Hollywood Needs to Stop Making Remakes

I am so bored with movies these days.  Between the endless sequels, and the unending reboots and remakes, why should I go to the theaters when I can just as easily not watch those films at home?  Not even going to see the next Star Wars.  Finally got around to watching Rogue One.  It sucked.  It was boring.  I’ll admit that it made the Rebels kind of look like terrorists, which is how I always saw them so that worked out nicely, but the rest was boring.  Everyone tells me that Episode VII was so awesome.  You know what I see when I saw that film?  I’ll tell you – a really poorly hidden remake of the original film.  That’s it.  It’s a remake of the first film, but with a chick.  I am not impressed.

Which brings me to my latest bit of news that I saw – the Baywatch film has flopped.  What a shock.  When I saw the ads for this movie, I was genuinely confused.  I never even watched the show, but I remember what the draw for it was back in the day – Pamela Anderson and her really big tits bouncing in swimsuits along with Carmen Electra.  It wasn’t that hard.  To be able to remake this concept should be simple.  Granted, in today’s politically correct charged society, I do wonder if people would gravitate toward a film with hot women and big tits in swimsuits, but I bet it would still sell well.  However, that isn’t what they did, is it?  No, instead we got some kind of buddy-comedy with The Rock and some other fuck who I don’t really know or care who they are.  Wait, what?  I saw only one ad with hot women and they didn’t exactly have huge tits bouncing.  Why is there no bouncing?  Where are the big boobs?  In that moment, I realized what had happened.

The Hollywood machine got its claws into that film, and it became the latest in the series of poor decisions that they have made when remaking something to not even give the slightest of fucks about what the draw was to the source material.  Instead they have to make it some bullshit that trades simply in name recognition.  Because hey, why not sweep the bottom of the barrel?  To be fair, that was pretty much what the show was.  It was porn without the porn.  Hot bouncing tits under the skimpy clothes.  The shoe was to give guys boners.  Sure, there were some hot dudes in there too just to get the ladies all moistened, but we all remember the ads.  This was for the lowest common denominator.  But the series was aware of that.  There was no question about it.  Same way Magic Mike was about the lowest common female denominator.

Hollywood has this habit lately of taking properties with name recognition and deciding to remake or reboot it while not even beginning to remember what drew people to it in the first place.  For example – did you see that the remake of Jumanji is coming out in the next year or so?  Oh boy.  The poster for it looks retarded beyond belief, and it’s another film that The Rock can add his name to that is stupid in the extreme, but it’s happening.  Another CG orgy that will totally miss the practical effects which help cover the original film’s terrible animations that have not aged well at all.  Not to mention it shits on Robin Williams’ legacy when he was at his peak.  But Hollywood clearly doesn’t care about that.  They are remaking The Crow, after all.  A classic superhero film that Brandon Lee gave his life for.  The lasting piece of his legacy.  I refuse to see that movie.  Period.  I will not give Hollywood money for spitting on the death of a man who tried to do something amazing.  Especially after they ruined the sequel to the film – City of Angels.  Take a look at the link I attached.  The story of a truly great film that will never be just hurts me inside.

What can we learn about all these remakes and reboots?  First – Hollywood is out of ideas.  Instead of making original content to give to the masses, they give the same recycled bullshit that they know will make a shit-ton of money.  Since the masses clearly as stupid as fuck, they will see whatever new superhero film it is.  Not me.  After one of the staff at DC came out and said that the Wonder Woman film wasn’t going to be any better than Batman v Superman or Suicide Squad, I won’t even be Netflixing that shit.  20th Century Fox decided to take a risk with two R-rated superhero films that actually did justice to their source material.  Both of which were incredible films.  Both of which were sleeper hits that brought in massive critical and widespread acclaim.  Part of me hopes that Disney will take notice and hand some of their properties off to their subsidiary studios under their umbrella and make a few with their properties.  That’s how they were able to distribute Princess Mononoke, even though it was a VERY violent Miyazaki film.  I doubt it will happen, but a man can dream.  At the very least Disney knows when to begin to step back from superhero films after Infinity War is done.  Props to that.  The MCU had a good run, now it can have a legacy.

The next thing we can learn is that truly amazing films are being passed over.  My favorite film of 2016 was a genuinely smart science fiction film called Arrival.  It was made by Denis Villeneuve, who made Sicario and Incendes.  Both of which were also incredible.  I am a little apprehensive about what the sequel to Blade Runner is going to be, but at least it is in the hands of a competent director.  That’s more than a lot of films can say.  How many films like Arrival are being passed over because they may not sell as much.  I just found out that there is an anime adaptation film being made that probably none of you has heard about it.  It is being personally financed by James Cameron, who has wanted to see a film adaptation of it made for 17 years!  That’s pretty hardcore.  It is already in production.  $200 million has been spent on it.  Don’t have any idea what I’m talking about?  I don’t blame you.  This film is so far under the radar to border on non-existence.  It’s being directed by Robert Rodriguez, and stars Michelle Rodriguez and Christoph Waltz, along with Jennifer Connolly and other big names.  Still don’t know?  It’s called Battle Angel.  A manga that James Cameron was in love with and as I said has been trying to make into a film for 17 years.  Maybe after how hard Ghost in the Shell flopped, they want to keep this under wraps.  Hard to say.

Lastly, the thing we can take away is that Hollywood is bleeding money.  After all, the best they can do is churn out films that are basically tailor-made to do well overseas.  Seems the Asian markets will eat up whatever crap we put out, so long as it has white people kicking ass.  All the SJWs talking about “white-washing” don’t mean much to the markets that have made films that outright sucked like the Transformers sequels into massive successes.  Goes to show – Anita Sarkeesian and her ilk don’t know what the fuck they are talking about.  Shocking, I know.

In the meantime, Hollywood needs to stop remaking movies.  I am hoping that with the failure of films like this and the failure of movies like Ghostbusters (2016), they are starting to see the tide on this crap turning.  Exploiting nostalgic name-recognition isn’t how you sell movies.  If anything, it just reminds cynics like me what we loved the originals so much.

Until next time, a quote,

“Work is making a living out of being bored.” – Karl Lagerfeld

Peace out,

Maverick

SIONR: Resident Evil Movies Getting a Six-Movie Reboot?! WHY?!

I don’t know how many of you know this, but the Resident Evil movies have sucked.  I can at least watch the first one because it has a couple genuinely scary moments, but the rest can’t even fall into the category of so bad they’re good.  They just suck.  They are cinematic abortions from first to last.  When I saw the preview for The Final Chapter, I was doing cartwheels because I finally thought that they were bringing an end to a series that NO ONE asked to go on this long.  No one.  People have been begging for this to end years ago.  Hell, the films aren’t even financially solvent, so why did this go on for so long?  Mysteries for the prophets.

But it seems that the films are already being planned for a six-film reboot.  Don’t believe me?  Check out this link and really soak in how stupid this is.  Naturally, it’s because of Germans that this abortion is being forced to keep going.  As they say, it’s brought in over $1.2 billion in profits.  For six films, with their level of production values, that actually seems pretty bad.  The article even says that the idea for six films is them milking it.  They want to suck this cash cow dry until there is absolutely nothing left.  I am in awe.

Can we please stop making video game movies?  I’m being serious.  These films suck.  Without a SINGLE exception, they all suck.  Everyone tried to defend the Warcraft film, but even then it was flimsy at best.  I can at least acknowledge that the original Silent Hill film was made by someone who at least loved the games and wanted to do right by them.  It still sucked, but there was at least a little heart.  More than most of this shit.  Video game films are becoming the bottom of the film barrel, and Hollywood is showing that they don’t care if film budgets are wasted making more of this garbage.  I honestly wish that Hollywood would realize that we need some originality in film.

Movies are getting so predictable.  I just got done watching Rogue One, and the whole time I’m like – something interesting is going to happen soon, right?  I liked Civil War, but that’s because it actually had heroes fighting each other.  That was unique.  But I am still tired of comic book movies.  Star War VII was a remake of the original with a check and even less fun.  None of the big movies even get my attention anymore.  And now they are releasing a new Pirate of the Caribbean film and I bet that film will die even more than the previous film did.  That franchise has been played out.  The only film I actually want to see coming out soon is Dunkirk, because it is being made by a direct who I know will make a film that isn’t just me watching a computer.

I know that there are people in Hollywood who have good ideas.  The problem is that studios are basically condemning them to never get anything made because all they care about is something easy to market.  Something that they can put out there and know there will be a return of investment.  It’s why we have Transformers VI, Star Wars: Independent Story Nobody Cared About, Cars 3, and other equally-uninteresting films that will still make a ton of money because the audience in this country is retarded.

And while we’re on the subject, can we PLEASE stop with these reboots?!  I am fucking sick of films that play on nostalgia as the only way to keep you in the seats.  All of these films just make me realize how much I loved the original.  That’s it.  I groan when I see a previews to another franchise or something that I loved being turned into a cash-grab.  Thankfully, these films are becoming less and less financially successful, which hopefully can give the six-figure salaries and two-digit IQs in Hollywood a clue that this crap is played out.

In the meantime, fuck this latest reboot.  I haven’t seen one of these films in years, and I am not going to now.  Who are the idiots who keep watching this shit?  I honestly want to know.

Until next time, a quote,

“Running out of ideas will put in you the dark until death.” – Cambodian Proverb

Peace out,

Maverick

Five Things I Hate Challenge

I’ve seen this idea making its way around the YouTube community, and since I am as original as a Subway Reuben sandwich (a concept that sounds disgusting beyond words), I thought that I would get in on the fun and do my own list of five things that I hate.  Rather than do some easy over-the-plate answers like SJWs and modern feminism, I thought I would talk about things that actually apply to my daily life.  Things that I have to deal with that just get under my skin and piss me the fuck off.  Here is my list of five things that I REALLY hate.

5. People who tell me to be more positive
I get this one all the fucking time at work.  I work a customer service job for a state industry that involves children and money.  You can probably extrapolate what it is from what I’ve said.  It is the most thankless job in the world, and I have to deal with some of the biggest scum-fucks ever.  But I am professional with everyone who calls.  I keep the same level tone with everyone.  Sure, there has been a slip-up or two, but I have always been at my very best.  However, once I hang up the phone from call with worthless parent #24 for that day, I sometimes need to vent.  Sometimes I have to call the lazy cunt who is bitching about having to pay because she is a worthless parent.

This has gotten people to be like, “you need to be more positive!”  I hear this shit all the time, and it never fails to illicit at least a little of my annoyance.  Let me have my moment of negativity.  I have to put on a happy face for every fucking asshole who calls in to scream at me about how me and my organization are thieves.  I deserve to have a moment to acknowledge how unpleasant it all is.  If there wasn’t this entire division singing about how it is so valuable and we are such wonderful people, maybe we could have an honest conversation about how miserable the job is.  Maybe then, real change could be made to make things less shitty.  Like getting a pinball machine for the break room or something.  You know, little ideas like that to make the day suck less.  Oh, but we can’t have that.  Instead, we have to find bullshit ways to pretend that it is just the happiest place in the world.  These people are insulting my fucking intelligence every time I have the super-cheerful boss come in and say how great every day is.

Fact is, I don’t get why everyone is so insane about trying to be positive all the time.  Life isn’t that great.  If a person needs to let some dark thoughts out into the zeitgeist to get through their day, why does everyone act like they took a piss in their coffee?  Does the attitude of someone that you don’t actually like all that much really bother you?  If you are so needing all life around you to be sunshine and roses then you have much deeper insecurities that you should probably address.  As for me, I live with depression caused by brain damage.  I’ll do what I do.

4. The endless sequels, remakes, and reboots
This goes for both video games and movies.  I am really hating the way things are nowadays.  Seems like every thing that is made is either a sequel, a remake, or a reboot.  The sequels are the worst.  Marvel has become a sequel machine.  Sure, there are the diamonds in the rough, like Civil War, Winter Soldier, and what I am hoping will be Spider-Man: Homecoming.  But for all the truly fantastic stuff, you have to slog through a bunch of complete shit.  I don’t have the energy for it.  I have never and will never watch any of the Thor movies.  Nor did I watch Ant-Man, or the original Captain America movie.  I didn’t want to.  This gets even worse for video games.  Seems like every major AAA game is a sequel.  This just bores me to no end.

Then we get the remakes.  Part of me is glad that we are seeing some truly toxic remakes coming out.  This year we got to see a Ghostbusters remake crash and burn on impact, which is for the best.  Hollywood is clearly out of ideas.  We can make fun of some of the bonkers and outright stupid shit that came from the 90’s, but you gotta give it this much – it was at least original.  I miss the days when studios would take huge risks with movies all so that people could let their creativity flow.

Finally, there are reboots.  These are no better.  The worst offender in recent memory is The Force Awakens.  I swear, there was a movie in there, but I couldn’t see it over this sheen of another film that came out 40 years ago that was so much better.  It’s like this movie was trying so desperately to riff on it.  You get the defenders coming out like, “it’s introducing a new generation to Star Wars!”  To those fucks, I say – you do own a DVD player, right?  You have Netflix?  Then what the fuck do you need this movie for?!  Watch the originals then, you stupid fucks!  This movie was boring.  It was dull.  I knew where the plot would go from beginning to end.  Not one thing surprised me or even got my attention.  The humor was cringe-worthy at best.  The “empowering female stormtrooper” has no face and barely any lines.  Harrison Ford looked medicated the whole time.  Daisy Ridley can’t act for shit.  Nothing about that movie was nearly as good as people said it would be.  I won’t be seeing the sequel in theaters.  Hell, I doubt I will see Rogue One in theaters either.  Spoilers be damned.

Every time I see a sequel, remake, or reboot coming out, I think of all the wasted potential that could have gone to a legitimately good film.  The wondering about what could have been, all the while realizing that I am just watching the same shit come out, over and over again.  Maybe the reason that DC films are being panned so much is that they are coming out and riffing on Marvel, and it just looks tacky at this point.

3. When people ask why I’m not dating
Yeah, this one was coming.  Every fucking year at the holidays, I have at least one person ask, “why aren’t you dating anyone?”  Oh, fuck off!  Yeah, like finding a relationship is just something I can go down to the corner store and do.  Meeting people is time-consuming, and I don’t even have time for friendships with this job.  Or rather, friends don’t have time for me because they have all their own adult shit.  I’m sad and lonely, so I got nothing but time when I’m not at work.  I don’t do the bar scene or the party scene, so where exactly am I supposed to meet people?  Everyone acts like all I do is just sit around and jerk it.  I keep trying to meet people, wherever I can.  But with this job and my limited finances associated with my shit pay, there’s only so much that I can do.

For so many years, I have had people who don’t know shit about me telling me about how I am doing this thing wrong or that thing wrong and judging me for not being married and talking about having a baby by now.  The reality is that the longer you are single, the more likely it is that you will stay single.  Statistically, I am totally fucked.  Oh well.  It was fun while it lasted.  Hope is a curse, after all.

2. When a person is about to say something critical of me, then stops, refusing to continue when I ask them to elaborate
Any of you have this problem?  Someone who you trust to be honest with you has their dander up and is all annoyed and just when they are about to tell you what bug has crawled up their ass, they suddenly stop.  When you ask them to elaborate, they just shrug it off like, “nope!”  So there you are, knowing that they are upset with you about something, and now they are just going to peace out.  Which means that now I have to wonder about it all day.  And you just KNOW that they aren’t going to forget about whatever it is that was pissing them off.  It becomes a cycle of the person being all pissy and passive-aggressive with you until they finally explode about it.

Why can’t people just be honest about how they feel and work things out with people?  We live in a generation of people who have to have safe spaces and don’t want to be honest because they fear confrontation.  Where I come from, if you are mad at someone, you have it out.  Then it’s done.  No dwelling, no passive-aggressive.  It’s just done.  Over the years, I have had so many people who have this problem.  Refusing to talk to me about what was bugging them has ruined at least one relationship, and a couple of friendships.  Anytime that someone is actively avoiding talking to me about something, that’s a red flag that it isn’t some stupid thing but something actively important that shouldn’t be ignored.

The worst thing is that I am all about resolving conflicts.  Having watched so many relationships fall apart due to not talking about things that needed to be talked about, anytime that I sense something is wrong, I press the issue.  Granted, if a person tells me that they don’t want to talk at that point, but they will get with me about it later, that’s fine.  However, if they then do not do so and start with the passive-aggressive bullshit, I will call them out on it.

1. SNOW!
For the last few years, winter in my state has been pretty awesome.  It barely existed.  That has been pretty fucking sweet.  All this climate change stuff has been a real boon to me.  Sure, pretty much is bitching and complaining about there not being enough snow, but fuck that noise!  I think it was awesome.  However, it seems that the good times are over and now things are back to a much more typical winter.  Oh boy.  Isn’t that just swell.  Which means now I have to deal with the white shit.

Sure, it is pretty to watch fall, but here’s the thing – I have a commute to work in the morning!  You know what that means?  That means that I have to deal with this shit every day.  And because I am an actually safe driver, I have to take more time out and get to work early.  I also carpool with my lady friend, so that adds even more time.  I’m not complaining about that part.  I only get so much time with her before she leaves, so I gotta take what I can get.  But it sucks that everything in my life gets immediately more difficult because I gotta deal with all this white shit everywhere.  And since everyone gets really fucking stupid when it snows, the chances of me getting killed by some dumbass goes up exponentially.

In the end, snow is just more of a challenge than it is something to like.  If you are one of those people who thinks that snow is awesome and whatever, I have no words for you.  You’re a weird fuck.

What are some of the things that you hate?  Let me know in the Comments.

Until next time, a quote,

“I’m getting real sick of your shit, winter.” – meme

Peace out,

Maverick