I let slip in my personal post about the High Price of Failure that I work for child support. As I have recently discovered that I may have cancer and am waiting for biopsy results to come back in, I thought that I would share with you some of my overwhelming disdain for my place there. Since this site is not under my real name and I have never said in what state I live, this is honestly not a problem.
I work for the customer service side of child support. You know what that means? That means I get to deal with the most insufferable people who have ever lived. I mean it, the people who call in to my office are some of the most foul, most unpleasant, STUPIDEST putses that I have ever had the misfortune of getting to know. And there are days when I wish I could kill roughly 70% of the people who call in with a hammer (note that this is in no way indicative of anything I would actually do. Not for any moral reasons, but because I am too conspicuous to get away with it). A ball-pin hammer. Wanna know what my average day is like? Let me tell you.
The first kind of insufferable person is the person who is just absolutely certain that I have a magic crystal ball that will tell them when their next payment in. Didn’t you know? It’s right by my desk! The moment people call, I look into it and I am able to see magically all the information about their next payment! Here’s a tip for anyone who may have child support or may get it in the future – we have NO idea when or if payment is coming in. Ever. Until a payment comes in, we don’t know it is coming. If we have a source of income to garnish from, we will follow up after not getting payments in so long, but the reality is that even when the source of income has been consistent for 10 years, we still have no idea if another payment will come in until it does.
Which is another thing – I just love the people who have made child support their SOLE source of income. Moron, don’t do that! Child support should be supplementing your income, not being it. If you are calling me to cry that your rent is due and you depend on this for your entire ability to function, I will be professional and quietly roll my eyes because you don’t realize that this is an undependable form of income. That’s the truth, by the way. Because it is not dependable, it isn’t something you can claim on your taxes. There are no tax benefits or tax punishments for paying or receiving child support.
Next, there are the people who are just absolutely sure that the money is already here. They call in saying “why aren’t payments coming to me?” Gee, honey, because I didn’t go out back and pick from the money tree today! It’s been a bumper-crop this year! Why, just yesterday I picked us a few $100’s. I think harvest will be pretty amazing.
But my favorite group in today’s discussion are the lazy fucks. See, printing a ton of paper is expensive, and wasteful. So, to help reduce our environmental impact as well as cut costs however we can, we set up and online option for people to get their statements. It’s easy. It’s so easy that the kid you’re raising who is only five could do it. Still, we get so many people who just bitch and moan about the fact that we can’t just go out of our way to send them a statement, when the tools for doing it as right there and it is even formatted to work on your phone!
That reminds me – I love the people who claim that they don’t have a smartphone. If someone had made that claim to me five years ago, I would be skeptical but I would have bought it. But now? No. Unless you live in some bush community that no one has ever heard of, you have a smartphone. And if you have a smartphone, you can get on WIFI. Which means that there is NO reason that you can’t get your uniquely lazy ass on your phone that you are calling me with to pull up your goddamn account! Ugh!
Add to that the endless accusations that I am for or against this group or that group. I’ve heard it all. I hate men. I hate women. I hate white people. I hate black people. I hate minorities. I hate lesbians (no joke, a woman who had to pay because her child was in foster care told me that I hate lesbians because the state is making her pay). I hate single mothers. I hate single fathers. I am a cold-blooded murderer who is responsible for killing X person and their family. Anyone who wants to insult me now has to think of a new line. I’ve been called it all.
Another group I love – “it ain’t my kid!” Of course it’s not. I have no idea how your name got on the birth certificate. Go to court. “I terminated my rights!” Okay. Did you get that documentation to us? What’s that? You didn’t? “I can’t work anymore!” Okay. Do you have official documentation from a medical professional or a disability agency or a court of law saying that you are completely incapable of working? No? “I can’t make a payment agreement since I’m not working.” Then call back when you are. “I’m working, but they don’t pay hardly anything.” So you are working? The excuses I hear from some people run the gamut and it’s so damn funny.
There is honestly a lot of tension which is leaving my body right now. My friend is in the Navy making something of herself. I may be kind of a loser, but I have the ability to write. And I’ll be damned if I am not using that to accomplish something.
Until next time, a quote,
“Stupid people aren’t annoying. They’re free entertainment.” – Anonymous