SIONR: Bill Maher Makes Fun of Stan Lee Fans

Man, I remember a while back when I saw the stand-up of Bill Maher during the Bush years.  That was some funny shit.  But over the years, I’ve seen a comedian who made fun of politics and religion turn into something else.  It was a gradual thing, and maybe my own nostalgia put on some goggles that I couldn’t see around, but I did get to see Maher become a very different person.  It was a person who I am finding more and more I don’t like.  In fact, I kind of hate the pretentious prick.  Why?  Because Maher has become one of those people who does just like my conservative uncle and attacks the generation beneath him.  Why?  Because we don’t fit into the mold that he believes all adults should.

As such, when Stan Lee died, he didn’t take the opportunity to talk about how he promoted a world of tolerance and fighting hate with kindness, instead he took the time to attack those who read comic books as adults and who admire Stan Lee.  Why?  Because we aren’t adult enough for him.  Here’s a link to the blog post in question, now let’s talk about it.

The guy who created Spider-Man and the Hulk has died, and America is in mourning. Deep, deep mourning for a man who inspired millions to, I don’t know, watch a movie, I guess. Someone on Reddit posted, “I’m so incredibly grateful I lived in a world that included Stan Lee.” Personally, I’m grateful I lived in a world that included oxygen and trees, but to each his own. Now, I have nothing against comic books – I read them now and then when I was a kid and I was all out of Hardy Boys. But the assumption everyone had back then, both the adults and the kids, was that comics were for kids, and when you grew up you moved on to big-boy books without the pictures.

Oh I’m sorry, Bill.  I’m sorry that people don’t fit into your narrow viewpoint of what is acceptable behavior for an adult.  That really does bum me out.  I mean sure, there have been some comics that tell mature stories like “Maus” or “The Killing Joke.”  Can’t have that.  Then we have to start opening our eyes to other forms of art that exist.  I swear, this sounds EXACTLY like Roger Ebert (the most overrated film critic in history) saying that video games can never be art.

Wanna know something, Bill?  I like “big-boy books without pictures” too!  You can like both!  I can marvel at the research Crichton shows off in books like “Prey,” and the amazing look at the connection between the military and science books like Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s work “Accessory to War: The Unspoken Alliance Between Astrophysics and the Military.”  But then I can read the Old Man Logan series of comics and like that too, for very different reasons.  Does this make me stupider?  Does this make me a lesser person because of it?  I’m all ears, you pretentious talk show jockey.  Yeah, because you are fostering the “intellectual” side of the world, right?

Like the days you had that show Politically Incorrect where it was about people arguing.  Was that a more grown-up version of Jerry Springer?  To what intellectual caliber do you ascribe that show?  I put it as political talk show, entertaining but intellectually void.  Much like the show you do now.

 

And now when adults are forced to do grown-up things like buy auto insurance, they call it “adulting,” and act like it’s some giant struggle.

Hey Bill, I’m gonna let you in on a little something.  It’s something that your entitled ass wouldn’t know thing-one about, because you’ve been in your financial situation for a REALLY long time, but for people like me it is part of every day, but when you are poor as fuck, buying car insurance is a big deal!

There was a time, a few years back, when I was so poor that I had to make a choice between keeping the roof over my head or eating, and I chose the roof.  I’ve starved myself in order to keep my apartment.  That’s how bad things have been for me.  I am 30 years old as of ten days ago today, and I FINALLY have a job where I don’t have to be scared to death of my finances.  Where I can actually save and try and build a future.  So when I had to look at car insurance, because my parents couldn’t help me anymore, it was a huge fucking deal for me, because this was before I was where I am now and my job was barely making enough for me to scrape by.

Between my medical issues and my insurance only covering so much (that’s another thing, I have a job where I have insurance now.  Otherwise I would be in real trouble), there are so many financial issues I have to contend with on a monthly basis.  Up until I got this most recent job that I started on Tuesday, thinking about my finances was a scary thing that gave me sweats some nights.  It’s genuinely strange to not be in that position.  To be able to go on Amazon and look at my list of stuff I want and go “huh, I can actually buy some of this stuff now.”

But what would you know about this?  What would a man who has been worth millions of YEARS know about what it’s like to be in my position?  Not a fucking thing!  Hell, you have made a sport at yelling at millennials because we aren’t conforming to what you want us to be.  Now sure, you’ve gone after legitimate problems like the insane regressive left, but when you have these moments.  Ones where you attack us for something that is so insignificant.  Yeah, we lost an icon for an industry that has given so much to us.  We lost a great man who has objectively done so much for our species.  That doesn’t matter, though!  You can use this as a launch-point to ridicule the generation beneath you.

You are such a prick.  You’ve become the angry grandpa yelling at the kids today for their music and their television and their anything else that doesn’t make sense to you.  How ironic, you went from making fun of those who were older and holding the younger generation back, to becoming one of them.

I’m not saying we’ve necessarily gotten stupider. The average Joe is smarter in a lot of ways than he was in, say, the 1940s, when a big night out was a Three Stooges short and a Carmen Miranda musical. The problem is, we’re using our smarts on stupid stuff. I don’t think it’s a huge stretch to suggest that Donald Trump could only get elected in a country that thinks comic books are important.

Bill, I’m gonna be straight with ya here – fuck you.  You’re so fucking uninformed.  You look at the forest and the trees are a mythical creature that you have never seen before.  I don’t get how someone who claims to be an advocate for liberal America can’t see the problem.

Donald Trump got elected because of over 30 years of “lesser of two evils” voting.  He got elected because a corporate dinosaur rigged the primary against and ACTUAL person standing up for the common man (and who you whole-heartedly supported.  As Julian Assange pwned your ass with, someone you gave $1 million to), and was so disliked by her own party that she couldn’t fill up a high school gym.  Meanwhile, her primary opponent filled up stadiums.  Her and her party used every trick in the book, along with the fact that the Democratic Party is nothing but corporate shills to make it so people couldn’t vote if they weren’t registered Democrats, the superdelegates were already in Shillary’s pocket, and that she actually OWNS the DNC!  Did the revelation from Donna Brazile chap your ass?  Exposing that corporate bitch for what she is?

The orange-haired buffoon got elected because Hillary was so arrogant to just assume that the rust-belt states had her back and would stand with her, so she didn’t campaign there, while her opponent campaigned hard and actually talked to people there.  You know, something neither you nor Hillary know anything about doing.  I kinda wonder what an actual conversation with either of you would be like.  Her especially since she’s a corporate drone.  Can’t input the talking points if she’s talking to a real person and not a teleprompter.

Let’s be honest, Bill, you’re nothing but an out-of-touch dinosaur, along with all the other Corporate Democrat dinosaurs who are mad at the kids for not standing with you.  Except we aren’t kids anymore, Bill.  We’re grown-ass adults, and now we can vote, and we can choose to stay home and not support someone we hate.  That’s something we can do!  I know, shocking stuff.  So bourgeois liberals like you get all mad and instead of actually looking at the reasons why, you do what the regressive left you have gone after does – you attack those who don’t agree with you.  You attack the youth for not towing the line.

Fuck you, Bill.  It saddens me that someone I used to think was one of the good guys is now just another tool of the worst aspects of this country.  Just like Nancy Pelosi (the bitch who needs to go) and the woman you gave more money than people like me will likely ever see in our lives to, Hillary Clinton.

Until next time, a quote,

“We’re really sorry we suck so much.  I mean, it’s not like we jacked up college tuition prices or destroyed the manufacturing industry, started two quagmire wars, gutted the unions, destroyed the global economy, and left our offspring with an environmentally devastated planet stripped of its natural resources.  Man, it would be crazy if there was a generation that recklessly awful, huh?” – Millennials: We Suck and We’re Sorry

Peace out,

Maverick

Advertisements

SIONR: Anime Dubs Are Better Than Subs

The worst part about anime critique on YouTube is that virtually all of the ones that I see are in Japanese with subtitles.  There are SO many people online who will swear up and down that watching with subs is the “true” way to watch it.  And if you don’t do that, you’re just some philistine pleb who has no opinion worth considering.  I hate that to no end.  Why?  Because all the anime that I love, the dub kicks the living shit out of the sub in every conceivable way.

The big one people go to in regards to this topic is Cowboy Bebop.  Sure, that’s the best example.  The dub is objectively better than the sub.  But I can put every series on my Top 20 Favorite Anime List (linked here) next to its Japanese language counterpart and watch the Dub do it better.  Before you say that this is just my opinion – sure, whatever.  But seriously, watch the series on that list in both languages and tell me which sticks out to you more.

One of the ones that really sticks out to me is Black Lagoon.  That series had some of the craziest talent in the world putting their absolute all into it.  You have anime veterans like Brad Swaile doing the voice of the main character.  This guy has such a history in this medium that you can’t talk about the growth of it in America without him.  He’s been in everything.  Every character in there is pitch perfect, and the voice-work is downright haunting.  I think about the episode inside the submarine, where Revy is telling her dark story to Rock, and listen to her voice.  Or when Dutch is on the phone with the Neo-Nazi who got him that job.  It’s all amazing.  Or when the head of the Russian mob in Roanapur and her dialogue with the vampire child who comes to kill her as he dies.  Yeah, the Japanese can’t hold a pin to that.

One that catches me in why people prefer the Japanese to English is Steins;Gate.  In my eyes, Okabe can ONLY be voiced by J Michael Tatum.  There’s no one else.  That man has a gift at capturing the subtle balance between legitimate character and the madness that he exudes without going overboard.  You still find him to be believable.  Seeing his facade of a mad scientist crumbling around him as he gets deeper into the realm of time travel makes the dilemma he’s facing that much more heart-wrenching.  You see the mental toll it is exerting on Okabe, and feel him losing grip on what’s the right thing to do anymore.  I cannot think of any other voice actor who could do that the way J. Michael Tatum does.

It blows my mind the fact that the dub for Beck: Mongolian Chop Squad is so amazing.  One thing that any otaku cringes at is when there is TERRIBLE musical dubbing into English.  We’ve all been there.  You hear bad voice actors doing bad versions of music clearly not written with English in mind.  So a series about a band with the center-piece being their music had all the recipes for complete failure.  But it works!  Holy fuck does it work!  It’s a testament to the voice actors they got to sing, and the person who did the dubbing in how good that turned out.  It could EASILY have been the cringiest anime dub in history.  Not to mention, since two characters in the series are supposed to have lived in America, the Japanese version has some pretty painful Engrish in there.  It’s kind of ironic that because of it being in English, those scenes flow infinitely better.  I always love in Japanese films (that I do watch with subtitles.  For whatever reason, anime no, foreign films yes for subtitles) when they have terribly done English.

Then, of course, there is Baccano.  As I am to understand it, the Japanese cast really did put in their all into these performances.  But it’s clear even they knew that the English version of this would be superior in every way.  Every voice actor in this series fits perfectly.  Pitch-perfect, they bring their characters’ to life in a way that I genuinely cannot think of who else could.  Firo is my personal favorite.  That New York flavor of snide, arrogant, and cocky just shows through.

Speaking of people fitting the role perfectly, the greatest dub on the list I made, by far and away, is Wolf’s Rain.  That series has every single major dub hitter from that time.  We have Steve Blum, Johnny Bosch, Crispin Freeman, Mona Marshall, Mary McGlynn, Kari Wahlgren, and so many more.  Every single person who was the best name in the business at the time that that series was dubbed had a role there, major or minor.  Most people don’t appreciate what it means for a series to be “star-studded,” even if it’s just voice-actors.  That series was.  The best of the best, and they brought their best work to the table.  For a series that was so deep in themes and darkness, bringing that to light in a way that made you feel for every character was a testament to the skill of those involved.

Maybe this is just because of my very high standards, but I have only seen one series, ONE, where the Japanese version blows the English out of the water.  And that’s because the ADR director for it sucked – High School of the Dead.  The English in that show was some of the worst I have ever heard.  It blows my mind.  But then I look at who did the dub work, and then I realize why.  It was from one of the worst ADR directors in anime history, who has churned out some of the worst dubs of all time in series that did not deserve it.  Goes to show the power of what a good director can do.  Because all the talent in the world can’t save you if the person helming the effort is crap.

You don’t have the remind me that this is my opinion.  I know.  But since my standards for anime are already high, that means that my standards for the voice-work are high as well.  And for people to say that if you don’t watch it with subtitles, you are somehow doing a disservice to the medium just blows my mind.  Or that, bafflingly, the Japanese version is always better, is arrogant to say the least.  Don’t go thinking I am shitting on the Japanese who do the voice-work.  I’m not.  There is no doubt in my mind that in the vast ocean of anime garbage out there, there are a ton with infinitely better English.  There’s so much bargain-bin crap that that wouldn’t surprise me one bit.

Until next time, a quote,

“You sing off-key.” – Spike Spiegel, Cowboy Bebop

Peace out,

Maverick

SIONR: The Stupid Reaction to Black Cat in ‘Marvel’s Spider-Man’ DLC

Some of you may have noticed I don’t go after the SJW community all that much anymore.  There’s a reason for that.  For starters, I don’t have anything new to say.  It’s all kind of the same, at this point.  Doesn’t matter, anyway.  Nobody listens.  Anybody who disagrees with the social justice community is just ruled out as “alt-right” or some other buzzword that hasn’t been used to the point that it means nothing anymore.  But there is another side to it.  It’s because I don’t have a very high opinion of the anti-SJW community anymore.  They are just as bad as the social justice feminists that they deride.

It’s funny, but I remember when all of these groups came together during #GamerGate, and then subsequently went apart after it became clear that there was nothing to be gained from further cooperation.  I said this would happen during a live-stream I used to be a part of, back in the day.  My compatriots didn’t believe me then.  Wonder what they think now.

You all may be wondering – what does this have to do with the title of this post?  I’ll tell you.  See, a fair amount of comic book fans are all up in arms.  Why?  Because the new design for Black Cat in Sony’s exclusive Marvel’s Spider-Man doesn’t have her boobs on display!  That’s right, her cleavage isn’t hanging out of the outfit, so naturally they are all conspiracy theorizing that it is a big SJW conspiracy.  Saying that the character was written by the chick who said the tea-bag mod in GTA Online was “virtual rape.”  It is so frustrating to see this shit everywhere.

For starters, where are they getting that this character isn’t the same as she has always been?  I mean, did you play the game?  She is flirty as fuck with Parker.  Every audio-log you get on her quest in the main game has her talking in that sultry way where you know she is trying to goad Spider on.  It also hints of their past and how it was pretty complicated.

Next, have you seen her outfit?  Yeah, the outfit that is skin-tight, black, hugging every curve, that is not meant to be sultry at all.  Nope!  Not a little!  Morons.  Yeah, her boobs aren’t hanging out.  So that means…SJW?  I swear, these people can’t keep their bullshit straight.

Finally, did nobody pay attention to how this game is structured?  It’s definitely friendly for younger people.  Hell, the first outfit you have is pretty beat-for-beat similar to the one from The Animated Series.  Wanna know something interesting about that, for those who didn’t grow up in the 90’s?  In it, Black Cat didn’t have her boobs hanging out!  This game definitely breathes a vibe that it is modeled after the old animated series.  It wants to be played by kids.  Sure, the rating is T for teens, but how much foul language do you see in that game?  Not much.  It’s pretty marketable to the crowd it was intended.  You know what that means?  It means that you won’t have a character in it who has her tits hanging out!  Because that isn’t marketable to kids!  Did nobody pay attention?

In The Animated Series, Black Cat and Spider’s flirtatious relationship is all in subtext.  There’s a reason for that.  Because the series was made for kids, but there are teenagers in the audience who think that she is hot with that skin-tight black outfit.  It’s the same here!  I’m sorry that all the comic book nerds don’t get to cum in their pants over her.  I’m sure it must be so hard for you.

Grow the fuck up.

Until next time, a quote,

“Oh, poor Spider.  I know I disappointed you when I couldn’t go straight, but why mess with perfection?” – Black Cat, Marvel’s Spider-Man

Peace out,

Maverick

SIONL: Death Stranding is Gonna Explode

The Tokyo Game Show just happened, and we got to see a new trailer for Kojima’s latest project, Death Stranding.  While morons are going to say that they don’t understand (seriously, I saw a trailer where someone outright said they watched the trailer three times and still didn’t understand it.  What was so fucking complicated?!) what this is, I couldn’t be more stoked.  In this age where everyone wants to have all their questions spoon-fed to them with all the creative mystery of a ham sandwich, Kojima is keeping all his cards close.  And praise that man for it!  The mystery has my anticipation so fucking high.

Sony has been on such a massive winning streak lately with their exclusives.  This year has had three, and all three were massively successful.  And good.  God of War was an engaging narrative and a beautiful story of a father and son.  Detroit: Become Human was David Cage doing his thing, and while it isn’t for everyone, for those who can appreciate his craft, it was pretty awesome.  Finally, we got Marvel’s Spider-Man.  Easily the best game in its genre, and with three pieces of DLC that the devs have promised are not just busy work but substantive story expansions, it isn’t done yet.

Last year, we had two major exclusives from Sony, both of which were so good that I had the hardest time ever picking which was my favorite.  My favorite and second-favorite games of last year, they were – Persona 5 and Horizon: Zero Dawn.  It seems that Sony is really banking on great exclusives now, and hot shit!  There is some of the best quality material I have seen in YEARS coming from them.  And more is coming.  This year at E3, we got to see three major gameplay demos from three of their biggest upcoming projects – Ghost of Tsushima, The Last of Us: Part 2, and Kojima’s latest project, Death Stranding.

I have no reason to believe that the first two listed are not going to be amazing.  This tactic of showing demos specifically to get people to see what the quality they can expect is brilliant, in my book.  Sure, fast-paced trailers with big, bombastic set-pieces are fun and all, but that’s not my jam.  I like a trailer that feels like I am diving in and seeing what I am getting for my money.  Already I can hear people typing, asking why I am taking Kojima’s shtick of giving very little substantive info in his trailers.  Well, that’s a different kind of charm.

Here’s the thing to know – anyone who knows videos games knows that Hideo Kojima is something of an insane perfectionist.  If a game doesn’t come out to the exact quality he wants, he won’t release it.  The only reason MGSV released half-finished was because of the fallout with Konami.  So his continual teasing, making the urge for nerdgasm so strong just titillates me so much. And with the most recent trailer, there is no doubt in my mind – this game is going to be unbelievable!  It will be a hallmark game that will define this latest console generation, along with the new direction Sony is taking.  While Microsoft scrounges in the dirt for exclusives, and Nintendo keeps remaking the same games, over and over again with the fewest tertiary changes, Sony is giving massive budgets to developers who want to do amazing things.  And it’s working!  It’s paying massive dividends.

At the beginning of the year, God of War smashed sales records.  Just recently, Marvel’s Spider-Man did as well.  Perhaps gamers are figuring out that Sony’s new direction of amazing exclusives is churning out some of the best games in generations?  A thought.  Meanwhile, in the case of Death Stranding, I am certain beyond any doubt that this game is going to explode.  Just explode.  The new trailer shows so much.  For starters, Troy Baker is back!  Anything with him in it, at his A-game, I immediately know is going to be amazing.  He is easily my favorite male voice actor right now.  He can pretty-much do no wrong.  But as the YouTuber YongYea figured out, Stefanie Joosten, of Quiet fame from MGSV is back as well!  The cast for this game couldn’t possibly be anymore set.  On name recognition alone, this game is going to sell.  We have Norman Reedus, who will appeal to Boondock Saints fans, and The Walking Dead fans.  We have Guillermo Del Toro who is only donating his likeness to the game, but that will appeal to fans of his films.  We have Lea Seydoux, who will appeal to fans of French films.  She’s a crazy talented actress.  We have Mads Mikkelsen, who will appeal to Casino Royale fans.  Lastly, we have Kojima himself as the creator, who will appeal to Metal Gear Solid fans.  With this much weight behind it, this game is almost certain to set some sales records.  It will premiere to massive numbers.

This couldn’t have me more excited.  Knowing that Troy Baker is back, as a villain who has a kind of asshole charm to him, this game is bringing so much to the table.  And the mysteries keep piling up.  So, what is this weird fluidic substance, and it’s connection to the other world?  How can certain people control it?  What are these monsters that wander the landscape, some of whom can be seen, and other can’t?  What is Mad Mikkelsen’s connection to it all?  The panel said that he is the main villain of the story.  All the questions I could ask for.

But the real beauty of it all is that the wait won’t be much longer!  Kojima has said that there has been no delay in the game.  Some time ago, he said that his game was going to be finished before the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo.  At first I wondered if that was a reference to something I figured he might, but wrote that off.  But at the end of the panel, he confirmed my suspicion.  He said that the game is going to be finished to correlate with the date that the legendary anime film Akira was set.  Know what that means?  2019 confirmed!  I couldn’t be more excited.  I can feel it, the next trailer is going to have a release date.  This will be the one.  I cannot wait to get my hands on it.

Until next time, a quote,

“Well shit, I had a special surprise prepped and everything, but it looks to me like your hands are full.  It’s no biggie.  We can always tweak the rules a bit.” – The Man With the Golden Mask, Death Stranding

Peace out,

Maverick

SIONL: Bentley is the Best Disabled Character in Gaming

If you don’t know who I’m talking about, let me introduce you to the brains of the operation for the Cooper Gang, from the Sly franchise.  Bentley is the third in the initial team that is made up of Sly Cooper, The Murray, and himself.  While Sly is the thief skills of the operation, and Murray is the muscle, Bentley is the brains.  When we see him in the first game, he is only a voice, never out in the field.  The second game has us getting to take him out on missions, and while he is sometimes a nervous wreck, he always gives it his all to get the job done.

At the end of Sly 2: Band of Thieves, he ends up being the final victim of the final boss.  After you defeat her, she gets in one last hit on him, which results in him being a paraplegic.  They could have made Bentley a pathetic character that you only ever feel sorry for.  But no!  Instead, he becomes the definition of a reference that I don’t know how many of you will understand – handi-capable.  His chair become an extension of himself, and right from the beginning, you see that being put in there hasn’t slowed him down one bit!

Sly 3: Honor Among Thieves begins with him and Sly being back together, but without Murray.  He holds himself responsible for what happened to him, and left to go partake of a life of meditation.  The reunion between them is genuinely touching.  While there is the goal of getting Murray with them for their latest big score, you do feel like he is sad to have lost his friend when they are reunited.  But my favorite scene is when he is on a mission with Penelope, a newcomer to the team and his crush.

There is this great scene where she is fawning all over Sly, implying that it was him who taught Bentley his tech skills.  One of his weak points is his pride, so Bentley scoffs at the notion and points out that he is the brains of the outfit and is damn proud of it.  Penelope correctly calls that for what it is – him being jealous.  Partly because her being into Sly (a common reaction of females they come across), but also because it is the only time that we see Bentley have self-pity.  He admits that he misses his mobility and wishes he didn’t have to live the way he does.  It leads to a great moment of Penelope telling him about all the other things he can do.

After regaining his composure, Penelope mentions that they won’t get anywhere standing around, stopping to apologize for saying standing.  This is where my bit that caused me to love the character comes into play.  He castigates her for the apology, saying he is perfectly aware that it is a colloquialism and he knows what the usage is.  That’s awesome!  None of this SJW self-pity and need to make themselves feel special crap.  He doesn’t confront the feeling of wishing he was not where he is, but is able to get himself back on his feet and doesn’t want others to pity him.  It’s a great scene.

Everywhere I look, there are people who want gaming character to be nothing but whatever their identifying issue is.  Their race, their sexuality, their gender.  Instead, we have a guy who kicks ass, is damn smart, and doesn’t want pity from anybody else because he is able to take care of himself.  There is even a great bit at the end of the mission where Penelope is blinded, and his quick-thinking is what saves the day.  But he doesn’t feel the need to rub her nose in it.  Instead, he decides to look after his teammate and make sure she isn’t permanently blinded.

He isn’t perfect, and makes mistakes, but the game has him going out of his way to try and fix those mistakes, and admitting when he needs help from others because he’s gotten himself in a bit of a hole.  Plus, we see the character evolve past the scared newbie to field work, into a capable part of the team who takes on VERY complicated tasks with his teammates as he needs them.  Everyone in the team recognizes that they are better together than apart.  It’s great stuff.

Meanwhile, in “intersectional” or “woke” movies like The Last Jedi, we have Tumbrina woman getting a ton of people killed and when a guy takes her to task for it, Leia Poppins (if you’ve seen the movie, you know why that reference exists) shoots him in the back.  Because Woman Power!  Oh, and let’s not forget Rey the Mary Sue!  She only just learned about The Force a matter of days ago, and she’s already so good at it that she doesn’t even require training.  She can just do everything!  Moving mountains, no problem!

I’ll take Bentley and his attitude ANY day over that garbage.

Until next time, a quote,

“I’m the brains of this operation.” – Bentley, Sly 3: Honor Among Thieves

Peace out,

Maverick

SIONR: Venom is NOT Going to be R-Rated

I couldn’t believe it when I saw the headlines.  News outlet after news outlet confirming my worst fears.  A movie based on one of the most violent anti-heroes in the Marvel comic book universe is going to be PG-13.  Oh, I’m sorry, it’s going to be “hard PG-13.”  Fuck that noise!  Yeah right!  That’s bullshit meant to try and appease the fans who actually were expecting legitimate violence.  You know, like the comic book character has.  But nope!  That is all a lie.  A depressing, corporate lie.  Calling it right now, this is not going to have a single thing that risks anything when it comes to their latest work.  Because why take any risks, when you can make more money down the road?!

The success of films like Deadpool, Deadpool 2, and Logan really has seemed to slip the minds of Hollywood producers.  Instead of thinking that there is a market for this stuff among old-school comic book nerds, they choose to completely turn a blind eye.  If that were actually the case.  I think we all know the real truth here.  Sony wants to get some of the sweet MCU cheddar.  It’s pretty clear that, while they say they are going to be going away from Marvel for their next Spider-Man films, they obviously aren’t.  No fucking way.  Homecoming was WAY too much of a success for them not to notice that these people got it going on.  So instead of doing something that is an ACTUAL risk, they choose to play it safe and market on risque.  Well fuck you, Sony!  I see through your tricks, and I’m not biting!

Not much to say here, really.  All of that potential.  You have Venom talking in the trailer about killing people and brutally dismembering them.  Now we know, don’t we?!  It was all talk!  The actual film is going to have PG-13 violence.  PG-13, bloodless, “tasteful” violence.  What a waste of a fucking concept.  Is this all that Hollywood can do at this point?  That’s not me just trying to be an asshole.  I actually want to know.

I talked in a previous post about how Hollywood is going so far out of their way to make movies that are safe for marketing in China. As I am to understand it, both Deadpool and Logan were not.  So, despite them being smashing successes here in the US, they died overseas.  And because all Sony film studios know how to do is to tow whatever line they think will make them the most money (and has produced some of the biggest piles of shit in recent memory), we get to see a good concept be given the finger.

Well I’m not playing, Sony!  Fuck Venom!  I’m not seeing it.  At least not in theaters.  Maybe I’ll Netflix it when it comes out.  And all of you shouldn’t either!  If you pay money to see this dumpster fire in theaters, you are tacitly admitting to Sony that if they do this, the fans are just going to accept it.  Go ahead, fuck what we love up the ass!  We’ll still pay for it!  That’s what you’re saying when you do that.  I refuse to be a part of this chicanery!  You all do what you want, I’m not playing.

There was real potential here.  A Venom movie about all the offspring of the titular character, culminating in Venom v Carnage.  Now THAT is a fight I can go for!  So long as Carnage has a body and guts count that would make the Saw movies blush!  That’s his character in the comics!  But instead, we have PG-13 violence.  More of that Hunger Games kinda violence.  That’s the Venom you all get.  Are you satisfied.  If you give Sony your money, then that tells them that the answer is yes.

Oh, and all the shill movie news websites saying this is a good thing – fuck you!  Fuck right off with that crap.  You all want the precious advertising money.  We’ve seen how Sony will try and manipulate the public through the media.  Just look at all the YouTube personalities that who came out saying that Ghostbusters (2016) was funny!  It wasn’t!  It was a giant pile of shit, just like pretty much everything else that comes out of your talentless studio!  It is so patently obvious that you are doing whatever you can to try and make it out to be less shit than it will be.

Like I said, not going to see it.  Not doing a review on it.  This movie is dead to me, unless the voices I trust come out with reviews that say that this movie beat the fucking odds in a spectacular way.  But they won’t.  It’s going to suck.  Thankfully, one news magazine had the right thoughts on this.  I’ll close out with that.

Until next time, a quote,

“Right now, Venom is shaping up to be one of 2018’s biggest disasters, and it’s not just because the “turd in the wind” line is what’s sufficing for humor in the movie.” – Matt Goldberg

Peace out,

Maverick

SIONR: I Don’t Think Venom Will Be An R-Rated Movie

I really don’t, and it’s bugging me.  There was a new trailer released today.  The CG is polished, the character is definitely looking the part.  We see our villain, the Riot symbiote, and we get to hear Venom have very violent talks with people.  All of that stuff should be excellent to think about.  But there is something that keeps dogging on me.  Something that I can’t get out of my head, and at this point it is REALLY starting to eat away at me.  It’s the culmination of a bunch of things I have seen that got me to this sudden realization – I don’t think that this is going to be the R-rated movie we were promised.

The first clue was Tom Hardy saying that he got into this role because of his son.  Which means that he intends for the kiddo to see this movie.  Which means that he feels it is kid appropriate.  That doesn’t give me much confidence.

Next up was the trailer itself.  There are a number of things that caught my attention.  First, we keep being told about violence, but we never see any.  In fact, some of what we see contradicts the violence that is alluded to.  Example – we have Venom talking to a dude about eating his organs.  That sounds like fun!  Let’s see some violent action!  Oh wait, you see a couple seconds later him throw the dude.  It’s so fast that I didn’t catch it the first time, but I tend to rewatch things over and over.  It’s a bad habit.  It’s why I should avoid trailers, probably.  Especially since modern trailers tend to ruin the whole damn film.

Then there is a scene where Riot is letting loose with its giant clawed arms.  It is slashing outward at everyone who is directly in front of it.  Awesome!  Oh wait, it shows everyone being knocked over.  What?!  You would be dismembering everyone in that room!  Where’s the blood?!  Why is there not a single drop of blood in any of that?!  That scene in-particular really is rubbing me the wrong way.  The bulk of the people in that room should be headless, or mutilated in some horrible way.  But they’re not! You can see that they’re not!  No blood.  No gore.  No nothing!

Finally, we have this bit where Venom is accosting what I presume to be a robber or something.  He is talking about how he is going to rip his arms and legs off, then his face off and roll him down the street like a turd.  That line, by the way, was pretty great.  That’s Venom!  But as he’s biting down, it cuts away.  Okay, fine.  This is a trailer for all audiences, so that makes sense.  Here’s the problem – if he actually did this, there should be blood everywhere!  Just, everywhere.  That woman at the check-out stand should be horrified, with blood all over either her register or that and her.  It would make Tom Hardy’s line there trying to play it off that much better. Because he just did this horrible thing, then says “bye, Mrs. Chang!”  Like how in Deadpool you have Colossus grilling the titular character about his violent methods, and him trying to play it off, only for a dude who was splattered all over the billboard to come crashing down.  That was funny!  Making it a little more grotesque would still make that work.

You know what this movie needs, if it is going to sell how violent it is?  A Red Band trailer.  Now more than ever.  Because I am convinced that all the people who think this is going to be a crazy violent superhero film was duped.  I’m one of them!  I genuinely believed the articles talking about this.  But now I am almost positive that that isn’t what is going to happen.  This movie is going to be mass-market appeal.  The nerds who like Venom for the violent bastard he is?  Fuck them!  Gotta make a family feature!  Yay….

I am happy that they aren’t just jumping right into Carnage in this movie.  It’s taking the comic story of all the offspring of Venom.  That’s kinda neat.  I am also really liking the design of this character.  Clearing up the voice to show that it is Tom Hardy is also really great.  It kills me that I am so reserved, because it’s clear that Tom Hardy is genuinely trying in this film.  Nothing in the trailer tells me he isn’t putting his all into this performance.  But this movie has been marketed as another entry into the violent superhero genre, and now I am almost dead-certain that that isn’t how this is going to play out.  That bums me.

Does this mean that the film will suck?  No.  But fucking with people’s expectations is going to REALLY hurt it in reviews.  If Sony is just blowing smoke about the violence in this movie, I think they should come out now and make a statement about it.  Better to get this expectation tempered before the reviews come out and crucify the film.  Head it off.  Otherwise, put out a Red Band trailer.  Let the adults who are expecting this to be violent get a little vindication.  Just a thought.

Until next time, a quote,

“So many sacs, so little time.” – Venom, Venom

Peace out,

Maverick