Let’s Respond to Christians (of BuzzFeed) Defending Themselves

I’ve done a lot of responses to BuzzFeed Yellow videos.  The bulk of which are questions that one ethnic group has for stereotypical white people.  Because I guess stereotypes are fine, so long as it’s against a class of people that they don’t like.  Funny how that works.  I even did a response to an older BuzzFeed video where they tried to tackle Islam and their stereotypes against us whiteys.  Well, now it seems that Christians want to take their crack at it.  So let’s tackle this.  Here’s a link to their video, now let’s get down to it.  I get the feeling that they are going to  be fighting against Strawman Atheist in this video.

I’m Christian, but I’m not homophobic

Good for you.  Your holy book is.

I’m Christian and I’m definitely not perfect.

Don’t Christians believe that they are born with sin that the have to eternally pray for?

I’m Christian, but I’m not close-minded.

Your holy book is.  Just look at their opinions about shellfish and rape.

But I’m not unaccepting

Okay

But I’m not uneducated.

You believe that the world was created by a divine being who reigns over us all.  Either you are deliberately ignorant or you are closing off part of your faculties in order to preserve that belief structure.  Which is it?

But I’m not judgmental.

Everyone is judgmental.  Everyone.  That is the ultimate lie.

But I’m not conservative.

So, the parts of the Bible that say that women are to keep silent and gay men are to be stoned to death?  Do you just close your eyes and pretend that those don’t exist?  I honestly am more annoyed by liberal Christians than conservatives.  At least the conservatives are honest about their premise.

But I’m not ignorant.

You believe that a magical man in the sky created the universe.  Yes you are.

But I don’t place myself on a pedestal.

You’re in a BuzzFeed video.  Yes you do.

I’m a Christian, but I don’t have all the answers.

Glad to hear that.  Shows real humility.

But I am accepting.

Cool

But I am queer

Fantastic.  Your God hates you.  And his kid said that that didn’t go away with his appearance.  He outright says that he did not come to abolish the Old Testament laws, but to fulfill them.

But I am gay.

See previous response.  Your God hates you.

But I am a feminist.

So, those parts that say that a woman is less than a man and that women should have no power over men and that women should stay silent in church?  Or the part that says that a man who rapes a girl should have to pay the father some silver shekels and marry her?  You just pretend that doesn’t exist?

But I’m a feminist.

Same deal.

Definitely am a feminist.

The logical hoops you must jump through for that are impressive.

But I do believe in science.  In fact, I think science makes God look really cool.

Oh yeah.  Like that part where he creates a person by pushing some dirt together and breathing into that.  Something that scientifically impossible.  Yup, that totally makes God look cool.  Or the part where God floods the entire world, which is impossible due to the fact that there is no amount of water that exists that could do such a thing.  Or that the rain would have to fall in such a way that it would be like smashing something over and over again with sheetrock for weeks.  Yeah, those biblical stories sure do make science and God seem compatible.

I’m not afraid to talk about sex.

Cool.  Same here.

I love Beyonce.

Who cares?

But I love wine!

Jesus turned his blood into it.  You’re cannibalizing him with each glass.

But I do believe in monogamy before sex.

You’re a Christian.  That’s not very shocking.

But I do go to church on Sunday.

Yeah, that makes sense.

I do listen to Christian music.  Christian rock, Christian rap, T-Mac (did I get that right?), all the cool kids.

You have shit taste in music.  Congrats.

I have friends from all walks of life and all religions.  And I love them all.

This isn’t a shock.  It’s like you think us atheists just assume that you all are part of conservatives enclaves.  We know that there are Christians of all stripes.

What I guess I want people to know about Christianity is that we’re kinda not all crazy.

Never said you were.  Just that your beliefs are really stupid.  How is this so complicated?

You shouldn’t be judged by just the people that you see in the media or just the people that you’ve met in your everyday life.

We all make judgments about people based on the people we meet in everyday life.  Hell, BuzzFeed’s existence is predicated on stereotypes.  Of white people.  And men.  And white men.  I judge people individually.  Do you?

A lot of people think that Christianity ruins people.

Citation, please.

But to me, I think that it’s people ruining Christianity.

Your book is bigoted and hateful.  I don’t get how this is so hard for you to understand.  It isn’t people twisting it.  It’s people believing in it.  I hate this mentality that because Jeebus came, it’s all about love and shit.  Jesus once said that he did not come as a shield, but as a sword, and told people that if they don’t love him more than their own family, they aren’t with him.  How can you just shrug that off?

You never really see the good that happens.  You only see the hypocrites.

I know, right?  I’m looking at one now.

But at it’s core, it really is about love and acceptance, and being a good neighbor.

Which passage and verse should I destroy this with?  I know – Genesis 6:7: “And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.”

Just because we have a faith that has a bunch of terrible people in it doesn’t make us terrible.

Agreed.  But you have a holy book that is full of terrible teachings.  How do you get around that?

And that’s this boredom.  That was the saddest defense of Christianity that I’ve seen in a while.

Until next time, a quote,

“I challenge you to find one good or noble thing that cannot be accomplished without religion.  It is impossible.  You cannot do it.” – Christopher Hitchens

Peace out,

Maverick

Musical Insanity: Singapore, Reach Out To Your Children

I’ve talked about some weird-ass Christian music before.  Like “Gimme that Christian Side Hug” or “Jesus Christ is my Nigga.”  And while both of those things are hilariously bad, neither of them are truly cringe-worthy.  They are god-awful and probably shouldn’t exist, but they don’t truly suck the life out of you when you realize that this is something that you have to exist in the same world with.  If anything, they make Christianity’s lame attempts to be cool that much more amusing. But then you get this shit.  The people behind the hilarious videos that The Bible Reloaded make fun of (and all of them are my favorite thing ever) decided to make a music album for the express purpose of telling the Singapore government why they need Jesus.  Yes, it is just as bad as it sounds.  I should not expose you to this, but to be perfectly honest, it’s too fascinating not to watch.  Just so you know, this song is only the first track on this video.  If you want to listen to the rest of the cringe, go ahead.  As for me, I can settle with this.

This makes me think of that song that Peter and Lois sang in Family Guy when they were stoned.  Not even kidding, this is so fitting.  Where did this song come from?  I guess these two went to Singapore and wanted to sing this song for the country.  The decisions made that brought this album to life just blows my freaking mind.

Let’s not get into how bad their singing is.  Let’s not get into how they can’t harmonize for shit.  Hell, let’s not even talk about how that man has the biggest pedo beard in the world.  Instead, let’s talk about how god-awful the lyrics are.  Take a shot every time they say “Singapore.”  You’ll be dead!  You’ll be freaking dead.  This entire album is just them repeating the line “Singapore” over and over again for over three minutes.  And if it isn’t them repeating that, they repeat the other lyrics.  This song is listening to the exact same words, over and over again, with a TERRIBLE melody that sounds like the guitar music that that hippie was singing to in Animal House.  We all remember how that turned out.  How I wish I could do that here.

There are no words for how weird and sad this is.  The fact that this album was used to try and sell Jesus to the Singapore government is just the icing on the cake.  I love it.  This is whack. It’s cringe.  I’m baffled.  Hope you didn’t gouge your ears out in pain.  If so, my apologies.  This one is on me.

Until next time, a quote,

“I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.”  – Frank Zappa

Peace out,

Maverick

So, You Want McDonald’s to Sponsor Your Religion? (A response to McMass)

With all the stupid shit in this country, like Puritan Feminists and Fox News, it might be hard to look on what America does and be like, “man, I just love this country!”  But then, you hear a news story that reminds you why you enjoy living in this backwards, slowly-crumbling empire so much.  For me, it’s because I am just so entertained!  This country is so full of idiots that it makes me always so pleased.  You’d think that I wouldn’t be.  You’d think that the stupidity would bug the fuck out of me.  For a time, it did.  However, as I got a little older and a little wiser, I wasn’t quite the shit-kicker that I used to be when I started this blog.  Now, I just shake my head and enjoy the show.

McMass ProjectSo, what is today’s show about?  Well, a preacher man named Paul Di Lucca has started an Indiegogo project that has one stated goal – buying a McDonald’s for the express purpose of getting it inside a church.  You can’t make this shit up.  He’s crowd-funding to get a fast food restaurant inside of a church.  This is weird and wrong and right on so many levels, but I’m getting ahead of myself.  Why is he doing this?

Well, Di Lucca has noticed how there has been something of an exodus from religion in this country, so he wants to help turn it around.  His plan of action is rather unique, I must say – appeal to fat people!  And not only appeal to fat people, but also get them to help you crowd-fund your project to buy a McDonald’s and get it in a church.  That is amazing.  It just boggles the mind.  While McDonald’s has not officially commented, Di Lucca made a comment that, just read it –

Will McDonald’s save Christianity in America?  Maybe not – and in fact, probably not.  But the McMass Project has the power to get the conversation started.

Only in America.  For real, only here.  Dumb shit happens everywhere, but only in America do you have the dumb shit take center stage in such a way as this.  McDonald’s is going to save Christianity in America?!  Are you fucking kidding me?!  I can’t stop laughing about this.  It’s just so funny!  What planet is this guy on?!  He thinks that this whole initiative is going to get the ball rolling on a conversation about this issue.  I keep expecting to hear that this is satire, like an article in The Onion making fun of religion and how corporate it has all gotten in this country.  But no!  It’s real!

Now, a number of church activists are against this.  Why?  Well, according to them, it’s breaking traditions and whatnot.  To that, I say – have you ever seen a mega-church?  I have.  Been in one, actually.  Those places are cities unto themselves.  I’m with The Young Turks in being kind of surprised that this idea hasn’t come up before.  It’s so perfect.  After all, religion really is nothing but a bunch of money-changers.  Only now, instead of them being in the temple, they own the damn thing.  There’s a step in the right direction, am I right?  But when you look at the metropolis mega-churches, or the Vatican palaces (both of which would offend Jesus to no end), how can you say that having a McDonald’s in a church is offensive?  That just seems like you want to preserve this image you have of the little church in the countryside, where all the women wear dresses and all men are in their finest suits and country hats.  Religion in the 21st century can’t sell out fast enough.  Since there is a large exit from the church, they are doing whatever they can to get people to sign on.  It’s getting kind of sad, really.

A friend of mine, who thinks that this is the stupidest thing ever and is annoyed by it, pointed out something interesting to me.  There is an ethical conflict in a church buying a fast food joint and putting it in the church.  See, churches are tax exempt, because they are ‘places of worship.’  I’ve always thought that that is stupid and should be rescinded, but whatever.  That’s neither here nor there.  However, if a corporate entity like McDonald’s is going to throw in with a church, how can they possibly claim that they are still a religious institute?  They have corporate backing!  If people are coming to their church to order food instead of worship, isn’t there a conflict there?  That is something worth considering, and I would LOVE to see how Di Lucca is going to get around this question.

However, at the end of the day, I am still amused.  See, if they are going to go the route of corporate sponsorship, I want them to go all the way!  For real, have the church give out coupons on stuff to people who attend services.  You can’t just come there for the food.  You have to attend McMass before you can get cheaper garbage food.  Have the preacher do a plug-in at the beginning.

Today’s service is brought to you by McDonald’s!  Because even God needs a Big Mac every once and a while!

In fact, given that I am educated in PR work, I would do the ad campaign for this!  For real, I would have so much fun promoting McMass.  Me, a douchebag liberal atheist, would love to promote this.  It’s like a tacit admission that they don’t give a fuck about God.  They just want to get people’s fat asses into their pews.  I love it!  There’s my slogan for the campaign!

God’s Lovin’ It

*any and all usage of that line is owned by Lucien Maverick and must pay royalties to him*

Until next time, a quote,

“No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.”  -H.L. Mencken

Peace out,

Maverick

Ray Comfort vs. Cosmos – Please Stop

I recently got done reading an article where Ray Comfort decided that he would jump on the creationist bullshit bandwagon of being against the newest incarnation of “Cosmos.”  Yes, the creationists are getting quite the butthurt about this show, and are doing everything they can to fight back against it.  Such as demanding that their insane and completely unsupported by facts “Theory” gets equal airtime as Cosmos (link here), so they can have a “balanced” approach.  Never mind that what Cosmos shows is backed up by mountains of evidence, whereas all the “Theory of Creation” has is a book and claims to science that have been beaten with a stick, over and over again.  But indeed, they are getting their panties in a bunch about this fairly hard.

There was even a recent story about how the creationists were against his statements about comets.  Why?  You’re gonna love this – because they suggest a view that the universe is billions of years old, rather than the few thousand that they believe (link here).  It’s madness.  I mean, they are going after Tyson and his show’s representation of comets, just because it conflicts with their worldview.  Maybe it’s because they have gone after everything else that they are doing this.  They went after the show’s segments about the origin and age of the universe.  They also attacked the episode about evolution.  Now, because they got their big talking points out of the way, they are just going after whatever they can, so we call can understand the butthurt.  What will they go after next?  Maybe the show should say that the sky appears blue, and it has been so for the billions of years that this planet existed.  Would they then get their butthurt going after that?  Probably.

Now, in an effort to stay relevant, Ray Comfort (or Cumfart, as I like to call him) has said on his radio show that the stuff that Cosmos is showing isn’t scientific, but the Book of Genesis is (link here).  Really?  You’re really making that argument.  So, the fact that Gawd spent the bulk of seven days making shit on this one little ball of rock, yet made the rest of the vast universe as an afterthought is scientific?  The existence of an all-powerful being who is powerful enough to make the universe, yet left absolutely zero tangible evidence (outside of your Bronze Age book) of his existence, following the age of accurate record-keeping.  Or how we all are descended from the incestuous fucking of Adam and Eve’s children?  Or how a 900 year old man got all the animals on a boat and then got them all to their perfect geographic areas without a single marsupial ending up in Europe?  That’s scientific to you?  You even go so far as to say the Neil deGrasse Tyson isn’t qualified to give his opinion on science because he isn’t a theologian.  You really believe this.  Though maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised.  After all, this is the same guy who said that the banana is proof of God, because it clearly evolved for us to be able to handle.  Fucking genius…

Ray Cumfart, you are so full of shit.  For real, I don’t believe that you believe two words that come out of your mouth.  You are a charlatan who got on this bandwagon, for the express purpose of staying relevant.  I have been convinced, for some time, that you are just as much of an atheist as I am, and your running to join this latest Christian butthurt parade is proof of that.  You don’t believe in God.  You don’t believe in anything, except staying in the spotlight to make money.  You’re like Mitt Romney, except not as boring.

Part of me believes that most of the people in power with respect to religion are just like Cumfart.  I am certain that almost everyone in a position of power at the Vatican is an atheist.  There comes a point where you become so powerful, because of money, that the world of religion just becomes so foolish, because you see it as useful.  That’s the world we live in.

In closing, Ray Cumfart is a charlatan who doesn’t believe in anything.  He is a liar and only wants your money.  If you give it to him, that truly is on you.  I wouldn’t.  What can I say, I’m not big on indulging real-life trolls.

Until next time, a quote,

“Sister Augustine believes in things that aren’t real.”
“I thought that was a job requirement for you people.”  -Gregory House, House M.D.

Peace out,

Maverick

RAB: Funny Christian YouTube Comment

So, I was watching Jaclyn’s latest video on YouTube, Ray Comfort vs. Logic.  It’s a good video and I recommend you check it out.  She was talking about Comfort’s hilarious reactions to her last video where she took apart the charlatan’s “Evolution vs. God” movie and how stupid it is.  But while I was watching, I would take a look from time to time at the comments section.  In it, I came across this gem –

Jaclyn, do you honestly feel in your heart that these people truly love you and care about you?

Please listen, I’m speaking from my heart to yours. Please don’t continue to grieve the Holy Spirit.

Jesus is our life. We are the bride of Christ. Nothing in this life is worth losing our relationship with our Holy God and being eternally separated from Him.

No sin is worth it.

The comment was from a user called “Jesus Saves.”  And…this is hilarious.  I am going to break this down, bit by bit, so that we can enjoy it.

First, what people?  Who is Jaclyn supposed to believe loves and cares about her?  Fellow members of the atheist community?  I assume that she isn’t that arrogant.  I have only just started to follow her videos, so I respect her, but I have to genuinely get to know a person before I can “love and care” about them.  I would assume that it is the same with most people.

Next, how does her atheism “grieve the Holy Spirit”?  One thing about Christianity that I have always found interesting is how this Gawd character is so desperate for people to love him. (Oh, and I’m with Carlin in believing that if there is a God, it has to be a man.  No woman could or would fuck things up like this.) I mean, think about it – he grieves when people don’t love him, but if you don’t love him, he will send you to a place where you will face endless suffering for all time.  For all fucking time.  I put it to you – what sort of heavenly being who claims to love their creation does that?  I have had people who I care for who don’t care for me in the same way.  I don’t want them to suffer for all eternity.  Sure, it sucked, at the time, but I don’t have any issues with it now.  What kind of heavenly being would actually do this?  The new Christian rhetoric is that God is really loving, so all you have to do is to just say that God is your lord and savior, and he gives you entry.  But again – this contention is based on the idea that you still have to kiss this guy’s ass to get in.  He can’t just let you in.  He can’t just be kind and compassionate.  There is a cost that you must pay, and if you don’t pay it, you burn forever.  Interesting.

The next part interests me.  The wording makes me assume that this is a woman talking, and since Jaclyn is also a woman, it fits, talking about how they are “the bride of Christ.”  If you listen to a lot of Christians talk, and what is written in the Bible, you find out that that metaphor isn’t incorrect.  Most Christians believe that your love of Jesus and his baby-daddy (who is also him) must supersede all other attachments.  You have to love them first, completely and with no strings attached, ahead of family, friends and romantic partners.

And you bet your ass that there are things worth losing “our relationship with our Holy God and being eternally separated from him.”  According to the buybull, I mean Bible, this guy thinks that a lot of normal behaviors are unacceptable.  Homosexuality – a mortal sin.  Jerking off/rubbing one out – a mortal sin.  Bad-mouthing your parents, a normal part of teenage years – a mortal sin.  Being open and not stringent about your sex life – a mortal sin.  Hell, eating shellfish – a mortal sin.  My love of lobster alone is reason-enough to lose that relationship!

Then there is this idea that everything in life becomes instantly better if one has Gawd in their lives.  I know a fuck-ton of Christians who think that they are unworthy, disgusting and evil sinners all because they have human feelings and do human things.  This idea that a connection with this heavenly bullshit, I mean being makes life instantaneously worth something more just makes no sense to me.

Religion is a funny thing to me.  It gives people a false sense of something profound when the fact is that what they are getting is the exact opposite.  They are being given a belief structure that will allow them to bend the rules of reality however they wish to keep what they call “faith.”  Faith, the belief in something without evidence.  While part of me wants to agree that religion is more akin to a mental disorder than anything else, the fact is that it is human nature.  What person doesn’t want to hear – hey man, you having a hard day?  Well, don’t worry!  This is this powerful sky-daddy who made you and loves you and who thinks that you are just super!  Not how you are, because you do a lot of things that make this being really sad.  Sad enough to send you to a place of torment forever.  But don’t you worry!  Because if you psychically tell that person that you accept them as your lord and savior, then he’ll love you forever!

Awww, that’s sweet.  Too bad it isn’t true.  Jesus Saves, you are part of a culture that the rest of us mock.  Sometimes mean-spiritedly, but sometimes, as I am doing now, we point out how ridiculous your beliefs actually are.

Until next time, a quote,

“The truth is that theistic beliefs affect your worldview, which heavily influences the choices you make, which heavily influences the choices of others.”  -Jaclyn Glenn, Religion: Society’s Cancer 

Peace out,

Maverick

Heaven Makes No Sense

I was raised Christian.  I was raised in a family where I was told that God was real and that he was looking out for me.  According to the church I grew up in, he loves everyone unconditionally and when we die, he has this special place waiting for us.  It’s a place of unending bliss and unending happiness where everything is great all the time.  Everyone that we have ever loved is there and they will be so happy to see us.  Isn’t it wonderful?  Well, I heard about that, but some part of me never bought it.  The church I was raised in was one of the most liberal I have ever seen.  The people there were open-minded and good people.  To this day, I hold nothing against them when I walked away.  But the whole concept of Heaven seemed strange.

First off – it’s not unconditional love.  When talking about Heaven, one can’t help but look at the man who runs it – God.  A monotheist who happens to exist in three forms (consistency, what’s that?).  See, I was raised to be told that his love for me is unconditional.  Not true at all.  If you read the Bible, then you learn that there are some very clear terms and conditions that apply to his love.  Or, at the very least, to entry into his afterlife.  You have to worship him.  A lot.  You have constantly love him and constantly be devoted to him.  Otherwise, you don’t end up there.  You go to this other place.  It is a place of unending suffering and torment.  You never get a chance to leave that place.  You are stuck there, forever.  So, the idea that this deity’s love is unconditional seems a bit ridiculous to me.

But the more I think about it, the more that I realize that the concept of Heaven is totally nuts.  Here’s a thought for you – a place of eternal bliss would be hell after a while.  Part of what makes the human condition so profound is that amount of emotions we experience and how we experience them.  Nobody experiences just one thing at any given time.  People like to have this false dichotomy of happy and sad.  Like you are either one or the other.  But no, emotion is a nebulous orb full of complexity and dissonance.  That is what makes life so interesting.  In Heaven, the idea is that everything will be good all the time.  Maybe this is just me talking, but that would become Hell to me after a while.  Nothing changes, nothing grows.  Nothing is different.  There is a great quote from Mordin Solus in Mass Effect 2 about change that I think applies here.

No limitations, no advancement.  No advancement, culture stagnates.

In a place that is all bliss, all the time, what would change?  With nothing to drive cultural growth, what would it be like?  The way I see it, it would be pretty much the same thing, every single day, for all time.

That’s another thing – do you have ANY idea how long eternity is?  A common Christian rebuttal to that is that time has different meanings in Heaven.  That doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter if 1 day is a thousand years in Heaven.  You are still there until the end of time.  So your days will go on and on and on and on.  It would never, ever stop.  The reality is that one of the drives in this world is to make things change.  We want to make the world different.  But one of the reasons that immortality sounds horrible to me is because of the fact that eventually, you wouldn’t have anything left to change.  You could only make things different for so long.  Eventually, because your time in this place would never end, it would become the same thing, over and over and over again, until the end of time.  Time is a funny thing to us mortals.  Since we only live about 80 years or so, we get to live with the fact that eventually, we will die.  Time doesn’t mean that much to us.  But when I really think about it, everything about Heaven sounds like it would become a prison camp, with time as my guard.  Scary shit, for sure.

So, if the truth about this place isn’t nearly as rosy as we think it is, why do we believe in it?  Why do we indulge how absolutely insane this concept really is?  I think I’ve come to a reason – because life sucks.  For real, if life was a fun experience, then Heaven would seem like a total bore to us.  But the truth is that when we have a relationship end, a loved one die or everything go to shit, then it is comforting to think about the fact that there is a place where you can go to be happy.  A place where all the shit of this world isn’t going to find you.  A place where you can indulge a belief that everything will be better.  In some ways, I get that.  In others, I find it kind of sad that people desperately need this place to exist to validate their lives.

Life is complicated.  Life is hard.  Life is a giant pain in your ass, but you stick with it.  Because despite how shitty it is, there are the things that make the shit worth it.  Seeing a beautiful sight that will last in your mind forever.  Hearing a sound that makes joy come to your heart.  For some, it is the sound of the ocean.  For others, their baby or child’s laughter.  We find those parts of life to validate the shitty parts that leave us wondering why we even bother.  But that’s just my thoughts.

Food for thought.

Until next time, a quote,

“Some see it (death) as changing into an indestructible form.  They believe that the purpose of the entire universe is to then maintain that form in an Earth-like garden that will be of delights and pleasure for all eternity.  On the other hand, there are those who conform to the idea of our blinking into nothingness.  We all have our experiences, our hopes and dreams, merely a delusion…Considering the marvelous complexity of the universe, its clockwork perfection, its balances of this against that, matter, energy, gravitation, time, dimension, I believe that our existence must be more than either of these philosophies.  That what we are goes beyond euclidean and other practical measuring systems and that our existence is part of a reality beyond what we understand now as reality.”  -Captain Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation

Peace out,

Maverick

A THIRD Hateful Message to a Gay Person (I want these people to die)

Well, in this case, it isn’t a gay person.  It is a lesbian.  Two, in fact.  A lesbian couple in Kingston, Ontario.  They received a couple of letters that were very clear about how some residents felt about their relationship.  This is one of the most sick and twisted things that I have ever seen.  Here is a link to the letter itself, so you can see it.  I am going to do this post old-school style, hit for hit.  Here we go.

Lesbian bitches,

Well, I can see that this is going to be a VERY thoughtful and caring piece of work, don’t you?

We are a small but dedicated group of Kingston residents devoted to removing the scourge of homosexuality in our city. We know you and have been following you for the past several weeks and we wish for you to leave this city, before it is too late, for you. This will be the first of many reminders, each escalating to higher and higher levels of harassment and derailment. Since we have nothing personal against you, only against your sexuality, we suggest you move to more conductive climes like Vancouver, or preferably San Francisco.

For those of you who don’t like foul language, leave immediately.  This is about to get ugly.  So let me see if I have this right, you amoral pieces of shit, you open this up by threatening them.  You state, outright, that your mission is to get them to leave, stating clearly a battle-plan to harass them, which you confirm will escalate.  To what?  Do you plan to kill them?  Do you plan to harm them?  Where the fuck does your bigotry end?  Where do you stop?  I bet that plenty of you would love to murder these women who haven’t done FUCKING ANYTHING TO YOU!  Let’s keep going.  My rage has to continue with their bigotry.

Our base, head office in Deep South, has been energized by the recent US Supreme Court decisions legalizing same sex marriage. We feel that unless homosexuals reconvert to heterosexuality that life under this planet, under the umbrella of our Lord Jesus Christ, will become unbearable. Having observed you, we feel that you are committed lesbians unlikely to convert, hence this (first and only) gentle attempt to make you move.

Well, I’m not surprised that you believe that your imaginary Gawd backs your bigotry.  Hell, so many people in this country have the same idea.  Never mind that Jesus doesn’t say ONE fucking thing about homosexuality.  Not one.  Oh, and are you saying that if more gay people are openly gay that you won’t want to live in this world anymore?  Well, by all means, please, kill yourselves.  Please, go to your bullshit Gawd’s paradise so the rest of you don’t have to suffer your disgusting beliefs and disgusting means of exercising those beliefs.

And you say that you have “observed” these people.  So, you’re spying on them.  You’re spying on two people who haven’t done a thing to you in order to gauge what you are going to do next.  How many other people do you spy on?  Do you have any idea how creepy that is?  Do you only spy on women who you think MIGHT be lesbian?  Do you have a tip-line that people can call to report “suspicious activity?”  You say that you are a small group, so you must have a very specific method of selecting people to “observe.”

If you do not, and take this letter to police, as we expect, we will know about this, since we have contacts in Kingston Police. Our efforts to relocate you will escalate. We wish to avoid this scenario. We are primarily non-violent, but use violence surgically to persuade people. We hope you understand without us painting to lurid a picture.

Oh, well aren’t you a bunch of fucking saints, trying to “avoid” escalation.  And you have people within the police department, do you?  Well, I’m not surprised about that.  Cops aren’t all that hard-up about following the law.  So, you say that if they talk to the cops, you will know, and then will escalate to violence.  You are openly threatening these people.  What the fuck is wrong with you?!  For real, I can’t even begin to sympathize with you!  I try not to advocate violence against anyone, but you are a group who plans to be violent to people who have never done a fucking thing to you!  How do you justify that?!  Oh, right, you’re Christians.  Never mind.  While there are a lot of good people who come from that religion, those who are evil don’t find it hard to have Gawd having their back

In the last several years we have relocated a few people like you from the Kingston area, through a set of incentives and effective persuasion. Please join their ranks ASAP. We will watch and wait, and then strike, at home and office, as need arises. These are not empty threats. MOVE, or else!

So, you’ve done this before and make it clear that you will do it again.  Using fear and threats to make people do what you want.  I think they have a name for what kinds of people you are.  Hm, what was it?  Oh, right, terrorists.  You are terrorists.  Without a doubt, you are the definition of a terrorist.

Thank you for your attention. We await effective action on your part, ASAP> You are not going to be safe at home, office or anywhere else if you ignore this message! However if you take this seriously, and make attempts to move, someone from our organization will contact you to make your relocation easier financially. If, additionally, you persuade another couple like yourselves to move, we will provide them financial assistance and yourselves a bonus for your help. We are a committed bunch and come hell of high water, we will move you out. Best under congenial circumstances, don’t you think?

They are going so far out of their way to make it sound like they aren’t terrorists, aren’t they?  They even say that their people will help the people they are terrorizing to get them out of there.  But they close that out by saying that they will still take violent action if their “warning” is not heeded.  What a bunch of fucking pieces of shit.  They don’t deserve the life that evolution has given them.  They don’t deserve to draw breath.  They don’t deserve to have spawn.  They don’t fucking deserve any single bit of human decency when they are nothing but a bunch of terrorists trying to paint themselves as good people.

In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, our saviour.

If your “Lord” actually is behind shit like this, fuck him too.  That was letter one.  But wait, they have a follow-up.  Here it is –

lesbos:

Well, nice to see that the bigots still start off their letters with their bigotry.

As a followup, we had a group meeting yesterday on how best to deal with you.  Some of our younger members want to have some fun chasing “lesbos.”  We have brought them BB guns and today they are doing target practice, so they can hunt you down.  It is regrettable that in Canada, real guns are hard to find, so BB it shall be.  I can assure you BB pellets hurt!!

Unbelievable.  So, let me see if I get your bigoted rhetoric straight.  You have decided to endorse getting younger people to take up arms and chase after you, shooting at you.  What’s more, you wish that they could be using real guns.  Un-fucking-believable.  You are the most disgusting forms of shit that have ever worn human skin on this planet.  You are telling these people that if you could, you would be setting young people loose on real human beings with real guns, with the intention of hitting them with real bullets.  This makes me so fucking pissed that I want to find all of you and blast you with a bullet a couple times and see how well you like it.  For real, somewhere painful, like in the belly or kneecap.  Let it sit there for a long time and see you in agonizing pain.  Maybe then you wouldn’t be so fucking cavalier to send young people after two people who are just trying to live their lives and having them shoot them.  Oh, and you know what – it is actually true that they have set young people against the LGBT community before.  In the post I linked above, they talk about how LGBT groups have been attacked by these terrorists.  I can’t hate these people more.

This is thrilling for the youngsters not so much for the older members who would much rather see serious action rather than playing with BB guns.  However youngsters also want to have their fun, and what better targets than you?

Did you catch that?  The older members of the crowd wish that more “serious” action could be taken.  They want to severely injure or kill these people.  And they endorse this kind of terrorism for young people as a means to get them to have fun.  I cannot possibly hate these people more.  I can think of a thousand ways to torture them, to see how they like being on the receiving end of pain and hate.  Their pleasant language does not stop them from being monsters.  It makes them into monsters with a good use of diction.

Take our previous letters seriously or fun and games will turn into more serious action.

These people deserve NOTHING but our hatred and scorn.  They are the very worst that humanity has to offer.  People talk about how far our species has come, but then we have people like THIS, who go and show the rest of the world that they are proud of being evil pieces of shit, and are totally find with spreading their evil onto others.  Fuck you, group in Kingston.  If this is something that your Gawd endorses, then I am HAPPY to go to Hell.  I bet the devil is one pleasant son of a bitch in comparison.  Hell, he probably made Hell for the people who don’t want to suffer under your morally-backward patriarch’s regime.  I bet Hell is a rocking party.  Fuck you.

Until next time, a quote,

“You know, Burke, I don’t know which species is worse. You don’t see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage.”  -Ellen Ripley,  Aliens

Peace out,

Maverick