What a Title. Yes, I am aware that I said two posts ago that I was never going to do this again. I may end up horribly regretting this decision. But I found out today that I had unknown members in my audience who keep up regularly, and knowing that I have an audience and they love my stuff is compelling me to keep the content flowing and to try and keep it fresh. Plus, I got to thinking – there are people who buy into this shit. There are actual people in the actual world who think that these lists aren’t complete and utterly bullshit and take their premises without a second thought. That not only blows my mind, but also kind of bothers me. How many kids today read this shit and take it as gospel. This type of dogmatic thinking needs to stop, so let’s do this.
I have said before that I HATE the term “people of color.” It’s and “of” and “ed” away from “colored people.” I figure they might address this complain, so I’ll head it off here. Here’s a link to the post, now let’s see what they got.
1. Just because you can’t see racism around you doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Trust people of color’s assessment of a situation.
I can’t do that. I’ve seen FAR too many instance of the social justice idiots declaring things that are not remotely racist to be racism. Ever heard of “digital blackface?” It’s when a white person shares a GIF of a black person. When you have these people calling shit like this racism, then I’m sorry but I have to take what you all say with a grain of salt.
2. Don’t assume that all people of color share the same views. We are not a monolith.
And yet, here you are, having made a list that we are to assume is to be universally applied. Idiot!
3. Don’t assume or guess people’s races. This is NOT a fun game for us.
Unless I know you on a personal level, I don’t give a fuck what your race is. I work with two Asian Americans, and since I am tight with them, we have talked about their racial identity. Thankfully, they are from Asian heritage, so they don’t have the stick up their ass that some other ethnic groups do.
4. If someone tells you they’re from Uganda, don’t say, “I went to Nigeria once!” Just, please.
No. Don’t tell me how to talk to people, bitch. If I find out someone is from a part of the world that I have been around, and I feel like it’s a good talking point, then I will do that. Fuck off.
5. Related: Don’t refer to Africa as a country. It’s a continent and it’s wildly varied. Yes. Take a moment.
America is the stupidest First World country. It’s a fact. You saying this is basically just asking for the sky not to be blue. It’s a cute suggestion. By the way, got to your average American college and see how many people say that it’s a country. Go watch your faith in the human race die.
6. Oh, and rest assured that literally no person of color ever wants you to get back from holiday, show off your tan and excitedly exclaim, “Look, I’m almost as dark as you!” Cease and desist.
In my last post, I talked about a place called “Shit That Never Happens Land,” let’s add this to the list. Also, it’s amazing how you say this is for all “people of color,” when most of your examples thus far are pretty fucking specific.
7. Don’t assume that a person of color knows everything about their country of heritage. Do you know everything there is to know about America? Germany? Sweden? That’s what I thought.
I don’t assume that. Stop putting words in my mouth.
8. Don’t assume we can run if we’re Black, do math if we’re Asian, have drinking problems if we’re indigenous…
Don’t assume that women drown their babies, or white people hate black people simply by virtue of their existence. How about we all give up bad stereotypes.
9. Regard us as autonomous, unique individuals, not as representatives of our race.
You already brought this up in a previous point. Already running out of ideas? We’re only 9 in on this list.
10. Don’t make embarrassing jokes to try and be “down” with people of color. We’ll laugh at you, not with you.
This is oddly specific. Not to mention, I get the feeling the person who did this is one of your “intersectional” allies. These are the white people you create when you have social justice telling us to hate ourselves and raise you up as the paragon virtue.
11. Don’t rinse our culturally specific memes. They’re ours. Go enjoy that weird one about the plums.
This is also oddly specific. What are you talking about?
12. If you’re at my house party, don’t turn off the Weeknd to put on Arctic Monkeys. (Okay this one is very specific but it happened to me once and I’m not over it. The audacity!)
Is this bitch trolling? I’m starting to think this bitch is trolling.
13. Avoid phrases like “But I have a Black friend! I can’t be racist!” You know that’s BS as well as we do.
Um, no. If you hate people of an ethnic group, you’re not going to have friends in that group. Why would you befriend people who you hate? Also, nobody says they aren’t racist because they have a black friend. I’m convinced this is a talking point you all invented because somebody at some point said it, so now it’s ad nauseum for all white people.
14. When you endlessly complain about how terrible white people are, you are being that terrible white person. Jeez.
Again, this is your baby. You made this. Don’t shit on what you created.
15. Don’t say shit like, “I know what it’s like to be a person of color…I’m a ginger!”
Given how, historically, being a ginger was associated with Irish heritage, you might wanna learn some history about how the Irish were treated like shit in this country. For a group of people who goes on and on and on and ON about history like that has some bearing on modern culture, they have just as much of a right to get in on the fun as you do.
16. Don’t question someone’s Blackness if they’re light-skinned. It’s not your place. Other Black people can make sure that light-skinned Black people are cognizant of their privilege.
What white person has ever done this?! The only people I hear bitching about lighter skinned black people are you all.
17. Never try and tell a person of color what is or isn’t racist.
No. You all ignore nuance like the plague. Sorry if I refuse to play ball (not sorry).
18. When you find instances of racist bullshit online, please don’t send it to us. We know racism exists, thanks.
I don’t want to deal with you ever again after dealing with your bullshit list, so yeah.
19. Read something already written about it rather than coming to your friends/acquaintances of color looking for hot takes on anything and everything appropriative a Kardashian/Miley Cyrus does. We don’t wanna think about this shit 24/7!
You all are the ones bitching about Kanye ad infinitum! The ones I see online doing the most bitching about pop culture are black people. Maybe I am just lucky enough to hang out with nerds and skeptics, but still.
20. Understand that some days are even more mentally exhausting for people of color thanks to the news cycle. Try not to badger us for our opinions on the latest atrocity that has occurred. Leave us to grieve.
I’ll talk about whatever the fuck I want. Thanks.
21. But when we do have something to say about it, listen.
No. I think you’re an idiot. Why would I listen to you?
22. Share articles relating to the everyday experiences of race and racism written by people of color.
No. A lot of this shit is stupid crap like the stuff you’ve listed here. Why would I share that stuff?
23. But don’t be that person who is weird and sycophantic and loves to demonstrate their wokeness constantly to the people of color around them. Be thoughtful.
Your baby. Your fault. Fuck you.
24. Read books by people of color. I recommend Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde, The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander and literally everything that Junot Diaz writes for great insights into Blackness.
I don’t read books about social justice. Period. Find me an author who isn’t white that has written good science fiction or fantasy? I did read NeXus recently, and that was written by a guy who isn’t white, so find me more and I’ll consider it.
25. Watch shows that are created by people of color i.e. Atlanta or Insecure. (Seriously, if you haven’t seen Atlanta, you need to watch it. Now.)
No! Stop telling me what to watch! I comb through lists, and if I like it, I’ll watch it. But don’t tell me what to do with my free time! Bitch.
26. Have a critical eye when watching TV and movies. How are they portraying people of color and why? What purpose does it serve?
You know what I’m gonna do instead of that? I’m gonna ask – how are they portraying characters. Not just the “people of color.” Because rather than wanting good characters of other ethnic groups, I want good characters. I know, I’m such a piece of shit.
27. If you go to an art gallery, notice how many works are by people of color. If it’s lacking, make some noise, send an email, query the curator. White people shouldn’t have a monopoly on what can be considered art.
No! If you don’t like what an art gallery is showing, start your own! Stop telling the rest of the world to suck your dick. You can go out and do your own shit. Make your own movies, your own art, and your own art gallery to show it off.
28. If a character you assumed was white in a book is portrayed by an actor of color in the movie, embrace it. Whiteness is not the default.
This just ties into a point I’ve made 1000 times about how you all would rather the rest of popular culture cater to you rather than making your own shit. See how well it’s done for you so far *cough*The Dark Tower!*cough*
29. Support plays written by and acted in by people of color. The world of theater is overwhelmingly white.
Tell you what, boo, you show me a play by “people of color” in my area, and I’ll see if I want to check it out. But if I do, I’ll do a review, and don’t expect me to treat it with kid gloves. If it sucks, I’m gonna call it out for that.
30. Refuse to go to club nights or drag shows or burlesque nights that use culturally appropriative acts.
No. Cultural appropriation is bullshit.
31. If you have kids, buy them dolls of color and books with characters of color.
No. If I have a kid, I’m gonna help them to cultivate their own interests. I’ll show them the books I loved as a kid, and some of those do have characters of color, but not all.
32. Support crowdfunding campaigns for cultural products created by people of color if you can.
No. Crowd-funding is a real good way to get scammed. Ask Anita Sarkeesian how that works.
33. Donate money to grassroots movements around you that are run by and support people of color.
If the movement has a cause I can get behind, I’d consider it. I don’t just look at a movement and go “black people are there! I will support that!” That’s how we got people like Barack Obama, who turned his back on the liberals who got him elected based on all the “hope” and “change” bullshit. Don’t you feel foolish (same with the Trump supporters who believed he would “drain the swamp”)?
34. Support small businesses owned by people of color.
If they sell something I want.
35. If you’re upper or middle class try to avoid moving into an area that has historically been populated by low-income people of color. Gentrification tears communities apart.
No, it doesn’t. It makes communities look nicer. The whole “broken windows theory.” If you want black communities to not be so infested by poverty, I suggest you lobby to end the drug war. That will do more to help this problem them telling white people to stay away while low-income communities tear themselves apart. By the way, I couldn’t help but notice you only said low-income communities populated by “people of color.” So I guess the low-income communities with white people can go fuck themselves?
36. Don’t assume people of color can’t speak English.
37. But also be patient if our English isn’t perfect. Are you bi/tri/multi-lingual? Probably not. It’s hard.
Yeah, if you’re learning a language as a grown-up. The older you get, the harder it becomes. I know this kid whose dad is Russian, his mother is Brazilian. He can speak Russian to his dad, Portuguese to his mom, and English to us totally interchangeably. It was pretty crazy. But to your point, I worked in a call center. Thank Groj later on we got a translator service. Saved me a lot of headache that I covered with absolute professionalism.
38. In general, just don’t assume we want to be white or want to assimilate. And don’t pressure us to do so.
So, you don’t want to be a part of a community or on good terms with another ethnic group? Fantastic. Then don’t be mad when other ethnic groups want nothing to do with you. We can all have our little homogenized bubbles. Because that’s what makes for an engaging world. Fucking moron.
39. Recognize that you can’t assume someone’s religion based on how they look. Not all South Asians and Middle Eastern people are Muslims, not all Black people are Christian, not all East Asian people are Buddhist. You get the idea.
I don’t. You all are the ones who said that being anti-Islam is racist. Don’t blame us when your chickens come home to roost.
40. Remember that not all people of color are straight.
I don’t assume that.
41. Remember that people of color are not inherently more homophobic than white people.
The black community in this country is historically VERY homophobic. Remember Prop 8 in California? The black community of that state was staggeringly against it. Things have gotten better when Obama came out in support of the LGBT community, but it isn’t great. Also, Middle Eastern people have no room to talk about this. Ever.
42. People can be Black and gay and disabled and trans and middle class. Blackness is expansive. It doesn’t look one way. Keep this in mind.
43. When we talk about race, we’re not just talking about men! Repeat after me: Intersections of race and gender exist.
Who just assumes it’s men? We’re back in “Shit that Never Happens Land.”
44. Remember that it is Black women and Native women and mixed race women who are most likely to be raped in their lifetimes in America. You cannot be an advocate against sexual violence without considering the impact of race.
I come from a state where rape is damn-near an epidemic. It’s all over the place because of bush communities of natives, where not only do sex crimes often go unreported, but there are cultural elements at play. Not to mention, in the bush, the white man is often not a welcome sight. There are women who would NEVER go anywhere in a native village alone. Sexual violence is an ugly thing, and the worst part about it is that in your efforts to make it all about your ethnic group, you ignore factors outside of race.
45. Don’t ask Black women if it’s our “real hair.” And don’t judge Black women for wearing wigs or weaves or having relaxers.
I don’t give a shit about your hair.
46. Don’t touch our fucking hair.
Wasn’t planning to.
47. If you have a Black girlfriend, please make sure that your shower is always adequately stocked with conditioner. Never that 2-in-1 stuff!!! We beg you.
No. Last I checked, she’s a grown woman and can buy her own. That’s on her.
48. Never try and pull any uninvited “race play” shit in the bedroom. Seriously, what the fuck?
Last I checked, what two people do in the privacy of their bedroom is none of your fucking business.
49. Actively try to identify and unsubscribe from orientalist tropes i.e. believing that East Asian women are naturally more submissive or docile. People of color are people, not characters.
It’s white women I assume to be more submissive and docile, boo.
50. If you call a woman of color “exotic,” you deserve to stub your toe every day for a year. Do. Not. Do. This.
“Shit that Never Happens Land.”
51. Also, saying “I’ve never fucked a Black/Asian/Native etc. person” to someone you’re trying to hook up with is a one way ticket to hell.
Don’t believe in Hell. This means nothing to me.
52. If you have such fetishistic thoughts, just don’t even bother coming near a person of color.
What I may or may not find sexually appealing is none of your fucking business. Fuck you. You do you, and I’ll do me.
53. Remember that having mixed race children is not a cure for racism or a way to live out weird racial fantasies.
Nobody has ever thought this. Ever.
54. If you’re trying to start a mixed raced family, sit down and deeply interrogate your intentions.
Why? If you want to start a family with the person you are involved with, typically it comes from a place of “I care very deeply for this person and want to start a family with them.” But that aside, the reasons they start a family are none of your fucking business.
55. If you do have mixed race children, make sure that they have access to people who look like them and who understand their experiences.
I’ll let them choose their friends Thanks.
56. If you have a partner of color or children of color, trust and believe that you can still be racist. You’re not exempt. If anything, you have even more of a duty to examine your behavior for the benefit of your loved ones.
No, I don’t. I have a duty to do the best for my family, and that’s it. Your social justice bullshit has no part of my family’s life.
57. Take your racist family members to task for the shit they say over the dinner table or via social media.
No. I believe they have the right to say whatever hateful shit they want. Unlike you, I actually believe in freedom of speech. If they ask my opinion on what they said, I’ll convey my belief that it’s racist, but trust me, they don’t ask. I’m the liberal on a conservative extended family. They don’t ask.
58. Confront your colleagues who say racist shit unchecked at work.
My colleagues are professionals in an environment with high professionalism standards. Trust me, the boss would ream them a new one if they said something like “don’t you all hate niggers?” Oh no! I said a word that is racially insensitive in the context of what a potential person might say if they were unprofessional and racist! That must mean I’m a horrible racist! Oh no!
59. Look around your workplace—are the only people of color cleaners or assistants? What can you do to change that? (The answer is almost never “nothing.”)
Nope. Our cleaning lady is an old white gal who is a very pleasant individual, and we have a broad spectrum of people with various ethnic groups who are office assistants and caseworkers at my job. So yeah, we’re just fine. Thanks for asking.
60. If someone asks you to fill a role that you think a person of color would be better suited for, recommend a talented person of color who you know and forego the position yourself.
Uh, fuck you. If there’s a chance to get a better position and not have to be in such crushing financial dire straits, I’m going to take it. I’m already under enough pressure since I live in poverty now.
61. Don’t make us be the de facto diversity guy at work. Or at least pay us extra to do the labor of diversifying the workplace.
In my office, we hire people based on qualifications. And everyone is paid the same. That’s how equality works. Sorry we don’t go out of our way to kiss your ass (not sorry).
62. Refuse to speak on an all-white panel. Regardless of the topic.
63. If there are only a couple of people of color in your seminar, don’t weirdly stare at them when the lecturer poses questions about race and expect them to answer everything.
I don’t attend seminars. They’re boring.
64. If you’re in charge of making curricula, make sure there is work by people of color, especially women of color, on the reading list. And not just in the weeks dedicated to race.
No. I’m gonna put in those who I believe to be the best minds on the subject that I’m teaching. I actually want students to learn. I know, shocking in a country as stupid as America.
65. Commission people of color to make work about race.
If they have the credentials to show they have studied it in an in-depth way.
66. Commission people of color to make work that has nothing to do with race.
If they have the qualifications I’m looking for.
67. Don’t say things like “there are two sides to every story!” or play devil’s advocate when it comes to conversations about race.
No! I refuse to “listen and believe” like you all want. I do this weird thinking thing. It’s why I left religion and never went to your church of social justice. All seemed kind of silly to me.
68. In those situations, just listen.
69. It’s never useful to say stuff like, “But what about the white working class!!!” Have you thought about non-white working class people’s needs?
Right back at ya, sugar-tits. Except about the first part.
70. Don’t? Vote? For? Racist? Politicians? Can’t believe I need to say this one but it seems like possibly, maybe, some of y’all did not get this memo.
Unless it’s a candidate I believe in, I don’t vote. I voted in the primary for Bernie Sanders, but then saw Shillary rig the primary against him. A nice reminder to me that the party supposedly for the people has systems in place in case a candidate for the people actually comes along. A lesson I feel Democrats have forgotten.
71. Research your candidates. Who has progressive policies that won’t needlessly criminalize people of color? Vote for them.
What “progressive” policies needlessly criminalize “people of color?” The progressive ideas I am for are things like ending the drug war, which would help an area where black people are most definitely being racially discriminated against. So yeah, gonna need some examples on this one.
72. Remember that Black women are not here to save you from yourselves. You’ve gotta put in the work, too.
Nobody thinks this way. Nobody.
73. Be cognizant of how your whiteness could be weaponized against Black people. i.e. white women, don’t play into stereotypes about Black men being inherently threatening to you. It gets Black men killed. See: Emmett Till.
My attributes aren’t weaponized against anyone. Find me an example of how I, personally, am having the fact that I’m white used against anyone (you have to be specific of who) and I’ll take that argument and beat the shit out of it.
74. Use your white privilege to be on the frontline between people of color and the police at protests. You’re at much less risk than us.
I wouldn’t be caught dead at one of your protests.
75. Record police encounters you see involving Black people.
76. Share alerts when ICE is planning a raid.
77. Stand up to Islamophobia wherever you see it.
78. If you have ever thought a phrase like “Black lives matter” is too assertive, consider why you’re so uncomfortable with Black people standing up for our humanity.
Too assertive? Is that we call the chant “What do we want? Dead cops! When do we want it? Now!” Or is that what we call when they are smashing cars and committing property damage? Or maybe it’s what we call when they have members saying things like telling a white couple who had a baby that their baby should die because it’s white? Yeah, I’ll call them all sorts of negative things. Your pathetic attempts at damage control do NOTHING to help your cause.
79. Listen when Black people say, “I’m not comfortable in this situation.” You’ve seen Get Out, haven’t you?
Because fiction is reality!
80. If you haven’t seen Get Out, watch Get Out. Understand that the everyday horror is real.
A film with racial undertones is real. You people literally can’t distinguish fantasy from reality. And you wonder why you aren’t taken seriously. Huh, it’s a fucking mystery.
81. Question whether you have double standards when it comes to drugs. Do you think it’s cool when white weed entrepreneurs make tons of money but think that Black people who are found to have traces of marijuana in their systems deserve to be thrown in prison?
I don’t think that, actually. I want to end the drug war, because it is destroying this country. So yeah, totally covered on this one.
82. Don’t have dreadlocks if you’re not Black, just don’t. Beyond being offensive, it’s just not suited to your hair type. Do literally anything else with your hair.
I’ll do whatever the fuck I like with what little hair I have, and you can keep your fucking mouth shut, bitch.
83. Don’t refer to things as your “spirit animal” if you’re not Native. There are other ways to express affinity with something.
I’ll do whatever I like.
84. Do not compare the exploitation of animals to racism. Ever. I’m deadly serious.
I don’t care if you’re serious. I’ll do whatever the fuck I like.
85. I can’t believe I even need to say this in 2018 but here we go: Don’t wear Blackface.
Who does this? Outside of edgelords, who does this?
86. Don’t even think about saying the N word. Even if you’re alone. Even if you’re listening to rap. Even if you’re alone and listening to rap.
If I’m listening to 2pac and I hear him say “nigga,” and I’m rapping along, I’ll say whatever I like. It’s a word. The power you give it over you it is up to you.
87. Similarly, don’t use the word “g*psy” or “p*ki” or “r*dskin” or any other racial slur. Even if you’re repeating what someone else said or reading from a text.
Like how I call my girly-mate who I met traveling from place to place “gypsy girl” or talking about the Redskins football team? Like that?
88. That includes the word “colored.” “Person of color” and “colored” are not the same. Trust me.
You’re right, one of them is an “of” and “ed” away from the other.
89. Understand that America has what it has because it stole land from indigenous people and stole people from Africa.
Understand that what’s done is done, and it’s time to move on. I wasn’t there, and neither was anyone in this generation or the last. The last three generations have never owned a slave or killed an Indian. I’m not gonna be held to account for the actions of my ancestors. Sorry (not sorry).
90. Care about race on the 364 days that aren’t Martin Luther King Jr. day.
I care about all sorts of things all sorts of days. Stop telling me how to live my life.
91. Also, don’t whitewash his legacy and use it to argue that Black people should just take what they’re given lying down.
You all are the ones who dilute that shit down. Like how you try and ignore the fact that, towards the end of his life, he was much more against income inequality than racial inequality. He said once that a poor white person and a poor black person have more in common than a poor white person and a rich white one. So yeah, there’s something you could be championing. But wait, that doesn’t fit the narrative.
92.Think about how race is operating even when people of color aren’t around. Be cognizant of it wherever you are, whichever situation you’re in. People of color have to, so should you.
I swear, you people should have “it’s because I’m black, isn’t it?” tattooed on your fucking foreheads.
93. Remember that your queerness/womanhood/transness/class background/disability doesn’t exclude you from white privilege.
You were born with Original Sin! Come into our church so you might be cleansed!
94. Make your feminism useful to all women rather than calling yourself an ‘intersectional feminist’. Show, don’t tell.
Not a feminist. I’m an egalitarian.
95. Don’t assume, full stop, that you can understand what it’s like to experience racism. You can’t. That’s the whole point.
If someone treats me bad because I’m white, then I can understand. Thankfully, I’m a fucking giant who walks around with my resting face looking like “fuck off.” People tend to leave me alone.
96. Understand that nothing in your life has been untouched by your whiteness. Everything you have would have been harder to come by if you had not been born white.
I have had to scratch and claw for everything I’ve gotten. I haven’t been given a single thing by life, ever! I bust my fucking ass to get anything. Don’t you fucking tell me how life is just going out of its way to give me things. Fuck you!
97. Be grateful for the lesson when you’re called out on racism, getting defensive won’t help.
Not a racist, so calling me one pisses me off.
98. Move past your white guilt. Guilt is an unproductive emotion. Don’t sit there mired in woe, just be better.
Don’t have white guilt. Fuck off.
99. Recognize that fighting racism isn’t about you, it’s not about your feelings; it’s about liberating people of color from a world that tries to crush us at every turn.
Oh you poor baby. You have it so fucking hard, here in the First World. Where you aren’t the victim of random acts of violence by an dictatorial regime, or religious persecution, or like in the Congo, where rape is used as a weapon of military terror. I feel so bad for you…
100. And remember: Being an ally is a verb, not a noun. You can’t just magically be an ally to people of color because you say you’re one, it’s something that you must continually work on.
Not an ally. Fuck off.
Until next time, a quote,
“Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” – Mark Twain