I did the one where it talked about how to make life easier for black people and for women. These lists are awful and I always feel drained at the end of them, but here’s another list and it caught my attention. Let’s talk about 100 ways that I can make life easier for trans people. Here’s a link to the article.
1. Respect people’s pronouns. This is really not very complicated! If someone tells you how they identify, you have no say on the matter. Use the pronouns they use.
Sure, why not. So long as it isn’t some stupid pronoun like xir/xirself or ze/zeself, I got you. If you’re gonna pull that shit, then my pronouns are master/master. So you have to say to your friends – master said my pronouns are dumb.
2. Still on pronouns: if you don’t know somebody’s pronouns and want to get it right, either use gender neutral pronouns (i.e. they/them/their) or quietly and discreetly speak to the person and ask. Be aware of your surroundings and those around you before doing so – do not out this person or put them in an unsafe situation.
Nah. I don’t think so. I’m gonna use the pronouns I think fit the gender as I see it unless told otherwise by the person. I don’t get into this gender-neutral world that people want to live in.
3. Trans folk can use gender neutral pronouns, so please do not assume that we must adhere to a binary.
You can use whatever terms you want. I don’t care. Free country. And can we PLEASE stop using the world “folk.” It’s fucking people. I swear, when I hear them use the term “folk” unironically, I think of the Pepperidge Farm commercials.
4. Try to start removing binary language from your everyday conversations. If we all make conscious efforts to steer away from gendering everything, this will have a knock-on effect that stops our learnt obsession of having to divide everything into binaries.
Um, no. I’m gonna speak how I see fit. If you don’t like it, don’t talk to me.
5. Trans women are women. This is not up for debate – so don’t try to.
I’m fine with a trans person identifying themselves however they wish. Not my concern nor my problem.
6. Trans men exist! We are often overlooked or forgotten, so try to remind yourself that we are out here and can find the male cis world hard to navigate.
There is this assertion this person has, that people like me just hate trans people on the face of it, so we refuse to acknowledge their existence. I’m anti-SJW, after all. Again, I’m fine with trans people identifying themselves with whatever gender they want. Even idiots like Milo Stewart.
7. Call out transphobia WHEREVER you are! Even if a trans person is not present, be our defence. Hateful language perpetuates the dangerous cycle of violence.
Yeah, no. If someone’s talking to me and they say some hateful shit, I might be like “dude, what the fuck?” But if I just hear something someone is saying, I’m going to leave them alone. Much as I would hope other people leave me alone when I talk to other people.
8. Understand and be vocal that transphobia is never “funny,” “in jest,” or “banter.”
If I’ve learned anything from the Cyberpunk 2077 nonsense, it’s that what constitutes transphobia is always evolving with you people. So tell you what – I’ll make the jokes I wanna make. If you don’t like them, you can not talk to me. In fact, let’s start that right now.
9. Don’t refer to us as a whole. Do not make sweeping generalisations about every trans person. We are all individual people with different opinions.
Can someone tell the writer of this article that? This entire fucking post is about how to treat an entire community of people as if they are all the same. Irony, it’s a learned art.
10. Reject the idea that transitioning looks like one thing. People wish to transition in various ways. If someone doesn’t want to or can’t medically transition, this does not mean they are “less trans.” There is no such thing as “less trans” or “more trans.” This is a personal journey that doesn’t need to tick any boxes in order for the transition to be validated – by anyone!
I couldn’t possibly care less about how people transition. For real.
11. NEVER ask anything about our genitalia or body. “So… do you still have everything down there” as a puzzled hand flutters near our privates is not ever going to be OK. That is final.
This depends on the situation. If we’re getting hot and heavy and I know that you’re trans, I have every right to ask. If we are in a sexual situation, as part of consent, I have a right to know what I’m getting myself into.
12. Oh, let’s not forget that we do not all know each other. The queer community is bigger than you think.
Again, articles like this treat the LGBT community like a Borg collective. I happen to know it’s bigger than one would think.
13. Try to refrain from using language that is heavily influenced or derived from queer culture if this is not your community. Words and phrases are a way of communication in code for a large majority of the queer community (like “reading”). Language creates a dialogue within the queer community that is meant to protect and ensure safety.
I’m sorry…what? The term “reading” is part of the gay community? The fuck? Yeah, fuck you. I will use whatever terminology I want, and if you don’t like it, you can suck it up like a big boy/girl.
14. Do not enter queer or trans safe spaces without a queer person asking you to be there or without making sure that allies are welcome.
No worries there, whoever, because I have no desire to go to a queer/trans safe space. At least not without someone asking me to be there. People who designate an area a “safe space” are probably not the kind of people I’m going to like getting to know.
15. When you are in queer spaces, repeat: “This is not my space, I will not fill it” and actually do what you say.
See previous answer.
16. Be aware of your hands. Do not touch people without consent in all spaces – and especially queer spaces – and especially avoid touching trans people who often are triggered by physical contact involving parts of their body.
You know what, this I agree with. Don’t touch me, ever. I don’t like to be touched, and I guess you don’t, so tell you what – you don’t do to me, I won’t do to you.
17. If you are called out for being offensive, do not argue. This is not a debate. Apologise. Take a moment to reflect. If necessary, leave or give the space over to those you have offended or upset.
If someone calls me out, I absolutely will argue, because they are making a spectacle of something. Someone wants to talk to me in private, that’s something else. But you call me out in public, I’m gonna argue with you all day. You started that fight, not me.
18. Never try to argue with a trans person that something isn’t transphobic.
19. Remind us that being trans isn’t a burden or a bad thing!
It absolutely isn’t a bad thing, but given that most of the population isn’t trans, and society doesn’t have the same view on it that it does on the gay community, it has a burden. Technically, being gay is a burden too because the average person is straight. Being gay is a minority situation. We all have our crosses to bear. Sorry if you don’t like that, but reality doesn’t conform to what you want the world to be.
20. Recognise the strength and power of your voice.
21. Now use it.
Using it now, to reply to you.
22. If a trans person is being verbally assaulted, made to feel unsafe or uncomfortable, or being attacked in any way and needs your help – open your mouth.
If someone asks for my help, I’ll do so, but I’m sorry – I’m not gonna put myself in a difficult situation without someone asking. That’s a huge imposition.
23. This being said, do not become the ally that speaks over or for a trans person in this situation. Ask if we want you to step in because there’s nothing more frustrating than cis person silencing you. It happens enough, jeez!
See, this kinda makes my point about why I do nothing unless asked. Because these people don’t appreciate it when people go out of their way. And wait, didn’t you JUST SAY that people should step in in a situation where someone is being verbally or physically attacked? Gotta say, your yin-yanging on ideas is a real doozy.
24. Talk to us about more than gender! Movies, what we had for dinner, our next holiday – anything that isn’t constant emotional labour.
Tell you what – you don’t talk to me about your gender, I won’t talk to you about it. I have no more desire to talk about that than apparently you do.
25. Take us off your mood boards. Book us, pay us, and celebrate us.
26. Do not fetishise trans folk. We are not your sexual experimentations, tokens, or reason to rebel against your parents. We are not here for you.
I’ll be sexually attracted to whatever I’m sexually attracted to. You have no more right to tell me how to conduct myself in what I want than I do you.
27. Criticise the media. Write to the newspapers, institutions, and publications that are spreading hate towards the trans community. Create polls and petitions. National news portrays us as monsters and threats to society. We can’t stop them from doing that on our own.
Making fun of conservative news is a good pasttime of mine. Not on your behalf, but because they say so much stupid shit that’s comedy gold.
28. Learn what Mx means.
29. Talk to the generation above you – your parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. You can’t always change traditional mindsets, but you can give them a new perspective.
I come from a conservative-ass extended family. My own parents are cool, but the rest run the gamut. And I know for a FACT that if I broach any of these subjects with them, it will just start a fight. I’m trying to avoid these people as much as I can already. Don’t need to add that to the problems.
30. Support the generation below; speak to young kids. Make them aware that gender is a spectrum and they don’t have to commit to one gender for their whole life. Educate them on their freedom and choices.
Yeah, no. Here’s what I’ll do for the gender below – if they are super young, I ain’t gonna say shit. When they are old enough for gender dysphoria to manifest, then I’ll talk to them about how that works, and say that they can look into if they want to see about transitioning when they are old enough to make an informed decision, or not. I’m not gonna give kids bad information like you lot.
31. Don’t buy gendered things for kids around you. This just pushes the ideas that boys must like blue and girls must like pink and only one of them can play football in their spare time. I don’t even particularly like either colours!
Good for you. As for me, assuming I buy something for a child (highly unlikely), I’ll get them whatever I think they’ll like. Fuck your stupid-ass opinion.
32. Stop pretending only trans people experience name changes or surgery. Me changing my name and a friend getting married and changing her surname meant we had to go through some similar legal process. Help trans folk with these legal procedures, whether that’s telling us which bank is easy to change your name with or going through the deed poll process with us. It means it doesn’t feel like these are “trans issues” – they’re just really confusing forms that nobody quite understands!
This sounds like a huge imposition on my time and I don’t actually care enough about your issues to do anything, so no.
33. Share your platforms. I am tired of cis people talking about trans health. Ask us to talk, educate, share our stories, and pay us. This way you don’t get the credit for the lives we live.
Oh fuck off. I’m not talking about your issues. And I’m not paying you for anything. What should people pay you for, existing? Are you an Instagram influencer now? Wanna do some Internet panhandling? I’m sure a decent chunk of the people who are seriously trying to discuss stuff like this are doctors and people who understand these issues from a scientific standpoint.
34. Support trans artists. Rock up to our exhibitions. Buy our books. Listen to our podcasts. Use your social platforms to share the incredible things we do despite the adversity we face.
I’m sure they don’t have this opinion of Blaire White.
35. Don’t expect trans folk to always congratulate you for being an ally. Sometimes you’re just being a good person. I don’t get a gold star for just being a good person.
I don’t think you are a good person. I think you’re a judgmental asshole who I have no desire to know.
36. Donate to organizations and charities that are set up to aid and help trans folk. There are so many organisations struggling with funding. Without lots of these resources we can’t access things like mental health services and free meet-ups.
I donate to charities I think will do the most good. You do the same, and power to ya.
Good for you.
38. Post about the #blacktranslivesmatter campaign – highlight that trans people of colour are targets of violence.
I have ZERO respect for any of these identity politics hashtag movements. Kindly fuck off with that nonsense.
39. If you are dating a trans person, try to understand their triggers. For example, me and my partner call my menstrual cycle “Lucifer.” So if I text her to say “Lucifer is here,” she knows to bring chocolate and pillows. You can also try covering tampon or pad boxes and wrapping with cute cartoons or their favourite colour.
My Groj, do you people want to be coddled. I won’t be an asshole if I know something is a sensitive subject for you, but I’m not gonna go out of my way to pamper your ass. Christ, what world do you think you live in? This is why people say that Gen Zed/Millennials can’t handle life.
40. Do not tell us we “are playing the victim,” WE ARE THE FUCKING VICTIM.
Yeah…you kinda made the point about how you play the victim.
41. Do not attend panels that address gender and/or trans identity if everyone on the panel is cis.
There will never be a point, in my life, where I will be attending a panel about gender/trans issues. Ever.
42. Give trans creatives platforms to share work that aren’t all about being trans.
Why do I have to give this to you? All the social media you could ask for exists. And we know that right now it has a very hard-left bias. So why do you need me to give you a platform? You couldn’t ask for more by yourself.
43. Do your research. For all ignorant questions, divert to Google. Google is your friend. I am not, especially if you’re asking me how doctors make a penis from my leg.
Remember that point about you saying you don’t get a gold star for being a good person and my response about thinking you’re just an asshole? Let’s revisit that for a moment.
44. If trans folk do have to explain something to you that may be uncomfortable, triggering, or upsetting for us, buy us a bunch of flowers, take us for dinner, drop something into our PayPal. No labor should be free.
Oh fuck right off with this shit. Yeah, let me pamper you for asking a fucking question. Fucking Internet panhandling at its finest. Let me guess, you have a Patreon.
45. Transphobia is a huge issue in the queer community. Do not let other people who identify as queer get away with things, because they can be by far the worst.
I’m not gonna tell anyone how to think, and I would expect the same courtesy in return.
46. Record transphobic incidents. (Caveat: This is only if your immediate assistance is not needed and you have checked you can use this footage by the person involved.) Share this with everyone you can. It may lead to prosecution or people in positions loosing their job. Nobody should still be allowed to be a CEO and use offensive slurs.
Fuck you. I’m not gonna try and destroy someone’s livelihood because of what they do in their off hours. If they are unprofessional on the job, that’s one thing. But I’m not gonna go after a person that said something impolitic when they aren’t at work. Fuck people who think like you too. All that stuff about you being a good person, let’s log that in the trash.
47. Don’t question someone’s religious beliefs because they are trans and you think they go against what it says in a holy book. This isn’t your business, OK?
No. It’s a valid question. How can you possibly believe in a deity who outright says that how you are is an abomination unto them? Really asking here. This interests me.
48. Trans issues are not for profit. That’s it.
Are you fucking kidding me?! You just told people if they ask you a question to pamper you or give you a Paypal donation! There cannot be this level of cognitive dissonance!
49. “Queer” is not a theme. Do not have a “queer” house party and let boys who still use the word “faggot” wear your heels and dresses because it’s fun.
I don’t do house parties, so I think we’re good on this one.
50. Drag queens are not always trans, but they can be – so respect that!
51. Do not make someone feel bad after dragging you for something you have done that is deemed transphobic. Your guilt is not my guilt to feel.
If someone I know made a big deal out of stupid bullshit, yeah, I got no issue making them feel bad for making this my problem.
52. Don’t ask what gender dysphoria feels like because it’s a stupid question and there’s no way you can try to understand it.
For someone who wants everyone to understand their “struggle,” you certainly do go out of your way to tell them not to ask about what it’s like.
53. Ask your friends or trans folk you know if they’d like company when going to hospital appointments. Hospitals are scary at the best of times and sometimes you don’t always get the treatment, doctors, or results you want. Be there to give a hug, at least.
I mean…I guess. Having spent over a month in a hospital because of a head injury and a subsequent coma, I don’t fear them all that much. But sure, if someone I know has to go to the hospital and they are nervous, I’ll be there for them. No problem.
54. Do anything you can to stop trans exclusionary radical feminists (TERFs) from leaving stickers, leaflets etc. Tear down everything you see associated with them.
I was wondering if TERFs would ever come into this conversation. I don’t think I will. It’s kinda nice to see the community fighting amongst itself. Identity politics does this a lot, and it’s entertaining.
55. Do not engage in question-based conversations with TERFs. You have nothing to learn from them.
Hey, I got an idea – how about you don’t tell me who to talk to and I won’t tell you who to talk to.
56. Correct others when they misgender people.
57. Gender and sexuality are not the same thing. Remember that at all times.
This is all part of a long, convoluted conversation that people like the person who made this list have helped perpetuate, so I’m just gonna walk this off as – sure.
58. Do not ask a trans person’s partner what being in a relationship with a trans person “makes” them. It makes them in love, now fuck off.
Again, I won’t tell you how to talk to your people, you don’t tell me how to talk to mine.
59. Trans Lives Matter should be more than a hashtag. Push it further than social media.
60. Tell your trans friends and partners how great they look. Highlight the changes after hormones, surgery, or even just a good skin day.
This reminds me of that thing about the “TRANS-lator 3000” comic where, if you tell a trans person how well they are passing, it’s an insult. You people can’t even make up your own minds on this shit.
61. You are not a true ally if you allow your partner to use transphobic language. Educate your friends and family.
Not an ally. Just a casual observer.
62. Love your children regardless of what gender they identify as. Most self-hate for many trans folk comes from not being accepted at home.
Never having children. As of this year, removing myself from the game, medically. I mean to be part of the solution to overpopulation, not the problem.
63. Offer shelter, money, food etc. The basics of survival are hard for trans folk. If you have enough to spare, try to offer.
No! They can work for it like anyone else. I give to homeless shelters and organizations to help the homeless, so if that is their issue, I’m helping them and other people the best I can. You make being trans sound like this huge Lawrence of Arabia kind of endeavor.
64. This is not a “phase.” Do not tell me it is one.
I ain’t telling you shit. You seem really unpleasant to me. As for Milo Stewart, I think that it is a phase. Someday the little dork will grow up. That’s a good thing.
65. If your trans friend is leaving a social situation and feels uneasy about travel, offer to walk them to a train station and wait with them, drive them home, or get them a taxi. Travelling home alone by yourself can be a scary scenario.
Why does the person writing this always want me to make huge impositions for people? If it’s my friend, sure. If it’s not, no.
66. Do not think you are saving us. We don’t need saving. You are helping us to have what everyone else has without having to ask for it.
The irony of this statement in respect to the rest of this list is just staggering.
67. Be active about your allyship. Just saying you are an ally but not doing enough to actually make a change isn’t enough.
Not an ally.
68. Avoid gendered slang terms like “dude,” “man,” or “missy.” For trans people, these too feel like misgendering.
I’ll speak however I like, thank you. Dude is a non-gendered term in my mind.
69. Expand your knowledge of gender. For example, the Yoruba language is genderless. There is also a third gender in many spiritual philosophies.
No. I don’t care about Yoruba. Fuck them.
70. Decolonise the way you think of gender. Remind yourself that these social constructs are postcolonial issues that the western world have pushed onto people.
71. Be hyper aware of the systems that work against trans folk in issues like policing, housing, and health care.
72. Offer to help go to health meetings and assessments. These spaces and the people within them can be very triggering and cause distress.
NO! Unless someone I care about asks me to attend something and tells me why, the answer is fucking no!
73. Correct yourself if you accidentally misgender someone. It doesn’t matter if it was an accident – it still hurts.
Sure, if it’s a friend.
74. Make no excuses for others. No trans person wants to hear one of your friends say something offensive, only for you to say, “I’ve known them for ages, they don’t mean it like that.”
Uh, no. I’m going to step in on account of a friend if I know that the friend wasn’t trying to be offensive. Sometimes things come out wrong, and your precious opinion doesn’t override that. Egotistical bitch/bastard.
75. Don’t forget that racism is rife in the queer community and trans people of colour are often the most vulnerable. Protect us.
I’m glad that somebody brought this up. “People of color” tend to be the least accepting of the LGBT community. But I’m sure you mean that just white people are evil.
76. Do not call yourself an ally if you do not believe in complete intersectionality. You be xenophobic and be an ally for trans folk. It doesn’t work like that, I’m afraid!
Not an ally.
77. Sex work is a service. Again, this is not up for debate. Do not try to stop trans folk from advocating for and implementing their own safety measures. Do not hide your prejudice against sex workers with fake worry.
I got no beef with people who do sex work, so your point here is mute.
78. Do not ask to try on or feel a strap-on, breast plate, or packer. These belong to us.
I needed a good laugh.
79. Believe trans folk when they say they have been targeted. Recognise the hatred that is thrown at us from so many angles.
Depends on who’s telling me.
80. Read Charlie Craggs’ To My Trans Sisters, Juno Dawson’s The Gender Games, C Riley Snorton’s Black on Both Sides, and Travis Alabanza’s Before I Step Outside (You Love Me).
81. Relearn there is no universal trans experience. Not all of us go through the same things – we are all shaped by our varying lives.
Wait, did you just admit that you know you’re out of ideas and are now retreading old ground? Ugh…
82. Share our work. Often our talents are overlooked based on our gender identity.
If your work is any good, sure.
83. Step down. Take up less space. If you are asked to do or take about something that you think your trans friend, partner, or coworker is more qualified for. Give our names.
No. I wanna get ahead in this world. I’m tired of being poor and scraping along. If I have a chance to do something that gets me farther along, I’m gonna take it.
84 Love us and see us as human beings. After all, that’s what we are!
I will love other people and see them as human beings. Not you, person who wrote this. I am convinced that you are an unrepentant dick.
85. Watch Pose, Paris is Burning, Tomboy, Tangerine.
86. Learn the correct terminology. Instead of saying “when you were a girl/a boy” say “your assigned gender at birth.”
87. “Transgenders” is not a thing. We do not fall under one group. Never say that.
Yet-another retread of something we’ve already talked about.
88. Fight for our rights. Block and report pages or people spreading hate, too.
Not gonna try and stifle other people’s freedom of expression because it makes you mad. Sorry-not-sorry.
89. Help to introduce gender neutral bathrooms. They should be way more common. Ask for them at work, cafes, bars, and venues.
Got no problem with you doing that. Not gonna help. As I said, not an ally.
90. If somebody who is trans asks you to go to the bathroom with them, go. This can be a very unsafe space for us.
Yeah…I’m gonna have some follow-up questions if someone asks me to go into a bathroom with them.
91. Pride is not for you to get drunk and smear glitter on your face. Respect that this is not your space.
Fuck off. If you don’t want people to have fun at a public event, then have a fucking funeral, you pedantic prick.
92. Trans-only groups are there for a reason. These are also not your spaces.
93. Your curiosity does not come before our comfort. Don’t expect answers and labor.
If you don’t wanna answer people’s questions, then don’t get mad when people don’t have an understanding of your issues. They came to you wanting to learn, you told them no. That’s on you.
94. Saying “I do not see gender” is hella problematic. We don’t need another way to be erased.
95. Don’t assume anything about gender dysphoria. Not everyone experiences it and not everyone experiences it in the same way. People navigate it with different coping mechanisms.
Remember that point I made about people asking questions and you not answering them? Kinda comes back here.
96. Do not deny your privilege. If you tell me that being a cis heterosexual white man doesn’t mean you haven’t “had it rough,” I will tell you that you are wrong.
Fuck off with your Original Sin bullshit.
97. I also am not playing Top Trumps with you. Don’t try to top my experience.
Top Trumps? Is this a British thing?
98. Not everything needs labels. As my grandmother would say: “Baby, some things just be as they be.”
You all are the kings/queens of labeling things.
99. Intimacy can be even more complicated for some trans folk. Respect boundaries and ways people feel comfortable with nudity, tactility, and sex. This may been being patient or unlearning what we deem as ‘sex’.
What? Unlearning what “we deem as ‘sex'”? What the fuck does that mean? Oh, right, I shouldn’t expect answers from you because you’re an asshole. Never mind.
100. Find your own ways to disrupt the cis world. There are so many ways to do this.
I hate these things so much. Why I torture myself by doing them, I’ll never know.
Until next time, a quote,
“I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.” – Professor Farnsworth