For those of you who don’t know, America is really fucking dumb. Like, stupid on a scale that is just phenomenal in the grand scheme of things. It impresses me sometimes how utterly bereft of intelligence this country is. Like, plenty of countries have stupid shit, but America really does take that cake. This country has a gift at doing inane, retarded shit, seemingly out of spite for the concept of intelligence. Hell, being smart is looked down upon here! If you’re smart, people think you’re snobbish and “elitist.” Being stupid is viewed by a vast amount of this country as a positive, because you can’t trust smart people. I can’t think of any other country that thinks this way. I’ve really tried to, but nothing’s coming to mind.
So it really should come as no surprise that in the face of a global pandemic, people have decided to fight back against the scientifically advised course of action, flattening the curve. Instead, we have morons taking to the street with guns and signs in large numbers, demanding that the government not stop them from congregating. That the government stay out of the way of whatever they want to do. After all, this is America! Nobody tells us what to do here! Sure, these people are all basically taking their talking points from Fox News. The second Fox News says something, their God-Emperor parrots it (because the orange man is basically just a retarded sponge), and then they have their viewpoints. So when Fox News and their retarded orange God-Emperor says to stop social distancing and quarantining, to give your life for their all-powerful economy god, naturally these idiots have to take up the cause.
Oh sure, medical professionals in the parts of the country hit worst by this are begging people to stop and think about it, but that’s too hard for America. We gotta go with our gut! Because that’s NEVER led us down a horribly stupid path before, right? Of course not. It blows my mind that this country has actually avoided nuclear war all the way ’til now. Hell, get this – did you know that while European and Asian countries have a ton of nuclear bomb shelters made and run by the state, do you know how many America has? None! Why? Because part of Mutually Assured Destruction is that we had to convince the rest of the world that America really would pull the trigger and destroy all life as we know it on this planet just out of spite. Part of that was showing that we are absolutely willing to throw the lives of the American people away on a whim. And it worked! I’m not surprised, really. You just have to imagine in the halls of the KGB that the Soviets were like, “don’t tempt these fucking retards! They’ll do it! I swear, these lunatics are so stupid and so proud that they really would blow up the world to spite us!”
It just baffles me that something that you’d think would be a point of people coming together for the common good in the face of countless death and wanting to do the right thing has become a political issue. Because of course it has. If those in the halls of power can’t find absolutely anything to use as a wedge issue to keep the masses fighting among ourselves, they’ll use whatever they can. This plague threatens their precious money, after all, You have religious charlatans like Kenneth Copeland who literally blows air and says that COVID-19 is gone and will never come back. Why? Because he is desperate to get people into his church, so they can give him and his amoral bitch wife money.
See, underneath all the bullshit piety, the wealthy religious crowd in America couldn’t possibly care less about this God person that the masses are so desperate to love. They’re too rich to believe in hocus pocus spiritual bullshit. Instead, they worship at the alter of a God who keeps giving and giving to them – money. The real power in America. It’s the reason that Christmas is the ultimate corporate holiday. It’s the reason that Easter became about candy. And now it’s the reason that you have assholes like the Lt. Governor of Texas saying that we should be fine with letting Grandma and Grandpa die for their precious economy. Because if them and the rich people who pay for their campaigns lose money, that makes them sad! They might not be able to afford that yacht they wanted! They might lose some of their precious millions. The poor dears.
With all this in mind, I’ve decided that there is only one rational course of action open to the stupidity of this country – letting the plague run roughshod over the population. Absolutely uncontained exposure. Let this disease go everywhere. Hell, let’s help it along! Let’s take it to old folks homes and get them infected. Glenn Beck said that old people are happy to die for their money god, so I say we speed up the process! Fuck Granny and Grampy! They can die, right? Conservative America thinks so. Oh, and the little ones. Hell, plenty of them are asymptomatic, right? So all we have to do is have them all in schools and get infected. The teachers? The fuck do we care. This is America, after all. Teachers are the dog we take out back to beat the shit out of to feel better about ourselves. They’re just glorified babysitters after all, right? So fuck them. Their health can get fucked.
Think I’m being hyperbolic? Well, honestly, not really. This country can’t handle smart, so we have to resort to stupid. We can’t do the smart, decent thing, so we have to do to the stupid, angry thing. Science is the enemy, after all. At least the science that doesn’t give us new cell phones that we can use to argue with people on Twitter. Intelligence is a threat. What have those smart people ever REALLY done for this country? I can’t think of anything. I’m sure the worshiped Founding Fathers were the biggest retards who ever walked the face of the Earth.
Now I know what you might be thinking – what about the new information coming out of South Korea and China showing that those who got infected are getting infected again, making people wonder if the whole idea of herd immunity would actually work. Just don’t think about it! The doctors are overpaid assholes anyway, right? What do we care what they think? After all, that one lady is covered in Jesus’ blood! So fuck what the medical establishment thinks, right? She goes to Walmart every day! Let’s get her sick and see how great she feels about her words. See what that Jesus blood does for her when that bitch needs a ventilator.
Sure, there’s the reality (a concept that conservatives avoid like social distancing) that a TON of people will die, but this is just the flu, right? That’s what this asshole who is bitching about his child support payments and having to make them said to me on the phone today. It being worse than the flu is just a liberal conspiracy! All those doctors are just making a whole bunch of nothing out of it. Why aren’t there people dying everywhere? I mean, it isn’t like a ton of people would be dying everywhere if this idea of mine were actually to happen. Fake News! The orange retard’s favorite term.
This country is not intelligent enough to do ANYTHING out of virtue of self-preservation or for the common good. An entire political party has been united behind the idea that we need to die for rich people’s money. Baffling. Kind of amazing. So let’s just let this madness run its course. The astronomical body-count, not just from the virus but also from patients who can’t get proper care because facilities that would otherwise have gone to them can’t be spared from the number of infected. It makes me wonder, how many people would have to die before it is worth being concerned about? If it killed 20 or 30% of people who contracted it, would it be serious then? Maybe 40 of 50%? Maybe then? Well, the people protesting don’t seem to be using their brains for anything productive, so I don’t think there’s a death count high enough. If my idea were to be followed, we might actually get to find out.
In America, people need to die so we can see the truth. This country needs to suffer and become an example to the rest of the world of what not to do. That’s our role. Don’t do what the retarded Americans did. Be smarter. Flatten the curve. I don’t actually want people to die, but if this country is going to be like this, then what’s the alternative? The guy in charge of this circus is a fucking idiot, so maybe we just have to learn, like the child with a hot stove, that if you play with fire, you get burned. Horribly, horribly burned.
Until next time, a quote,
“I’m in charge of this monkey farm now, Frankenstein! And I wanna know what the fuck you’re doing with my time!” – Capt. Henry Rhodes, Day of the Dead