SIONR: Incredibles 2 and the Death of Pixar

I’ve repeatedly said that Disney is pure evil and they destroy everything that I love.  They turned one of my favorite films into a fucking Kinect game.  That’s how bad they are.  They take good ideas or properties and turn them into shit.  Most recently with Star WarsThe Last Jedi was a dumpster fire, and if what I am hearing about the latest film in the franchise, it went through three directors, had multiple rewrites, and the guy who plays the titular character not only looks NOTHING like him (he’s a fucking pretty boy.  Nothing even remotely roguish at all), but can’t act his way out of a paper bag.  They had to hire an acting coach for him after shooting the bulk of his scenes.  So yeah, that will be a dumpster fire too.  I mean, they barely show this guy in the trailer for his own film.  If that isn’t a sign that this movie is dead on arrival, I don’t know what is.

Now we come to The Incredibles 2.  I really liked the first one.  It’s not my favorite Pixar film, but it’s up there.  A film about a family of superheroes, mixing some fantastic action, great scoring (the score for that film is phenomenal), and both superhero and human elements to make a great story.  It balanced out every character to give them an arc and show them grow.  It’s great stuff.  Then the trailer for the sequel dropped.

This film looks terrible.  So, we go from a story about a family of superheroes, to the mom being off doing stuff, while the dad is being a stay-at-home dad with superbaby.  Wow.  That’s so boring that writing it I felt myself lose energy.  Who thought this was a good idea?  I mean, all the creative potential that a sequel of this film could be.  Like, it’s been many years since the first one.  Why not age the characters up a little?  Have them dealing with the reemergence of superheroes in society and them being kind of swept up in things?  Or maybe have them still having to be in the shadows and yet still doing good, now accepting their desire to be heroes, yet still being trapped behind a screen of anonymity.  All the cool ideas are there, but what is the final product?  Stay at home dad and superbaby!  Oh boy!

It hurts me inside to think of how Pixar has died.  It really has.  While the death of 2D animation breaks my fucking heart (it is an art form that has died and will likely never come back in the way it once was with the old Disney magic), I did grow up with this company.  I remember seeing Toy Story and thinking it was crazy cool.  My favorite of their films, Ratatouille, is a charming story.  The Incredibles combines so many good elements.  This studio once was believed to be setting the new standard in kids movies story-telling.

Then Brave happened.  With that movie I felt something.  There was a shift in the films that they were putting out, and the content immediately starting getting progressively worse.  You’d have films that stand out in the crowd, but the bulk were either really mediocre or outright bad.  Plus, a lot of their staff was now under Disney directly making some of the biggest bargain-bin garbage ever put to film.  Films that were made only to help the influx of capital for the fiscal quarters they were made.

When I heard that they were doing a sequel to The Incredibles, my heart leapt.  Finally, a return to form!  Get some of the classy style that was modeled first in 2D drawings and then put to digital models.  Great voice acting, great score.  All the potential was there!  Then the trailer drops and I realize that I’m seeing yet-another bargain-bin movie that everyone will forget about just as fast as they did Monster’s University or Cars 2 (or the original Cars for that matter).  This kills me inside.

Disney is like the film version of EA.  They take IPs and studios with good ideas and then run them into the ground.  Does it not blow your mind the way it does mine that there are over twice as many mediocre/bad films in the Star Wars franchise as there are good ones?  Over six!  That’s insane!  Marvel has been kept from joining these ranks simply because Kevin Feige is at the helm.  Once he leaves, they’re next.  It took a man with vision and a passion for the source material to keep this genre from becoming bargain-bin shit too, and there are people who make the argument that the brand is getting old.  I think I have avoided this thought process simply because I only watch the films in there that I think look good. Pixar is gonna be their version of Visceral Games, one of these days.  It hurts me inside.

Until next time, a quote,

“Turians think they know a thing about a scorched-earth response.  Fuck ’em!” – Jack, Mass Effect 2

Peace out,



SIONR: Amy Hennig Doesn’t Know What She’s Talking About

I hate when people inside the industry trash-talk elements of it and pull things right out of their ass.  EA shut down Visceral Games, an action that had a lot of gamers going “well, they got the EA treatment.”  As Bioware will after Anthem has more lootbox bullshit and gamers give it the finger.  It was genuinely nice to see gamers be able to come together after the disaster that was Battlefront II and be able to vote with their wallets against this sort of thing.  EA will be bringing the microtransactions back in that game, everyone knows that, but the real question is what will happen with Anthem.  I have no intention of playing that game.  I don’t do online MMOs.  But a lot of people are speculating that just like Battlefront II, Anthem has a lot of its gameplay elements centered around lootboxes.  Given that now the gaming public is openly fighting back against this, EA’s cash cow might also bleed money.

Which brings us to Amy Hennig.  After months of her Star Wars project being destroyed, she finally sat down for an interview and really tore into gamers.  In her mind, EA was somewhat justified in destroying her project, saying that gamers who claim that we like single-player games are not putting our money where our mouths are.  She says that last year had games like Wolfenstein 2 and The Evil Within 2 which both reviewed well and had poor sales.

Here’s the thing, Amy – I don’t know if you are aware of this, but people like me only have so much money.  I don’t have the capital to waste of things that I don’t like.  With my adulting costs, medical costs, and things like like, I don’t have the money to buy all the games that sound good.  I have to buy the ones that I really think are worth my time, and I’m selective about that.  It’s not like I get the money back if it was a bad investment.  I’m sorry that that means that I bought Horizon: Zero Dawn and Persona 5 instead of those other games.

Then she decided that she was going to say that EA is justified in its business practices because the cost of making games is too high, and it’s use gamers who are responsible for that.  Apparently, we are the ones demanding visual fidelity get higher and higher.  This statement bugs me on so many levels.  See, I have argued, many, many times, the I don’t need the most massive fidelity in order to like a game.  My favorite game of 2015 used pastel colors and very low textures intentionally to create a style all its own.  While I do believe the facial animations could have been improved, it was still a fun game with its own style that did not cost an arm and a leg to make.

I wish that more game devs would try unique things with the visuals in the medium instead of just subscribing to the most high-def design.  Take cues from Mirror’s Edge or JRPGs or Borderlands.  But even without that, I don’t need the most cutting edge amazing graphics to like a game.  Just give me expressive characters and a good narrative.  Is that so fucking hard?  Who are these people who demand the graphics be so insanely detailed and rich at all times?  I need to know who these people are and tell them that they are part of a problem.

Here’s another thing, Amy, if you want to make a statement about that, then lead the fucking charge!  Make a game where you use a different visual style.  Have it be all its own and show gamers that something different can be just as good as something that costs astronomically more to make.  Then we can stop having EA fuck with us and you fucking defending them!  Because these companies aren’t doing this because of rising costs.  They are still making astronomical profits, you fucking moron!  They are doing it because of greed.  They’re doing it because they see games like Grand Theft Auto Online and Destiny and they want to get in on that insanely lucrative pie.

It is occurring to me that linear, story-focused games may be dying in the AAA space.  I personally miss when devs were willing to make a AA game that could have a small budget and take more risks.  We are seeing some devs be willing to risk that.  Or they are willing to take their time and get things right.  But Hennig believing that the greedy and destructive practices is gamers’ fault bugs me.  This woman sounds bitter about her game being cancelled, and I get that.  I really do.  It must be so hard to watch something you put your heart and soul into die.  She said as much in the interview, not knowing how much creative energy she has left.  That’s sad to hear.  I hope she goes back to Sony, who has shown that they are not going to be abandoning the story-driven game.

What will gaming be in ten years?  I’ve said before that if story-driven single player games die, I’m done.  That will be when I leave the industry.  I don’t know how many people are with me.

Until next time, a quote,

“There’s so much grey to every story. Nothing is black and white.” – Lisa Ling

Peace out,


Women Should Be Discouraged From Serving in the Military…?

I saw this rather terrible review of Star Wars: The Last Jedi that made me cringe a little.  It hated the movie as much as I did, but their reasons for hating it were just ridiculous.  It made these huge assertions about what the film promotes that just blow my mind.  I hate the film because it is a dumpster fire that butchers Luke’s character, has the biggest Mary Sue ever, and decided that instead of making a film that follows the plot from the last film, it is going to just go its own way.  Along the way we’ll get Leia Poppins and Tumblrina captain.  Great work.

But the video I mentioned had this weird contention that it said The Last Jedi was promoting – the idea that more women need to join the military, which the maker of the video said is wrong because women are weaker than men, on average.  To be fair, biologically that is true.  We are a sexually dimorphic species, and women are weaker than men on average.  Here’s the thing – how does this invalidate the idea that women should serve in the military?

One of my favorite women joined up with the Navy last year.  She is going into intelligence work, and her stories about life in the military fascinate me to no end.  Just makes me wonder what might of been had I not busted my skull open when I was 14.  I am immensely proud of her, and listening to her talk about her career with the military never stop being interesting.  She was telling me one day how she read an article about how the Navy SEALS were letting women join up.  She was skeptical of this for one simple reason – the physical requirements to be a SEAL are insane.  She broke it down for me, and to hear about that told me that unless these women were Olympians who train every day for it, the odds that they will meet the physical requirements to get past the initial phase that weeds out those who can’t measure up is ridiculous.  What’s more, she expressed the desire to not see the Navy lower their standards for women, because to be a SEAL, you need the physical conditioning that they require.  I totally get that.

Here’s what bothers me about this idea that women should not join the military – does this guy think that people see female soldiers as Black Widow from the Marvel films?  Yeah, in the regard it sounds ridiculous.  Seeing a woman who weighs very little taking on a ton of guys who would throw her against a wall is kind of silly.  But here’s the thing – that’s fiction.  And anyone with sense knows that.  Real combat, especially in the modern era, is so much different.  The reality is that you will hardly ever see combatants like in a CoD game shooting each other at damn-near point blank range.  In war you typically have combatants exchanging fire over huge amounts of distance and firing a ton of shots with very few hitting home.  Real war is messy, and complicated.  This isn’t Hollywood, and people know this.

But when you hear stories about the Kurdish women fighting ISIS and scoring real victories against them, or how women in Eastern Europe are forming militias that can stand up under fire, it really makes this argument that women should be discourage from serving not only sound kind of stupid, but more than a little sexist.  Can’t wait to see who calls me an SJW for that.  I said that an opinion someone has is sexist.  It’s true.  And I believe it too.  This guy is a sexist idiot who can’t look at reality and see that things are not as simple as rejecting the stereotypes in Hollywood.

Now look, I do firmly believe that the military shouldn’t lower their standards for women.  If you want to serve in a combat role, then you damn well should prove that you can measure up.  That’s only fair.  Demands for those roles are high, and those who want to take on that responsibility should have to prove themselves.  But while there are going to be less women up to the task than there are men, I whole-heartedly know that such women exist.

The real thing that irks me about the attitude of that guy is that that is part of the reason that the military has such a huge problem with sexual assault.  Sex crimes in the military is a fucking epidemic.  I can’t disclose what I have been told about what they tell women who join up behind closed doors about how to protect themselves, but it is scary stuff. Now granted, there are plenty of guys in the military who have just as much respect for the women they serve with as men.  But it’s like the cops.  You have a job that promotes gung-ho male toughness, you’re gonna get a lot of dumb-shit masculine guys with more penis blood than brain blood.

But the tide may be turning.  Now that women are being allowed into combat roles, things might get better.  For the women looking to serve, just make sure when you go places, you never go alone.  Build up a network of people you can trust.  It’s only smart.  See, unlike the people who say we need to tell men not to rape, I tell you to take sensible precautions because you are in a field where there are plenty of guys who only think with their cocks and leave their morals at the door.

I honestly would love to see the guy who made that video say that shit to one of the Kurdish women fighters.  They’d probably punch him in the dick.

Until next time, a quote,

“We have women in the military, but they don’t put us on the front lines.  They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill.  I think we can.  All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘you see the enemy over there?  They say you look fat in those uniforms.'” – Elayne Boosler

Peace out,


Rey is a Mary Sue

Alright, this is getting on my nerves.  Been at this stupid argument on Twitter for so long, and I just want to finish it.  So I am going to go into great depths why this character is a complete Mary Sue, while showing you how this could EASILY have been remedied without breaking the “continuity” (I put quotes around that for a reason.  The plot of the two numbered sequels in this franchise is a dumpster fire) of the film.  It would have been so simple.  I am hoping to keep this short as I am tired of this argument and want it to be done.

First, she sure is a master mechanic, pilot, and warrior.  That’s interesting.  Everyone and their sister has already brought this up, and it has been debated.  The strongest defense I’ve seen was “she was a junker and learned how to fight!  She was a master with the staff!”  How do we know this?!  Oh, right, we know this because the official Star Wars page says so!  Um…no.  I’m not accepting some blurb on a website as gospel truth.  That is confirmation bias that I am certain didn’t exist before all of the criticism.

This could have EASILY been remedied in the film.  It would have taken a couple minutes of screen time, at most!  It also could have helped alleviate another reason I call Rey a Mary Sue – her complete lack of a personality outside of having a vagina.  See, they could have had her meeting up with friends on Jakku.  See her talking to some guy who is something of a mentor to her.  With no parents, maybe it was someone who took her in and helped raise her.  Since the films have decided to they will never answer the story of her lack of parents, it opens up the question even more to how she grew up in such a seedy place all by herself.  Have her running to escape and wondering if the person who raised her is okay when they escape in the Millennium Falcon.  Would make for a touching moment when she comes back later and they see how much she’s grown as a person.  You know, if she actually had grown since the last film.  Still a beedy-eyed, boring character.  Well that sucks.

We also could have seen her friends.  I refuse to believe that this girl had no one that she was partial to or at least hung around with.  You don’t survive on some seedy desert planet all by yourself.  No child is that precocious.  That’s fucking Matilda shit right there (not to come down on that movie.  It’s a guilty pleasure).  Have one of her friends train with her on the staff.  Then boom!  She has gotten some unofficial training in learning how to fight!  That’s five minutes of screen-time!  Plus, we could have actually given her a personality!  I hate this character so much.  Not because she’s a woman, but because she’s completely wasted.  There is potential in such a character.  Like having her be Luke’s illegitimate daughter.  Like he saw that she was going to turn to the dark side, and he wanted to keep her as far away from the Force as he could, so he put her on a planet with someone he trusted.  But nope!  She’s just there, and the films want you to forget about that.

Next up, we have her power with the Force.  There is no defending this.  NONE!  Her sudden absolute mastery of the Force is absurd in the extreme.  She had never heard of it before the beginning of TFA, and yet she is able to be a master of it in a matter of days?!  That’s ridiculous!  All of the Mary Sue nay-sayers can’t argue against that.  What’s more, she’s even better than Luke at the Force.  In a matter of days, she is better at using the Force than a Jedi Master?  That’s stupid.  That’s unbelievable.  As in, I literally don’t believe it.  That’s bad writing.  That’s writing of “this woman can’t have a weakness to overcome!  That makes her too much like normal people!”

This character is amazing at everything she does without a single establishment of any skills.  Maybe it’s because we have practically zero time to get to know her in The Force Awakens before the film has to throw her forward.  If only the filmmakers knew what quiet time is, and how to use that properly.  Who knows what could have happened.  A man can dream.

A lot of people say that people like me are just part of the anti-SJW echo chamber.  Got a cousin who says that.  But here’s why this actually bothers me – because there are so many easy ways to have such a character be interesting.  I can think of 20 EASY ways to fix Rey’s character in the films right off the top of my head and make her a genuinely interesting protagonist.  She is so much wasted potential because if they made her too much like a real person, the Tumblrinas wouldn’t be able to shove themselves into her skin.  Part of me was hoping they were going for her being tempted and going to the dark side, while Kylo finds redemption and comes back to the light.  That would be a brilliant twist!  But nope!  Just more boredom.

And I’m done arguing about this.  Gonna share this with the aforementioned cousin just to shut him down forever.

Until next time, a quote,

“Or precocious.  I mean, the things they had you saying on that show, my god, what child talks like that?” – Catherine Stark

Peace out,


The “It’s For Kids” Argument

A long time ago, I found myself getting really mad at some conservative hipster whose name I don’t really remember.  Gavin something or other.  He made this video for a Canadian conservative platform called Rebel Media about how video games are for children and for children only and adults need to stop playing them and instead do “useful” things like build a table or something.  No joke, he said we need to learn construction and do that instead.  Yeah, because adults sitting in a room yelling about a sports game on TV is now less of a waste of time to some people.  I may hate sports, but I don’t go around saying that those who watch it for viewing pleasure are immature and need to be doing something else with their time.

Found myself getting into an argument with Liana K on Twitter about Rey in the new Star Wars films.  I genuinely did work to be mature and argue the points she was making.  I didn’t just rage at her.  That’s not how I go.  See, I genuinely do believe that Rey is a Mary Sue.  There’s no way to argue against that.  She has no personality, is amazing at everything, and never grows throughout the length of the films.  Yeah, a Mary Sue.  Liana tried to postulate that the men in the original films are just as bad since they are good at stuff without you ever seeing them get better.  My argument was that you don’t see Han training as a pilot, but the films take time to address the fact that he is a good pilot, and in the original film you have Obi-Wan talking to him where he can brag about his skills.  That’s smart.  It helps set up his role in the film.  We do see Luke training, but here’s the thing – he starts out from the bottom.  At first he is an imbecile who can’t even make rocks levitate properly.  But over the course of three films, we see his character go from a rank amateur, to a student that takes on an enemy way above his weight class, to a Jedi knight who is able to face his darkness and succeed.

However, I get on Twitter this morning and I see her making these really long posts saying that the whole thing was just an endeavor to prove a point – that people care too much about films that are “FOR KIDS.”  Huh.  You know, Liana, I would agree with you on one thing – the new films are for kids.  That’s it.  They are glossy, child-friendly films.  But you know something, the original films aren’t.  They are timeless.  Telling a very good story about the hero’s journey in space.  We have characters that we grow to like overcoming the odds and becoming different people by the end.  I know it’s easy to look at the Ewoks and think that all of these movies were just made for kids, but that’s simply not the case.

This argument that something is “just for kids” as a reason why we shouldn’t care about it is interesting to me.  I would argue that if the idea is that we should have no problem with films that talk down to people and treat you like you’re stupid, we have really lost our way as a society.  The “it’s for kids so who cares if it sucks?” argument.  Maybe I was a precocious little shit as a kid.  See, I grew up watching films like Fantasia and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.  The former being a marvel of animation that had complex imagery and tackling various things in a beautiful way, set with classical music; and the latter being an amazing film about a driven man and his quest to destroy the violence of mankind.  Was that too complicated for me?  No.  I loved and still love both films.  They are, what’s that word again?  Oh, timeless.  They are just as good now as they are then.  Just like how The Nightmare Before Christmas is a timeless fairy-tale about a man who was unsatisfied with life and learns what matters.

Timeless films stand on their merit because we’re still watching them now.  We are able to enjoy them now from a different perspective.  We aren’t the little children who watched them and was awed by them then.  Now we are adults who can see that there were some great ideas in there, or we can marvel at the craftsmanship of them.  Who is going to be doing that with The Force Awakens?  How about Rogue One?  I definitely know no one will with The Last Jedi.  This idea that we should just let bad movies go unaddressed because it’s for kids really seems not only patronizing, but insulting to kids.  Why is it I should just be cool with the idea that we should feed kids crappy entertainment?  I’m aware there is a ton of crap made for kids, but shouldn’t we aspire to have them grow up appreciating better things?

I know if I ever had a kid, the first thing I would show them from the evil corporate monolith that is Disney is my second-favorite film of all time – Fantasia.  I want them to see the wonder of 2D animation set to classical music with narratives and visuals that don’t talk down to them.  I’ll show them Don Bluth’s masterpiece The Secret of NIMH, telling a very mature story about a mother who goes to insane lengths to save her child, constantly pushing past her own fear and finding a power in herself that saves her family.  I’ll show them FLCL, which tells a story about a kid growing up and feeling very alone, only to be shown how to live a full life.  The timeless stories that stand tall now, just like they did then.

But hey, maybe I’m alone in all this.  Maybe parents just want to put their kids in front of a screen and have their attention be taken up for almost three hours.  No joke, that’s how long the new Star Wars film is.  As for me, Groj-forbid I ever become a parent, I intend to introduce my kid to books first, because I’d rather see them sitting and reading for hours on end instead of being in front of a screen.

To Liana, your little test just showed me how you see the world.  Not a lot of respect being gained for you right about now.

Until next time, a quote,

“It’s junk food.  Brightly-colored junk food for the mind.  And I hate how it talks down to kids while offering nothing of value in return.” – Nostalgia Critic

Peace out,


Lucien’s Review: Star Wars: The Last Jedi

What garbage.  What absolute, unmitigated trash.  I have never hated a film as much as I hate this one.  I found Rogue One boring.  I thought The Force Awakens was stupid and derivative.  But this?  This movie is the death knell of Star Wars!  I hate this film more than I will ANY of the prequels.  I can enjoy those on some level of being so bad they can occasionally be funny.  And Episode III was at least TRYING to be good.  This?  This was every horrible cliche about modern film-making I have ever seen.  It took all of the things that were bad about The Force Awakens and cranks them up to 11, while adding NOTHING good.  Not one fucking thing.  I am DONE with this franchise.  Just done.  Gonna spoil the fuck out of this movie, because I need to rage.  Let’s get started.

This entire movie was basically side-plots.  There was NO central plot in the entire fucking thing.  None.  Even at the end, it felt like nothing happened.  So, we have Rey the Mary Sue giving Luke back his lightsaber (the film picks up literal seconds from where the previous film left off), and him taking it and literally throwing it over his shoulder.  Apparently Luke became the biggest curmudgeon in the universe between films.  So, all of that effort he took give clues to find him, as if he was meaning to be found?  Yeah, it’s never addressed.  Just like a lot of loose plot threads from the previous film.

Plot threads like – who Rey’s parents are.  It was a big plot point that was teased and everyone wanted an answer to.  Yeah, that’s out.  Oh, and what about the Knights of Ren?  Who were they?  Nope!  That never comes up.  What about Snoke?  What is his deal?  How did he end up meeting Darth Angst?  Oh, this film goes out of its way to not care about this character that they make into the big bad villain.  Not even a little concern.

And that’s just the start of how stupid this movie is.  We have some new characters!  Like Rose!  She’s overweight, and Asian.  That’s it.  Her entire personality is in those two points.  This woman has no personality.  Neither does Finn.  Neither does Rey.  Darth Angst gets himself a little more of a personality, but it isn’t enough.  This movie has a bad habit of believing that if we give these people character traits outside of their skin color or gender, then we suddenly wouldn’t be able to relate to them.  Can’t have that!  Speaking of, we have a purple-haired Tumblrina in this film!  She’s another character who is boring.  Except this woman is so frustratingly stupid.  She makes horrible decisions all over the film.  And when Po RIGHTFULLY calls her on that, Leia decides to literally shoot him in the back.  Because woman power!  Who cares that this stupid bitch is making horrible decisions that are getting a TON of people killed!  She’s a woman, so naturally she’s right.

Let’s talk about Leia for a minute.  I don’t get how people in the theater weren’t laughing so fucking hard with me when I saw the scene where she is thrown out into space, and yet somehow turns into Mary fucking Poppins and flies back into the ship.  The singles stupidest thing I have ever seen.  Nowhere, in any Star Wars material, has it been shown that you can do that.  That the Force can magically make you immune from the effects of being sucked out into the vacuum of space.  It’s retarded with a capital R.

Oh, but don’t think she’s the only character this film decides to shit on.  Remember Luke?  Remember his character from the original films?  Remember how he came from a rather boring kid on Tattoine, to having his faith in what he was told by people to the test and losing a hand for his trouble, only to grow from the experience and become a true Jedi Knight like his father before him?  Yeah, this film decided to throw all of that out the fucking window and turn him into a curmudgeon who made a really stupid decision to attempt to murder a fucking child all because he saw a vision that told him he might be evil.  Remember how far he went to bring his father back to the light side because he could see there was the potential for good in him?  This film wants me to believe that he would just decide that trying to save the child of his best friend and sister is not worth it because of a vision of what might be.  That’s fucking stupid!

But he isn’t the last of the original cast that this film decided to fuck over.  Yoda’s back!  Hey, remember how Yoda was a wise-cracking hermit who put on airs of being a crazy swamp man, until Luke realized who he is, and then his attitude changed and he became a very serious mentor?  Yeah, well I guess this film decided to forget that, because now he’s a wise-cracking idiot here.  All the stoic wisdom?  Nope!  This film has the same habit that most of Marvel’s latest films do in that every time there is a serious moment happening, they have humor that is cringe-worthy at best and just makes me roll my eyes the rest of the time.

Then we got the cute little animal helpers!  Because if this film can’t have interesting characters, it can be cute.  That’s totally how that works, right?  And we get to see Luke Curmudgeon milk a space cow.  Because why the fuck not?!

Oh, and Superman Leia isn’t the only time this film decided to just spit in the face of all reality.  Like at the very beginning we have these Resistance…fuck it, I’m just calling the Rebel, because that’s what they fucking are…bombers going after Imperial (they aren’t the First Order.  That’s stupid) ships and they open up the bottom of their ships to drop payloads like they are in fucking World War II fighters.  Are you kidding me?!  Did Rian Johnson just forget what movie he was making and wanted to make a scene from a The Sky Crawlers with bombs falling out of the bottom of these fighters?!  Ugh!

Let’s talk about Rey.  She’s back!  And she’s just as bland, boring, and completely uninteresting.  Her complete lack of a character is even more noticeable here, because at no point do I ever believe that she’s being pushed to her limit.  Oh, and she also just happens to be better at the Force in every way than Luke Skywalker.  That’s right, this character who has only known about the force for two weeks (at most!  This film picks up seconds after where the last film left off and it had her knowing about the Force for a day or two) is suddenly so good at the Force that she is better than her teacher.  Was there a scene where she gets to see the true power of the Force, as Luke had when Yoda moved the X-Wing out of the swamp?  Nope.  She’s pretty much moving mountains after a couple scenes because if she isn’t a complete Mary Sue then how can the Tumblrinas like her?

Finn served no purpose in this film.  You could cut his entire story from it and NOTHING would change.  Nothing.  Not one fucking thing.  His arc is being teamed up with Asian woman.  Oh, and killing off the female stormtrooper who was just as pointless and stupid as she was in the last film.

Then we have Luke Skywalker, who is supposed to be this great hero who has become a Jedi Master, being killed off in the stupidest way ever!  It should have been Leia they killed off in this movie.  And not just because Carrie Fisher is dead, although there is that.  But also because she did nothing to move the story along.  Except shoot Po in the back when he makes a very valid point that the Tumblrina can’t command and is doing nothing but getting people killed.

I hate this movie.  I am done with this franchise.  Thankfully, I am not alone.  The person who dragged me to see this with him, who loved The Force Awakens and is a die-hard fan of the franchise, hated this movie more than I did.  Now that I know what kind of director Rian Johnson is, I know that I get to ignore the trilogy he is helming.  The ONLY nice thing I can say about this film is that the cinematography was pretty great.  That’s it.  Fuck this movie.  Fuck this franchise.  Star Wars should have been left to die 30 years ago.  Thanks to Disney we’re never going to see the ACTUAL Star Wars story we wanted to see – 1313.

Final Verdict
4 out of 10

Peace out,


Star Wars: The Last Jedi, and Risk Taking

The consensus among the YouTubers that I follow and like has been pretty consistent on the new Star Wars film.  A good friend of mine called it a dumpster fire.  Here’s a video from a YouTuber who I don’t always agree with, but whose perspective I really like and wish that he got more attention –

With the opinion on this so divided, I have seen a lot of the left-leaning media that loves to suck the cock of the new Star Wars films decide to make sport of the people who hate it.  The biggest of these remarks is that people didn’t like The Force Awakens because it didn’t take risks, now people hate this new film because it took risks.  I find this perspective asinine and stupid.  And I’m going to tell you why.

Something people don’t seem to get is that taking risks is this little thing called risky.  Why?  Because it means that whatever you’re making might not go over well with people.  It means that you are taking a chance that whatever you’re going to make might suck. I guess the “socially aware” types online weren’t aware of that fact.  You can take all the risks in the world, and it might fail.

See, there are some truly amazing films that have taken risks.  This year saw a sequel to Blade Runner that so many people were afraid would be a victim of the Hollywood sequel machine, but thanks to a truly amazing filmmaker who took some narrative risks with elements of the original film that were so pivotal to people’s analysis of it, turned out something truly spectacular.  The best remakes of movies have been done when filmmakers want to take old ideas and then give their own spin on them.

Naughty Dog decided to do a sequel to the Uncharted franchise after the third game had wrapped things up very nicely.  It could have been a mediocre cookie-cutter cash-grab like some sequels that had no reason to exist *cough*Mass Effect: Andromeda*cough*.  Instead, it was a near-flawless narrative wrapping up the story of characters we had grown to love over the course of four games, while introducing a new one.  That was a big risk.

But like I said, risks don’t always mean people are going to like it.  I jokingly mentioned Mass Effect: Andromeda earlier, but yeah, that’s a good example.  Bioware decided to risk putting out a cash-grab game to a franchise that were clearly done (albeit in the shittiest ending of all time) and it came back to bite them in the ass.  EA has done a lot of risky behavior that has gotten them in hot water this year.  Not feeling sorry about that.

When you are taking risks you have to do it well.  It means that you have an added burden of doing something that might anger people and balancing it with a deft hand to be able to level it off with respecting whatever people like about the license you are taking risks with.  As an example – why couldn’t they have made Rey actually go to the Dark Side?  You know, actually have her become evil with Kylo Ren becoming the good guy.  That is a risk that could pay off in spades.  But they know they can’t do that.  Because then the Tumblrinas would lose their shit and say it’s misogyny or some dumb thing because a woman is not a complete Mary Sue.  Which is what Rey fucking is.  So was that chick in Rogue One.  Boring, bland, mediocre characters who can’t have any flaws because then they’d have to have character development.  Can’t have that.

I am so glad I’m done with Star Wars.  After watching Rogue One, I realized that this is what this franchise is going to be.  Disney’s latest tool for making an assload of money while getting to show off how “progressive” they are with all their “diverse” characters.  Yeah, diverse in skin color.  And nothing else.  None of these characters have a personality.  The Force Awakens as so bland and riffing on a better film that I couldn’t tell you anything about any of the characters.  Hell, Harrison Ford looked fucking medicated throughout the whole film so even he had no personality.

What the media needs to learn is that risks don’t automatically equate to quality filmmaking.  Risk can ruin a project just as fast.  For something like this, you take risks but respect the source material.  Rian Johnson didn’t give two fucks about the source material and just wanted to give Disney a platform to be progressive and show how woke they are.  Because we have a purple-haired Tumblrina whose always right!  And when a character decides to rightfully point out how stupid she’s being, Leia shoots him because fuck men!  Even though the Tumblrina is being a fucking idiot, woman power!  We also got a fat Asian woman!  Woman power!  Because a fat Asian woman automatically means that she’s an interesting character, right?  Oh, and Leia turning into Superman in space isn’t really stupid, right?  Oh, and Luke turning into an old asshole who hates the Force and hates everyone isn’t insulting, right?  Because we can’t have a single competent male character who isn’t a douchebag in the whole fucking movie.  Listening to the plot of this film just annoys me.

Risks don’t mean success if you don’t treat it like you care about the source material.  The consensus among those I read says that the film looked great, sounded great, but had a plot that did the entire series in the butt.  That’s not taking risks for art or to try something new.  It’s taking risks where it doesn’t count and playing it safe where it does.  It’s not respecting these characters by turning Leia into Superman and turning Luke Skywalker into a curmudgeon asshole who has no redeeming characteristics and gets killed off unceremoniously.  Because woman power!

Speaking of, let’s take another look at a film that took risks and still sucked – Ghostbusters (2016).  That film decided to have all women, and make all the men in the film assholes or idiots.  It sucked.  Why?  Because there was ZERO respect for the source material and the whole film was there to pander to a social movement.  It sucked.  The terrible writing, terrible acting, and characters who had all the personality of a ham sandwich, it fucking sucked.

Be smart with risks, is what I’m getting at.  It’s not that complicated.

Until next time, a quote,

“This movie gave me AIDS!” – Mr Plinkett

Peace out,