There is a rule that I want to make. It’s a simple rule, really. One that should be understood by everyone at this point to be a law. No joke, break this and I am going to send a fucking honey badger to your house that’s high on Angel Dust. Yeah, that’s how serious this rule is. Because between the Privilege Rap to what you are going to see, it is abundantly clear that this rule has a very real place in today’s society. Actually, this is two rules. First, stop raps that have a lesson to teach! They are awful! Without a single exception, they all suck! Stop it!
Next – white people need to never rap. Ever. We suck at it. I don’t like rap in general, but the cringing I did on this was even worse than the “Jesus Christ is my Nigga” rap. By the way, check that out if you want some old white people cringe that is just the best. If cringe is something you look for. I can’t handle the white people rapping about feminism, and I most certainly can’t help the most outspoken and annoying group I have had to deal with offline doing this. Let’s take a look at the Vegan Rap. Ugh…
Where do I begin. For starters, we have the older people trying to be hip for the youth at least staying with the beat. But their lyrics. It rhymes for the first paired lines, but then we have this skinny guy come in and interrupt the second pair with the moral lesson – don’t use animal as an insult. Bitch, I’ll use whatever I like as an insult. But I’m not calling fatties a cow. I’m calling them a heifer. Get your terminology straight.
Next up we have the lady saying if you eat like a pig, she won’t use that term with you. I will. If someone eats shit food like a hog, they’ve earned the terminology. Oh right, I’m fat-shaming. Too bad. If you are going to slobber down slop in front of me, I’m judging you for it. Any friend of mine knows that I’m an asshole. That’s part of my charm. But then this skinny dude comes back to interrupt the next rhyme again with this woman. Now he has a prolonged lesson to teach – that using animals as an insult is “speciesist.” When will SJWs get this term added to the dictionary. We’ve already god mansplaining in there, so why not?
I feel so bad for these people trapped in this terrible rap with this skinny guy. It’s so abundantly clear that he is the driving force behind this, and these people are stuck there. It reminds me of the podcast I watched called Drunken Peasants. They had this woman and her public access show, who talked about dick endlessly, and she had this older woman with her whose only job seemed to be reacting to the crazy shit she said. That woman looked trapped, and I felt bad for her. I feel bad for these people too.
There is an abrupt transition to the guy singing again, saying that if you avoid thinking, he won’t call you a sheep. I might not call you that either. I’ll probably just call you stupid. So there ya go, trapped guy. I feel you on that one. But I might call you a sheep if you blindly accept the stupid shit that those in power or the group goes with without thinking about it. It is what it is.
We then go back to the lady, who says if you are a cowardly little bitch, she isn’t going to call you a chicken. Neither will I, lady. I’ll call them cowardly, little bitch, frightful, lacking guts, easily scared, wuss, pussy, or a cabal of other insults to insinuate that someone is lacking in courage. Now the dude is back. I guess he talks about his moral lessons after the woman speaks. Okay. The lines are the same, whatever, now I have to focus on this guy’s dancing. There’s a website I want you all to check out. It’s mancan.com. I came across this at my employment. If there isn’t a white background at the start when the page loads, refresh a few times. Might take a bit. But then you’ll have this white background appear, and in frame will come this dancing man. He’s terrible. It’s so beautifully cringey. The joke I have my coworkers is that this man cannot. Other mancan, but this man cannot. It’s kind of an inside thing. But looking at vegan skinny man, it make me think of that.
Now we’re back to the guy. He says that if you are disloyal and we have a fight, he won’t call you a rat. Okay, you have it right with the first bit, but not the second. It’s not when we have a fight that you’re a rat. It’s when I do something and you go to the authorities or one in charge of an organization or event and snitch on me. Being snitch is what earns you that name. And I’ll call you that if that’s what you’re being. You look like a snitch. No offense.
It goes over to the lady, and this one is just bizarre. We have her talking about a person who checks ladies out being called a dog. What? For one, I call don’t call people a dog, I call them a bitch. That’s a female dog. Get your terminology straight. Next, in the context of the usage of dog, it’s more someone who is a horny bastard and not ashamed of it. So in both instances, your rebuking of this term is flawed.
Oh hey! We do have someone calling out the usage of the term bitch. Fantastic. And I don’t call someone a bitch because they aren’t rich. By the way, that’s actually a pretty good rhyme. Your syllable usage can stand some work, but that rhyme was on point. I call someone a bitch if they are being a pathetic, measly little worm that I don’t wanna give the time of day. Or, if they are an unpleasant, awful human being, who is being unpleasant to me in a way only females can be. Though if guy is so effeminate that he exhibits those behaviors, I’ll call him out on it too.
We have the lady back calling out the usage of the term “snake” for those who lie and break someone’s trust. I always saw that as someone who stabs you in the back. Or someone who pretends to be your friend and then betrays you. I’ve used that term a few times. We have the skinny guy back, and his dancing just gets worse! These poor people. I can feel them cringing with me on this. Who was this made for?!
And it fades out with him and his repeated line. This was so much cringe. I will likely never watch this again. It wasn’t fun cringe. I can watch “Jesus Christ is my Nigga” til the cows come home because it’s pretty funny. This? It was not. Just the saddest attempt to reach an audience people that I don’t know who it is. I don’t know who this is made for. Vegans? Non-vegans? I don’t know.
Stop rapping, white people! Not because it’s “cultural appropriation,” because that term is bullshit, but because you fucking suck at it!
Until next time, a quote,
“That was hilarious because you fucking suck!” – Your Movie Sucks