This franchise needs to die. This franchise needs to fucking die right the fuck now. It needs to die the death of a thousand cuts. I thought that the prequels ruined this franchise, but I was wrong. The new films did. And before you write this off as me just being some Red Pill guy who hates the movie because wahmen, don’t. I hate this franchise now for a whole bunch of other reasons. Though I do think that Rey is boring and you could cut her from the most recent numbered film and nothing would have changed. Not really. Daisy Ridley can’t act, but that’s not her fault. Emma Watson can’t either, and everyone loves her too. But this franchise needs to go, and Disney has told us that it’s not going to. Ugh…
What am I talking about? I’m talking about the fact that Disney just announced that there are three more numbered films being made. Groj only knows how many side-movies that means too. You’d think they would have learned their lesson after what a financial disaster Solo was. Well, I suppose they kind of did. They realized that the best way to make these movies is to just feed the fandom fan service to make them cum in their pants. That’s why you have J.J. Abrams back in the driver’s seat. Rian Johnson tried to do something different and failed so spectacularly that J.J. outright said that he is going to retcon the ending to the previous numbered film for the next movie coming out this December. Wow. That’s pretty bad. The trailer was boring and stupid, and it ends with the biggest fan service moment of all time – the Emperor laughing! How did he survive being atomized in the Death Star? I’m sure the answer will be stupid, but the fanbase doesn’t care. They will cum in their pants just like Disney wants them to.
See, that’s the thing about Star Wars fans. They are die-fucking-hard. It doesn’t matter how stupid you makes these movies, how ridiculous the plot is, they will eat it up. They will eat that shit sundae and make videos on YouTube defending them. Hell, there was one where someone said the most recent numbered film was the best in the entire franchise. J.J. Abrams said you don’t like it, you hate women. This fanbase is so utterly exploitable. Even Marvel isn’t this easy to cash-grab. Disney seems to have realized where they hit their limit and is now toning it back. But not Star Wars. You can feel slop to these people for eons and they won’t care. It blows my mind. Part of why I have always avoided fandoms. These bitches be crazy!
Never mind that The Force Awakens was a mediocre film at best. It had the Millennium Falcon! Never mind that Rogue One was genuinely bad for two acts, with only the final battle sequence being cool. Never mind that The Last Jedi was a giant dumpster fire that was awful in every way, or that Solo was butt ugly to look at and boring. They are still cheering that three more films are being made. They don’t care. I wonder what it would take for them to give up on the franchise. I really do. Disney has realized that taking risks with this license is a bad thing, so you know that it’s going to be nothing but fan service for years. Is there ever a point where that isn’t enough? When boring movies aren’t able to be sold to the fanbase just based on what pandering you put in there? That’s not a rhetorical question. I really want to know.
From where I’m standing, this franchise needs to fucking die! It’s past the point where it is able to be enjoyed on any level. The fan service does nothing for me. The films have gone from mediocre and have been getting progressively worse. Sure, Solo wasn’t even close to as bad as The Last Jedi, but the fact that it was so boring and I can’t remember the plot hardly at all is kind of worse. I can at least remember everything about the former movie. Especially the scene where Leia becomes Mary fucking Poppins to go back into the ship. That was so funny to me when I watched it. I was laughing so hard in the theater when that happened. Got dirty looks from fanboys, but whatever. If you can’t see why that’s so stupid, I pity you.
This franchise should have died thirty years ago. No prequels, no sequels, just death. Let it die with some fucking dignity. Oh wait, this is modern Disney we’re talking about. You know, where every one of their classic cartoon films is being remade as live-action cinematic abortion. EVERY single one of their live-action films has sucked. Badly. Disney can’t let anything die. Then they’d have to do something original, and I don’t think they even know how to do that at this point. Things to ruminate on, eh? I refuse to partake in any of this. I said in my Solo review that that’s it. No more. I won’t let me friend give any of his money on my behalf (he convinced me to go on the pretense that he would pay my way) to see these movies when they are either going to range from okay to a turd sandwich. I’m done. Hopefully you are too.
Until next time, a quote,
“Yeah, this really sucks!” – Beavis and Butthead