Your Beta is Showing (A response to Paul Feig)

With the new Ghostbusters having come out, it’s pretty clear that Paul Feig is not the best director.  I have had so many film critics that I follow praising this guy’s movies, which is baffling, to me.  His movies aren’t good.  They aren’t bad either.  They are part of this modern breed of mediocre comedies that are pretty much just people in a room, talking.  The visual comedy of movies in days gone by, and films by Edgar Wright (every work of his is a comedic masterpiece) is dead and gone.  I think back to the best comedy movies like Airplane, Blazing Saddles, and even Big Trouble.  The last in that list was made in 2002.  One of the most underrated comedies past the year 2000.  Proof that at least one American director can make a funny movie.  Those movies had so many visual gags, and they were great.  Now it’s just people in a room, talking, and we’re supposed to find everything the actors say funny.  One of the reasons visual comedy is so nice is because it gives the actors/actresses something to do.  Kate McKinnon is the only funny thing left on SNL (that show needed to die 20 years ago), and she’s at her best when she has something to do.

The point of that insane digression is that I think Paul Feig is not a good director.  He has a problem making funny movies, and part of that is due to his shortcomings as a person.  See, Feig is an insanely Beta male, and it’s showing.  There was a Hollywood Reporter video of him getting into a clown suit to make a funny.  It’s one of the cringiest things I’ve ever seen.  Listening to Feig talk about how awesome and wonderful and funny women are and how they are so much better than men just makes him look like a VERY well-paid Internet Beta who wants the rest of the women to like him.  Like if he is nice to them enough, they’ll get with him.  There was a time, and I am ashamed to admit it, but I was like that too.  I am not proud of it, but I grew up and moved on.  Feig has not.  To understand why, look no further than an article that Feig wrote for the Hollywood Reporter where he talks about how unfunny men are.  Set your cringe factor to Maximum, people.  It’s coming in dry.  Here’s a link to his article, now let’s do this.

Poor men. You hear them at the office, in restaurants, in bars, their brains filled with meaningless facts about sports, cars and electronics as they entertain friends with their endless jokes about genitalia and bathroom activities, not to mention their humorous accusations as to the sexual orientation of their conversation partners.

Who are these men?  Really, who are these men?  I have NEVER heard this.  Yeah, me and mine talk about games and stuff.  It’s our hobby.  We also talk about Game of Thrones, random books, whatever comes to our respective minds.  One of the things I love best about the people I can carry on long conversations with is the fact that I don’t know where the conversation will go.  There have been times that we started in one place, and I have no freakin’ clue how we ended where we did.  It be crazy!

And as for your accusation that all of us guys get a funny out of is genital and bathroom “activities,” even for Strawman Male, this makes no sense.  I guess there are plenty of shows with that kind of humor.  It’s low-brow, sure.  But more often than not, the joke is that the person is dumb and finds it funny. And his dumb friends find it funny.  Anytime one of the wives of these characters hears it, they just roll their eyes at their dim-witted husbands.  Oh, and we all apparently are just calling all guys gay too.  Hey, Paul, when I call someone like you a faggot, it isn’t a stab at your sexual orientation.  It’s a stab at what a little bitch you are.  Makes sense that you have such a tiny head.  You have thin skin, too.

They loudly amuse themselves by hurling insults and epithets — the words “dick,” “balls” and “ass” being the etymological anchors of their attacks — all for the express purpose of making one another laugh. They seem to be having such a great time that you’d feel like a monster alerting them to this one unfortunate fact: Men just aren’t funny.

I see this, and all I can think of is that Paul must have been one of the guys that was routinely picked on, growing up.  He must have been the kid who was bullied by all the big jock types, and it has led him to have the prevailing belief that all men are like that.  We’re all the same – overbearing, sports-obsessed, dude-bros who want to drink beers and smack titties.  Too bad that he hasn’t opened himself up to the reality that there are so many other types of guys.  Now he is stuck with this belief that all of us men, and it’s clear that he won’t change.  It doesn’t matter what he is exposed to.  He’ll just believe that it’s the random outlier in the vast chasm of males who are all the jocks who picked on him, growing up.

Oh, sure, there are men who truly make us laugh. None come to mind at the moment, but I know history has provided us with a few. Euripides was sort of a jokester. English poet John Donne got off a corker every once in a while. But in general, the male species’ sense of humor seldom rises above the enjoyment of watching one of their own take a swift shot to the testicles.

Oh, these are the funny males?  Gene Wilder?  You seen him?  Mel Brooks?  Heard of that guy?  Do you watch Edgar Wright’s movies with a big frown on your face the whole time?  If you can watch Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and not laugh, I honestly don’t think you’re human.  Or maybe you’ve heard of the greatest master of them all – George Carlin?  That name ring a bell, you putrid, pathetic excuse for a filmmaker?  I guess all of them are just not funny at all.  I’m starting to think that you are just butthurt that there are guys out there can make women laugh without having to metaphorically sodomize themselves for their pleasure.  You pretend that it’s all just toilet humor, but the reality is that it’s something that comes from people who are able to make people laugh without proselytizing themselves.

It makes sense. Men are genetically programmed to hunt and gather. It is they who must impregnate the herd and protect the collective. And so it’s only logical that their brains would need to possess lower humor standards in order to pass the hours entertainingly with their cohorts while stalking that night’s dinner or standing guard against the enemy. Imagine if they had to amuse their fellow warriors with jokes and banter that were actually funny.

Wow.  That’s both stupid and insulting.  Are you insinuating that us men are so stupid that we can’t find things funny?  Fuck you, you beta faggot.  Seriously, what is this standard that you hold humor to?  Give me an example, your pompous, pretentious little bitch.  Given what I’ve seen in some of your movies, maybe it’s a fat chick in a wedding dress dancing terribly.  Because no man could possibly come up with a scene like that.  You know, except when Elaine did it in Seinfeld over 20 years ago.  But that doesn’t count!  What an asshole.  “Men find things funny because men are stupid!”  Why don’t you just come out and say directly that you hate men?  At least then you’re being honest.  I honestly want to know what this standard is that you hold humor to.

Is modern society now ready to transition away from the Myth of Male Hilarity? After all, today’s world has erased most of the survival needs that once required a woman to inflate the comedic self-worth of the men around her.

Groj, this is so insulting.  It’s insulting to the men who have worked on their craft all their lives.  Who’ve gone to comedy clubs, gone to auditions for roles, and really worked on their stage presence and bits.  You are telling those people that they are delusional with this idea that their hard work was worth anything.  Hey Feig – fuck you, you Beta piece of shit.  While you have been making mediocre movies (at best), Mel Brooks had created some of the greatest comedies of all time.  I bet it must piss you off so much.  That people who are infinitely more talented than you could ever hope to be are called comedy legends, while your latest film couldn’t even earn the title of so-bad-it’s-good.  It couldn’t even earn the SJW title of “passably good.”  They died on that hill for a movie that they’ll forget about in a month.  You’re a hack, Feig.  That’s the best you can hope to be.  All the people who praise your work are just being nice.  I watch very nice film critics.  It’s probably a good thing to be nice.  Not me.  I will call you what you are – everything wrong with American comedy movies.

Alas, women’s evolved nature, along with their desire to avoid the dystopian nightmare of men trying even harder to be funny, causes them to withhold the soul-crushing revelation of masculine jocular inferiority. But many more women now also will continue to follow bravely in the footsteps of those pioneering females who elicited laughter before them, risking societal harmony in the name of making the world a more hilarious place.

“Ladies, how can I kiss your ass more?!  Please, I’ll say whatever you want!  Please, notice me!”  The irony is that this is insulting to the women who have worked hard too, in the years leading up to now.  I think back to Carol Burnett.  She was fucking hilarious, in this golden age where us MEN were just pushing the woman down.  It’s not like she became popular because she is good at her job.  Nope, it’s just because us men allowed it to happen.  Or Arleen Sorkin, who voiced Harley Quinn in Batman: The Animated Series.  That awesome delivery that was funny and emotionally hitting, when it needed to be.  The range of that character was great.  Guess she was just given a spot from us men too.  Julia-Louis Dreyfuss?  Given a place by men.  You have spit on everything they accomplished in your goal of prostrating yourself to any woman who will say nice things to you.  There’s a reason that women don’t find this sort of schtick impressive, Feig.  It’s because they find men like you pathetic.  As they should.  You’re the sort of man who, if you weren’t rich, would go right to the friendzone.  Hell, in that video I saw, it sounds like women still find him friendzone material.

So, hail to thee, funny women. Continue to remove the bushels from your bright and uproarious lights, and we in the know will laugh politely at the “funny men” as we wink to one another behind their desperate but well-meaning backs. It’s just the right thing to do.

If it was possible to think less of you, Feig, I would.  But it’s not.  You are the most pathetic little worm I’ve ever seen.  Everything you say is just a desperate plea for women to like you, along with your declaration of how much you don’t like other men.  I find you sickening, and your “talent” for making movies speaks for itself.  Nice film critics will find reasons to be nice to you, but not me.  You’re not bad enough to make bad to the point that it’s good movies.  You just make movies that are mediocre at best.  And from what I’ve heard from critics I like and from friends who actually gave the studio money by buying a ticket, you couldn’t even make Kate McKinnon funny.  Every review has said that Chris Hemsworth is the funniest thing in the movie.  All that talk about “girl power,” and that’s the legacy this movie leaves behind.  The man was the funniest thing in the movie.  I hope it burns, you Beta bitch.

Until next time, a quote,

“Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin

Peace out,



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s