I haven’t done one of these in forever. After I got through all of BuzzFeed Yellow’s insipid catalog of crap, I haven’t had one of these to do. Well, a woman who isn’t know for anything outside of being a glorified blogger decided to go to Medium and make another list. I decided to respond to it and see if I fit the terms of a person who supports women, according to the criteria that she laid out. Here’s a link to the article, now let’s see how I do.
Overcome your own transphobia. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Accept the lived truth of NB and GNC people, whether or not they are women.
Nothing to overcome. I treat people as they come. I don’t care about trans people any more or less than I don’t already care about anyone else. I’m a misanthrope. Granted, I believe in treating all people with basic levels of respect, so long as they treat me in kind. That seems like a good criteria. Unless of course that person is Riley J Dennis, in which case she can fuck right off because she is a prick who has the same beliefs about sexual preferences as pray-the-gay-away preachers. So I got this first one down. Excellent.
Be pro-choice and be vocal in support of reproductive rights. (And generous! Give to the National Network of Abortion Funds!) Understand that the opposite of reproductive choice is forced childbearing.
I have made donations in the past to Planned Parenthood, which I trust infinitely more than your charity because it is known for the results it gets and the transparency which it operates. I have always been pro-choice. Got this one too. Damn! I am on a roll!
Support subsidized birth control. Support women’s healthcare. Support women’s preventative healthcare. Support medical trials that include (or even prioritize) women.
I’ll do you one better, cupcake. Instead of just supporting women’s healthcare, I support universal healthcare. That way, everyone can have the healthcare they need without worrying if it will put them in bankruptcy. So I am actually one-upping you here. Nice! I think I may be a very good “ally” for women, according to this woman’s criteria. But I won’t be supporting medical trials that prioritize women. If it’s for a drug or medical procedure that’s for both genders instead of just being a drug for women, then there’s no reason for me to support prioritizing women. None. So you got me there.
Support nontaxed menstrual products. Ask your workplace if tampons and pads are free. If they’re not, advocate for them to be free. Get over any embarrassment you may have about menstruation.
Don’t care about menstruation. It’s all just biology to me. As for supporting non-taxed, why would I support a product being given out for free? Condoms aren’t free. If it’s a product made by a company, why would I support them not charging money for it? Companies can have whatever policy they want in regards to selling this stuff, but as for me, I don’t support us just giving shit away to people if it cost money to produce. So I can’t support this part. Guess my ally cred is slipping.
Vocally advocate at your workplace for longer and more egalitarian paid parental leave, whether or not parenthood is part of your life. Advocate for lactation spaces. Advocate for on-site or subsidized childcare.
Here’s a question – do you believe this should be applied equally to men. Some countries have paid paternity leave. That seems fair. But here’s the thing – people leaving on maternity leave is an imposition on a company. I’m not about to sit here and pretend that a corporation whose only concern is making money should just totally wave off the fact that losing an employee to have a kid is a problem for them. Is that fair? No. But it’s the risk women taken when they choose to have children. I’m sorry, but most women understand that risk when they take that step.
Tell your elected officials that you are a man who votes and you prioritize women’s issues when you decide who to vote for. Then actually prioritize women’s issues when you decide who to vote for. Understand that women’s issues are your issues.
I don’t prioritize women’s issues. I prioritize issues that affect my life. Like when my state chose to legalize pot. I vote in that election. I voted in the primary for Bernie Sanders, then wrote in Harambe in the general election because I didn’t (and still don’t) support either of those ass-clowns. If that’s a problem, sorry-not-sorry. Issues for other women are not necessarily my issues. I’m not a feminist. I’m an egalitarian. In that same election where we voted to legalize pot, I voted to raise the minimum wage because the girl I was dating at the time was making that and I supported that issue.
Whenever you are in a group composed of only men (whether it’s social, work, church, or whatever) ask yourself why there are no women present. Then ask out loud why. Force an honest answer.
I have no groups I am a part of that only have men. I’m not really a group person. I don’t believe in Gawd. My office has a ton of women in it. My immediate supervisor is a woman, and she is viewed as the mom of the office for being so good at whipping it into shape. She’s a hell of a woman and has years of status under her belt showing she’s earned her place. So yeah, this question has no relevance to me of any kind.
Cultivate genuine, intimate, nonsexual friendships with women.
Got a ton of those. No problem whatsoever.
Seek out women to be your heroes and mentors.
My heroes are George Carlin and H.L. Mencken. Find me a woman who can compare to them and I’ll let you know what I think.
Any time you see a building, street, institution, etc. named for a man, see how long it takes you to spot another one named for a woman.
What the fuck do I care what a building, street, or institution is named after? Nothing. Why do you care? What effect does this have on your life?
Ask yourself what things you don’t do, for whatever reason, that you also think of as something women tend to do. (Sew? Send birthday cards? Care about skincare?) Try doing it for a while, just to see what it’s like to be a person who does the thing.
I love to cook, I take care of my sad apartment by myself. I’ve sewn buttons back on clothes. Went shopping for lotion with a girly-mate and was cool when she bought some for me. There’s nothing to think about. What is this idea that all men seem to believe that there are some tasks that only women are supposed to do? I guess only women can have lesbian sex. There’s a task. I found one. Happy now?
Talk less. In all spaces. At all times. At a lower volume.
Um, no. So long as I’m not hurting anyone or being rude and interrupting, I’ll do whatever the fuck I want when I’m not at my job. Don’t assume you have ANY right to tell me how to conduct myself.
When you need support, reach out to men as well as women. Work to be a person your friends of all genders can reach out to when they need support. Create a culture of openness around yourself.
Nobody wants me around when I need support. See, I’m kind of a negative person suffering from hardcore depression. However, because of my depression, I keep an open door to all people in my circle of friends who need to talk. That’s important to me. Because I am the kind of person who is easy to forget, I will never let anyone in my circle who wants me there to feel they are forgotten. So got the openness status all locked down.
Consume media marketed to women. Don’t perform your consumption.
I don’t care who media is marketed towards so long as it fits in my view of things I like. My favorite film of all time is a hardcore love story (5 Centimeters Per Second). Does that count? I’ll consume whatever I like. I like and dislike a lot of things. My likes and dislikes run the gamut. But I don’t think about it as something marketed towards women. I think about it in terms of – do I think this product looks good? If yes, then I consume it. It’s why I drink fruity drinks and not whiskey shots. Why are you working so hard to divide media when you should be taking my approach and encouraging people to create media that is meant to be marketed as broadly as possible?
Deprogram your beliefs about thinness being an optimal state of feminine beauty. Deprogram your beliefs that your desire matters in determining a woman’s worth.
No. Fuck you. What I want in a partner is my business. It’s not yours or anyone else’s. Same with what you want. Since I’m bisexual, my desires for men and women are my own. And yeah, I’m never gonna find a landwhale attractive. I’m sorry. I don’t mind women with a few extra pounds. I like a girl I can eat a pizza with or get a burger and not have her going on about how bad it is. A totally platonic girly-mate occasionally comes over for dinner and she goes to the gym but also likes the food I make. I just won’t find attractive a quality in a person that I believe is detrimental. If someone is eating themselves to death, I find that unappealing. There’s nothing wrong with that. Obese has NEVER been the standard of beauty. It never will.
Jerk off without porn for a while. EDIT: This really should be “Pay for your porn.” In particular, seek out (and pay for) porn that’s made by women, queer people, and people of color, and that’s produced ethically. Consume sexual culture as thoughtfully as you would consume any culture.
I jerk off without porn all the time. I have a very vivid imagination. I don’t care who porn is made by. I care about the content. Don’t even bother to look into who made something. It’s almost like I’m just trying to get off and then go about my day.
Learn about racism and intersectionality, and do everything you can to empower and amplify black women and NBWOC.
Not into the social justice scene. Not even a little. I fucking hate this victim culture people in the first world have. So yeah, can’t get on-board with that even a little.
Detach yourself from straw-man definitions for hot-button issues (intersectionality, cultural appropriation, political correctness, preferred pronouns, etc.) and learn what they’re really about. Unpack the real meanings behind phrases like “SJW” and “feminazi.” Believe people when they say they’re in pain.
I have detached myself from straw-man definitions. See, part of why I respond to posts like these is so I can make sure I don’t leave out context. For many years I have responded to posts like this and made very clear my disdain for a large swath of people within the social justice community because of the things they say and the ideas they propagate. So yeah, not gonna get behind this either.
Decent advice, I guess.
I hate children. I will never like children. The job I have right now is the greatest form of birth control in the universe. So yeah, never gonna do that either.
All things considered, this was pretty standard feminist advice bullshit for men. Seen shit like this before on BuzzFeed. Honestly surprised she didn’t say to stop looking at lesbian porn or something like that, but whatever. How did I do?
Until next time, a quote,
“I won’t bore you with the details, but after reading these articles I discovered three modes of excuse-making – I mean thinking! – 1. pointless list-making, 2. dumb observations, and 3. overly intellectualizing” – Harry Ass Plinkett