Lucien’s Review: Suicide Squad

Suicide SquadPre-review rant: There is this belief that the hatred of recent DC films is only happening because it’s “trendy.”  Yes, because the critics just despised Batman, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, Superman (the original films), Batman Begins, Batman: Under the Red Hood and The Dark Knight, right?  What’s that?  People loved them and heaped on praise and adulation?  Gee, that sure is strange.  It’s almost like the critics have loved a ton of DC films, and only hate these recent ones.  I wonder why that is?

Oh, right, because the first two movies in the DCEU sucked!  Man of Steel should have been named “Product Placement: The Movie.”  Batman v Superman should have been renamed “Batman v Superman v Lex Luthor v Doomsday v the convoluted plot v Marvel: Dawn of DC Avengers.”  At least there was Ben Affleck as Batman.  That was alright.  And that trippy fight sequence inside the building.  Also cool.  But it wasn’t a good movie.  This isn’t a plot.  It’s not a conspiracy.  Bad movies are bad movies, and people judge them as such.  All the DC fanboys/girls are getting all huffy like, “You just want it to be like Marvel!  That’s not what DC is!”  I totally agree.  I don’t want it to be Marvel.  But you know what I would also like – it to be good!  We have two bad movies in the pile.  And now…we have a third one.

I am going to give this movie the worst insult that I feel I can give to a film – I feel like my time was wasted.  This was another movie where the first 30 minutes were great, and then we get into the plot, and it all falls to parts.  This movie was a waste of my time, and I honestly want to share my disdain of it with you.

The plot is something you already know.  An idiot who works for the government wants to make a special team of disposable killers to deal with a problem in a random city that is magically emptied after a crazy monster destroys a subway train.  These people are the worst criminals she can find.  Seriously, this woman is nine kinds of stupid.  The team is assembled, they go off to fight, and they defeat the villain.  This movie is so predictable.

Before I start slicing into this movie like a cadaver, let’s talk about the good things.  Jared Leto’s Joker is so laughably bad.  The only time I was enjoying myself with this movie was watching his try-hard performance.  Such a shame that he was only in this movie for about 10 minutes.  There are times where, if you blinked, you’d miss him being there.  It’s so sad and pathetic.  Oh, right, this is supposed to be the good things.  I will say watching Will Smith play Will Smith was at least enjoyable.  He’s not terrible in the role.

Now, let’s get to ripping this movie to shreds.  First, I’m sorry, but Harley Quinn in this film was SO much wasted potential.  Let me explain.  In both the comics at The Animated Series, Harley Quinn’s relationship with the Joker is violent.  Like, really violent.  It’s not even borderline domestic abuse.  It really is.  In the series, Joker actually pushes her out a window, not caring if she lived or died.  Now there’s some dark shit for ya.  This movie played it SO safe.  From what I understand, this was a change.  In the original script, the relationship between these two was a TON more violent.  There was supposed to be a scene where the Joker actually struck her, violently.  Why couldn’t we have seen that in the movie?!  Oh, right, because the feminazis would have come out of the woodwork declaring “misogyny!” left and right.  Never mind that they hate her character anyway.  Might as well go all the way with it.  This film has that problem many times – being unwilling to commit.

It’s so telling that a ton of reshoots were done to try and make this movie more light-hearted.  I honestly think that that was a bad idea.  They should have just stuck to the original darkness.  Sure, the marketing made this film seem light-hearted, but I could have forgiven it if it had just gone all the way with its premise.  This half-assed bullshit just bugs me.  Which reminds me – the editing in this movie is TERRIBLE!  There are SO many scenes that have things happening so quickly that if you blink, you’d miss something.  This isn’t a Michael Bay film, people!  Slow down some shots and let us see stuff.  And turn up the lighting on so many scenes!

Next up, for as many characters as there are in this movie, I sure didn’t feel like I got to know them.  Knowing these characters’ stories the way I do from the comics, I would have loved to see that in the film.  When I said the first 30 minutes are great, it’s because that’s when we’re getting to know these characters, and that is pretty awesome.  But we needed more!  Like, I would have loved to get to know El Diablo more.  Or Killer Croc.  Both of them have grisly, violent backstories.  Oh, right, this is a PG-13 movie.  Can’t have that!  Groj forbid all the DC fanboys/girls who are whining about how it’s supposed to be dark actually have a point when it comes to this movie.  Wrong!

This movie would have been better served by a few things.  First, more Joker and Harley Quinn.  Some of their backstory and scenes were pretty good.  I don’t like this film’s version of Harley, but when those two were together, it was at least fun to watch.  Second, a hard R rating, with more violence to go with these characters, all of whom are known for gruesome backstories.  Finally, a plot that wasn’t so damn predictable!  I could tell where this film was going from beginning to end.  I mean, when you have a story that has the Joker in it, the idea is supposed to be that he takes things that are happening and fucks them up with what he wants.  It’s what made The Dark Knight so good.  It’s what made Arkham City so enjoyable.  He’s a wild-card that comes out of nowhere and always fucks things up at the last minute.  I like that sort of thing.  But not this movie.  Because unpredictable makes people unsure how to feel.  Can’t have that.  This is big blockbuster superhero-movie, after all.  It’s not like we just had a movie about superheroes fighting each other that takes time out to ask hard questions.  Oh, right, DC is supposed to be the more mature side of comics.  Tell that to this movie.

Hate on this review all you want, but the thing that really clinched me hating this movie is the fact that it ends right where it all began – with everyone back in prison.  That’s right, this movie ends like it never happened.  Are you fucking kidding me?!  UGH!  My time feels like it was wasted, and I’m done with this.  If there is an extended edition that gets released that makes it all better, here’s a lesson to DC – how’s about you have that be the edition you release in theaters, you stupid fucks!  This film was a waste of potential and good source material.  I say this as a person who likes these comics, for all the fanboys/girls who want to accuse me of not getting it.

Final Verdict
5 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

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