The Cinematic Universe Trends Needs to Die

It really does.  It really, really does.  Seems like every film company is trying to find a way to make their own cinematic universe crap, and it is producing some of the stupidest films ever made.  People don’t realize that Marvel really found lightning in a bottle with their cinematic universe.  And part of that was having a fan of the comics who stood his ground on making the films true to the source material that he was adapting.  This concept could have been done so much worse.  There are stories about how Disney and the current head of the MCU have clashed on ideas which shows that if Disney had had their way, it would have been a lot worse.

However, it seems like every film company under the sun wants to have their version of the cinematic universe, and without a single exception they all suck.  Don’t come at me that Wonder Woman is awesome.  I’m sure it is.  Haven’t seen it.  Will Netflix it, someday.  But the DCEU is dead on arrival right now, and unless they have some good films to build on the ground they have FINALLY laid down, then it will still die.  Not unlike how the Ghostbusters remake’s attempt to make a universe are dead.  Or how Universal’s pathetic attempt to form the “Dark Universe” died right out of the gate.  Not to mention the Star Wars new extended universe.  And on that note…

Rogue One sucked!  I finally watched it, and I am going to do a review of it, but here’s my Cliff Notes – it sucked.  I don’t get why people are saying how great it was.  The film was boring.  So unbelievably boring.  Every single character in the film is boring.  Listening to Darth Vader make a stupid pun hurt me inside.  The plot was bad.  The CG faces for characters was bad.  Nothing about it was good.  How so many people could sing its praises is beyond me.  I genuinely believe it is just sad fanboys/girls who so desperately want Star Wars stuff in their lives that they will say that anything is good.  Just like how they sing about how great Episode VII was, when I couldn’t escape the fact that it is virtually a shot-for-shot remake of the original, except with a chick who can’t act and Emo Vader with his retarded-ass lightsaber.  Now they are making more films that no one asked for.  How about they release Star Wars: 1313?!  There’s something I actually wanted to see.

My point in all of this is simple – these cinematic universes need to go.  Marvel is already planning to bring theirs down a few pegs once the Infinity War films are done.  I saw that James Cameron wants to make a cinematic universe for that Avatar films.  Every company under the sun wants to try their hand at exploiting nostalgia by remaking old films in a way where it sets up for a cinematic universe.  These films are almost-exclusively terrible, and they are wasting money that could be put to better use in better films.

After all, we didn’t want a DCEU.  We wanted good DC films!  I don’t want a Dark Universe.  Nobody wanted that.  At all.  Not one person asked for that, and no one is going to miss it now that it is pretty much dead.  Nobody is asking for an Avatar universe.  The SJWs died on the hill that was the Ghostbusters remake.  I am honestly getting bored of the endless sequels.  Remakes might FINALLY be seeing a downturn now that they have become more and more box office poison.  Reboots too.  If only video games could learn a thing or two from this and be done with the endless sequels and give us some new IPs too.  There’s a thought.

Just think of all the talent being snubbed because Hollywood wants to cash in on some other form of nostalgia.  Think of the better films that could have been made if Hollywood had, instead of trying to make another stupid cinematic universe that will NEVER get the traction Marvel did, put their money into some of the smaller projects sitting on their desks?  What unseen vision is out there that will never see the light of day because the corporate dumbfucks who make movies are too busy making cash grabs?

What’s more, part of me is worried that now Hollywood has decided to just abandon the domestic market with films and instead make movies now intended just for foreign audiences.  Red Letter Media made a good point when they talked about the new Mummy film when they said the level of exposition seems like it wasn’t being made for American audiences.  It’s being made for foreign ones.  One of the biggest defenses people have for crappy movies is that they are able to recoup their money overseas.  That may be true.  In which case, will Hollywood just make safe movies for the US that they know will dominate overseas?  Stop caring about the local audiences for easy cash?  If that’s the case, why should I even go to the movies anymore?  I see trailers these days and I honestly don’t care.

As I said, Marvel caught lightning in a bottle.  That isn’t something just anyone can do, and instead of learning that lesson, Hollywood is content to just churn out more of this bait to lure people back in.  And it needs to stop.  The thing that really blows my mind is why Universal actually believed there was a cinematic universe potential in old monster movies?  That seems both short-sighted and desperate.  Is this a sign of how the film industry is doing overall?  Depressing.

Until next time, a quote,

“Hollywood has become hopelessly chained to the bottom line.” – Bruce Campbell

Peace out,

Maverick

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Lucien’s First Take: Dear White People (Netflix Trailer)

You know, I’m starting to think that anti-SJWs are becoming just as bad as the SJWs they mock.  Why?  Because it seems like every little thing now leads them to some stupid boycott that won’t work and doesn’t really matter, yet gets trending on Twitter to make them feel like they are doing something important.  Recently, the trailer that we are going to watch got them all to have their panties in a bunch and start a boycott of Netflix.  Really?  Over this?  I’m a fucking hipster douche canoe who doesn’t even have streaming on Netflix and still does DVDs and even I see this as stupid.  Yeah, you just learned something about me that really makes me look pathetic.  I understand if you look down upon me.  It’s the same reason that I will have such a hard time getting into downloading games instead of having a disc copy.

This stupid boycott was started over a trailer that has a like/dislike ration that eerily mimics another big SJW-approved piece of work.  I wonder what that could be…?  And just like that one, battle lines have been drawn.  The title of this work is “Dear White People,” and I thought that we would look at this trailer and break down our impressions.  Weigh in with a more sensible voice about the nature of how good or bad it is.

So, we first get to see an image of stereotypical white people.  We have Douchebag Von Asshole V, and Betty Steenvirgin waving, as a black woman is about to tell me what kinds of Halloween costumes are acceptable.  Here’s the answer – any fucking kind I want.  I have the right to dress whatever way I want for Halloween.  As do you.  As does anyone who is watching this bullshit.  If you don’t like it, you are free not to associate with me.  As you are clearly a person with far-left, SJW political opinions, I doubt we would get along anyway.

Then it has a headline – America Needs.  Boy, I can think of a thousand things that I could fill in that end space with.  How about – to get away from dogmatic thinking?  Or maybe – to kick these SJWs to the curb?  Or, perhaps – to stop being so fucking pussy that we can’t deal with opposing points of view?  Yeah, those are all great things to fill in there.

We then get her deciding to go into a tirade about blackface.  Here’s where I am going to say something unpopular – I don’t give a fuck about blackface.  Really, I don’t.  Is it stupid?  Yeah.  Does it portray an ethnic group in a way that may be unflattering?  Probably.  But here’s the thing – that kind of shit only offends you if you have some kind of allegiance to your race.  This is something that I do not have. For example, we see our white people stereotypes.  Are they unflattering?  Sure.  Do I care?  Not at all.  Hell, I think they are kind of funny.  Like the cliche of what liberal elitist snobs are supposed to be.  These are the same kinds of people who are listening to what this bitch has to say and taking it seriously.  It isn’t the frat boys who actually want to live their lives as they see fit without breaking the law.  It isn’t the middle class people who are just going through their day-to-day and don’t give a flying fuck about all this identity politics stuff.  It’s yuppie snobs who are in Ivy League universities who are the biggest proponents of this kind of rhetoric.  The very people this woman is using to deride white people are the exact ones who are the first to come to her defense.

I have no allegiance to white people.  Hell, I don’t have an allegiance to the human race.  I’m a misanthrope.  I hate my species off-hand.  So I take people as they come.  If someone wants to mock white people, I say go for it!  Hell, I’ll join you.  I have made fun of hipsters with such gusto that my disdain for them has reached epic proportions.  I’ve made fun of rednecks.  I’ve made fun of yuppie Ivy League college students.  You want to make fun of white people?  Go right the fuck ahead.  I don’t get offended because it doesn’t mean a thing to me.  My race matters just as little to me as your race does.  I don’t give a fuck about your race either.  Fuck ethnic groups and their pet issues.  It’s beneath my attention to talk about.

So when this woman gets all butthurt about blackface, my thought is – why do you care?  I’m sure I’ll get someone who will come on here about how black people have been marginalized and shit.  Well, that was then.  Back then, blackface was an insulting thing to black people.  Nowadays, people don’t do it because it isn’t funny.  It’s not culturally acceptable.  The people in her video as example of blackface all seem to have something in common – they are young adults.  They are people in their early to mid 20’s.  The years when they are rebelling against societal norms and living on the edge.  It’s frat people and college punks looking to be offensive on purpose.  Gee, when you look at it like that, it’s almost like she is giving these people attention that they were already looking for.  Much like how Bill Maher wore a costume of Steve Irwin with a stingray barb in his chest shortly after he died.  Yeah, that was offensive, but it was done intentionally.  Getting mad about him about it just feeds into what he was looking for in the first place.

These people aren’t dressing up as you for Halloween, sweetie.  They are dressing provocatively, with the intent of getting reactions.  The fact that you let it affect you so strongly says more about you than it does about them.

And that’s it.  So, is the entire premise just some radio chick who uses the latest SJW talking points with black comedy interspersed among it?  Huh, maybe Madea will make a cameo.  Is this some big statement against white people?  No.  That’s stupid.  Would I ever watch it?  Nope.  I don’t go to Everyday Feminism because there’s only so much stupid I can handle.  Why would I watch a series personifying that kind of thinking?  And here’s the thing – this series will likely go the exact same route as that other SJW hill they had to die on.  It will be forgotten not long after it debuts.  So, with that in mind, let me give my Final Verdict.  For those who know how I rate things, it will make sense.

Final Verdict
5 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

Lucien’s Review: Ghostbusters (2016)

ghostbustersI finally got around to seeing it.  That’s right, because I’ve been bored and sick and laid up, I finally got around to seeing this remake that was so polarizing.  The Internet lost its shit about this movie.  The SJWs came out and made this film their hill to die on.  Sony was caught deleting comments in order to try and advertise this movie on how much people hate it.  Turns out, that was a bad idea.  See, when people hear that a movie is hated by everyone, that usually causes them to have some follow-up question.  Such as – why does everyone hate this movie?  At which point, they may do a little investigating, and discover that nothing in this movie looked good.  And let me tell you, all the people who believed that this movie was going to be some epic fail, I wish.  It’s not good, but this idea that it would be so bad that there would be a lot to make fun of is sadly too much for this movie to hope for.  I haven’t been more bored watching a “comedy” film in my entire life.

I remember when Nostalgia Critic did his review of that cinematic abortion that was Master of Disguise, he said “there’s only so many ways that you can say, ‘that’s not funny.'” And he is absolutely right.  There are only so many ways that I can say that the new Ghostbusters isn’t funny.  Ever.  I have laughed more at Wayans brothers sewage than I have at this movie.  At least with those they are so terrible that you can occasionally get a giggle out of what a piece of shit it is.  This?  This was tedious and if I hadn’t have been sick, I would have switched to something else.  The power of disease, people.  It’s amazing.  I’ve never watched any of Paul Feig’s other works, but if this is what he makes, then I am just that much more glad to have Edgar Wright making movies.  I’ve drawn it out enough.  Let’s talk about this…movie.

The plot isn’t a continuation of the Ghostbusters story, or even a soft reboot.  Nope, the original Ghostbusters are totally shit-canned.  It’s a hard reboot, only this time with chicks!  That’s right, this is basically just the original Ghostbusters, minus all the charms, wit, comedy, chemistry, and with chicks.  You can basically see where the plot is going to go from the start by keeping that in mind.  There isn’t a single deviation, aside from a queef joke or two.  Because that’s SO funny.  Ugh…

What to harangue first.  Let’s talk about the “effects” in this movie.  See, while so much of the rest of the film is boredom, the effects are pure ass.  These effects were dated in 2000!  I’ve seen Saturday morning cartoons with better CG.  Hell, Beast Wars looked better, and that was dated as fuck!  The ghosts in this movie look so bad, and it’s so clear that they were never in the room with these people.  I can only imagine what filming was like.  “Hey, look surprised at the green screen!”  Say what you want about the original movie, but at leas it looked like something was in the room with you.  For the days when practical effects were still a thing.

Now let’s get to the performances.  I remember when the trailer was coming out, and people were thinking that it was going to be kinda quirky and really cringe-y, that was giving this film too much credit.  Kristen Wiig looked bored.  Melissa McCarthy was actually trying, but was given absolutely nothing to work with.  Kate McKinnon was trying WAY too hard to be quirky.  There’s something for the restrained nerdiness of Harold Ramis in the original film.  But hey, if there is one thing that this new film can’t be accused of, it’s subtlety.  Every single thing that the film wants you to notice is so in-your-face that I half-expected a sign telling the audience “that’s the funny part! Laugh now!”  Too bad there wasn’t ever anything funny to go with that sign.  Oh, and the elephant in the room – Leslie Jones.  All the talk about how she is a stereotypical black person.  I wish!  At least that would have been funny!  Her character is just as dull and lifeless as the rest.  And not ONE of these actresses has any chemistry with the others.  None.  Their interactions was like watching a play in elementary school.

One of the performances that sticks out most to me was Chris Hemsworth.  In this movie, he is so fucking stupid.  Since his character meant to be the male equivalent of Janine from the original film, I have to ask – Paul Feig, is this how you saw Janine?  Did you see her as the stupid secretary?  If so, then I kinda say…fuck you.  Janine was a no-nonsense New Yorker, through-and-through.  She took shit from Bill Murray, but only because he was her boss.  To other people, she was blunt with a bit of a sassy streak.  I loved her character.  She was, what’s the word?  Oh, right, funny!  All of Feig’s talk of how women are so much funnier than men, and here I am appreciating a woman’s performance in a much better film.  To Hemsworth’s credit, he doesn’t appear to be taking any of what he’s doing that seriously.  As pants-on-head retarded as his character is made out to be, at least he recognizes that and isn’t going out of his way to do anything amazing with the role.  This is just a paycheck, to him.

Then there’s the villain.  This guy has all the subtlety of a Captain Planet villain.  It was groan-inducing.  We’re supposed to take this seriously?  Listening to this dude monologue just made me appreciate the villain in the original film that much more.  No painful monologues about how EVIL they are.  Just that creepy face and that creepy voice.  I swear, this movie tried my patience during those scenes.  It sure is nice that they have this villain explain how evil they are.  Because otherwise we might have had to have gradual character development.  That’s too much effort for this movie.

Next up, let’s talk about the cameos.  This shit was painful.  Bill Murray looked medicated.  Not a surprise, since the leaked emails from Sony showed that they were going to threaten him with legal action if he didn’t play ball.  Ernie Hudson finally got to be in Ghostbusters again.  Given how he has continually gone to Comi-Con in uniform for so long, it’s clearly something he wanted.  Funny that leaked info showed that he wasn’t a fan of this new film concept either, until he was offered a paycheck.  Though, he seems to be doing well.  After all, he was in the magnum opus that was God’s Not Dead 2, so I’m sure his career is just fine.  No need to worry at all.  Sigourney Weaver looked bored.  Annie Potts couldn’t have cared less.  Dan Akroyd was trying WAY too hard, but I guess he’s the one who actually wanted to be in this piece of shit.

But the biggest thing I have to stress is – this movie was so fucking boring.  Not one joke landed.  The only time I thought there was clever delivery was in the line after the realtor tells them how much it will be to rent the space of the original film.  The quickness of her response was pretty good.  Not funny, but at least it was good delivery.  Which is more than I can say for the rest of this snooze-fest.  I swear, I nearly fell asleep watching this movie.  Maybe that’s because I’ve been sick, but this film was about as interesting as watching flies fuck.  Not one joked landed.  That is two hours of my life that I will never get back.

Which is the best way to describe this movie.  After all the screaming and fighting about this film, it’s boring and will be forgotten in five years.  It’s another crappy reboot to add to the pile, all of which no one will remember.  That’s all for the good, if you ask me.  I wish I could give this movie a really low rating, but that would imply that it will be remembered by me.  After I publish this review, I’ll eventually look back through old posts and be like, “holy shit!  I actually watched that movie?  When was that?”  SJWs died on this hill, for absolutely nothing.  Were it not for the TERRIBLE special effects, this film would be a middle-of-the-road movie.  Let’s give this sucker a number and forget about it.

Final Verdict
4 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

The Final Result of Ghostbusters Drama

After all of the stupid drama that was trumped-up from people who choose to take the people who said, “this looks really stupid” at the original trailer and elevating it to a full-on culture war, the film has finally been released.  And the verdict?  It’s okay.  It’s not good.  It’s not bad.  It’s just…okay.  It is a film that will be forgotten in a month or two.  Another boring reboot to put on the pile of boring reboots that nobody watched..  If only that were where it ended.  If only the drama hadn’t been what it became.  However, this film has turned into a place where feminism pop culture went to die.  It was a hill that they believe they held from the evil trolls who just hate women.  Instead, it was a hill that served no purpose for any larger military campaign, and they held it for nothing.  I still remember that article that said, “please let it be good.  Please just let it be passably good.”  If only that writer could see where we are now.

So, what can learn from all this?  What important lesson can we take away.  Here’s one – don’t market a film based on bad perception.  I am desperately hoping that Sony learned their lesson from this.  Turns out, the Anita Sarkeesian tactic of marketing doesn’t work for a film that you want to turn into a franchise.  Who knew?  Oh, right, everyone who has cultural perspective.  We know that the reality is that these people don’t actually want to watch these kinds of movies.  Just like the feminists who claim to want to make gaming more inclusive, and then we find out that they don’t actually play games.  Like when their hero and savior pimps a game that is a financial train-wreck, and it is still a financial train-wreck.  When a YouTuber with hundreds of thousands of subs recommends a game, you’d expect the sales of that game to increase.  I know for a fact that if Angry Joe or Total Biscuit told me about a game that was good, I’d look into it.  PewDIEPie doesn’t sing a game’s praises only for nothing to happen.

I learned about marketing.  It was my focus in college.  Public relations is an art.  When you are marketing a movie, you want the marketing to be positive.  You want to give people a good feeling about seeing the movie.  Since people already didn’t want to see the new Ghostbusters, Sony had their work cut out for them.  Instead, they decided that they were going to make it about the hate the film was receiving, and pretend that this was a good marketing strategy.  Except it wasn’t.  Because when you tell people, “go see this movie because people hate it!” that leads people to start asking questions.  Such as, “why do people hate it?” or “why should I see a movie that no one likes?”  There’s a lesson to take from Inception – positive emotions trump negative, every time.  Sony chose to make all the marketing about the negatives, and their shitty sales reflect this.

We can also learn that the press needs to stop virtue signaling for movies.  It has atom-bombed all sorts of things, and Hollywood needs to learn to reign these people in.  Though, maybe they don’t have to.  The Mary Sue is doing so poorly, financially, that they are asking people to subscribe and pay them $5 a month to read their click-bait crap.  Watch as that doesn’t work out for them.  Still, Hollywood needs to tell the SJW part of their tabloid news to cool off.  The entire industry is looking bad when you have films as mediocre as this become a hill for their “revolution” to die on.  Meanwhile, we have a movie coming out in August that has an amazing female character that everyone is stoked to see – Suicide Squad.  People haven’t been able to sing the new Harley Quinn’s praises enough.  She is clearly going to steal the show, along with Leto’s Joker.  Oh, but she is sexy, so feminists don’t like her.  Isn’t it ironic how these people are all for female empowerment, until she’s someone who isn’t ashamed of her body?  That’s interesting.

Oh, and there is also the fact that we need to accept that Paul Feig and his hatred of men needs to stay away from mainstream movies.  So many critics have, quite rightly, pointed out that this film’s negative view of men is more than a little distracting.  But I guess Feig wasn’t alone in this.  The main producer of this movie is also a man-hater who has made no secret of her disdain.  These two’s hatred culminated in a vision that made every single male character as ugly a stereotype as possible.  We also get to have Bill Murray get killed.  Because fuck the fans of him in the original film.  Though, from what I understand, he didn’t even want to be in this movie.  Sony had to put SO much pressure on him to show up.  Telling about how much he respected this production.  Can you blame him?

But the biggest thing we should take away is – stop making these stupid fucking reboots!  They suck!  They all suck!  Without exception!  They are all terrible!  The Red Dawn reboot?  Sucked.  The Conan the Barbarian reboot?  Sucked.  The Evil Dead reboot?  Sucked.  Not one of these films has been good.  It’s all crap, and it needs to stop.  This film is clearly doing so poorly that the chances that a sequel is going to be made are pretty much non-existent.  Good!  Let this end here.  It can only go downhill.

The truth is that this film would have been better served it it had been worse.  I know that sounds odd, but if this movie had been outright terrible, at least it would get a cult following for being so bad that it’s good.  Instead, this “girl power” movie will be forgotten because they got a mediocre director who has the biggest chip on his shoulder that I’ve ever seen to make a reboot that not one person asked for.  Not one.  They can blame all the trolls and “haters” until they’re blue in the face, but this isn’t on us.  It’s on you.  Congrats.  Your empowering movie sucked.  Take from this knowledge what you will.

Until next time, a quote,

“Are you happy now?!” – Joker, Batman: Arkham City

Peace out,

Maverick

Your Beta is Showing (A response to Paul Feig)

With the new Ghostbusters having come out, it’s pretty clear that Paul Feig is not the best director.  I have had so many film critics that I follow praising this guy’s movies, which is baffling, to me.  His movies aren’t good.  They aren’t bad either.  They are part of this modern breed of mediocre comedies that are pretty much just people in a room, talking.  The visual comedy of movies in days gone by, and films by Edgar Wright (every work of his is a comedic masterpiece) is dead and gone.  I think back to the best comedy movies like Airplane, Blazing Saddles, and even Big Trouble.  The last in that list was made in 2002.  One of the most underrated comedies past the year 2000.  Proof that at least one American director can make a funny movie.  Those movies had so many visual gags, and they were great.  Now it’s just people in a room, talking, and we’re supposed to find everything the actors say funny.  One of the reasons visual comedy is so nice is because it gives the actors/actresses something to do.  Kate McKinnon is the only funny thing left on SNL (that show needed to die 20 years ago), and she’s at her best when she has something to do.

The point of that insane digression is that I think Paul Feig is not a good director.  He has a problem making funny movies, and part of that is due to his shortcomings as a person.  See, Feig is an insanely Beta male, and it’s showing.  There was a Hollywood Reporter video of him getting into a clown suit to make a funny.  It’s one of the cringiest things I’ve ever seen.  Listening to Feig talk about how awesome and wonderful and funny women are and how they are so much better than men just makes him look like a VERY well-paid Internet Beta who wants the rest of the women to like him.  Like if he is nice to them enough, they’ll get with him.  There was a time, and I am ashamed to admit it, but I was like that too.  I am not proud of it, but I grew up and moved on.  Feig has not.  To understand why, look no further than an article that Feig wrote for the Hollywood Reporter where he talks about how unfunny men are.  Set your cringe factor to Maximum, people.  It’s coming in dry.  Here’s a link to his article, now let’s do this.

Poor men. You hear them at the office, in restaurants, in bars, their brains filled with meaningless facts about sports, cars and electronics as they entertain friends with their endless jokes about genitalia and bathroom activities, not to mention their humorous accusations as to the sexual orientation of their conversation partners.

Who are these men?  Really, who are these men?  I have NEVER heard this.  Yeah, me and mine talk about games and stuff.  It’s our hobby.  We also talk about Game of Thrones, random books, whatever comes to our respective minds.  One of the things I love best about the people I can carry on long conversations with is the fact that I don’t know where the conversation will go.  There have been times that we started in one place, and I have no freakin’ clue how we ended where we did.  It be crazy!

And as for your accusation that all of us guys get a funny out of is genital and bathroom “activities,” even for Strawman Male, this makes no sense.  I guess there are plenty of shows with that kind of humor.  It’s low-brow, sure.  But more often than not, the joke is that the person is dumb and finds it funny. And his dumb friends find it funny.  Anytime one of the wives of these characters hears it, they just roll their eyes at their dim-witted husbands.  Oh, and we all apparently are just calling all guys gay too.  Hey, Paul, when I call someone like you a faggot, it isn’t a stab at your sexual orientation.  It’s a stab at what a little bitch you are.  Makes sense that you have such a tiny head.  You have thin skin, too.

They loudly amuse themselves by hurling insults and epithets — the words “dick,” “balls” and “ass” being the etymological anchors of their attacks — all for the express purpose of making one another laugh. They seem to be having such a great time that you’d feel like a monster alerting them to this one unfortunate fact: Men just aren’t funny.

I see this, and all I can think of is that Paul must have been one of the guys that was routinely picked on, growing up.  He must have been the kid who was bullied by all the big jock types, and it has led him to have the prevailing belief that all men are like that.  We’re all the same – overbearing, sports-obsessed, dude-bros who want to drink beers and smack titties.  Too bad that he hasn’t opened himself up to the reality that there are so many other types of guys.  Now he is stuck with this belief that all of us men, and it’s clear that he won’t change.  It doesn’t matter what he is exposed to.  He’ll just believe that it’s the random outlier in the vast chasm of males who are all the jocks who picked on him, growing up.

Oh, sure, there are men who truly make us laugh. None come to mind at the moment, but I know history has provided us with a few. Euripides was sort of a jokester. English poet John Donne got off a corker every once in a while. But in general, the male species’ sense of humor seldom rises above the enjoyment of watching one of their own take a swift shot to the testicles.

Oh, these are the funny males?  Gene Wilder?  You seen him?  Mel Brooks?  Heard of that guy?  Do you watch Edgar Wright’s movies with a big frown on your face the whole time?  If you can watch Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and not laugh, I honestly don’t think you’re human.  Or maybe you’ve heard of the greatest master of them all – George Carlin?  That name ring a bell, you putrid, pathetic excuse for a filmmaker?  I guess all of them are just not funny at all.  I’m starting to think that you are just butthurt that there are guys out there can make women laugh without having to metaphorically sodomize themselves for their pleasure.  You pretend that it’s all just toilet humor, but the reality is that it’s something that comes from people who are able to make people laugh without proselytizing themselves.

It makes sense. Men are genetically programmed to hunt and gather. It is they who must impregnate the herd and protect the collective. And so it’s only logical that their brains would need to possess lower humor standards in order to pass the hours entertainingly with their cohorts while stalking that night’s dinner or standing guard against the enemy. Imagine if they had to amuse their fellow warriors with jokes and banter that were actually funny.

Wow.  That’s both stupid and insulting.  Are you insinuating that us men are so stupid that we can’t find things funny?  Fuck you, you beta faggot.  Seriously, what is this standard that you hold humor to?  Give me an example, your pompous, pretentious little bitch.  Given what I’ve seen in some of your movies, maybe it’s a fat chick in a wedding dress dancing terribly.  Because no man could possibly come up with a scene like that.  You know, except when Elaine did it in Seinfeld over 20 years ago.  But that doesn’t count!  What an asshole.  “Men find things funny because men are stupid!”  Why don’t you just come out and say directly that you hate men?  At least then you’re being honest.  I honestly want to know what this standard is that you hold humor to.

Is modern society now ready to transition away from the Myth of Male Hilarity? After all, today’s world has erased most of the survival needs that once required a woman to inflate the comedic self-worth of the men around her.

Groj, this is so insulting.  It’s insulting to the men who have worked on their craft all their lives.  Who’ve gone to comedy clubs, gone to auditions for roles, and really worked on their stage presence and bits.  You are telling those people that they are delusional with this idea that their hard work was worth anything.  Hey Feig – fuck you, you Beta piece of shit.  While you have been making mediocre movies (at best), Mel Brooks had created some of the greatest comedies of all time.  I bet it must piss you off so much.  That people who are infinitely more talented than you could ever hope to be are called comedy legends, while your latest film couldn’t even earn the title of so-bad-it’s-good.  It couldn’t even earn the SJW title of “passably good.”  They died on that hill for a movie that they’ll forget about in a month.  You’re a hack, Feig.  That’s the best you can hope to be.  All the people who praise your work are just being nice.  I watch very nice film critics.  It’s probably a good thing to be nice.  Not me.  I will call you what you are – everything wrong with American comedy movies.

Alas, women’s evolved nature, along with their desire to avoid the dystopian nightmare of men trying even harder to be funny, causes them to withhold the soul-crushing revelation of masculine jocular inferiority. But many more women now also will continue to follow bravely in the footsteps of those pioneering females who elicited laughter before them, risking societal harmony in the name of making the world a more hilarious place.

“Ladies, how can I kiss your ass more?!  Please, I’ll say whatever you want!  Please, notice me!”  The irony is that this is insulting to the women who have worked hard too, in the years leading up to now.  I think back to Carol Burnett.  She was fucking hilarious, in this golden age where us MEN were just pushing the woman down.  It’s not like she became popular because she is good at her job.  Nope, it’s just because us men allowed it to happen.  Or Arleen Sorkin, who voiced Harley Quinn in Batman: The Animated Series.  That awesome delivery that was funny and emotionally hitting, when it needed to be.  The range of that character was great.  Guess she was just given a spot from us men too.  Julia-Louis Dreyfuss?  Given a place by men.  You have spit on everything they accomplished in your goal of prostrating yourself to any woman who will say nice things to you.  There’s a reason that women don’t find this sort of schtick impressive, Feig.  It’s because they find men like you pathetic.  As they should.  You’re the sort of man who, if you weren’t rich, would go right to the friendzone.  Hell, in that video I saw, it sounds like women still find him friendzone material.

So, hail to thee, funny women. Continue to remove the bushels from your bright and uproarious lights, and we in the know will laugh politely at the “funny men” as we wink to one another behind their desperate but well-meaning backs. It’s just the right thing to do.

If it was possible to think less of you, Feig, I would.  But it’s not.  You are the most pathetic little worm I’ve ever seen.  Everything you say is just a desperate plea for women to like you, along with your declaration of how much you don’t like other men.  I find you sickening, and your “talent” for making movies speaks for itself.  Nice film critics will find reasons to be nice to you, but not me.  You’re not bad enough to make bad to the point that it’s good movies.  You just make movies that are mediocre at best.  And from what I’ve heard from critics I like and from friends who actually gave the studio money by buying a ticket, you couldn’t even make Kate McKinnon funny.  Every review has said that Chris Hemsworth is the funniest thing in the movie.  All that talk about “girl power,” and that’s the legacy this movie leaves behind.  The man was the funniest thing in the movie.  I hope it burns, you Beta bitch.

Until next time, a quote,

“Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin

Peace out,

Maverick

Angry Video Game Nerd, SJWs, and Ghostbusters

So, James Rolfe, who you would better know as the Angry Video Game Nerd, recently made a video on his Cinemassacre channel talking about the new Ghostbusters, and why he has zero intention of seeing it.  His reasons had nothing to do with the all-female cast.  He only cared that the jokes are cringe-worthy at best, and the film is a blatant cash-grab on the name.  Hell, he didn’t even discuss the fact that now this movie has become a rallying cry for people who are so desperate to throw their lot in behind this worthless remake of a timeless film that they say things like, “Please let it be good.  Please, just let it be passably good.”  That quote, by the way, is a sign about how much this film has become a rallying cry and how doomed the film is on arrival for that status.  After all, if it truly is such a pile of boredom that it appears to be, then this film’s culture war is a hill that people are dying on.

Now, Rolfe’s criticism of the film comes in the wake of how divisive this movie has become.  The director came out and said that the nerd culture is the biggest bunch of jerks he has ever seen.  Though, one of the stars of the film has said that she doesn’t like the trailer either.  A movie that should be seen as just a stupid remake that has NONE of the charm of the original is becoming a battleground issue.  In a time where every little thing that has a woman in it is a battleground issue.  From Star Wars: The Remake Awakens to the culture war that still goes on with video games, our SJW friends are making a lot of battles over something that should be simple.  It’s odd.

Now, Rolfe is in the firing line, and all over a video that I will share here, so you can judge for yourselves whether or not this is some nasty, hateful, sexist rant that the likes of Patton Oswalt made it out to be.

So, where all the vitriol?  Where was all the hate?  I was looking really hard for it.  Our Non-Angry Video Game Nerd was very calm, rational, and explained his position without appealing to emotion.  He just laid out his issues with the film, and stated that he is refusing to review or see this movie out of principle.  Any reasonable person would think that this means that he has stated his case and respects your intelligence enough to give it to you plainly.

What was the reaction by the people who are using this film as their hill to die on?  Let’s look at a Tweet by Patton Oswalt

I really wanted to hate this Cinemassacre GHOSBUSTERS review but I’m such a fan of noisy, thick-saliva swallowing that it won my heart.

Man, you really showed him, Patton.  Zing!  At least this guy has some kind of name recognition.  Then some dickmule that no one has ever heard of named Devon Feraci had his own thoughts on the matter.  This is the guy who said that gamers are ISIS, by the way.  Just putting that out there.

Look at this limp dick loser

How eloquent, Devon.  You should get with Devon Dudley, also known as AIU.  The two of you can think up zingers together.  Notice that neither one of those statements addressed ANYTHING that Rolfe had to say.  Of course not.  The day that an SJW attacks an argument that someone makes is the day that my cat grows wings, flies, and learns kung-fu to go fight in the Kumite.

A while back, my favorite YouTuber made a video about nuance and how it is dead, with SJWs pissing on its grave.  Look it up.  Type in “nuance sjws pissing” in the YouTube search bar and it should be the first thing that comes up.  He explains that one thing that SJWs are completely incapable of doing is making rational, reasonable arguments against people that they don’t agree with.  It goes immediately into emotional appeal and character assassination.  I guess we can add Patton Oswalt to that wonderful pedigree of indivijuals (situation).

This is why I fucking hate SJWs and why I can’t take third-wave feminism seriously!  These people are incapable of having a reasonable discussion.  These people are utterly unable to actually voice their opinion without snide condescension.  The thing that they accuse anti-SJWs like myself of, they are the perfect example.  What’s more, these people are defending a film that is indefensible!  That trailer was garbage!  Objectively, it was terrible.  Let’s cut out the SJW talking points and just look at what it is.  The jokes are cringe-worthy.  The characters are such cardboard cutouts that the fat character goes down the list of telling the audience who they are.  Oh, and the black chick is the stereotypical black chick who goes out of her way to stereotype herself.  The effects look worse than the ones in Jurassic World (that movie fucking sucks, by the way).  And to top it all off, they butt-raped the theme song by putting it in that stupid intro!  What about that looks good?  At all?!

I hate what discourse has become now.  It’s no longer people arguing about ideas.  It’s people who try and be reasonable getting shit thrown at them.  And I can already hear some random SJW who happens across this post.

But wait, that’s the same thing that happened to Anita Sarkeesian!  She made her points and got lots of hate!

Did things that are uncool get said to Anita?  Sure.  I won’t deny.  Internet trolls will troll.  It’s rude, it’s not nice, but that’s what it is.  But she also spent years feeding the trolls.  She fleeced people out of $158,000 for a Kickstarter, and four years later she still hasn’t finished or kept a single one of her Kickstarter backer rewards.  Oh, and get this – she has lied about her passion for video games and got pissy when the Internet busted her lying ass in black-and-white video!

Meanwhile, there were a TON of reasonable, well-researched and non-violent threats laden videos talking about her videos where people don’t threaten her once and put her stupidity in respect to video games in its place.  Do send me a link to an SJW who doesn’t one time make this into some “you’re a sexist!” refutation of what Rolfe said in his video.  I’m all ears.

Internet discourse has just become SJWs flinging as much shit at people as they can.  And when those people come back at them, screaming “I’m a victim!” as loud as they possibly can.  The Internet has a term for these people – crybullies.  The thing that kills me most, it is working.  The media takes these people seriously.  Mostly for clicks, naturally.  But I wouldn’t be surprised if SJW rags like The Young Turks decide to tear into Rolfe.  I am pretty sure they already did a video decrying all the people who don’t like the new Ghostbusters trailer as sexist.

What’s more, I bet you a fucking pretty penny that when this movie does come out, all sorts of reviews are going to be piling on praise for it, just so they don’t have to have the SJWs coming down on them for being sexist.  Because if a movie can’t be good, scare people into saying it is.  Crybullying at its best, people.

Where does it end?  That’s the real question.

Until next time, a quote,

“This blind defense has made me hate this film more than I ever could have.”  -Chris Ray Gun

Peace out,

Maverick