I recently learned that there is the perception that us atheists are racist, because of responses that white people have done to videos like this one on BuzzFeed’s YouTube page. I think that’s really stupid, but I honestly don’t care what people think about my views on things. Those who want to call my racist can go through my posts and can realize how dumb that argument is. BuzzFeed asks white people the most strawman questions ever. If I am racist for giving these questions the answer they deserve, so be it. Here’s a link to the video, now let’s do this!
Why do you think every Asian person is Chinese?
I don’t. Do you think every white person is American?
Why do you think a show is “diverse” just because there are one or two black people in it?
You know what I consider diverse – a work that has a lot of characters with different character traits, each being flushed out and interesting. I honestly couldn’t care less what the race or gender of the character is, so long as they are an interesting character. Go to the top of this page and you’ll see a tab called Character Analysis: Omar Little. Click on it and you’ll see that one of my favorite character is a gay black man. Thanks for wasting no time making assumptions about how I think.
Why are the awkward nerd characters the only roles for Asians in film?
There are plenty of films that don’t have the Asian character as just the awkward nerd. I just got done watching Babel, which told the story of a Japanese girl discovering her sexuality. That film and that plot in the film was great. Or there was that badass chick in Pacific Rim. While it was clear that she was struggling with English, because it obviously isn’t her first language, I thought she was great. I could list off how many amazing Japanese and Korean films I know, but I figure you’re talking about American movies, so I’ll stick with that. Do I think that more Asian people should be granola people? Sure. I got no problem with that. Have an Asian character be the bumbling doofus who puts on a shirt and goes to work each day.
I can’t help but think, though, that if the stereotype about your culture is that you’re really smart, why are you complaining? There are a lot worse stereotypes you could have. Like how us white guys are racist, hate women, hate gay people, and hate trans people. Right, Milo?
Why are all of you talking about our penises?
I can’t honestly think of a time when I have ever talked about an Asian person’s penis. Ever. Not once. Even for Strawman White Guy that’s weird.
Why do you think Asians can’t be the stars of movies?
Do you REALLY want me to list all the fantastic Japanese and Korean films that I love. Just got done watching The Host the other night. That movie is one of the funniest horror comedies ever made. But if you’re talking about American movies, believe it or not, but the answer is partly because other Asian people aren’t keen on it. Do you know what sells in action movies – white people. That’s based on markets in places like China and Korea. They like seeing white people in action movies. While you blame us for this, you might want to actually look into how your own ethnic group likes whitey.
Why do you think watching Korean dramas and K-Pop makes you an expert on Korean culture?
I don’t. In fact, because I had a friend who lived in Japan for a year, I found out just how different that part of the world is. She’s been to Korea and China, and hearing about the culture shock was quite interesting. I remember reading a book about a young man who escaped from North Korean into South, and how he was culture shocked too. It was a good read. I acknowledge what my limited perspective is. Do you?
Like, does me watching Girls make me an expert on white culture?
Why do you cast white people to play roles that are meant to be for Asian people?
I assume you’re talking about Scarlett Johansson in the adaptation of Ghost in the Shell. I’ll admit, I find this one weird. But not for the reasons you’d think. It just seems weird to me for someone who is white as apple pie to be cast as a Japanese person with a Japanese name. Change the name and I got no beef with it. Oh, right, you bring up Emma Stone in that Aloha movie. Given how panned that movie was for its bad writing and bad acting, do you really want to be holding a grudge about that?
Why do you think saying “namaste” is an appropriate way to greet me?
I wouldn’t. Unless we know each other, I probably wouldn’t even care if I saw you. I don’t just go around greeting people. Who are these people in your day-to-day who do?
Why do you think saying “Ni Hao” is a good thing to say to us?
I don’t. Don’t care about you. In the slightest.
Why do you think I eat dogs?!
Not gonna lie, I busted out laughing so hard when this guy just shouted that out. That was funny. I don’t, dude. If I am saying it, it’s a joke. Just like how I have heard plenty of Asian people at college assume that I like Starbucks and angel food cake. But I’m not just gonna come up to some random Asian person and be like, “I see you have a dog. Do you plan to eat it?” That would be rude.
Why do you think Hindi and Hindu are the same thing?
I don’t. I know that one is a religion, and another is a language.
Why are you so surprised that I can speak English well?
I’m not. I don’t know you, so I don’t give two fucks about you. Unless you are someone I know, and know that English is not your first language, I won’t be surprised how well you speak it.
Why do you ask me “where are you really from?”
I don’t. Not the best wording for it, but I get where people who ask that are coming from. They are asking where your family traces back to. That’s not an offensive thing to ask. They might genuinely be interested. If you got off your high horse (can you see Texas from there?) for a while, maybe you can talk to people and get to know them better. And they can know you. Might make a friend. I know, shocker.
Why do you think it’s okay to call me an “immigrant” or a “foreigner?”
So many of these questions are just assumptions about how I am. It’s so annoying. I don’t!
Why do you think that Indians aren’t Asians?
I do, but I think the reason people can have trouble with that is due to the fact that you all come into contact and regularly have issues with the Middle East. Think of it like how people tend to think that Russia is part of Europe, even though it is also part of Asia. Surprised that you don’t have any Russians in this little bullshit question thing. Oh, right, they’re white. White people are Satan to BuzzFeed.
Why do you say, “it’s basically the same things,” when I say that I’m from Sri Lanka, not India?
Because Americans can’t read a map. You’re part of this country, so you should know – Americans are stupid. While Asian Americans might have a stereotype of being smart, you’re part of this demographic that tests so poorly. Enjoy being a member of the dumbest First World country.
Why does a “person of color” automatically mean black to you?
Here’s the thing – I don’t like this term “people of color.” Why? Because all you have to do is take the word “of” away and add and “ed” and you have colored people. I hate that people think there’s some meaningful distinction. And when you ask why people make that assumption, it’s because back when that was a phrase used, it typically described black people. Thank dumb history meeting PC culture and you all not getting how adding a word doesn’t change a cultural distinction. Idiot.
Why do you think all brown people are Indian?
Uh…do you not follow typical ‘Murica vernacular? Most of the time, when people use the term “brown people,” it is in reference to Arabs. Just putting that out there. You might want to rethink this question.
Why do you think you deserve a high-five for pronouncing my name correctly.
I don’t care how you’re name is spelled. I don’t know you, and since you seem like a judgemental bitch, I don’t want to. There was a Russian girl I went to school with back in the day. Her name was insanely long and the days I pronounced it right, yeah, I felt pretty good. Complicated names take work. How about you cut people some slack?
Why do you think increasing the diversity of the workplace decreases the quality of work?
I don’t. Far from it. If someone is if a different ethnic group, but they are more than qualified for the job, they are likely to add to it. I hope they do. That means that it adds to the company.
Why do you think it’s okay to call me “exotic?”
I don’t. I don’t call you shit. I don’t like you. Since you’ve shown yourself to be judgmental and not open to feedback, I figure that I never will like you.
Why do you think I can’t see properly?
What is this stereotype? Does everyone think Asians are near-sighted now? What’s the source for this?
Why is it weird when all Asians hang out, but fine when all white people hang out?
You think I care who you hang out with. That’s cute. I live in the Great White North, dude. There’s a huge Asian community up here. Guess what – a lot of that community tends to stick with its own. Just like the Natives and the black community. I figure that goes back to the tribal mindset of our species. Gotta stick with the tribe.
So tell me – what does a sunburn feel like?
It sucks. A lot.
Why do you keep trying to justify “yellow fever?”
What are you talking about? The illness…? Oh, they explain that it’s a propensity for people to want to have sex with people of Asian decent. I don’t call it a fever. Didn’t realize that’s a thing. I looked that up, and I saw nothing from Urban Dictionary. All the top posts were about the disease. Part of me wonders how much of a thing this is.
Why are we being stereotyped as cheap or stingy?
You’re mixing up Asian stereotypes with Jewish ones.
Why do you think all Asian people are smart?
Because, statistically, the Asian community does better in academics in this country than white people. Why does this stereotype bother you? Don’t you want people to think you’re smart? I’ve never heard someone be like, “Yeah, I’m a dumb fuck and proud of it!” Well, unless you’re like an uncle of mine and watch Fox News religiously. Is that really the crowd you want to be comparable with?
Well, that was dumb. But fun. I really should sub to BuzzFeed Yellow, so I can get these videos when they come out . Hey, all of you in my audience – you should send new Questions videos on that channel to my Twitter page. Link in the About section.
Until next time, a quote,
“Well, you know what they say about assume.” – Gregory House, House, M.D.