Lucien’s First Take: Mighty No. 9: Masterclass

Some of you who have been reading my site for a long time might remember that there was a time that I was just as excited as many of you were for the spiritual-successor to Mega-Man, Mighty No. 9.  It was one of the first major Kickstarter successes.  Everyone was psyched for it.  Initial trailers looked really cool and had a REALLY catchy beat with the soundtrack.  But then it all fell apart.  First it was the delays.  Then it was Dina as the PR person for the project.  Then it was the backers demanding their money back.  Then it was even more delays.  And more delays.  And even more.  And just a little more.  Finally, a date has been set in stone…potentially.  What were all these delays building towards?  What was it all building up to?  Let’s take a look.

Um….

Where did this asinine trailer come from?!  Why is this narrated?!  Whose idea was this?!  After all the PR nightmare that this game has been through, it now has to basically go out of its way to look like shit?  This game looks terrible!  This looks like something I would have seen on the PS2!  I’ve seen better visual design on 8-bit games I’ve played on Steam.  Where did this come from?  How could the development team have been cool with it?  Coming back from all the stupid bullshit that this development hell has been through, this trailer was supposed to be this game’s best foot forward.  But it wasn’t.  Let’s talk about this.

So, apparently we are supposed to be looking at an awesome piece of awesomeness that is awesome.  The trailer says so, so it must be true.  Right?  You know what would have helped us believe that this game is awesome?  How about some gameplay?!  How about we cut out that stupid-ass narrator who feels the need to tell us what we’re supposed to think and just let us experience it for ourselves?  There’s an idea.  This is just as annoying as those trailers that have game news sites articles quoted in them before the actual game comes out.  Yeah, like Kotaku is an opinion we can trust.  This narrator is the most annoying thing under the sun.  I want to find this guy and feed him his ballsack.  Every second of listening to this guy’s incessant talking is painful.  Who is this game being marketed at?  Little kids?  Is that who asked for this game?  These ads remind me of what I saw on Fox Kids when I was growing up.  There’s some nostalgia for ya.  Except not in the good way!  This is the most annoying thing I’ve ever seen!

But, by far, the worst part is this stupid-ass joke that the trailer makes.  “can make bad guys cry like an anime fan on prom night.”  I guess asking for something approaching a modicum of maturity in marketing this game was asking far too much.  I don’t miss Dina, but at least she didn’t make this calibur of stupid-ass jokes.

This trailer is insulting.  It insults my intelligence.  It spits in the face of the people who actually wanted this game.  It does nothing to sell it.  This game looks like shit.  Fuck Deep Silver.  Fuck Mighty No. 9.  Thank Groj that Yooka-Laylee and Bloodstained are not being handled with this level of stupidity.  The former has actual gameplay content that looks good.  Also, a beta is coming out in time for E3.  Neat, right?

Initial Verdict
2 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

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