You know what I hate – how Cracked went from a pretty funny website with funny articles and funny videos to being SJW shit. That’s what it is – SJW shit. I didn’t want that to happen, but it did. Same thing that happened to College Humor and pretty much every other “comedy” site on the Internet. After all, what comedy is better than PC comedy, am I right? In a recent video, Cracked decided to have a non-gamer come out and say that us gamers are ruining games. He claims that he is a gamer, but the reality is that he isn’t. He’s a poser, pretending that he has all the street cred in the world. What’s his street cred? He played Baldur’s Gate. Well, that sure does sell me. It would be funny if he didn’t contradict that statement in the video. I’ll share the video with you all, so you can’t say I’m taking things out of context. Let’s get to it.
Alright, buddy, you go right out of the gate saying something stupid. You say that video games are failing. By what metric? Financially? Fuck no. You say that they were supposed to surpass movies as the new art form. I would argue that they have. Hollywood films are churning out sequels, remakes, and reboots so fast that the moment something original comes out, I am stunned. Meanwhile, while this medium does have a lot of sequel, remake, and reboot bloat as well, at least it has engaging stories that I can get invested in and art design that makes these stories come to life in unique ways. What about video games is failing? He gets to his first assertion
Too much violence
That’s why games are failing? Is violence a little much in games, sometimes. For example, I love the game LA Noire, but even I admit that there was a ton of violence for no reason. It was like there were two games in there. The first one had me solving crimes by getting clues and interrogating witnesses. That part of the game was fucking awesome! Then there was a part of the game where I was chasing people, shooting people, and going through insane action set-pieces. That part of the game got a little repetitive. However, is the argument that violence is ruining gaming? If so, then that’s stupid.
He even shows a Tweet by Johnny McIntosh! Are you fucking kidding me?! This man’s credibility to know what the fuck he’s talking about is dying by the second. But I guess the argument is that too much video games are about violence. If all you see in games is the violence, that’s on you. As for me, while there are plenty of violent games that I love, the reason that I love them is because they tell unique stories. It is the story, the character development, and the narrative growth between the violence that gets my attention. But Hipster McGee’s brother in this video is defending Johnny McIntosh. Unreal. I want to punch this hipster faggot.
The anger about people’s reaction to Johnny McIntosh is bad and says bad things about gamers
For the days when Cracked was funny and poked fun at social justice. I remember those days. Granted, they were short-lived, but they happened. Hipster McGee’s brother is one of these people who says that he doesn’t like to call himself a gamer. Why? Because gamers are all dicks on the Internet. His words, not mine. No, dumb-dumb, it’s people who play video games as a hobby. You are the stupidest person I have ever seen. I hate how this guy is so thinly veiling his social justice bullshit behind a wall of trying to say something important about us gamers failing the industry. Still haven’t heard a single argument about something us gamers are concretely doing, aside from buying video games that are violent. And I have debunked that garbage.
He says that GamerGate was an “Internet harassment group with ties to white supremacy.” And his proof is…what, exactly? Oh, right, none! He just moves on from there without a single shred of evidence. Gee, that’s convenient. Oh, right, he’s an SJW. The day that they have anything approaching a nuanced argument is the day that my cat sprouts wings and flies. And, of course, GamerGate says lots of bad things about us gamers too. We are a terrible bunch of people, if you listen to this hipster and his ilk. He then makes this wonderfully stupid connection that games about killing people ties in to his assertion that us gamers are angry assholes. There are not enough faces or enough arms to facepalm how stupid that is. Yes, because all of us gamers are angry man-children who go into GameStop and tear things apart because of a bad game, right? What’s that? We don’t? And this guy is using the comments on ANYTHING as indicative of something other than the comments section of stuff being cancer? Right.
We don’t actually care about story
Fuck you! This is where the hipster faggot’s argument and his credibility just dies. He says that he grew up with Baldur’s Gate, yet us gamers don’t care about the story. Really? A game that is almost-entirely driven by story, and you are saying that us gamers don’t care about story? That’s neat. But this idea that us gamers don’t want a good story is insulting. It’s insulting to the people who have told some truly amazing narratives with this medium, and to people like me who have enjoyed them.
As an example – The Last of Us. The gameplay in that game wasn’t especially deep or complicated. It was a pretty simple game, but what made it truly fantastic was the story. The story of Joel and Ellie. A narrative with character depth that has made for some truly fantastic arguments about it on various message boards. It’s the reason that the sequel is going to be on a list of mine, in the not-too-distant future. I cannot believe that this little hipster worm is going to make such a huge assertion about gamers not caring about story, when the only reason I buy a game is if the story looks good.
The hipster worm actually claims that the stories have never, will never matter to “us.” Don’t lump yourself in with me, you scrawny piece of shit. I do care about the story. It’s all I care about. Sure, if the gameplay sucks, I won’t be able to get into a game, but the story is the first thing in my mind. It’s the reason why I think that Final Fantasy XV is a good game, but not a great game. It has a fun open world to explore, but it does this at the cost of the story, which is boring as fuck. My biggest gripe with the game is that the story basically gets thrown in the face of the people who play it because it just dies after a while. Like all the creative energy behind the game crashed and burned. Part of me wonders what it would have looked like to see Tetsuya Nomura’s original vision. The hipster worm is actually claiming to speak for me when he says that us gamers don’t like the story. Fuck this guy.
He goes on to argue that The Last of Us is bad because the story is at the mercy of the game’s controls. He argues that Ellie is supposed to be seen as vulnerable (which is NOT how I see her), and that’s why Joel saves her at the end. This guy is so stupid. The reason that Joel sells humanity up the river at the end of the game is that she is his only connection to the human condition, and he is willing to sell out humanity’s future in order to not lose that. And Ellie sells out her desire to save the human race to be with this man who is a father to her. She knows that he’s lying to her, but chooses to stay with him anyway. I fucking hate this hipster faggot who is making these arguments and claiming to speak for me and all the gamers out there who love this game’s story.
We don’t care if games are art or not
Oh, fuck off! Let me guess, he brings up Gone Home next. Ugh! You know what my argument is – games already are art. Look at games like Shadow of the Colossus. An incredible vision design, fun gameplay, and a very gripping narrative. But maybe that game is too mainstream for you. I don’t deny, there are plenty of games that I love that are viewed as “art games.” Most recently, ABZU. A game that is entirely a water level, which you would think would make it terrible, but it has smooth controls and a gorgeous visual and sound design that makes my eyes well up at the end for the dramatic conclusion. Then there’s Journey, the most visually-arresting game I have played, with a tragic narrative about a tragic character and the dead world he lives in. Or games like Flower, where you play as the wind, with the entire game’s experience being a metaphor for a person moving in to a new city and making a life for himself or herself. But those things are niche. However, for those who desire them, they have their niche. Why must all games conform to this? What are these “art” games that you think are being so ignored?
Once-again, the hipster worm claims to speak for me saying that I don’t care if a game is “art.” First, what do you define as art? Second, how do you know what I think? Third, how on Earth do you have the balls to compare my views on the artistic merits of gaming as comparable to a teenager’s views on booze? I fucking hate this guy so much.
He then makes the argument that if we “really cared about art,” we wouldn’t have hated the ending to Mass Effect 3 the way we did. No, dumb-dumb! That isn’t a problem about caring about art. The problem with that ending was that it throws out the game’s ENTIRE logic in the trash. It spits in the face of every logical part of the game by giving you three stupid endings that make no sense and fly in the face of all the logic that the game had so fastidiously built for us with the Codex. There have been a TON of truly fantastic videos about why the ending doesn’t work. We don’t care about the artistic merits of the God Kid and the bullshit that comes from his holographic mouth. What we care about is narrative and universe rules consistency. The ending flies in the face of all of that. This guy is so stupid. I want to beat him over the head with a water bottle until knowledge comes into his head.
Video games are not relaxing
This man has never played ABZU, Flower, Journey, flOw, or Never Alone, just to name a few, and I’m done with this hipster worm.
I hate when people who aren’t actually gamers have to try and convince us that they are in order to sell their bullshit narrative. And I especially hate when some hipster who clearly grovels at the feet and spent the first two parts of this video white knighting for an SJW claims to speak for me. I will never wish violence on anyone, but if this guy should just so happen to fall down a flight of stairs into a buck of pork chops and then find the honey badgers, I won’t feel bad.
Until next time, a quote,
“Why can’t people think?” – Cabbie, Sherlock