Your “Comedy” is Cancer, Willy (A response to Wil Wheaton)

Hey Wil, can you please take Captain Picard’s advice and shut the fuck up!  Every time I get to hear about you, it reminds me that everything you say is cancer, and you are the anti-thesis of funny.  Now you want to go and “mansplain” the new Star Wars film, making any detractors out to be stupid dudebros who hate the movie just because there’s a chick in it.  Oh, and they hate Rogue One because there’s a chick in it too.  Why does Wil think this?  Because his succubus wife tells him to.  Just like Steve Shives, it is clear that this “man” is his wife’s bitch and has no ability to think on his own.  So he takes SJW talking points that they use to stereotype and strawman the people they don’t like and have Wil make a “comedy” video about it.  This is supposed to be funny.  I am going to post the video here, so you can see I’m not taking this out of context.  I’m sorry if you get cancer for this retardedness on the screen.

Oh Groj, kill me now.  Alright, let’s talk about this visual-equivalent of butt-rape.

So he starts off saying that he will explain everything that is wrong with Star Wars: Rogue One.  And, because he has to make this pander to the SJW confirmation bias, the biggest problem he assumes that all the strawman detractors have is the fact that there’s a female protagonist.  Um, no, Wesley.  My biggest problem is that they have thrown the Expanded Universe is the trash and the actual story about the beginning of Rogue Squadron was not this.  Nor was the story of how the Death Star plans came into the hands of the Rebellion.  I get that Disney is fucking canon like a $6 whore, but that doesn’t make it any easier.  Believe it or not, but I really like both the story of the origins of Rogue Squadron, and the game that tells the story about how the Death Star plans ended up in the hands of the Rebellion.  Now that story has gotten fucked, because Disney decided that instead of trying to make good characters, they were going to make “empowered ones.”

I already did a post (linked here) about how making a character with the intent of them being empowered is flawed because modern views of empowerment are characters who are complete Mary Sues with no flaws and just totally awesome all the time.  They ignore actual female characters who are empowered, having to overcome adversity and grow.  Plus, the new chick is REALLY cliched bad.  That line, “I thought you were a rebellion.  I rebel” was fucking terrible.  That was every bad acting job I have ever heard.  See, this is what people like myself are talking about.  To be clear, I do want to see this film.  Unlike the more recent Star Wars film, this actually feels like it belongs in that universe.  A pity that other movie couldn’t have this same feeling.  Speaking of…

You then go into The Force Awakens, and you make the STUPIDEST assumptions about what men think about it.  Yes, we hated Rey because she was “fully clothed!” (he emphasized that line, not me)  Or maybe, it’s because she is BORING.  She’s one of the most boring characters I have seen in a long time.  Not to mention the fact that her winning the fight against Kylo Ren is fucking stupid.  She had never used that weapon once in her life, and she is able to beat somebody who is a skilled combatant with a lightsaber.  That’s retarded.  Kylo Ren should have kicked her ass seven ways to Sunday.  Her defenders will be like, “but it’s the power of the Force!”  Bullshit!  Did the Force magically give Luke the ability to wield a lightsaber?  No.  In the first film, he was getting his ass beat by a floating droid!  Oh, but then there are the people who are like, “she wielded a staff, so she knew how to fight!”  Let’s find someone who is skilled with a staff.  It is the only weapon they have ever used, all their life.  Now, let’s give them a sword and tell them to fight someone who is very skilled with a sword.  Who do you think is going to win?  The trained swordsman!  Duh!

And is it true that Leia wasn’t wearing a bra throughout all the original series of films?  I honestly did not know that.  I don’t really care, it’s just that Wesley brought it up, so I thought I would ask my audience and see.

Every argument that Wesley makes is strawman after strawman.  It’s so ridiculous.  And he makes sure to get a “joke” in about Ghostbusters.  Did you watch the new trailer for that, Wesley?  Did you see the “comedy” in that film?  Did you see how amazing these “characters” are?  How they are all so blatantly stereotypes that the trailer actually goes out of its way to tell you what those stereotypes are.  That’s amazing, in its own little way.  But no, I’m sure that all of us just don’t like it because it’s got women in it.  Of course.  You keep peddling that strawman.  Maybe your wife will give you a cookie when you get home.  Maybe you’ll actually get to touch her hoo-hoo with your pee-pee too!  A boy can dream.

Finally, we get to Wesley’s real opinion.  Now we can end the “comedy.”  So, what are your actual thoughts, Wesley?  His first argument is that The Force Awakens is instantly good because the prequels are bad.  I despise this argument.  It is the argument that so many Star Wars fanboys/girls use to justify the fact that the new film was nothing more than a popcorn film.  If I were capable of turning my brain off, maybe I would have liked it.  But I’m not, and it is a VERY mediocre film.  No surprise.  It’s JJ Abrams who made it.  He can make a good popcorn film, and nothing else.

Representation does matter, but here’s the other thing that matters, Wesley – making good characters.  Rey is not a good character.  She’s just not.  She’s bland.  She’s boring.  She’s “empowered” in the same way that Katniss Everdeen is empowered – as a complete Mary Sue.  In the films, at least.  In the books, she was a good deal more interesting.  Partly because she was deaf by the end of the first.  By defending this sort of “empowerment,” you are saying that we can ignore flaws and character growth and instead just have them be strong all the time.  Because that’s how strength works, right?

Let’s look at the original films.  Was Luke just strong because he was?  No.  The first time he fought Darth Vader, it was all over his face that he was afraid of him.  When it becomes clear to him that Vader is playing with him, Luke has several moments where he realizes that he is very likely going to die in this fight.  Then, he loses his hand and his weapon, being pushed to the brink and losing everything.  At that moment, Vader informs him that he didn’t kill his father, but that he is his father.  It breaks Luke’s spirit.  It tests his faith in Obi-Wan and what he knew about his life.  The pain on his face when his father is reaching out to him is palpable.  But he overcomes that in the next film and finds the determination to confront his father and bring out the good in him.

Now, maybe this is because Daisy Ridley isn’t a terribly-good actress.  Though maybe it comes from Abrams being a mediocre director so he just isn’t giving her enough of a way to express herself as a character.  But the thing is that Rey is just awesome and strong and can do no wrong.  Oh, sure, she tries to run away, but that lasts for all of five minutes, and then she just comes right back.  It’s supposed to be a moment that tests her faith in what she’s doing, but because this wasn’t a better film with a better director, we never got a chance to see that.  It just folded in to the next set-piece moment.  Because that movie is not well made.  It’s a bland movie.

And people like you, Wesley, have to come out and defend it because you want to please your SJW mistresses who give you all your ideals.  Because you don’t have the guts to tell these people that they might just be wrong.  Representation is important.  But I will be damned if I take bland, boring stereotypical “empowered” characters over someone who is a genuinely good character.  I would rather have a flawed female character who has to overcome her personal weakness, rather than Rey.  I would rather have a complete dick female character who has to be humbled through life experience than, “I thought this was a rebellion.  I rebel.”

But you don’t care.  Your wife keeps your dick in a Mason jar under the sink.  And I have nothing left to say to you.  I think I’m going to let someone who you REALLY should have taken some cues from close this out.

Until next time, a quote,

“Shut up, Wesley!”  – Captain. Jean Luc Picard

Peace out,



2 thoughts on “Your “Comedy” is Cancer, Willy (A response to Wil Wheaton)

  1. Completely agree with everything you said here.
    Ripley is a strong female character that we are still talking about to this day because we can relate to her, man or woman, because she was well written, human and interesting.
    I’m hoping that with J.J far removed from the next movie someone will be able to salvage the character but the problem is that with people like Wesley here ranting and raving the worry is that they won’t realise the character needs saving.
    I’ll let him slide on the Ghostbusters reference because just like Fantastic 4 he can assume we’re bad mouthing it because of racism as much as he wants but he’s gonna be the one with egg on his face when it lands this summer and we can all say “told you so.”
    I hope “Rogue one” will be good and I hope that’s Kyle we saw in the trailer. He looks like Kyle, he sounds like Kyle, he’s connected to the mission to retrieve the Death Star plans like Kyle and if they wuss out at the last second and call him Dave or something I will be pissed.

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