he is into Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga?  What if he actually enjoys Black Sabbath?  Or maybe he is a big fan of the Black Eyed Peas.  I don’t think that there is a bible verse talking about what kind of music that Jesus is into.  So yeah, you might as well leave whatever you’ve got on.  Though with me, I generally turn off what I am listening to when guests come over, unless it is soft and pleasant.  Rude to play something unless you are doing that with your guests.

And wish you hadn’t uttered that last loud hasty word?

What word?  What, did you just say “Fuck!”  or “God-dammit!”  What word does Jesus not like?  Is he one of the Knights of Nee?  Does the word “what” just act like kryptonite to the guy.  I really am curious what word just gets underneath this guy’s skin.

And would you hide your worldly music and put some hymn-books out?

O-kay, here we go.  Apparently, Jesus only likes hymns.  Well, isn’t he boring.  In that case, no, I wouldn’t.  I would culture that tasteless bastard.  Hymns are boring.  He needs to learn real music.  I guess being all-knowing didn’t teach him that.

Would you let Jesus walk right in, or would you rush him out?

Well, if he dropped by unannounced, I would probably be kind of annoyed actually.  The same with most anybody, save a few people.  I like to have some heads-up before people drop by.  It’s only polite.  I guess Jesus also has no tact along with being a judgmental douche.

And I wonder, if the Savior spend a day or two with you, would you go on doing the things you always do?

Pretty much.  I would go to class, keep up on the news, blog, watch movies or videos, play games, chat with friends.  I lead a kind of boring life.  Jesus would not have much fun with me.

Would you go on saying the things you always say?

Uh, no.  Right now, I say that Jesus isn’t a real character, since his story has been plagiarized from a dozen religions that were floating around the Mediterranean since hundreds of years before his story.  So, I would stop saying that, and instead say that Jesus is kind of a dick and judges my life in a very harsh way.

Would life continue as it does from day to day?  And would your family conversations keep up its usual pace?

Clearly you’ve never met my family.  Conversation has never been a big part of our lives.  It’s just how we are.

And would you find it hard each meal to say a table grace?

Why would I need to do that?  Why would anybody?  I mean, if you are a person who buys into the whole “Jesus is God” schtick, then wouldn’t you need to simply look over at him and say, “Hey Jesus, thanks!”  Problem solved.

Would you sing the songs you always sing, and read the books you read?

Since most of my music taste is old-school music, either jazz and classical, or old-school love songs, probably.  I have a feeling that if Jesus is this love-character that the Christians make him out to be, I have a feeling that he wouldn’t have a problem with that.  Oh wait, he only likes hymns.  In that case, yeah, I would still sing and read.  I want to piss Jesus off.

And let him know on which the things your mind and spirit feeds.

Wow, I love how much this song makes you realize that hanging with Jesus was suck.  But yeah, I would let him know where my mind feeds – politics, a good story, sex, and good food.  I think he would like all but one of those things.

And would you take Jesus everywhere you planned to go?  Or maybe would you change your plans for just a day or so?

Nah, he could hang out with me.  He could go to my classes, help me with homework, chill with me while I watch porn, watch me play Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 because I don’t have another controller, and the watch more porn.

Would you be glad to have him meet your very closest friends?  Or hope that they would stay away until his visit ends?

Oh, I would love to have him meet my closest friends.  They would ask for really random stuff and see if he would give it to us.  Then they would screw with him and get him drunk and find out what the Messiah would do while plastered.  That sounds entertaining.  I would give him the really good booze, like this number I had at a place which was like a chocolate and banana milkshake.  So delicious!  So intoxicating!  I think Jesus would make a fun drunk.

And would you be glad to have him stay forever on and on?  Or would you sigh with great relief when at last he was gone?

Okay, I wouldn’t want much of anybody to stay with me forever.  People like my friend Emily, who I can always talk to and it never gets boring, she would be fun, along with some others, but yeah, I don’t want much of anybody staying with me forever.  So yeah, I would be glad when he left, if he was a dick guest.  Not to mention, this song kind of proves that Jesus is kind of a free-loader.  What a fail.

Oh it might be fun to know the things you’d do, if Jesus came in person to spend some time with you.

Yeah, you know, of all the deity figures, I would much rather hang out with a lot of others.  Like Zeus.  He would be fun.  And he gets all the hot girls, so I would be his wingman! (I put it out there that I am not that shallow) Or maybe the Volcano god, and I could try and find a virgin and sacrifice her to it.  Or maybe Death.  He would be fun to hang out with.  I mean, what does his job entail?  There are plenty of religious figures that would be infinitely more fun to hang out with than Jesus.  Hell, hanging out with Satan sounds fun.  At least he would give you a good time!  Jesus would just come over and judge your life.  Satan would be fun!  Of course, since none of these figures are real, it doesn’t matter anyway.

Well, that is the song, and I hope you got as much amusement from it as I did.

Until next time, a quote,

“It’s a sheep-dog song!  It barks and the sheep get back in line!”  -TJ Kincaid, Jesus Came To Your House

Peace out,


Sex Robots will Replace Women?

This was a question that was asked by The Young Turks in a recent video that they released.  It seems that there is an effort to expand the technology of sex into the robotics field.  Not a surprise, really.  We all saw the film AI and thought to ourselves – yeah, I would fuck her, or him.  The idea of a robot who you can share intimacy with and not have to worry about rejection.

It’s not easy to look for a relationship.  For most nice guys like myself, we are often too rejected and too ignored that it gets to the point where we don’t even care anymore, that trying seems like a waste of time.  Finding love is not something that just anybody can do, and do well.  For the nice romantic who isn’t the David statue, this is even worse.  I have known woman after woman who was very attractive and has told me that looks aren’t about everything.  Care to guess what they were all dating?  Hot guys.  Yeah, I haven’t seen a hot girl who was with an average joe.  It is an incredibly shallow culture.  Now, both sides are guilty of this, but I see it a lot more with women than I do men.

For me, looks aren’t terribly important, so long as they aren’t to the point where it is ridiculous.  I actually am not into really stick-figure women, but I don’t go for the ones who weight is such an issue that I know it’s unhealthy.  I am working to keep my own shape in perspective, I don’t need a constant reminder of what can go wrong.  I feel bad for them because they get the worst of what society has to offer in terms of being teased and insulted, but I’m just not attracted to it.  For me, it is the mind that is the most attractive part.  I couldn’t date some dim-witted airhead.  I need to be mentally intrigued, I need to feel like I am actually talking to somebody and it is worth something.  I hate small talk, and I can’t talk about nothing.  Ironically, that is what small-talk is.

But back to the issue at hand – will robots replace women?  So many guys give up, it is easy to understand why.  But this is going to be a rather short post – no, they won’t.  The reason why is simple – because underneath all of the physical, we will still realize that they are machines.  For me, I am a romantic.  I want a relationship that gives me all the intimacy of a real person.  The tender moments where you are holding somebody after they had a hard day, telling them that you are there.  The nights where you go to sleep talking and you look up six hours later and see the sun coming up and you wonder where the time went.  Those looks that tell you how much you care about the person and how much they care about you.  That is what I want.

I genuinely don’t believe that they could recreate that with a machine.  There is something about the human condition that is tied in to how great a romance feels, and how much the two of you can get such enjoyment out of one-another’s company.  Could such a thing be recreated?  Is it possible to simulate the passion and the connection that a relationship has?

What is most likely is that scientists aren’t going to try and do that.  The smart idea is to make a machine that is able to function like a prostitute, giving you sexual release, and feigning intimacy so long as the interaction happens, and then moving on.  While on the short term, many men will find that enjoyable and probably seek it out, after a while, I think most guys, especially those like me, would realize that it was just a machine that they were being intimate with, and the enjoyment would quickly fade.  You can only get so much from sex.

The truth is that a great relationship comes not from the physical, but from the emotional.  I believe that there are three kinds of intimacy – physical, mental and emotional.  You need two of the three at any given time for the relationship to work, and there always has to be two for it to last.  I just don’t see a robot being able to fulfill that need in a way that makes sense.  You could always tell that it was a machine.

Though, maybe I’m wrong.  There could come a day when they create a robot like they did in AI, only with a fully-grown person rather than a kid, able to love you and cherish you.  A robot that could be the person that you wished to have with you for all of your life.  Still, there is something that I just can’t put my finger on that tells me that I would always know it was a machine, and could almost see the gears and whatnot working underneath of it that make it run.

So, that’s my opinion.  The host of the Young Turks made a good point that a lot of guys would go to the robot instead of trying a normal relationship, but I disagree to the point that I think that a lot of the more shallow guys will, while the romantics will still be out there, trying to find the real kind of love.  If anything, this will sort out the garbage from the true hearts.  And a lot of the more shallow women will probably be the same as the shallow guys.

Where do you stand?

Until next time, a quote,

“But you haven’t answered my question. If a robot could genuinely love a person what responsibility does that person hold toward that Mecha in return? It’s a moral question, isn’t it?”  -Colleague
“The oldest one of all.”  -Professor Hobby, Artificial Intelligence

Peace out,


Video Game Confessions: Sheik

Being a journalism major, and a future journalist, suffice it to say that I get around.  In my travels, I have met some of the most insane characters!  These are the kinds of people that most nerds only dream of seeing, and I have gotten to meet, in the flesh.  And, seeing as how it is late, there is soft jazz music playing, and I am feeling all deep and introspective, I thought that I would tell you one of my stories now.

I was walking home from the college one day, when I got to see a character who I have heard tons about, and have always wanted to meet – Sheik.  Now, this guy is a pretty private guy, or so I had heard, so I was more than a little tentative about approaching him.  On this particular day, I noticed that he seemed a little down.  Well, as much as I could tell.  The guy wears a mask that covers most of his face.  But there was a look in his eyes, well, eye.  You can only see one with the blonde hair hanging down over part of his face.

I introduce myself to him, and he looks up.  We shake hands, I tell him that I am a journalism major, and I am always looking to meet new people and make a story about my adventures.  Turns out, he knew this about me.  It had gotten around in the gaming character world that I was the guy that people told their problems too.  That was pretty cool.  I sit down, and I just had to ask, “Something on your mind?  You seem kind of bummed.”  He just looks up, nodding.

“Well, it’s that I don’t seem to be able to be honest with anybody these days.  About the way things are, you know?”

This got a kind of confused look from me.  “What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just, this mask that I keep on, it’s all just for show.”

I nod.  “Why’s that?”  He looks up at me, and then takes the mask off.  I am totally blown away.  It was Princess Zelda!  I am unable to hide my shock, and I ask her, “Your highness, why are you dressed up like a guy?!”  She sighs, taking a sip of what she was drinking.

“It’s kind of a long story.”

I check the charge rate on my recorder.  “Well, according to my recorder, I’ve got plenty of time.”  She smiles, and then sighs again.

“You know what, I hear that you’re a good listener, so what the hell, I think I’ll tell you.  You see, at first, it was all about survival.  There was this guy Ganondorf.  He was trying to hunt me down and kill me.  Well, I got away, and we beat him, but after it was all over, I didn’t want to totally walk away from the disguise, you know?”

I had heard parts of this story before, but I said nothing.  “Why not?”

“Well, at first, it was just nice to be able to go from place to place and not have people hounding me all the time.  I could go out into the town and live it up.  One night, I was out, and it was really cool, when I met up with Samus.  You know, the bounty hunter?”

I know, this is going to sound petty, but the immature side of me really was hoping that this was going where I thought it was going.

“After her and I met up, we danced for a while, had a few drinks, and it was pretty great.  We really started to hit it off…”

Her voice kind of trailed off, and I couldn’t help but notice the look of satisfaction on her face.  Was my perverted mind going to be pleased?  Was this going where I thought it was going?!  She noticed that she was drifting, and then coughed, as if to bring herself back to reality.

“A-nyway, after the dancing and all was over, we headed back to her ship, and we had a few drinks.”

It took all the strength that I have to not let my love of this moment show.  This had to be going where I thought it was going.

“One thing kind of led to another, and we ended up kissing.”

I didn’t bother to hide my look of amazement.  This was…unbelievable.  Yet she looked now suddenly kind of ashamed.  “Why the look?  Something wrong about that?”  She snorted.

“Just about everything!  I was cheating on Link, for one thing!  I felt terrible!  It’s just…he’s never really all that around.  And he doesn’t exactly wear the pants in the relationship, if you know what I mean.”

I cocked an eyebrow.  “No, I don’t know what you mean.  He’s kind of a prissy guy?”  Zelda rolled her eyes.

“He wears tights and a tunic.  Well, he used to.  I’m glad that he wears something a little more gender-appropriate now, but it wasn’t always that way.  And it seemed like he never wanted to…you know, fool around.  It was always me who instigated these moments.”

Again, she seemed ashamed.  I said nothing.  Having done this a few times, I could tell that she was looking to talk it out.

“But yeah, I was mortified.  I got up fast, and Samus looked all disturbed.  She asked me what was wrong, but I just took off.  I couldn’t think about it, you know?  I had to get home, and tomorrow, I would forget all about it.”

I could see a really sad look on her face.  I kept silent.  She would collect herself.  And so she did, looking up again.

“Well, I got back to the castle, figuring that I was going to tell Link the whole story.  I get back into the place, and I hear this weird noise coming from down the hallway.  I am kind of freaked.  I had a knife on my person.  I was about to call the guards, but I knew how to fight, so I figured that I would kill whoever this was, and that would get me some respect.”

She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“I follow the sound down the corridor and as I get closer, I notice that it was kind of…kinky.  I figure that one of the guard and a maid was having sex, but when I get to the door that it has happening in, I notice that it is a little ajar.  I figure that I’m going to bust in and scare the shit out of them, having a good laugh in the process.  When I get to the door and look in, though, I stop dead.”

She stopped talking.  Just stopped.  I normally don’t like to prod, but come on!  You would too!  “And?  What happened next?!”  Another sigh, and she shakes her head.  Almost looking angry.

“Well, there was Kid Icarus, sitting on a table, and in front of him, on knees, there was Link, giving him a blowjob.”

My mouth drops.  “Whoa…”

“That’s a lot nicer of a reaction than I thought.  I was so angry, so mad.  He was cheating on me?!  And with another guy?!  I don’t mind gay guys, but he’s my fucking boyfriend!  I don’t want my guy to be cheating with another guy.  It says something about our relationship.  I was about to bust in, when the guy talks about how great Link is, and how he has so much skill.  Link says back to him, ‘yeah, I’ve had tons of practice.’  My heart broke.  I walked out of the room, and I left the castle.  I went back to Samus’ ship, and walked right in, kissing her hard on the lips.  I told her the truth about who I am, and she didn’t seem to care.  We ended up having sex for almost two days.  When I got back, I could see Link flirting with another guy.  He didn’t know I saw him.  Fucking bastard.”

She spits to the side, looking pissed and ashamed at the same time.  “So, what did you do?  Have you dumped him?”  I had to ask.  She shook her head.

“He’s the hero of Hyrule.  You can’t just dump a guy like that.”

I cock an eyebrow again.  “So, what did you do?”  She looked down the way, and smiled.

“I’ve been dressing up like Sheik, and having casual sex with other girls.”

This weirds me out a little.  “Why?  I mean, don’t you feel betrayed?  Doesn’t that hurt your love for Link?”  She snorts, finishing her drink.

“My good journalist, this is royalty.  I don’t think love even enters that equation.”

She then stood up, shaking my hand.

“And speaking of, I am going to meet Krystal, from the Star Fox team, and see if we can have some fun.”

She then leaves, with me sitting there in disbelief.  I mean, what can you say?  I guess that love is a dying thing.  Ladies, a piece of advice, if you are ever in this situation, follow your gut instinct.  Dumb the jerk.  Don’t do what she is doing.

Peace out,


“Hot Problems” and the Death of our Culture

It never ceases to amaze me what our culture will stomach these days.  There was a video made by a social commentator, The Distressed Watcher, about what he called, “Stupid Brilliant.”  In this video, he outlines what he believes is a new trend in society.  I agree with part of it.  Shows like The Jersey Shore and any of the Real Life Housewives shows are a new breed of entertainment.  They are shows that don’t succeed in spite of their haters, but because of them.  I doubt that much of anybody watches that crap and gets genuine enjoyment.  People watch these things because we get a catharsis from how absolutely stupid the people in them are.

We are able to think we are so much smarter than these people, because they deliberately are the worst of what humanity has to offer.  They are socially and culturally corrosive, but we don’t care.  I am starting to lump most of what I see anymore on television in that category.  Shit like Toddlers and Tiaras, or that show about the quitter governor of my state, Sarah Palin, they are all shows that we can watch and make fun of how absolutely awful it is.  But I saw something today that made me wish that I could just kill this culture and start from scratch.  I thought that I was a misanthrope before this, but now I can most definitely say that I am on now.

There was a song made by the same people who made the absolutely awful but kind of amusing song “Friday,” by Rebecca Black, and as stupid and terrible as that song was, this one is worse.  This song is so absolutely awful that it defies comprehension.  The name of the song is “Hot Problems.”  I wish I was joking, but I’m not.  And this song is done by two girls who think that they are hot, singing about how it isn’t easy being hot all the time.  Let’s have a small sample of some of the lyrics, and we’ll show you want I’m talking about.

Look at me and tell me the truth.  What do you do when people don’t know what we go through?

What do I do, sweetie?  I don’t give a flying fuck.  I could care less what people think when they don’t know what you go through.  I can’t stop laughing.  These two girls aren’t even singing.  This song is so monotone that it sounds like they are two robots with slut-voices.  Oh yeah, I went there.  Slut-voices.  And once you see what other wonderful lyrics are in this song (and we are going chronologically.  No jumping around here), you won’t be doubting me.

They see my blonde hair, blue eyes and class,

Okay, the last thing, on this Earth, that you have is class.

But they don’t know that I’ve got a really big heart.

Wow, clever joke there.  We thought she was going to say “ass,” but she didn’t!  Bravo, ladies, you really threw me for a loop there!  Didn’t see that coming.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that I’m hot, but textbook perfection really takes a lot.

Another thing that you don’t have, other singer.  You aren’t even all that hot.  Neither of these girls are.  They are 100% vanilla.  There is nothing surprising about them, nothing that really catches you.  No guy I know would have given these girls a second look back when they were young enough for this to be age-appropriate.  Just like Rebecca Black, they are WAY too young to call themselves hot without sounding slutty, and it’s kind of sick that a media company had to have known that, but went down this road anyway.  There are 100 different kinds of wrong in this song, but let’s keep going.

Hot girls we have problems too!  We’re just like you, except we’re hot!  The world needs to open their eyes, we’re not perfect and sometimes we lie.

Yeah, if life has shown anything, it’s that being an attractive white girl is so hard.  Girls who actually would be considered hot, don’t you just hate how hard life is?  And I bet you lie.  Like when your dad asked you where you went, and you had to lie to him about the fact that some disgusting company executive was taking advantage of your body to sell a song.  Although, knowing the people in this country, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if your parents were in on this.  Or that time you lied when you were blowing a guy at a party.  I’m sorry if this sounds sexist, but honestly, this song couldn’t be more sexist on its own!  It really is trying to make these girls sound slutty, but not admit to it.  This is such socially corrosive ass!  And to prove this contention, listen to this next lyric!

 I’ve got the look, I’ve got the butt.  But those things don’t make a (holds hand up in shush noise)…

And the girl is doing duck-face. What a freakin' cherry on top...

Yeah, it’s trying real hard to sell the image that she isn’t a slut.  Don’t you all feel that way?  Let me say that I think women should be so unbelievably offended by this song.  It is just another part of the cultural acceptance that young girls are getting that being pretty is all that matters, and partying is all you should aspire to do.  I don’t think of women that poorly, but this song does.

Boys call me ‘stuck-up,’ girls call me ‘conceited.’  On behalf of all hot girls, those comments aren’t needed.

Yeah, on behalf of everyone hearing this song, those comments are EXACTLY what is needed, because that is what you are.  And anybody who shares this viewpoint is too.  Of course, you aren’t hot, and even if you were, we don’t hate you because of that.  We hate you because of the absolutely horrible way you are.

Just cause I’m pretty, I have to be dumb.  I don’t care about wits I just wanna have fun!

Watch her hands in the video that I linked above.  Watch what motion they are doing.  I don’t know if the people who made this video did that on purpose or not, but either way, it’s very, very appropriate.

People start rumors, and say things about me.  Funny thing is, I didn’t go to that party.

I bet you didn’t, sweetheart.  I bet you didn’t.

Hot girls we have problems too!  We’re just like you, except we’re hot!  The world needs to open their eyes, and realize that we’re not perfect and sometimes we…

And that’s as far as I’m going into this song.  What absolute awfulness.  But this is what our culture finds acceptable.  Over 2,000,000 people have listened to this crap, and while it was almost across-the-board belief about how ass this song is, there are still people who actually enjoy it.  There are still people who think that this crap is not just crap, but actually worth something.  On behalf of all decent people, let me just say – IT’S NOT!  This is the worst kind of garbage that our culture produces!  But because it has an audience, and people actually think that this kind of crap is worth something.  It’s not.  It’s…you know what, I’ve railed on this stupidity long enough.  You come to your own conclusion.

Until next time, a quote,

“I can’t comment on this any longer!  I’d rather fucking just take a phillip’s-head and pry off my fingernails, one by one, and then, douse them in acid and eat them like cereal.  I would rather do that than listen to the remainder of this fucking song.”  -TJ Kincaid, NOT SO HOT! 

Peace out,