Let’s Answer 9 Questions Gay People (of BuzzFeed) Have for Straight People

When I first did the post answer the shit-ton of questions that women of BuzzFeed have for men, I realized just how many of these damn videos BuzzFeed Yellow (the most ironic thing I have ever seen) has with people who have strawman ideas about men, white people, and now straight people asking stupid questions.  It seems that they want to give the LG part of the LGBT community some shots at their strawmen/women.  Let’s get down to this.  Here’s a link to the original video, now let’s answer us some questions.

Why is my sexuality a “lifestyle?”

It isn’t.  You can blame shows like Will and Grace or Queer Eye for the Straight Guy for this stereotype.  The big irony is that it is Hollywood, a long-time ally to you, that gave you this impression.  Don’t blame the people who you are clearly trying to show as bad for this problem.

Why do you call it a lifestyle?

I don’t.  My uncle Scott was gay, and you would have never known it.  He was a very typical guy.  He shot guns, hunted and did woodland stuff out in the homestead where he grew up.  Neither is my…second cousin (I have no idea how this works.  She’s the cousin of my mother.  Someone tell me in the Comments if you know how this familial connection plays out) Deb.  She’s a booze-drinking, trash-talking, rowdy lady.  So yeah, I don’t call being gay a lifestyle.  Who are these people that you’re talking to?

Why is it that when you find out I’m gay, you think I want you?

Clearly you have never met me.  I believe that no one wants me, or ever will.  My self-loathing has twisted my perception of myself to believe that I am the most hideous fuck there is.  But even back when I thought less shitty about myself, I don’t just assume that someone wants me.  Who does that?  These strawmen straight people that you make are just so fucking bizarre.

Why are you so worried about how I’m going to have kids?

What makes you think I give a fuck?  Presume, much?

Why does it matter if I’m going to have kids or not?

It doesn’t.  I don’t fucking care.  Do what you want.  Have kids, don’t have kids.  Whatever you want to do.  I don’t care if straight people add to the overpopulation problem.  What makes you think I give two fucks about you?  Especially if I don’t know you?

Why do you feel the need to ask “who’s the man” and “who’s the woman in the relationship?”

I personally don’t.  Partially because I couldn’t possibly care less about you.  But for those who do wonder, it’s tied in to the fact that relationships typically have a more dominant person and a more submissive one.  It’s human nature.  Oh, sure, everyone says that all things in a relationship need to be divided up equally.  But that’s bullshit.  Let me give you a personal example (anecdotal evidence!) – when my ex and I were living together, it was understood that when we were home together to have dinner, I did the cooking.  My ex, lots of great qualities.  But she can’t make food to save her life.  We joked that if anyone was going to make a sandwich after sex, it would be me.  We understood the nature of that dynamic.  Every relationship has the person who is more-or-less in charge.  Look at it another way.  When someone asks you, “who’s on top?” that’s another version of the same question.  I’m sure that people don’t word it like that.  But it’s not unreasonable to wonder who is the one who takes charge in the relationship.  It’s normal.

Why do you get offended if people ask if you’re gay?

I don’t.  Part of self-loathing is that I hate pretty much everyone else just as much.  So if someone decides to assume I’m gay (I’m bi, by the way.  So this is another reason I don’t care), it doesn’t mean anything to me.  It’s just someone asking a dumb question.  People who are bothered by the question might be having some sexual identity problems.  I would think that your community would be a little bit sensitive and empathetic about that.  Just sayin’.

Why would you be offended that someone thinks you’re gay?

Already answered this.

How does it feel to be accurately represented in…everything?

Oh, every lonely, introverted character suffering from depression that is outright crippling is a good representation of me?  Wow, thanks!  I’m so glad that I have your presumptive ass to tell me that.  Groj knows, I never would have been able to figure out that that’s…bullshit.  There are plenty of characters that I don’t identify with.  And plenty I do.  Are you saying that not one of the gay characters in anything doesn’t represent your community well?  You’re saying this now?  I mean, sure, the bulk of gay characters in stuff are effeminate men and crazy-woman-power women.  But there are all kinds of different characters.  I refuse to believe that with all the range of characters of all kinds in all forms of media, there isn’t at least one who you all identify with.  But no, you’re going to get butthurt about the few characters that you see in stuff that are not to your liking.  It is BuzzFeed, after all.  The day they acknowledge nuance is a cold day in Hell.

Why is your definition of diversity a gay white man?

One of my favorite characters of all time is a gay black man who robs from drug dealers.  Omar Little, from The Wire.  You were saying?

Why is it that you have such a large dating pool, but such a large divorce rate?

Uh, hey bitch, how about – fuck you!  Fuck your smug face.  Fuck your arrogant-ass attitude believing that you have it so fucking hard.  In a world where everyone needs sunshine blown up their ass all the time, where do you think that an introvert who isn’t the great looking, with crippling depression, has such a large dating pool?  How about you take that backwards ball cap you’re wearing and shove it up what I assume to be your VERY tight ass.  Bitch.

Oh, and as for the divorce thing, you do know that divorce rates are down, right?  That’s one of the big misconceptions that people have.  The truth is that divorce rates have been gradually diminishing over the last decade or so.  The reason is because more and more people are choosing to get married later, if at all.  The nature of relationships is not what it once was.  But I can’t tell you that.  Again, nuance.

Why do you have to call it a gay wedding?

I don’t.  I call it signing a legal contract that really means nothing about your relationship and people feel the need to do out of some misguided sense of wanting to make it “official.”  Whatever the fuck that means.

Is it just so you can charge us more?

Citation, please.

If two black people were getting married, would you call it a black wedding?

Depends.  Is it in some stereotypical black church with the choir clapping and loud preacher and everyone is jumping around and being happy?  If so, maybe.

Why do you try and set us up with the very next gay person you see?

Who are these people who do this?  This strawman is just odd.  I admit that I have told a lady-friend who is gay about another lady-friend I have.  But that was just because both of them had gotten out of bad relationships and I thought it would be a good idea.  Never went anywhere.  No worries.  I just put that out there and let the chips fall where they may.

And apparently that’s it.  That was today’s batch of BuzzFeed butthurt.  Anyone who has more of these, send them my way on my Facebook or Twitter (links can be found in my About page).

Until next time, a quote,

“Blind assumption is easiest way to disguise the truth.”  – P.D. Griffith

Peace out,

Maverick

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