Lucien Cooks: Chicken Bacon Alfredo German Noodles

I have had one of my favorite people staying with me lately.  It’s a girl who has decided to take over my guest room while she waits for the results of the bar exam.  And while she waits to do that, I am getting to flex my cooking muscles.  I love to have an audience when I make food, and having that audience be a hot girl makes a lot of difference.  Which brings me to today’s creation.

Since she is staying with me, she is helping to pay for the groceries.  And since she had the day off from the DA’s office, she decided to research obscure markets for us to check out.  Since she is a trendy Californian, she actually wants food with ingredients that you can pronounce.  Weird, right?  Why can’t she just accept that crappy American junk with ingredients that you couldn’t pronounce with a phonetic translation?  Fuck if I know.  What she found was an Eastern European market in my town that I had never heard of.  As I love a good adventure and her company I figured – fuck it, let’s go see what I can come up with!  And that is how we ended up at one of the most interesting places I have ever been.  Got a TON of pics from there.  If you want to see it, go to my About page and check out my Instagram page.  Trust me, you’ll find some weird shit, some random shit, food, and my cat.  Because all lonely late-20’s asshole introverts have a cat, right?  Love that pussy.  She’s such a bitch.  She’s great.  But I digress.

At the very niche market we came across real noodles!  With ingredients that are normal!  Not hydroxinated shit in here.  Just real stuff.  So I got some, along with these wafer cookies that were SO good!  I brought them home, and decided that I would make some noodles for dinner tonight.  Let me show you want I came up with.

I know that doesn’t look like much, but it was so awesome!  I used a recipe I found on Facebook from Tasty One-Pot.  It involves bacon, chicken, and noodles.  There was supposed to be spinach in there too, but I decided to ax that because I don’t have any and am too lazy to get some.  Let me tell you – it was so good!  Not only that, but I had it with some Russian soda.  That’s right, soda from Russia.  Tonight was a very strange experience.  But so worth it.

Let that be my lesson.  I am introverted as fuck.  But sometimes, you just need a little push to do something that you will remember.  I will keep be cherishing these memories I have with her for a long time.  It will make it that much sadder when I take her to the airport and watch her leave again.  But at least this means that I may get to see her again in my neck of the woods.  I want to know what weird markets you all have gone to and the weird shit you got there, so let me know in the Comments.

Until next time, a quote,

“Whatever you do, don’t talk about the war!” – Basil Fawlty, Fawlty Towers

Peace out,



Lucien Cooks: Beef Stew

I’ve been kinda bored of the typical things that I have been posting on for so long.  Talking about SJW bullshit is boring.  I still enjoy doing reviews on this site, and that isn’t going anywhere.  And I’m sure I’ll find stupid SJW nonsense to talk about.  However, there is currently a beautiful woman staying with me.  She is a dear friend, and having company in my guest room at my new apartment is a fantastic thing.  But more than that, I now have someone living with me who is compelling me to put my cooking talents to work.  See, I love to cook.  I love it so much.  I am so fucking good at it.  No joke, I keep impressing myself to trying out things that are ridiculously complicated just so I can push the limits of my skills.

So when I got my new crockpot, my girlfriend told me that I should make beef stew.  I love beef stew.  Like, a lot.  Now that I am on my own, I get to have the ingredients that I want to have in it.  Can’t wait to do that for beef stroganoff and nix the mushrooms.  Seriously, mum, why do you insist on putting those in there?!  Mushrooms are so gross.  But I digress.  I looked up a simple recipe, and got to work this morning chopping up the ingredients and putting them in.

Now, for these posts, I won’t be giving you an ingredient breakdown for the recipe.  After all, I got all this shit from the Internet.  It’s easy to find.  Instead, this is going to be me basically posting it and talking about what I did specifically in making the dish that digresses from the recipe.  The thing is, I’m not great at following recipes.  I basically get the gist of them down, then almost-immediately start experimenting when I do it my way.  After all, so much of recipes is tedious and unnecessary.  Like, I don’t blend things after adding each individual egg.  That’s stupid.  So these posts is going to show you my creations, and talk about the experience of making it.  If that sounds boring to you, feel free to peace out now.  With that said, let’s show you the results of my beef stew!

Oh yeah!  This turned out so well!  Better than I could have ever anticipated!  The first comment I got on this when I posted it on Facebook is that I need a fork and knife for this stew.  And yeah, it is pretty chunky.  You know what, that’s fine by me!  I cut up my potatoes a little larger than was necessary, won’t lie.  See, I’m a giant.  So tiny cutting on food is a totally alien concept to me.  Being right under the cusp of seven feet tall, it takes a lot to feed me.  Especially since I stay active.  Now I have enough to feed me for at least a few days!  Hell yeah!

Let’s talk about where I deviated from the recipe.  First off, I nixed the celery.  Neat fact – I don’t like celery.  Like, at all.  It’s stringy and tastes bad.  That’s my honest-to-Groj thoughts on the stuff.  It’s gross.  And since this is my stew, I can put in whatever I want!  Loving that. Also, did you know that you can buy carrots pre-cut!  That’s awesome!  I can be lazy and it totally works!  Lazy culture may bug me sometimes, but getting to save 10 minutes chopping up carrots goes a long way.  They cut them like Ruffles, but whatever.  Tastes good to me.

Also, I guess I was supposed to cover the meat in flour.  I didn’t do that.  I just threw the flour in there on top of everything.  There are days where I wonder if my stupid-ass decisions with making food where I totally forget steps or just do things wrong don’t end up in most of my food sucking.  For whatever reason, it works out.  Life is strange like that.

I put the crock pot on high for about 5 hours or so.  I honestly wasn’t keeping that diligent of track.  The whole idea is that this is a recipe that I’ll be able to make in the future and just leave in the crock pot on low when I go to work in the morning.  The idea of coming home to food just tickles me pink.

Thought about this, but I am going to rate my own creations.  In the future, when I have more people around eating stuff I make, I’ll add their verdicts here as well.  My girly-mate is out at the moment.  This was a fun recipe.  And I want to hear about how your cooking projects have turned out as well.

Final Verdict
8 out of 10

Peace out,