Top 10 Traumatizing Things in Fiction as a Child

I haven’t done a top 10 list in ages, and because I am so original, I want to piggy-back off this concept one of my favorite YouTubers put out – traumatizing things in fiction as a child.  As a kid, I had a love-hate relationship with fear.  I loved getting afraid of things, just so I could become more enamored with them.  Today I have a relationship with fear that it’s just being wasted.  Gory horror films do nothing for me.  Deep psychological thrillers, or horror films that actually take the time to build atmosphere (there are so few) are my jam.  As a kid, the stuff that scared me tended to grab my attention.  But that doesn’t mean that it didn’t fuck me up all the same.  Here is a list of the top ten things in fiction that REALLY messed with me, growing up, in a scary way.  Won’t be including any visual aids for this.  Sorry if that’s a deal-breaker.  I just have some of these attached to memories I’d like to forget.

10. Turning into lizard creatures
Star Trek Voyager
In one episode, Lt. Paris had discovered that it was possible to go to warp 10.  He wanted to test this, and he just so happened to take Capt. Janeway along for the ride.  What followed was them turning into these weird lizard creatures. But it wasn’t what you’d expect from Star Trek.  They weren’t some big bulky thing that you can clearly tell is a costume or prop.  They turn into these small creatures that look real.  It was so unsettling to me as a child.  For whatever reason, it just scared me out of my wits that I would turn into one of those things one day.

9. Pig head girl
Goosebumps
This one just fucked with my head.  An episode of Goosebumps featured this city that people could warp into.  It was a two-part episode where you had one of the main characters being turned into a pig because of her greed.  That image just fucked with me so hard.  Looking back on it now it’s ridiculous.  But at the time it just fucked me up so hard.

8. Back monster scene
Phantasm II
As a kid I had this bad habit of going over to my uncle’s house.  He is hardcore religious, and had a pool.  But he also had another thing that he did – watch movies that were SO not appropriate for children.  And as a kid who liked to do things I wasn’t supposed to, I would sneak over sometimes and watch them.  One such film was Phantasm II.  In it, we have a scene with a woman who is covered by a black cloak.  They pull it off her face, and see that her mouth is taped shut.  What else is under that cloak?  They pull back more to reveal that there is a monster inside of her back, eating her.  That scene stuck with me so hard.  Scared the living shit out of me.  But I couldn’t tell my parents about it because I would have gotten in trouble.  The things I dealt with in silence.

7. The covers
Scary Stories (series)
Remember what I said about things that scared me enticing me to know more?  Well, this was one such instance.  I am so fucking pissed that they redid the covers for the new editions of the stories.  The reasoning?  Because they are too scary for kids.  Bullshit!  That is fucking stupid, and people who think that way are stupider.  Yeah, they are scary, but sometimes things that scare kids also intrigue them.  We like a little fear.  I read all of those books because of the covers.  And the neat fact is that the stories themselves were usually about sources of fear who are just misunderstood.  I hate this idea that we have to make the world less difficult for children.  Yeah, because kids can’t handle some scary imagery.  Give me a fucking break.

6. The Witch
Hansel and Gretel
I honestly don’t know which version of this story I saw as a kid, but I remember that there was one version with this character who just fucked up my head so hard.  Something about her screaming at these two children who she had chained up in a cage just messed with my head so fucking hard.  I wish I could remember which version I saw.  This story has been done to death.  Another relic from a time gone by – when we could scare the shit out of children and it was okay, so long as the story has a happy ending.  Don Bluth became a household name in the 80’s because of that philosophy, and he is absolutely right.

5. The threat of nuclear annihilation
I honestly don’t remember what specifically it was that got me scared of this.  Maybe it was a movie, or the news, but I remember that the idea of a nuclear weapon attacking my house scared the piss out of me.  To the point that I slept in my parents bedroom for ages.  We had these mattresses that you could move around, and I was sleeping on one in the corner of their room for a long time.  Now that we could be facing down World War III with North Korea, and the fact that my home state is in their launch radius, that thought has come back to me.  Only this time I think I’d grab some marshmallows and enjoy the roast.

4. The Oompa Loompas
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
I’m talking about the original, not that weird Tim Burton shit.  In this film, the only thing I found truly frightening as a kid growing up with those orange-faced bastards.  They are fucking creepy!  Their creepy faces and their creepy green hair and their creepy songs.  I hated them so much.  To this day I’m not a huge fan.  If I will say what the remakes did better, it is the different songs.  One good spot on a terrible movie.  That’s something, right?

3. Slappy the Puppet
Goosebumps
Oh my Groj, this fucking puppet.  One of the times that something didn’t entice me through fear and just freaked me the fuck out was this puppet.  Everything from its creepy face to its creepy voice, the thing was just so scary!  The guy they got for this puppet was just amazing.  To this day, that creepy face makes my skin crawl.  I’m well-aware how fake it all is, but it’s all in the performance.  The guy they got for that was just too good.

2. Chernabog
Fantasia
The quintessential example of fear compelling me to fascination.  As I am sure many who read my site know, Fantasia is not only my favorite Disney film, but my second favorite film of all time.  And nowhere was that quality better exemplified than in the final number.  In it, we see a powerful demon by the name of Chernabog summoning forth all of the damned for what must be one hell of a party.  That creature mesmerized me.  I loved everything about it.  It had size, presence, and a creepy smile that just played into how scared and captivated I was at the same time.  This character has become a staple of what I love about that film.  Just made me want to go to the party that much more.

And the thing that freaked me out the most in fiction as a kid…

1. Expanding feet
Full House
A disclaimer – I didn’t like this show growing up.  It was stupid, but I was young enough to be stuck watching it when the rest of the family was.  And one scene that really fucked with my head growing up was when the youngest child in the family had this scary dream about her feet expanding really huge, and seeing it.  That shit fucked me up!  For weeks I had bad dreams about that concept, and to this day I feel a little weird when I see it.  Old trauma, maybe?  In any case, in a series devoid of any real tension or darkness, that one element has stuck with me.  Hell, it’s the only thing I can actually remember about the series, outside of the Nostalgia Critic’s review of it.

So, what stuff from fiction fucked up your life as a kid?  Let me know in the Comments

Until next time, a quote,

“Like I said before, I think kids like being scared because it pulls them much more into the action. If they didn’t like being scared, they wouldn’t go out for Halloween, or watch High School Musical” – Nostalgia Critic

Peace out,

Maverick

Lucien’s First Take: GUN Self-Defense For Women

For those of you who have been living under a rock somewhere, there is a filmmaker named Derek Savage.  He made a movie called Cool Cat Saves the Kids, which was absolutely panned by everyone.  Here is a link to my favorite review of it.  Now, Savage wasn’t able to take criticism very well.  See, YMS was nice to him.  Or at least nice enough to the point that it didn’t get Savage really mad.  But other reviewers, such as I Hate Everything ripped the movie to shreds and were vicious and mean-spirited in the extreme.  Unable to handle people not saying nice things about his movie, Savage issued some DMCA take-down notices against the reviews he didn’t like, hurting not only the channels of others, but taking potential revenue away.  Real swell guy, Derek Savage.

When IHE made the issue very public, Savage doubled-down and made a video defending what he did.  Long story-short, after a long and drawn-out battle where Savage pretended to be a lawyer for another company (no joke, that really happened.  The whole story is on IHE’s YouTube channel.  Just gotta find the video), Savage decided to cut his losses and let the videos go back up.  I bring this up for a reason – because Savage made a film called GUN Self-Defense for Women (and apparently men too.  Really, it’s on the box art for this film) where he is going to teach women self-defense with guns.  Again who, you ask?  Well, Savage released a clip from the film.  Let’s see who these EVIL people are.

The Internet’s term for Derek Savage is Daddy Derek, from his role in the Cool Cat film.  With that in mind, Daddy Derek, you’re just swell.  I just love how that mom in this says, “let’s go play.”  I can’t be the only person who finds that SO unintentionally dirty.  There are some unanswered questions that need to be examined.  Like, what is she playing with these kids?  I think we all need to know.  Especially anyone in a position of authority.  Like, I don’t know, the cops?  They might be a touch bit interested.  Just putting that out there.

Next we have our villain – a fat person!  If any of you watched Cool Cat Saves the Kids, then you saw that the main “bully” in that film was a fat kid.  Now, we have a would-be mugger who is also fat.  What is with this guy and fat people?  Did a fat person hurt you, Derek?  Since you seem like the kind of person who Googles himself a lot, I have a feeling you’ll find this post.  So Daddy Derek, I’m gonna put out a couple of theories and you let me know which is accurate.  Because I think I’ve figured out why you don’t like fat people.

Theory # 1: When Derek was a younger man, he fell madly in love with a very portly woman.  She was very, very heavy, but that’s okay.  Derek loved her for who she is.  What a guy.  The relationship was going really well.  Derek was happy with her.  But then, one day, she leaves him.  And not just leaves him, she rips out his heart and crushes it.  By the time she was done, Derek felt like he would never love again.  Now he has a problem with all fat people, because of this one person.

Theory # 2: When Derek was a kid, he was fat.  A regular little Mickey Blumberg from Recess.  Only, where Mickey was really tall, so people didn’t mess with him, Derek was not.  He was very short.  Short, fat, and probably ridiculed to no end.  The endless teasing about his weight ended up culminating in him developing an eating disorder, and him being obsessed with getting in shape.  When he finally got there, he ended up hating who he was, and the fact that he was fat.  So now he has turned all this unresolved angst into characters in his movies.

So, Daddy Derek, which is it?  Let me know in the Comments.  Next up, why does the fat guy assume that because she has kids, she has money?  I mean, wouldn’t the assumption be that if she has kids, she doesn’t have money?  That she spends her money on the kids?  This is really dumb.  Not to mention – what mugger is stupid enough to do this in front of her kids?  And show his face?  Does fatty here not understand that she’s likely going to call the cops on him?  By the way, I noticed that she didn’t do that.  Like, maybe the cops would like to know that there’s a fat guy who has a very recognizable face and his in a blue shirt and blue pants trying to mug women in front of their children.  Seems that Daddy Derek didn’t learn his lesson from how bad his lesson were in Cool Cat’s movie.

You know, as much as I want to mock this guy, part of me does think that his heart is in the right place.  No joke, I can’t fault this guy for the movies he makes.  He wanted to help bullying, so he made a movie about bullies. He wants to protect women, so he makes a movie about gun safety.  The problem is that clearly, Daddy Derek is an idiot.  He gives terrible lessons, doesn’t grasp anything about people.  This guy is so delightfully stupid.  You wanna have a problem with how dumb he is, but as I said, he still wants to do the right thing.  There’s a strange juxtaposition between his stupidity and his good morals that is so much fun to watch.  I look forward to seeing this movie, when it comes out.  Might do a review.  Hey Derek, send me a review copy of this movie, and I’ll review it.  I’ll even try and be nice.

Initial Verdict
3 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick