Lucien’s First Take: Dear White People (Netflix Trailer)

You know, I’m starting to think that anti-SJWs are becoming just as bad as the SJWs they mock.  Why?  Because it seems like every little thing now leads them to some stupid boycott that won’t work and doesn’t really matter, yet gets trending on Twitter to make them feel like they are doing something important.  Recently, the trailer that we are going to watch got them all to have their panties in a bunch and start a boycott of Netflix.  Really?  Over this?  I’m a fucking hipster douche canoe who doesn’t even have streaming on Netflix and still does DVDs and even I see this as stupid.  Yeah, you just learned something about me that really makes me look pathetic.  I understand if you look down upon me.  It’s the same reason that I will have such a hard time getting into downloading games instead of having a disc copy.

This stupid boycott was started over a trailer that has a like/dislike ration that eerily mimics another big SJW-approved piece of work.  I wonder what that could be…?  And just like that one, battle lines have been drawn.  The title of this work is “Dear White People,” and I thought that we would look at this trailer and break down our impressions.  Weigh in with a more sensible voice about the nature of how good or bad it is.

So, we first get to see an image of stereotypical white people.  We have Douchebag Von Asshole V, and Betty Steenvirgin waving, as a black woman is about to tell me what kinds of Halloween costumes are acceptable.  Here’s the answer – any fucking kind I want.  I have the right to dress whatever way I want for Halloween.  As do you.  As does anyone who is watching this bullshit.  If you don’t like it, you are free not to associate with me.  As you are clearly a person with far-left, SJW political opinions, I doubt we would get along anyway.

Then it has a headline – America Needs.  Boy, I can think of a thousand things that I could fill in that end space with.  How about – to get away from dogmatic thinking?  Or maybe – to kick these SJWs to the curb?  Or, perhaps – to stop being so fucking pussy that we can’t deal with opposing points of view?  Yeah, those are all great things to fill in there.

We then get her deciding to go into a tirade about blackface.  Here’s where I am going to say something unpopular – I don’t give a fuck about blackface.  Really, I don’t.  Is it stupid?  Yeah.  Does it portray an ethnic group in a way that may be unflattering?  Probably.  But here’s the thing – that kind of shit only offends you if you have some kind of allegiance to your race.  This is something that I do not have. For example, we see our white people stereotypes.  Are they unflattering?  Sure.  Do I care?  Not at all.  Hell, I think they are kind of funny.  Like the cliche of what liberal elitist snobs are supposed to be.  These are the same kinds of people who are listening to what this bitch has to say and taking it seriously.  It isn’t the frat boys who actually want to live their lives as they see fit without breaking the law.  It isn’t the middle class people who are just going through their day-to-day and don’t give a flying fuck about all this identity politics stuff.  It’s yuppie snobs who are in Ivy League universities who are the biggest proponents of this kind of rhetoric.  The very people this woman is using to deride white people are the exact ones who are the first to come to her defense.

I have no allegiance to white people.  Hell, I don’t have an allegiance to the human race.  I’m a misanthrope.  I hate my species off-hand.  So I take people as they come.  If someone wants to mock white people, I say go for it!  Hell, I’ll join you.  I have made fun of hipsters with such gusto that my disdain for them has reached epic proportions.  I’ve made fun of rednecks.  I’ve made fun of yuppie Ivy League college students.  You want to make fun of white people?  Go right the fuck ahead.  I don’t get offended because it doesn’t mean a thing to me.  My race matters just as little to me as your race does.  I don’t give a fuck about your race either.  Fuck ethnic groups and their pet issues.  It’s beneath my attention to talk about.

So when this woman gets all butthurt about blackface, my thought is – why do you care?  I’m sure I’ll get someone who will come on here about how black people have been marginalized and shit.  Well, that was then.  Back then, blackface was an insulting thing to black people.  Nowadays, people don’t do it because it isn’t funny.  It’s not culturally acceptable.  The people in her video as example of blackface all seem to have something in common – they are young adults.  They are people in their early to mid 20’s.  The years when they are rebelling against societal norms and living on the edge.  It’s frat people and college punks looking to be offensive on purpose.  Gee, when you look at it like that, it’s almost like she is giving these people attention that they were already looking for.  Much like how Bill Maher wore a costume of Steve Irwin with a stingray barb in his chest shortly after he died.  Yeah, that was offensive, but it was done intentionally.  Getting mad about him about it just feeds into what he was looking for in the first place.

These people aren’t dressing up as you for Halloween, sweetie.  They are dressing provocatively, with the intent of getting reactions.  The fact that you let it affect you so strongly says more about you than it does about them.

And that’s it.  So, is the entire premise just some radio chick who uses the latest SJW talking points with black comedy interspersed among it?  Huh, maybe Madea will make a cameo.  Is this some big statement against white people?  No.  That’s stupid.  Would I ever watch it?  Nope.  I don’t go to Everyday Feminism because there’s only so much stupid I can handle.  Why would I watch a series personifying that kind of thinking?  And here’s the thing – this series will likely go the exact same route as that other SJW hill they had to die on.  It will be forgotten not long after it debuts.  So, with that in mind, let me give my Final Verdict.  For those who know how I rate things, it will make sense.

Final Verdict
5 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

Lucien’s First Take: Blade Runner 2049 Teaser Trailer

My girl and I recently saw Deni Villeneuve’s latest film Arrival.  It was smart science fiction done perfectly right.  I have SO been missing smart sci-fi.  With all the stupid shit that I get subjected to all the time in big blockbusters, it is just awesome that I saw a science fiction film that isn’t just shit blowing up and people killing people.  In fact, the killing in the movie is treated as something that should be seen off-screen.  He wanted to make the movie about the characters that it’s happening to.  I love this guy’s movies.  He takes complicated themes and applies them to kinds of films that we’ve seen a million times.  Granted, they aren’t for everyone, but he doesn’t shy away from that.  When I heard that there was going to be a sequel to Blade Runner, I was so fucking nervous.  I mean, there are so many ways that that could be fucked up.  Since Blade Runner is one of my favorite movies of all time, my nerves were piqued.  But then I heard who is directing it, and I saw Arrival.  Now I know that it is in perfect hands.  You couldn’t ask for better.

Got to thinking – maybe Arrival was Denis trying his hands at sci-fi.  Like, he wanted to see what he could do with a story that is as overdone as it gets, just to see if he could tackle a film that is slow, methodical, and filled with all kinds of subtext.  He nailed it, and because he nailed it once, I am positive that he can do the first film justice.  They have released a teaser trailer, and this is all I am going to be watching of the trailers that are released, because this was all I needed to see to get interested in seeing where the story goes.

We open with a scene of the dismal gray of the world.  Since the original film borrowed so much from noire style, I like that this movie is making sure to remind us that they haven’t forgotten that.  We then get to see a very orange world.  Where is this?  The film doesn’t up and tell us that, which is all for the better.  Maybe one of the off-world colonies?  That honestly would be pretty sick.  Our protagonist is approaching some dilapidated structure.  Already we are seeing subtlety.  Did you notice the door to the building that our protagonist enters?  Above them there is some writing.  It’s Korean.  That’s just awesome!  Since the street language from the original film was an amalgamation of various languages, it’s kind of cool that the building that this guy enters has Korean on it.  Villeneuve is already all over making this feel right.

Our protagonist is played by Ryan Gosling.  Excellent.  After watching Drive, I know that he’s the perfect pick for a movie like this.  He can do slow plotting and subtle acting.  He’s one of those actors who really gets into a role.  Can’t wait to see how he acts off of Harrison Ford.  Speaking of, we get to hear our favorite Blade Runner!  Yay!  And he doesn’t look medicated!  My biggest problem throughout ALL of The Force Awakens was how Ford looked like he couldn’t possibly care less about being in that film.  Now he actually looks like he gives a fuck.  This can only mean good things.  Villeneuve is something if a deranged perfectionist, so the way I see it, if Ford was willing to stick this out, it meant something to him.  Either that or the studio held a gun to his head and threatened a lawsuit if he didn’t comply.  But I’d like to think that he did it because he wanted to.

There are so many questions.  In the original film, the assumption was that Deckard was a replicant.  The theory is that all Blade Runners are.  They create replicants to hunt other replicants.  It’s a twisted reality.  So, since replicants have a life span, what’s the story with him?  What has happened since the events of the original film?  Gosling’s character says that things were “so much simpler back then.”  I take it that the replicant situation has gone more than a little out of control.  It was hinted that that was the inevitable result of using cloned people to do the dirty work that no one wanted to do.  That some kind of violent uprising was inevitable.  What’s happened?  Since it is Villeneuve working on the film, I know that there are some amazing answers that will be coming.

We leave the orange-tinted world that Deckard is in, and go back the rainy city.  A reminder to us that it is in the world of Blade Runner?  I suppose.  But the real treat is getting to hear a snippet of that iconic theme as the title comes up.  Font and all, this is so perfect.  I cannot wait to see where this goes.  Next October can’t come fast enough.

Initial Verdict
9 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

Lucien’s First Take: The Last of Us: Part II Trailer

In 2013, there debuted a game that was not only my favorite game for the PS3, but also one of my favorite games of all time.  It starred a duo who I have not only loved as characters, but written Critical Examination posts about.  My contention is that both of them have given up something in order to survive in the world of this series.  The name of this series means the last part of yourself that you are willing to throw away in order to stay alive.  Joel describes himself as a survivor to justify the horrible things he has done and continues to do throughout the first game.  At the end, Ellie chose to make the sacrifice in order to continue living.  Will the next game keep that idea going?  From what I have seen so far, absolutely.  Let’s take a look at the trailer.

Alright, we start off seeing somebody who we don’t know tuning a guitar.  I love how detailed at all is.  They start to play, and a familiar voice can be heard.  The song is a miserable one about how she is no longer a good person, and to be seen as good is wrong.  While singing, we see somebody coming into the house.  We don’t see his face, as he walks through what looks to be a real bloodbath.  A lot of people died in there, recently.  The man is holding a gun, so maybe he will be the next one that our girl Ellie decides to waste.  Sucks to be him.

However, as he gets to the door where she’s playing, another familiar voice asks her a question – what are you doing, kiddo?  Joel’s back, and as the paternal figure he has always been, he’s with his young charge.  I’m curious to see how their father-daughter relationship has grown over the last few years.  Ellie has done some growing up, and since she’s covered in blood when we get a close-up of her, she clearly has gotten used to a violent life.  He then asks – are you really going to go through with this?  I think this question has significance.  If my theory is right, and The Last of Us represents the last part of yourself that you are willing to give up to survive, then his question is asking her if she is willing to make the sacrifice once-again.  Another instance has been put to her to make the sacrifice of her humanity to survive.  To which she responds – I’m going to kill every last one of them.  So, yeah.  She is willing to make the sacrifice.  Joel being her surrogate father has come full circle, and now his way of surviving has passed on to her.

There are a lot of things that I am curious about, though.  For instance – what happened to Tommy?  Why did they leave?  Did something bad happen?  There are a lot of unanswered questions, and I am so stoked to see what those are.  No release date, but I am a patient man when it comes to Naughty Dog.  They don’t release games half-done, so I got nothing but time.

Initial Verdict
8 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

Lucien’s First Take: Death Stranding – Teaser Trailer

Rather unceremoniously, we see another preview for Hideo Kojima’s latest game that will be exclusive for the PS4 and PS4 Pro.  And just like last time, there isn’t a single ounce of gameplay in the entire thing, and I can’t help but be hopelessly engrossed.  Only Kojima can make a trailer that pretty much shows nothing about the game, yet none-the-less gets everyone totally hooked.  This man has shown to take a lot of inspiration from Hollywood, and nowhere is that more apparent than in this trailer.  Sony was SO smart in getting him to come on-board with their company.  I can only imagine what that conversation was like.  I figure it involved them throwing huge piles of money at the man.  It worked, and now we have a new game that if I could hope for it to come out next year, it would be right at the top of my list.  Let’s take a look at this new trailer that just dropped without a lot of pomp and circumstance.

Well, what have we here?  Another trailer showing off this game having some serious star power.  The last trailer showed that Kojima and Norman Reedus are still tight.  Now we see that Mads Mikkelsen is in this game.  Let’s talk about this trailer.  There is a lot to unpack.

We start out seeing a short, stocky, clearly chubby guy trying to sneak his way into a dark tunnel.  He’s carrying something, but we don’t see what.  As he gets to the tunnel, there seems to be some kind of battle raging overhead.  With whom?  We don’t know.  We see some WWII-era fighter jets flying around.  That’s pretty cool.  The guy seems nervous about the fighting, but clearly has somewhere that he needs to go.  Just as he is about to enter the tunnel, he stops.  Above him, we see a tank moving.  But something is very wrong with this tank.  It has disgusting tendrils coming out of it.  Makes me think back to the infested bases in Starcraft.  Trailing behind are some soldiers.  Are they infested too?

Our protagonist looks very nervous, but then looks down at what he is carrying.  It appears to be some sort of machine.  He plugs in something to it, and we see a baby being suspended inside.  Is that the baby we saw from the original trailer with Norman Reedus?  Who can say.  Dude seems to be feeling a lot more sure of himself, though, and starts heading into the dark tunnel.  However, just as he is, we zoom down the tunnel.  All the way down, to where a bunch of soldiers are approaching.  They appear to be hooked up to some guy.  Who is this guy?  Why are these soldiers hooked to him with tendrils?  That’s ominous.  Then, in a spectacular reveal, we see that it’s Mads Mikkelsen!  And he is looking all badass and messed up, because the tendrils are coming out of him.  What is his story?  Is he possessed by something?  Is he the one doing the possessing?  Impossible to say, but I can’t wait to find out.

The visuals in this are in a league of their own, but it’s more the feel of this.  I am in love with the style of this game.  I said in the post I did about the first trailer at this year’s E3 that it is Lovecraftian as fuck, and I still mean that.  We have another ocean, with weird, fish-like creatures taking control of the people in this world.  Yeah, that’s straight out of Lovecraft’s works.  I am so stoked for this game.  I cannot WAIT to see what the gameplay is like.  If Kojima takes the lessons he learned from Metal Gear Solid V and applies them here, then we are almost-guaranteed to have an incredible game that rocks everyone’s world.

Sony made a damn good investment with Kojima.  Whatever he ends up putting out, I know for a fact that it will blow away all expectations.  Hopefully you all are as excited as me.  Granted, I am getting more antsy to see gameplay, but I am almost positive that that will be the final hit that Sony has at next year’s E3.  Hopefully it will also include a release date.

Initial Verdict
8 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

Lucien’s First Take: Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare Story Trailer

I’m in this weird place where I am seeing more and more of the new Resident Evil game and I want to play it less.  It just looks like a clone of Silent Hills.  I don’t want a game that just riffs on a title that was cancelled by a dick-cheese company.  So many games are being made and everyone is just screaming about how it is going to be just like that other game that they wanted.  Forgive me, but that just doesn’t interest me.  The new RE looks like a bad horror film about some evil family trying to kill you.  I’ve seen that game before.  I’ve played that game before.  It looks less and less interesting to me as time goes on.

Then we get to the new Call of Duty.  I have ragged on this latest game eight ways til Sunday.  Call of Duty in space.  The very idea sounds as laughable as it gets.  And even now, it still kind of is.  But then there is this other part of me.  The part that learns more and more about the premise and finds it a touch bit intriguing.  Were it only in better hands.  Let’s look at the trailer.  Then we can hash this out.

Alright, so what do we have?  We have a plot that has pretty much been ripped straight out of Gundam.  There’s a colonial area away from Earth.  They are tired of living under Earth’s thumb.  There’s a demagogue who takes control of their forces and is now directing a war against the Earth.  After some horrible attack, Earth’s back is against the wall, and now their only hope is with a single ship and the brave crew of it.  It’s about as original as my roast beef sandwich that I had for lunch yesterday.  And yet, I still find this intriguing.

I guess that my point of this post isn’t to talk about this game.  Because the reality is that Activision and Infinity Ward can’t do this concept justice.  Why?  Because the original Gundam series wasn’t just about Earth vs. The Colonies.  There was a lot more nuance than that.  And the same is true here.  I refuse to believe that the war between Earth and Mars has all the nuance of Kit Harrington being evil.  Why is Mars so eager to attack Earth?  What drove them to this point?  I genuinely want to know the answer to that question.  But I get the feeling that I’ll never learn it in this game.  Instead, Kit Harrington’s likeness is going to be wasted for a one-off villain who has all the believe-ability of a villain twirling their novelty mustache.

What I really want to talk about here is how I want this concept to be done by some other company.  Some better company, who can actually make this work.  Because I REFUSE to believe that something this big can be limited to just one game.  It’s a war between Earth and Mars.  This is at least two games.  A concept like this could be an awesome trilogy.  A badass space opera where we get to see both sides.  I honestly would love it if we got to play as people on both sides, and see that there are problems on all fronts.  Not gonna happen with CoD.  Their entire lens is basically “America: FUCK YEAH!”

Nothing bugs me more than when I can see an idea that could be amazing, with the understanding that it will be shit.  It’s like, why go through all that effort if you’re just going to make something sub-standard?  Seems so stupid.  To me, anyway.  But this game does have my attention.  I will see what the reviews say, and we’ll see what happens next.

Initial Verdict
6 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

Lucien’s First Take: Metal Gear Survive: Official Trailer

I heard a while back that Konami is trying to get gamers to forgive them for the stupid bullshit they have done, such as how they treated Kojima, how they cut so much from Metal Gears Solid V: The Phantom Pain, and worst of all, for how they basically atom-bombed PT and the game it was connected to.  I have no intention of forgiving them.  That company is dead, to me.  But as a means of extending an olive branch, they are releasing a new Metal Gear game.  And…let’s just watch this.  Just watch the disappointment bathe you.  It’s so stupid.

Yeah, I’m going to go outside and smack my head into a pole for a few minutes.  Maybe then this retardedness will make some kind of sense.

So, we have Snake and Miller abandoning the original Mother Base as it blows up.  We then see this dude in the wreckage who I guess is just thinking about how fucked he is.  But some portal in the sky opens and he gets sucked in…the longer I talk about this plot, the more ashamed I am of it.  He ends up whatever world, and is immediately set upon by zombies.  Zombies with rocks sticking out of their heads.  I need to smack my head into the pole more.  This level of retarded is beyond comprehension.  We get more Mother Base people, and they’re all badass, I guess.  And it looks like the goal is to get into the remains of Mother Base that came through the portal with them.  You know what, I’m done.  Talking about the plot that I’ve seen just makes me sad.

What the fuck, Konami?  Seriously, what could have possibly compelled you to have THIS be your olive branch to gamers?!  I’m honestly trying to figure out the rationale behind this.  If you all remember those memes where you have the guy pitching something, and the first two people are complete yes-men/women who basically kiss this person’s ass, and the last guy has some negative opinion, which ends up having him get thrown out the window.  Is that literally what happened here?  It must.  There’s no way that somebody at that office meeting wasn’t like, “Yeah, let’s not do this.  This is stupid.  We’re literally creating a generic zombie shooter and slapping the Metal Gear logo onto it.”  To that guy, I feel for ya.  Sorry you had to get thrown out of a window and die for this.

This game is stupid!  There’s nothing else I can possibly say.  It’s the stupidest thing I have ever seen.  For his review of Twilight, The Distressed Watcher had to make up a word to describe how stupid the scene of the dude running up the tree was.  The word is – stupiditarded.  That’s what this is.  It’s stupiditarded.  It’s a cash-grab in EVERY sense of the word.  It’s garbage that is being made by people who have shown themselves to give so little of a shit about their own brands that they’ll slap the name on anything.  Even the most ridiculous zombie game idea ever made.

If you play this, you’re dumb.  If you defend this, you are stupid beyond reason.  I have no words.  Now I’m done with this trash.

Initial Verdict
2 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

Lucien’s First Take: Rogue One: Story Trailer

I hated Star Wars: The Force Awakens.  I honestly think that movie sucks and it gets so many free passes from people due to how bad the prequels were.  This wasn’t an original movie.  It was a damn-near shot-for-shot remake of the original film.  What I was hoping for was a Star Wars film that actually felt like I was back in the universe of Star Wars.  That wasn’t what I got.  Now, there is a new contender to the plate, and let me say, I’m VERY excited.  For once, I may actually see this movie on release.  Finally, it looks like I have a Star Wars movie that is worthy of the license.  But enough talking.  Let’s show it to you, and then talk more about it!

This trailer looks awesome!  I am so damn happy!  The first shot of a city with Imperial fighters coming into port.  That feels like Star Wars!  Every part of the establishing shots of this movie make me think that this is a movie in the Star Wars universe.  However, we then go into my biggest gripe with this trailer.

Anyone who knows my thoughts on the last one knows that I am NOT impressed by this chick they have in this new film.  They way they introduced her was with one of the cringiest lines I’ve heard in a while.

I thought this was a rebellion.  I rebel.

That line is awful!  It’s terrible in every way.  Now, we have her being introduced with another terrible line.  Let me make something clear – I want to like this chick.  She certainly looks the part.  But the dialogue coming from her is just awful.  It’s the most try-hard character I’ve seen in a while.  Like Katniss Everdeen in space.  And you know my opinions of the Hunger Games films (they sucked!).  I am so hoping that we get to see her with some flaws that serve to humanize her a little.  Please don’t let this character be as bland and boring as whats-her-name in the last movie.

Back to the trailer, we get to meet some of our side-characters.  There is a crusty looking old dude, who has clearly been fighting the Empire for a long time.  There’s an Asian dude who is badass with a stick, who believes in the Force.  That’s also cool.  Then there’s pessimist droid.  That’s pretty cool too.

We then have some action sequences.  As I said, it feels like Star Wars!  Gritty Star Wars!  A Star Wars universe that has some pretty ugly fights in some not-so-picturesque places.  Given some of the settings, this reminds me of the Rogue Squadron games.  We are seeing the beginning of them in this movie, after all.  It’s so exciting!  I am gleaning that this isn’t going to be a movie exclusively about stealing the plans of the Death Star.  It’s going to be about the formation of Rogue Squadron, and that is going to be one of their missions.  I’m done with that.  It’s exciting!  Seeing into the past of a movie that I love.

There’s some inspirational shit from this protagonist, and we get to see a shot of her limping while holding a blaster.  Okay, so maybe she actually takes some damage.  I could grow to like her.  So long as her dialogue has less cringe than it has so far.  We can dream.

Finally, at the very end, we see a brief bit with Darth Vader!  Yay!

All things considered, this looks really good.  The visuals are fantastic.  There is actual sets used in addition to the CG stuff.  That’s nice.  We have cool action sequences that make me long to watch the original films again.  Or play one of the old Rogue Squadron games.  Not sure.  Probably the latter.  The characters all look like fun.  And we get the story of the founding of one of the Rebel Alliance’s most daring outfits.  Color me impressed.  Will definitely be waiting to see if it lives up to my expectations.

Initial Verdict
8 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick