My Dream Home

One of the things I regularly do at my job, since I am ALWAYS under-worked, is to look up homes in the state that I want to move to.  Pacific Northwest, baby!  That’s what it’s all about.  I want to live in a place with lots of rain, and where it actually gets night in the hot months so you know that things will cool down when the sun sets.  Where I am now, night is when it gets dim.  By a small margin.  Given the heat wave we’re in right now, and how awful this is, you can imagine how much I hate this.

My final goal in life is to get a home on the ocean.  Not beachfront.  I don’t want a beach.  I Just want to hear waves.  Waterfront is the name of the game.  See the ocean, hear the waves, watch the sun set.  So I got to thinking – what do I want to see in my dream home?  What is the kind of home that I would think is perfect?  I’ve been thinking about this forever, and I will let you know what criteria my dream home would have.

I already said that I want it to be on the ocean.  As such, a good view would be an absolute must.  Want to eat my meals where I can take in the scenery.  That wouldn’t just be the living room.  The master bedroom would have to as well.  A few windows I can open, with screens in them, naturally.  Otherwise bugs come in.  Wanna be able to ventilate the place well.

There are three places that I would have to have up to a specific standard.  The first is my kitchen.  I don’t know how many of you know, but I LOVE to cook.  Absolutely, positively love it.  Every kitchen in a place I have owned is a freakin’ joke.  If I own a place, the kitchen is going to be the spot where I make ALL the magic happen.  Stone countertops, so I don’t have to constantly be worrying about a cutting board, except with meat.  Lighting that is not too intense.  I’m picturing these hanging lights with crystal pieces inside them.  A very cozy atmosphere.  My counter-space will end with a big area where I can prepare things, and on the other side some stools so people can sit and I can visit with my chums while making things.  Or grab a spot and sit to do some preparing, like when I make snickerdoodles or something.  Being able to take in the view from my kitchen would be nice too.

Next up is my media room.  The place where I take in my movies and play games.  There be shelving units for the seasons of TV shows that I’ve collected because I’m a hipster who actually buys physical media.  The binder with my DVD/Blu-ray collection would be there as well.  All of my gaming consoles would be lined up, and there would be a separate shelving unit for them.  A great hall to my inability to become a football-loving, beer-drinking adult like the rest of people my age.  This place would have windows, but they would be able to be closed.  This room would be something of a cave, but not as much as you’d think.

Lastly, there is my library.  Out at my parentals’ place, I still have a ton of boxes of books.  When I leave, I want to try and get as many of them to where I live as possible.  It’s high time my collection shined.  My library would be arranged by category.  Fiction would be divided by genre, and from there organized by author.  Non-fiction would just be by author, as I don’t have enough of those to do a genre break-down.  This room would have very comfortable chairs.  Also having a view would be an absolute necessity.  Or maybe the library itself wouldn’t, but I’ve have a reading nook where I could curl up with a book and then take in the view.  Have my boom-box nearby where I could listen to CDs.  How much of a fucking hipster am I right now?  I don’t know, but it has to measure up pretty damn fierce.

Those are the three big ones.  My bathroom would be pretty posh.  Again, the goal is for cozy.  I would want there to be ambient lighting for the areas made to be about a view, and just a little lighting in the rest.  The walls would be done with this paint scheme that is mellow.  A creamy white color.  My shower would have an over-head faucet, tall enough to accommodate me.  Yeah, that’s definitely a tall order, but we’re just dreaming.  Instead of having some gross glass door that would constantly get streaks, I’m thinking that there would just be a wall with stonework on it, and a window that is frosted glass.  It would let light in, but not be something where people could peek in.  I want the shower to be able to take in natural light, so I don’t have to waste electricity.  That’s the philosophy with a lot of my home.

In addition to my media room, there would be an entertainment room.  Just a big, bright room where there is a nice view, lots of couches, and a big coffee table.  A place where my chums and I can gather and chat.  Maybe there is a TV in this room, so we can have bad movie nights.  Or where I can have music with a trippy background playing.  I’d have a guest room, so that way if I had a friend visiting, or my folks, they would have somewhere to sleep.  It would be pretty modest.  Comfy bed, bedside table, maybe a desk.

What about outside?  Here’s the thing – a lawn is pretty to look at, but it is a pain in the ass to maintain, and the water to keep it healthy is a waste.  So, I would just destroy any lawn that exists when I arrived.  In its place, I would have a rock garden.  It would be very Asian in a zen design.  The goal would be to emulate somewhere of calm meditation.  If possible, I’d plant some trees around the periphery.  Something that would grow Washington’s biggest crop – apples.  The center of the rock garden might have a zen tree as well.    Maybe, if I have enough yard space, there would be a little hangout area outside with a fire pit dug into the ground and stonework built up around it.  Then we could have outdoor nights when it’s cool and everyone wants to enjoy the sea breeze.

What else is there?  I suppose the garage would just be the basics.  A air-compressor for my tires, if needed, along with the tools to change them.  I do know how to change a tire.  Courtesy of my old man for teaching me.  Tools for basic home issues that are within my limited understanding to fix.  Deck space would have a couple tables for sitting at.  A grill, assuming I ever get a chance to add that to my repertoire of cooking knowledge.  Maybe a little veranda outside my bedroom with a table and one chair.  Where I could sit and take in the view while drinking some green tea or something.  Lots of neat ideas.

Naturally, this home would cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and I’m poor as fuck, so this is just me dreaming of what I’ll almost-certainly never have, but hey, if you’re gonna dream, dream big.

Until next time, a quote,

“You say I’m not free, but I don’t mind, because I’m home.” – Desiree Goyette, Garfield: Out on the Town

Peace out,



Getting Older as a Gamer

For those of you who don’t know, which is all of you, I’m a 30 year old man.  Yup, I’m a man of 30 years, and I am a gamer.  As you can imagine, this is something that isn’t easy to rectify in modern society.  My age group has all gotten older, and as they have, their interests have changed.  Which leave me being stuck wondering if I have less and less in common with everyone as the years go by.  And having fewer and fewer people to talk to.  The future doesn’t look good, from where I’m sitting.

I work at an office that is primarily women.  You know what that means?  It means that the bulk of everything that everyone talks about is mom stuff, home life stuff, and female as fuck stuff.  As you might imagine, I have ZERO dog in this.  Of any kind.  Got a ton of girly-mates, but to date only a couple of them have made the jump to have kids (because they didn’t accept that overpopulation is killing our species), and of those who remain, I have some common ground enough to talk to about other stuff.  Even the female things can be engaged with, to a point.

As I have no children, and as of this year will no longer be able have children, my reference point in this is that they exist.  And because I am a giant, they like me.  The reason why is always going to remain a mystery.  Maybe it’s because while the adults are talking about their gardens and their family vacation, the kids could swarm into my den and I’m playing games and they can talk with me about their favorite superheroes or ask me questions and I would give them candid answers.  Instead of their parents who would give them stupid answers.  Like a Jehovah’s Witness mom whose kids used to chill with me and I would give them smart people answers about things like evolution and the nature of reality.  Something their mother knew precious little about.

With no family of my own, and no personal life to speak of, I don’t have a whole lot going on.  I do my job incredibly well (too well, in my opinion.  It’s gotten REALLY boring), and then go home to my empty fridge, laptop for Internet perusal, and my TV, which is where my consoles are hooked up to.  What does this have to do with anything?  I’ll tell you.  I have no one to talk to!  Got all a hobby that I think is fun, is part of my ongoing mission to find a good story that I can sink my teeth into revel in.  But who do I have to talk to about it?  No one.  If I even tell people I work with about my hobby, then I’m a man-child.  Just some loser who never left high school.  Being a gamer as one heads into middle-age means that you are looked down upon.  There is a HUGE cultural stigma against people like me.

Granted, this is going to change.  Gaming is now a bigger industry than Hollywood.  It’s outpacing Hollywood pretty fast in terms of financial and social engagement.  It’s one of the fastest-growing industries in the world.  Sure, it has its rough spots, but overall, it is still growing.  With more and more people engaging in his hobby, in a growing time of social isolation due to anxiety at dealing with real people, it’s a virtual guarantee that I am not going to be alone in my 30’s while still gaming.  The numbers are going to keep going up.

But that’s down the road.  For right now, I’m in this place where I have absolutely no one to talk to about anything.  I have to regale people with my endless amount of knowledge that doesn’t even to the slightest degree tie in to anything I do.  My vast plethora of useless knowledge that not one single person gives one dusty fuck about.  That’s what I got.

I lead a lonely life.  While more and more people are announcing marriages and whatnot, I sit here thinking “Can’t wait for November!  Finally gonna get to see what Death Stranding is like!”  Or “April 2020!  They’ve finally announced a release date for Cyberpunk 2077!”  However, I know there is absolutely no one that I can talk to about this.  It’s just gonna be me, listening to myself.  While I keep clicking away at a keyboard where I do my job, managing over 1,500 cases.  This is my life.

In the broad scheme of things, it could be a lot worse.  But as human beings (a species that is built on connection), perhaps you can imagine what it’s like to be in a situation where you are all alone in a place that you work.  I did have a coworker who I at least could talk movies with.  She would get all mad at my thoughts on modern Disney.  Loves her some Disney in the most die-hard way ever.  I’ve never been the most popular guy wherever I go.  Trust and believe.  I’m a contrarian, jaded, nihilistic, a bit of a libertine (but I keep it classy), and reject tradition wherever I find it on the basis that it is a tradition and should be gotten rid of for that reason.

As you might expect, it goes beyond where I work.  With more and more people having babies, starting families, or just becoming busier as they get older, I realize that I am the odd man out of most engagements.  So I go back to my home and turn on whatever game I’m playing, show I’m watching, or go online and just fuck around for a while.  Anything that passes the time.  Maybe I’m just embracing whatever brand of escapism to whatever point I can in order to escape the reality that my life is headed nowhere and that I am secretly just getting older.  Wasting my intellect on a job that a trained monkey could do (I’d know.  We have a whole bunch of them running this outfit), while trying to find something better.  Or at least something that makes me feel like each day I don’t wake up and ask why I even bother.

Until next time, a quote,

“Why the hell am I still alive?” – Gene Starwind, Outlaw Star

Peace out,


I Am…A Hipster

This is something I’ve had to talk about for a long time.  See, back in the day, one of my biggest gripes was hipsters.  They were everything I looked down upon.  Their fashion sense was absurd.  The music they made was repulsive.  Their tendency to look down upon all things modern and see things from a generation ago as the coolest thing ever was awful.  And don’t even get me started on the horn-rimmed glasses.  Still think those are awful.  However, as the years have gone by and I am now in my 30’s, I find myself embracing a lot of the ideology of the hipsters.  So now, in a tragic coming out moment, I must admit that I am a hipster.  Let me explain.

How do I know that I’m a hipster?  Well, it all started when more and more stuff has been going digital.  See, I still buy Blu-ray and regular DVDs.  Just bought an entire series of a show that I loved growing up, and still love now – The West Wing.  My bookshelf is almost entirely my seasons of TV shows and anime that I liked.  So many people have asked me – why do you do this?  Doesn’t it waste space?  You could just watch this stuff online.  Why do it?

Then there’s the fact that I ALWAYS buy games for my PS4 in physical copy.  Without exception.  Unless it doesn’t have a physical release, then it is what it is.  People have asked me the same about that as well.  The same question comes up – why do it?  For both things, I have the same answer.  I don’t want to entrust the future of the entertainment I like to a digital format.  Where one major power outage means that there’s nothing to watch on my laptop that has a disc drive.  Where if the event depicted in Cyberpunk 2077 where a massive piece of malware infects the entire Internet, I would lose all ability to watch anything.  And the games that I love are gone.  Maybe forever.  After all, what if PSN crashes again?  For good?  Then all that stuff I love has disappeared, never to be seen again.

Before you ask, I don’t buy CDs anymore…often.  Mostly because unless it’s the complete collection of Dave Brubeck, Ella Fitzgerald, Al Jarreau, or Miles Davis, I don’t really want all the tracks on a CD.  I just want a couple of songs.  And yeah, I still have an iPod.  No joke, that’s where my songs go.  Don’t have an iPhone.  Fuck Apple’s crappy phones.  Samsung, bitches.  Speaking of music – modern music sucks!  Everything that gets big anymore is trash.  Unrepentant trash.  Okay, I’ll admit that I do have a soft spot for Deadmau5.  The dude has made skills.  But my general tastes fall in line with music made from the 90’s, moving backward in time.  Backward to the age of horse and buggy.  Classical music holds a special place in my heart.

What about the fashion sense?  Do I embrace the hipster version of that?  No.  That’s one thing that I can gladly said I’ve avoided.  Mostly because I am too fucking tall to be fashionable.  At 6′ 10.5″, getting clothes in my size is a matter of finding a cheap place online.  Doesn’t help that I got me a bit of a gut.  Working on that.  My fears over my health grow as I get deeper into my medical education that I’m doing to help move my career in a new direction.  But if I could have a fashion sense, what would it be?  I’m not quite sure.  I’ve always hated jeans.  I wear slacks when I’m out and about.  Provided it isn’t super warm, slacks and my hoodie are pretty much my go-to fashion.  It’s comfy.  Maybe would have some nice black shirts with smooth black dress pants for special occasions.  I do have suits and dress shirts, but the vision I have in my head is The Man in Black’s younger version from Westworld.

And don’t even get me started on the wasteland that is modern film.  Sure, there’s a cool comic book movie every now and again.  But the endless sequels, Disney’s blatant cash-grab live-action remakes (fuck Disney!  Fuck them right up their their corporate ass!), and the fact that Hollywood can’t let beloved franchises just die with some fucking dignity is so frustrating.  What’s more, the nostalgia culture that I do NOT subscribe to embraces this.  It’s why Disney makes money like gangbusters with their live-action shit.  All shit.  Without a single exception, shit.  Endless heaps of trash that the dumb-fuck American audiences go to see with their kids.  Is there something stopping you from showing them the originals?!  Please, explain this to me.  Fuck Disney.

Thankfully, one area I don’t subscribe to the hipster mentality is video games.  There are a lot of modern games being made that I love.  I game for story.  Plain a simple.  A good narrative is what I’m looking for, hopefully driven by rich characters and intriguing plotlines that make me feel like I’m helping to forge.  Yeah, that means that I even like some games that people deride as “walking simulators.”  Whatever.  A good narrative is its own reward.  Modern days, with beautiful visuals and better character acting and rendering has made games that are absolutely breath-taking.  And I also have my baser games like DOOM (2016) to rip and tear to.  Yeah, I’m still a guy.  So sue me.

So there it is.  The community of people that I derided has come home to roost in making me a hypocrite.  Now I am the hipster.  A millennial hipster.  My shame is known to me.  As a friend pointed out to me, I also am something of a nihilist, which is another trademark of hipster culture.  If you all lose respect for me now, I understand.  I didn’t mean for this to happen.  It just kind of did.

Until next time, a quote,

“Ugh.  What a conformist.” – Goth Kid, South Park

Peace out,


Living In A Moment

I have this friend who comes over to my place and I make the two of us dinner.  As luck would have it, every time they want to do so, I get this inspiration for an idea.  See, I don’t plan cool things I do.  Ever.  I just do them off the cuff.  I’ll get some crazy idea out of nowhere and my brain is like – that’s what I’m gonna make!  And each idea has been crazier and more ambitious than the last.  To date, I haven’t had a complete fuck-up of a night I make dinner for the two of us.  But I’m sure that I’m just opening the door for Lady Luck to fuck with me.  One day at a time, right?

These projects are always a ton of work.  Usually there’s an insane amount of prep, and then I get to do the final cooking.  Every time, as I build up to putting it in the oven, I think to myself – is all of this worth it?  But then I see my final project and I realize – yeah it is.  It really, really is.  Plus, my place smells amazing right now.  All of the ingredients ready, the dough ready, all to be assembled and put in the oven.  It’s gonna be fantastic.  I’m proud of my work.

So here I am, sitting in my chair, in my living room, listening to some soft music, in this moment.  It’s such a great moment.  I was smart to wait to take my shower until after all the prep was done.  I get all sweaty, and I don’t want to smell like BO when my friend comes over.  There’s this gentle, quiet, feeling of contentment inside of me.  I could live in it.  I really, really could.  I could live in this for a thousand years, and never leave.  It’s wonderful.  All the tension is gone, and I get to just have my soft music and my thoughts.

Which got me to thinking about all the times in my life that I’ve felt like this.  I bitch about this apartment a lot, but at least I finally have kitchen space to do this.  To really get to have this feeling.  There’s something about this crampt space.  It’s cozy.  I feel cozy in here.  It’s looking like there are rain clouds outside.  Maybe I’ll get to hear it falling on my deck.  That’s another great thing.  What are the moments in my life where I felt like this?  That I wanted to live in forever?

One was the night I saw the moon reflecting on the water of the lake my parents used to live on.  That was amazing.  It was a night that you only get once in a blue moon.  Where the moon was just low enough to have this reflection that spread out across the water like a white glow.  It helped that I had my kitty with me, and peach yogurt.  I miss my kitty so much.  She was the most loyal friend I’ve ever had.  For over half my life, at 30 years old, she was my companion.  Eighteen years of life.  That’s insane, for a cat.

Then there was the morning after I lost my virginity.  It was with someone who I was so worried I would disappoint, sexually.  But they were understanding, and we had an amazing night.  The next day, I woke up and felt her there, in my arms.  It was fantastic.  Did everything I could not to move so I didn’t wake her.  But then, I’m kind of fidgety, so I did anyway.

When the brother I never had and I were up until 0300 talking about the world we wanted to create.  Two young people, dreamers, idealizing a world where everyone is happy and we don’t have to deal with all the bullshit.  If only the two of us understood just what a rigged system it is.  So depressing.  Best not to let it get me down.

The night that the wind blew out the power of the entire city.  It was an insane windstorm.  A girly-mate and I went out walking in the darkness.  So many people who were cooped up in their dorm rooms came out of that darkness and there was a sense of camaraderie born out of everyone not wanting to spend their evening in the darkness alone.  You could see power transformers reflecting as they blow up off the low clouds.  It was ominous, but kinda cool at the same time.  I loved it.

Those are just a few.  Then you have to move on from the moment, and you forget the feeling you were having.  But I still wouldn’t change it for anything.  I guess this post was kind of rambling, wasn’t it?  Oh well.  What are the moments you have had that you could live in?  Let me know in the comments.

Until next time, a quote,

“I could rewind and live in this moment forever.  But then it wouldn’t be a moment, would it?” – Max Caulfield, Life is Strange

Peace out,


Amazon Sucks

I will admit fully to just looking to vent with this post.  Amazon has been pissing me off lately, and I felt like coming to my online audience, who is coming up on 1,000 on WordPress alone and talking to you about it.  Seeing if you have had any similar problems.  In the age of online convenience, it never ceases to amaze how inconvenient it all can be.  The worst part is that there is no recourse for the average consumer.  It’s all being handled by computers and people hundreds or in my case thousands of miles away that I can’t do a damn thing about.  Because they don’t care about the average consumer.  They really don’t.  Plenty of online personalities I follow on YouTube talk about what a brick wall that is, but the other online platforms are no better.  Let me prove it.

So, I got robbed on Christmas Eve.  No joke.  Someone came to my sealed apartment building, to a package that Amazon left outside my door, and stole it.  How do I know?  Because I saw the evidence that they disposed of outside in the ashtray outside the building.  The loathesome human being just ripped the package open and left the contents in there.  Needless to say, I was livid.  Beyond livid.  I wanted to find this person and rip their guts out and put their head on the front of my car the way hunters do with deer.  I can think of a LOT of people that deserve that treatment, now that I think about it.

Immediately I filed a complaint with my apartment building.  My thought was – why couldn’t the USPS guy have just left a slip in my mailbox instead of leaving the package outside my door?  It was Christmas Eve, after all, and I had places to be.  Specifically places that weren’t there to be.  I got a response the next day of business that blew my mind.  See, I have Amazon Prime, for reasons that I’m starting to question.  At first it was great to not have to pay shipping on lots of stuff, but now I’m seeing the downside.  And Amazon has a policy about stuff that is sent from Amazon locations and not independent sellers in respect to USPS.  Their policy is that they can’t just put a slip in your box.  They HAVE to leave it outside of your place of residence.  There’s no room for negotiations.

Needless to say, I was pissed.  So, since Amazon has this stupid-ass policy of having to leave packages in unsecure locations, they assume the liability for if the package is stolen.  So, I went to their website to see how I could get in touch with them about a refund.  And let me tell you – their website’s Help section is the biggest pain in the ass ever.  They have no section for if something is stolen.  You can type it into their help menu, and it just tells you to wait a couple days.

So then I decide – this is pointless, how can I get in touch with a person?  I have a right to a refund, and I want to talk to somebody about that.  Finding the talk to someone link is also annoying, having to sift through their endless un-Help(ful) section to find an option to speak to someone on the phone or via chat.  I picked the chat option.  To the credit of the person I was talking to, they only fed my corporate jargon for a bit before actually approving my refund.  All’s well that ends well?  Not really.  I still have to face the reality that if I want to order something again from them, I get to pay the gamble of if it gets stolen or not.  Nice work, Amazon.

Then tonight, Amazon’s wonderful customer service decided to strike again!  See, I have a class for college that I am attending again to get certification for medical coding and billing.  First class for this new mission, and the cost of textbooks is obscene.  Figured I can rent it.  That was far cheaper.  Everything was going smoothly, until I got to check-out.  Been using the same payment method I’ve been using for ages.  Never been a problem.  Except this time, they won’t take it.  Why?  Because they demand I get a card that has an expiration of at least 07/2019.  What?  Are you fucking kidding me?!  I decide to go back and see if I can get Help on this  Their un-Help(ful) section tells me nothing.  So again, I decide to just cut out their website’s bullshit and talk to a person again.

Got a dude tonight, and he told me this is the official policy of the store.  For insurance purposes, they have to have a card that doesn’t expire until more than 45 days when the textbook has to be returned.  You have got to be fucking with me.  So, they are saying that I have to go to my bank and get a new card, then go back on there and do this whole process over again.  And by the time I do, I can guarantee that the textbook will be gone.  After all, business is closed on Sunday, and I have work from 8 to 4 tomorrow.  And my bank would have to send me the card via the mail anyway.  This is such bullshit.

What’s the moral of this?  All stories have to have a moral, right?  The moral is that Amazon fucking sucks, but because everything is a fucking online monopoly, they’re the only game in town.  I’d say fuck them, but the shit I want is cheapest with them, so I’m stuck with the pricks.  Brilliant.

Until next time, a quote,

“Some mother-fuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill.” – Blade, Blade

Peace out,


Lucien’s Christmas Message

I know I said my retro review was where I would be putting this year’s Christmas post at, but I was recently inspired by a heart-felt Christmas message I saw.  Something to know about me – I get hit with sudden bursts of inspiration all the time.  It happens, and when it does, I feel pretty great about it.  In fact, those little moments are the ones where I have done some things that are beyond anything people expect, and when I feel the most satisfaction.  I’m a weird juxtaposition of a man.  I am INCREDIBLY introverted, but the moments when I feel the most legitimate satisfaction with my life are when I am making those people who put up with me smile and feel happy.

There probably isn’t a word for what I am.  At least, I like to think so.  With almost eight billion people on this tiny planet, I’m sure there’s some psychological spectrum that I fit into perfectly, but I legitimately like to believe that I don’t.  This idea that I am able to be quantified as a person and just shoved into a neat mold has always bugged me.  That isn’t what I want to be.  That isn’t how I want people to view me.  And unfortunately, with so many, that has been.

I have a religious extended family.  Very much so.  Some of my biggest arguments this year came from me and them going at it about stuff that I know deep down we will NEVER see eye-to-eye on.  They are old and set in their ways, and at this juncture in their lives, nothing is gonna change that.  It’s just how it is.  But you can’t tell them that.  At least, they didn’t listen when I tried.  They tried to put me into their mold and fit me into a nice stereotype about a non-believer that they get from Christian movies and entertainment and the ideological echo chamber that they live in.  It bugs me, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

Right now, I’m listening to some absolutely amazing Christmas music by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.  I’m not even slightly religious, but I can appreciate the beauty of this music, and the dedication it took to make it.  I think Mormonism is a cult that was started by a con artist who couldn’t keep it in his pants.  It’s part of why they are so desperately trying to walk away from the whole polygamy thing.  But when I tell people that I find this music beautiful, if they are believers, they assume that means there is this part of me that does believe, or if they are non-believers, they think that means I am secretly a little religious.  It’s not true.

This holiday is always hard, for me.  I have depression as a result of brain damage after a head injury.  It is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.  I have a hate-hate relationship with snow.  I despise it.  It brings out that very worst in me.  My coworkers were legitimately shocked at my blind hate of it and how I didn’t hold back in my loathing when they brought it up to me.  Winter, in my eyes, is about the long dark nights, the white shit that falls from the sky and is a complete pain in the ass, and the length of this time of year.  In a few years, after I get vested in my union job, along with finishing my education for medical work that I want to get into, I’m looking to head south from this place.

But I’ve started a new tradition.  I make these Christmas treats, and when I get to hear from people about how good they are (it shocked me how good I am at this, and I’m only getting better), it really does make it all better.  Anytime I can do something to help one of my people, my life feels like it has meaning.  When I can say something nice to make someone smile, or give someone at work who did something special a Favorite Person of the Day tag, just so they can feel better, or joke when they make a silly mistake with a Shame Tag, it makes my life that much better.

For whatever reason, I am a master of meshing with people.  I was asked to take a workplace picture of everyone in the office wearing their tacky Christmas sweaters, and I made it into a big joke, messing with everyone and making people laugh.  Sure, my manager joked about firing me, but everyone left there smiling.  It’s so strange, to me, that I can have this gift, yet the one person I can’t make feel better is myself.  But then I remember, this is brain damage.  It’s just how it is.

Here’s my Christmas message – don’t forget about the people in your life who are afflicted.  One of the hardest things for me is when I have to deal with people who just don’t understand.  I get told day in and day out that I’m not trying hard enough or I just don’t want to be happy or something to that effect.  Both of which are blatantly untrue.  It’s easy at this time of year to push aside those who suffer from this kind of thing.  Everywhere I look, I see posts about getting rid of negative people.  But sometimes, the person you see as negative is the one who has the most for you, and would be able to give the most and get the most from knowing that there is someone who cares.

There are no Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future to make us realize that we are not giving back to the world as much as we could, or living life to the fullest, in a way we should.  That’s up to us to be able to discern.  The worst part is, in the Age of Apathy, it may be the most forgotten lesson humanity has taken.  I guess I’m preaching now, but remember that sometimes, the negative person is just looking for someone to care.  That they might want to give back, but feel neglected or disillusioned.  That doesn’t mean to put up with someone being a jerk just to be.  But keep an open mind.  The guy at work who sees snow falling and scowls may be someone who has a lot of ugly baggage attached to is, but isn’t the bad underneath it all.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to you all, and I hope you have the best holiday you can, with family, friends, fur-babies, or even with yourself.  But I hope not just you.  Humans are genetically written to be pack animals.  Remember that.

Until next time, a quote,

“Please, celebrate me home.” – Kenny Loggins

Peace out,


What I’m Thankful For This Year

Normally I do this post on the day or day before Thanksgiving, but I gots me an idea for an actual Thanksgiving post this year, and I do have some stuff to talk about with this post, so I figured I’d break tradition a little.  It’s been a long year.  A lot of things have happened, making my adult life that much more complicated.  My Year in Review post will be pretty interesting.  But there are a number of things that I want to give thanks for.  Despite what corporate America believes, I think that this holiday is about giving thanks for what you have, so let’s get down to it.  Here are the thing that I want to give thanks for in 2018.

Getting a New Job

I cannot tell you how hard it has been making just enough to scrape by.  With new expenses coming into my life now that I fully own a car of my own, and had some serious shit go wrong with said car (and still have to get my shocks replaced in the spring), along with Uncle Sam fucking me over because I am single and don’t own property (seriously, this world is so rigged against single people.  It’s infuriating), my finances took a massive, massive hit.  It nearly crippled me.  For so long, I was desperate to get a new job, that paid better.

I’ve been fighting against going up the ladder in my own office because for the longest time I didn’t want a caseload of my own.  However, since all my efforts to escape have been in vain, I decided it was time to nut up and just do it.  I mean, if I’m gonna be stuck here, might as well be earning that sweet cheddar, right?  With that in mind, and since every supervisor has been begging me to do this because I am that good at what I do, I finally applied.

The wait was interminable, but I finally got the job!  Almost to the point of seeing the first paycheck with partial caseworker cheddar infusion along with my old wages.  Not to mention overtime pay, because every time there is overtime, I am on that like stink on cheese.  A half day on a Saturday at my office and now I can’t imagine what I will be bringing home.  Signed up for more next month.  Christmas might come a little later, but I’ll take it.  Man did I digress.

Getting this job is a massive bump in pay, and with my plans to go back to college to get my CPC for medical coding for when I leave this state, this pay raise is going to get me so very far.  It’s a great thing, trust and believe.  I couldn’t be more thankful.  If I hadn’t have gotten this job, I honestly was scared of what was going to happen.  My finances were in the tank.

My Parents

This one is almost obligatory.  Given how much they have done for me over the years, to not include it on the list would be kinda heresy.  I acknowledge that there were some bad years, especially with my mother, but now we have hit a stride where we are more like chill friends than parent and kid, and it works.  In my family, it’s all about sticking together.  Who else will support you if they won’t?  Granted, there are limits, as an extended family member found out after suing me.  You don’t do family that way, not in this lot.

While I have been financially independent for two years, even when my finances were in trouble, I didn’t ask for money, they still do a lot for me, and I have to be very vocal of my thankfulness that I have parents who are like that.  I have friends who don’t, like a girly-mate whose family disowned her after she was outed as being gay when she was a teenager.

Both my folks are getting older, and the reality is that there comes a point that you have to start looking at the inevitable.  I’ve always known that between my sibling and myself, the one who will have to do the heavy lifting looking after them is me.  I’m together, moving up in the world, and can manage my own life.  Common sense isn’t as common as you’d think.  I’m glad for all the time I have with my folks, even if we talk to each other like we’re always bickering.  It comes from a place of love.

My Navy Girly-mate

If you had told me the day we met, at the office where we worked together before she shipped off to basic, that I was meeting someone who was going to change my life in so many ways, I don’t know if I would have believed you.  Her and I have had our ups and downs.  There was even something that happened that nearly nuked our friendship entirely.  Took me having to seriously work to set things right.  But here we are, two years later, and she’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had.

There is so much about her life in the Navy I could learn about.  I have hung on every word when she talks about it.  I always wanted to serve myself, but after a head injury that killed me and the back of my head having to be replaced with government plastic, that’s out, along with contact sports and fisticuffs.  So I will admit that I am partly living through her experiences as I hear of them, but it’s been something so engaging.

Plus, we get one-another.  Our antics together are just the best.  We are perfectly on one-another’s wavelengths, I can give her shit and she can give it to me, we just work as a duo.  This friendship is new in my life, but so long as there isn’t some kind of major disaster in the future, it could become a defining relationship in my life.

Other Friends, Old and New

There are some new people in my life.  New employees who started out in customer service at the agency I work for, just like I did.  I’ve become something of a mentor to all of them.  There is a reason I can walk into that room like a rock star and have them coming to me regularly for advice.  I take some pride in that.  These friends are different kinds of people, and some of them mesh with me better than others, but so far it’s proving to be an interesting experience.

Meanwhile, there are some old friends who I have been able to keep in my life who are so important to me.  One friend who occasionally comes to dinner.  Some people think that men and women can’t be just friends, and she is living proof that that is not true.  We are 100% platonic and perfectly fine with that.  It’s great to have someone who I can talk to, and who is comfortable talking to me.

Then there is a friend who is very far away, and I miss them every day.  The adventures we had, the times we spent together, and our nights together seem like a distant memory now, but we keep in touch and there are some genuinely touching exchanges between the two of us.  I wear the bracelet she got me every day.

My Site

This website is almost 10 years old.  It will be in August of next year.  I’ve had this place going for 10 years.  That’s just baffling, to me.  To think that I’d be some nobody with his own website that people continue to read after 10 years.  I have almost 900 subs on WordPress alone, and it grows all the time.  That many people have chosen to keep what I write open to their viewing, and some comment regularly.  Don’t think for one second that I take that for granted.  You all and the reactions I get to my work are what keep me wanting to write on here.  Plus, it’s a great outlet.

Going back and looking at my early work, I do cringe a bit.  But that’s the great thing about a site – you can grow and evolve.  And if more people come and fewer leave, that means you’re doing something right.  You’re putting out content that people think is worth their time.  Plus, with so many WordPress blogs out there, to be this popular, minuscule as it is, is a real privilege.  Thank you all so much.

What about you?  What things are you thankful for this year?  Let me know in the Comments.

Until next time, a quote,

“I love fall.” – Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes

Peace out,