Musical Insanity: Ain’t Gonna Pee Pee My Bed Tonight

I’ve done a fair few of these.  Not many recently, but that’s because you really have to work pretty hard to actually weird me out anymore.  I’ve watched Two Girls, One Cup.  I’ve watched the Squatty Potty rainbow ice cream shitting unicorn ad.  I’ve become so corrupted by the Internet that genuinely getting my attention takes work.  The one from whatever country with the people in animal masks still haunts my nightmares, but that’s neither here nor there.  But when I saw this video on the Drunken Peasants podcast, I knew that I would have a reaction to this.  So I stopped the video and decided to take this madness in for myself.  Let’s share in this moment together.

It’s kind of an overused line at this point, but what the fuck did I just watch?  It starts out with Raffi/Elvis here singing about how she is not going to be peeing in her bed tonight.  Okay.  That’s good, I guess.  Except for the fact that this pre-teen girl is gyrating her hips and stuff.  That’s kinda weird.  I mean, it was understood that Elvis doing that was meant to be sexually suggestive.  What is it when this kid does it?  But it gets better.

We have the adult entourage who comes in and tells us that they are are also not going to pee in their beds tonight.  That’s good.  I should hope that they are not going to be peeing in their beds tonight.  You know, unless it’s a sex thing.  But that’s still gross.  I mean, you gotta clean those sheets, dudes.  Why are you also singing about not peeing in your beds?  So we go from Raffi Elvis to The Raffi Carpenters in just a few seconds.  We then cut to another group of exclusively teenage and young adult girls singing about not peeing in their beds tonight.  This is even weirder!  I’m not saying that lesbian piss play is bad, but this is a family!  Why are you all talking about peeing in your beds?  Are you on such hard drugs that you lose your bladder control?!  Why the fuck is this a song?  The Raffi Brady Bunch is singing about pissing in their beds!  I genuinely don’t understand why this was a thing.

Was the goal here to tell children that peeing in your beds is something you should not do?  Definitely agree, but how is this song going to teach that?  Raffi at least used rhythm to teach kids to do stuff.  And it was practical shit.  Not pissing in your bed is a good moral but how is you singing about it going to help?!

Then we go back to Raffi Elvis gyrating again.  This is so fucking weird.  Except this time it’s more autistic shuffling, I guess?  This is the stuff they showed to Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange to break him.  If I had to watch this on loop forever it would break me pretty quick.  The gyrating gets more on point, which just makes it so much worse.  Elvis did that shit to be suggestive, little girl!  Are you trying to do that too?!  Clearly this was filmed in the 70’s, but I still wanna go through the video and tell that little girl not to tease the pedophiles.  It cannot end well.

More than that, I wanna what the story is behind this music video.  If ANY of the people who made this happen to find this post (it’s not the first time the maker of something I have criticized has come onto my blog to defend their creation), can you please explain the inception of this to me?  I don’t figure there was bad intention.  I figure it’s another situation like Derek Savage and you all have the best intention but still make something that is weird as fuck.  But what got this created?  I absolutely have to know.  Come on, Internet sleuths.  Help me figure this out.

Let’s talk about the background choreography.  It’s…terrible.  Just terrible.  Everyone’s timing is off and it’s pretty clear some of them are awkward as fuck about it.  It’s just them moving back and forth.  I get that this is a kind of family deal, but The Raffi Carpenter’s need to work on their stage performance, because when I stopped watching Raffi Elvis gyrate I was so amused by what I saw behind her.

And who the fuck is Raffi Gandalf?  That old fat guy in the white robe?!  This is so weird.  Did Mennonites make this?  He’s the only one in a white robe.  All the rest are in color-coordinated white and red.  What is his deal?!  This entire video has led me to so many questions.  I should not overanalyze this, but it’s impossible.  There are just too many things I wanna know.

Let me know what you all think in the Comments.  And if any of you find these people, send them this post and have them explain this to me, because I absolutely have to know.

Until next time a quote,

“I tried being normal once.  Worst two minutes of my life.” – Anonymous

Peace out,



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