For those who didn’t know, the MCU is quietly going to die. Disney will keep pumping money into it for as long as they possibly can, on their new Disney streaming service that I have zero intention of paying money to. The actually good Disney films are ones I can buy, and already have. The best days of this absolute whore of a company are behind them. Good riddance, if you ask me. Naturally, their latest live-action remake abortions Aladdin and The Lion King made a shitload of money, because the dumb-shit audiences who just want their nostalgia boners stroked will flock to theaters to watch these movies with their dumb-ass kids that they couldn’t just show the originals to. Because why show them timeless films when you can show them ones that will be dated in a couple years? Lots of questions. Man was this a digression.
It seems that the door to Spider-Man continuing to be part of the MCU moving forward has officially closed. Initially, everyone blamed Sony, when it turns out it was Disney getting greedy and demanding more money from the proceeds, when Sony has to foot the bill for the production costs. Essentially making these movies a financial black hole for them. I guess the long term goal was to get Sony to just sell the rights to Disney and be done with it, but they stuck to their guns. What a horrible mistake that was.
So now we can say goodbye to this franchise having any potential whatsoever. Sony has already announced that they have six Spider-Man TV shows in the works. Let me repeat that – six! Six television shows for one character. Groj-dammit. I guess Sony’s latest plan is to just drive this IP into the ground. After all, they want to make movies for all of Spider-Man’s villains. Because that worked so well with Venom, right? A movie so poorly reviewed that even Tom Hardy hated it. You know, because Sony slashed all the stuff that was actually violent. Guess he won’t be back for a sequel, which you know they will make because the film made enough money for it to break even, which means – gotta make a sequel! I feel so bad for Tom Holland. All of that notoriety, which will go to waste on progressively-worse movies, because it’s abundantly clear that Sony can’t manage this franchise for shit. Sony Pictures is the bastard stepchild of the film industry.
Back to Disney, did you know they plan to have over 20 MCU productions in just two years? There will be the big blockbusters, like Chick Thor and Doctor Strange Lovecraftian Nightmare (that one might be interesting) and Guardians of the Galaxy 3: Where The Last Remnants of the Good MCU Go to Die. Oh yeah, and a Black Widow film. Which I guess will take place sometime before she died. Meanwhile, they plan to have a TON of shows on their Disney streaming service. Like Captain Falcon and Woefully Poorly Used Winter Soldier, Hawkeye: The Lost MCU Veteran, and New Blade. And that isn’t even close to the end of it. Thing after thing after thing, each more creatively bankrupt than the last.
See, Disney didn’t do the smart thing after the end of the Avengers saga. Instead of taking a break from the MCU, getting some creative ideas going and flushing out a new saga to go with, they instead decided to just shove as much MCU trash at you as they possibly could. Just drown the audience in MCU. Pimp out Disney’s new streaming service, that is just gonna have a bunch of corporate filtered crap. And probably not the films for the best days in Disney’s tragic history. The complete cynic inside me thinks that what’s going on with the MCU is that Disney is trying to make as much bank as they possibly can before this franchise goes under. They can see the financial numbers about to go down since everyone’s favorite characters are gone. Robert Downy Jr. is out. Samuel L. Jackson is out. The cast of Guardians is gonna be out soon. Tom Holland is out. So now they have to just capitalize on the nostalgia for something that’s not even old enough to be nostalgic. Because that’s what Disney does now. They are nothing but a complete whore who is so desperate for your dollar that they will shove whatever they think will get you into the theaters or onto their crap streaming service out the door. Who cares if it’s creatively bankrupt. The brain-dead American audiences will go see it, so fuck the haters, am I right?
Part of me wonders if things wouldn’t have gone a different way if Captain Marvel had been more of a success. But since they hired a woman who couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag and gave writers that couldn’t write a “strong” female character to save their lives, she ended up being despised. It’s why they wisely chose to limit her role in Endgame. Thing is, it was pretty clear they wanted her character to head up a new Avengers style saga. With her film being a bomb, though, they had to go back to the drawing board. The corporate boardroom one, not the kind where actual creative people do great things. I wonder if Disney has vague memories of what that is like.
So the MCU is going to pump out as much crap as they can, making as much bank as they possible can, before superhero fatigue finally goes full burn and the audience dies just like they did for Pixar. At which point Disney is going to move on to whatever else they can. Like how they have gutted 20th Century Fox’s original ideas and are only pumping out movies that are nostalgic. Like did you know they are rebooting the Alien franchise? You know, the one where it had two of the best science fiction films of all time with a female character who was actually strong and memorable? Yup, Disney wants to capitalize on that drama, by giving us a bland cookie-cutter remake that will basically do nothing but suck nostalgia’s cock so the brain-dead morons who give this company their money will go see it. Fuck modern Disney. I hate these people so much.
All of this while they are going to be running Star Wars into the ground. Disney seems to have taken a new tack with this franchise in how they run it into the ground. Instead of a bunch of films that could be financial black holes like Solo, or absolute dumpster fires like The Last Jedi, they are making their non-numbered films into TV shows for their streaming service. Which are going to mostly suck, but because they are on a streaming service, the reviews won’t crucify them. Because that stuff never gets a lot of press, unless it’s the first season of Stranger Things.
What was all this about again? Oh yeah, how the MCU is going to die. In conclusion, the MCU is going to die the slow, painful death of a thousand cuts. If my audience is smart (which I assume you are), don’t contribute to the financial “success” of these movies. Don’t give Disney your money. Deny them that bank. Vote with your wallet. Tell them we don’t want processed crap and want actual creativity. You know what, never mind. Nobody listens to me, and if people didn’t want this trash, they wouldn’t go see it. So I’m just wasting my time.
Until next time, a quote,
“Sometimes, the American news is like a tired old whore who only tells you what you wanna hear.” – Doug Stanhope