Hey, did you know that the latest Star Wars film has the first same-sex kiss in any film ever?! The Hollywood Reporter said as much in their click-bait-y headline says as much, along with other equally-stupid media outlets. Much like how Star Trek: Discovery had the first black Captain. Or the first black female Captain. Both of which were equally wrong, and bless the Internet for being the most potent fact-checker in the universe. To the Rise of Skywalker, what is the context they’re talking about? Definitely not the first film to have a same-sex kiss. Not the first film this year, or this decade, or certainly ever. Maybe the first science fiction film? Oh man, not even close. The first big blockbuster? Nope, I’ve seen it in those too. Not often, mind you, but there’s a reason for that which we’ll come to. So why is this such a huge deal?
I’ll tell you why – because it gets cheap points for a film that is being panned so hard right now. It makes it so that Disney can try and re-frame this terrible movie as being pro-LGBT, so if you don’t like it, you hate gays! Or lesbians, in the case of this film, as it’s two women kissing. This happens all the fucking time, and every time it does, I roll my eyes because I see stuff like this for EXACTLY what it is – a cheap ploy to get “woke” points. And the big thing that gets to me when I think about this is – why does no one in the media see it too?
On the one hand, it’s obvious – because they are being paid not to. Disney owns a massive chunk of entertainment media, and the Hollywood machine in general owns pretty much all the rest, and they all have a vested interest in this stuff. But on the other hand, with how every media outlet that isn’t some conservative gossip rag like Ben the prolapsed donkey anus Shaprio’s site is so about the social justice narrative, part of me wonders if they all have this huge blindness to stuff.
Whatever the case, the simple truth is that it’s a play. One that always makes my eyes roll every time I see it. After Blizzard was rightfully being brutalized for what they did to a Hearthstone player who championed the Hong Kong protests, and you saw them in full damage control mode, there was this popular talking point online – which Overwatch character are they going to have be gay next? It’s an easy dodge. “What’s that? You’re mad at us for basically kowtowing to the Chinese government and making ourselves look like their bitch? Look over here, this character’s gay now!” Easy dodge, and they’ve done it before.
Now we have a Star Wars film that has two women kissing for two whole seconds of screen-time. Two characters who we don’t know or care even the slightest bit about. For a kiss that will be easily edited out of China’s version because Disney wouldn’t DARE risk losing out on that sweet China cheddar. It all reeks of bullshit to me. It all reeks of trying to find an easy way to dodge this film’s criticism. To try and get people arguing about something inconsequential in order to detract from the fact that every major reviewer I’ve watched has done nothing but shit all over the film for being worse than The Last Jedi. The review I’m waiting for most is Red Letter Media. That should be amazing. Jay and Mike having a cynical tear-down of a film that is nothing but massive exposition bombs, no character development, no atmosphere, horrific pacing, an an ending that is absolute bullshit. It will be nothing short of incredible.
How much longer can films do this, I wonder? I mean, you can’t argue that this is female empowerment, or lesbian empowerment. Two women we don’t know or care about kissing! Yay…feminism? Remember when they were talking about Po and Finn being the first gay couple in a Star Wars film? Yeah, I get the feeling that Bob Iger came down personally and said that’s out. Can’t have two central characters in a franchise be gay together, otherwise you couldn’t edit it out for China. It has to be characters who have absolutely no significance to the plot at all.
Are there any detractors for my point of view on this? Who can defend this and not see it for what it is? Do you like getting cheap points? Do you think that your side is winning by having two women kiss for two seconds at the end of a film? Two characters we known nothing about and care even less? That’s just dandy for you? Doesn’t it bother you that a major company who claims up and down to be all about the rainbow flag represents you in a way where they take no actual risk doing so? Not to mention, let’s have two dudes kiss. Why? Because then people might actually get upset. See, two girls kissing is seen as hot by the culture at large. Two dudes kissing is seen as awkward. Oh wait, that’s also a risk. Disney can’t do that. Modern Disney isn’t about risk at all.
I’ve talked about this quite a bit over the last couple years or so. It just bugs me every time I see stuff like this and the news just fawning all over what seems to me to be the most obvious feeding of a line thing ever. I suppose it probably is just corporate media parroting a narrative because they are told to. But they have dumbass readers who buy into their narrative. Who don’t think for themselves. And so they are looking at the forest and missing the trees. That leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Maybe it’s my old journalism passion flaring up again and making me hate that all modern news is just infotainment.
Kind of a bummer, really.
Until next time, a quote,
“They fly now!” – Terrible line from Rise of Skywalker that they felt the need to repeat three times