Lucien’s First Take: Metal Gear Survive: Official Trailer

I heard a while back that Konami is trying to get gamers to forgive them for the stupid bullshit they have done, such as how they treated Kojima, how they cut so much from Metal Gears Solid V: The Phantom Pain, and worst of all, for how they basically atom-bombed PT and the game it was connected to.  I have no intention of forgiving them.  That company is dead, to me.  But as a means of extending an olive branch, they are releasing a new Metal Gear game.  And…let’s just watch this.  Just watch the disappointment bathe you.  It’s so stupid.

Yeah, I’m going to go outside and smack my head into a pole for a few minutes.  Maybe then this retardedness will make some kind of sense.

So, we have Snake and Miller abandoning the original Mother Base as it blows up.  We then see this dude in the wreckage who I guess is just thinking about how fucked he is.  But some portal in the sky opens and he gets sucked in…the longer I talk about this plot, the more ashamed I am of it.  He ends up whatever world, and is immediately set upon by zombies.  Zombies with rocks sticking out of their heads.  I need to smack my head into the pole more.  This level of retarded is beyond comprehension.  We get more Mother Base people, and they’re all badass, I guess.  And it looks like the goal is to get into the remains of Mother Base that came through the portal with them.  You know what, I’m done.  Talking about the plot that I’ve seen just makes me sad.

What the fuck, Konami?  Seriously, what could have possibly compelled you to have THIS be your olive branch to gamers?!  I’m honestly trying to figure out the rationale behind this.  If you all remember those memes where you have the guy pitching something, and the first two people are complete yes-men/women who basically kiss this person’s ass, and the last guy has some negative opinion, which ends up having him get thrown out the window.  Is that literally what happened here?  It must.  There’s no way that somebody at that office meeting wasn’t like, “Yeah, let’s not do this.  This is stupid.  We’re literally creating a generic zombie shooter and slapping the Metal Gear logo onto it.”  To that guy, I feel for ya.  Sorry you had to get thrown out of a window and die for this.

This game is stupid!  There’s nothing else I can possibly say.  It’s the stupidest thing I have ever seen.  For his review of Twilight, The Distressed Watcher had to make up a word to describe how stupid the scene of the dude running up the tree was.  The word is – stupiditarded.  That’s what this is.  It’s stupiditarded.  It’s a cash-grab in EVERY sense of the word.  It’s garbage that is being made by people who have shown themselves to give so little of a shit about their own brands that they’ll slap the name on anything.  Even the most ridiculous zombie game idea ever made.

If you play this, you’re dumb.  If you defend this, you are stupid beyond reason.  I have no words.  Now I’m done with this trash.

Initial Verdict
2 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

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