I’ve talked about some weird-ass Christian music before. Like “Gimme that Christian Side Hug” or “Jesus Christ is my Nigga.” And while both of those things are hilariously bad, neither of them are truly cringe-worthy. They are god-awful and probably shouldn’t exist, but they don’t truly suck the life out of you when you realize that this is something that you have to exist in the same world with. If anything, they make Christianity’s lame attempts to be cool that much more amusing. But then you get this shit. The people behind the hilarious videos that The Bible Reloaded make fun of (and all of them are my favorite thing ever) decided to make a music album for the express purpose of telling the Singapore government why they need Jesus. Yes, it is just as bad as it sounds. I should not expose you to this, but to be perfectly honest, it’s too fascinating not to watch. Just so you know, this song is only the first track on this video. If you want to listen to the rest of the cringe, go ahead. As for me, I can settle with this.
This makes me think of that song that Peter and Lois sang in Family Guy when they were stoned. Not even kidding, this is so fitting. Where did this song come from? I guess these two went to Singapore and wanted to sing this song for the country. The decisions made that brought this album to life just blows my freaking mind.
Let’s not get into how bad their singing is. Let’s not get into how they can’t harmonize for shit. Hell, let’s not even talk about how that man has the biggest pedo beard in the world. Instead, let’s talk about how god-awful the lyrics are. Take a shot every time they say “Singapore.” You’ll be dead! You’ll be freaking dead. This entire album is just them repeating the line “Singapore” over and over again for over three minutes. And if it isn’t them repeating that, they repeat the other lyrics. This song is listening to the exact same words, over and over again, with a TERRIBLE melody that sounds like the guitar music that that hippie was singing to in Animal House. We all remember how that turned out. How I wish I could do that here.
There are no words for how weird and sad this is. The fact that this album was used to try and sell Jesus to the Singapore government is just the icing on the cake. I love it. This is whack. It’s cringe. I’m baffled. Hope you didn’t gouge your ears out in pain. If so, my apologies. This one is on me.
Until next time, a quote,
“I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.” – Frank Zappa