Let’s Answer 9 Questions Native Americans (of BuzzFeed) Have for White People

It’s another day, and we have another retarded list of questions that the hipster fucktards at BuzzFeed want to give to us white people.  And today I thought that I would give them some answers.  I know that none of their hipster idiot audience will ever see this post, but here’s hoping that maybe somebody can read this answers and be enlightened by them.  Here’s a link to the original video, so you can see I’m not taking anything out of context.  Now let’s do this.

Why do you people like headdresses so much?  It’s not a fashion accessory.  It’s a ceremonial item.

I don’t.  I mean, I guess they look cool and all, but I honestly couldn’t care less about them.

You do realize coachella is not considered a vision quest?

What the fuck is coachella?

Why do you always ask me how native I am?

What makes you think I give a fuck how native you are?  I went to college with a crap-ton of natives, and not once did that question come up.  Who are these people that you’re asking these questions to?  Citation needed on the people who do this.  Just like all your other question lists, these questions are designed with an audience of I don’t fucking know who.

Why should I have to prove myself to you?

I couldn’t possibly care less about how native you are, and you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone.  Who are you talking about?  Who are these people that you’re talking to?  I am genuinely curious.

Why do you tell me that I don’t look like a native American?

Funny story – I have a lady-friend who is really native, but you’d never know that by looking at her.  She looks as pasty-white as anyone else.  You know who she gets the most shit from for looking the way she does – other natives.  She has told me about how she gets a lot of dirty looks when she goes to the native medical center here in town.  How’s that for some irony?

What the fuck does a Native American look like?

Um…more naturally tan than people?  I don’t know.  Don’t really care, either.  Friends with several native people I went to college with.  Was having casual sex with a native girl because she asked if we could have casual sex.  I honestly couldn’t tell you what I think a Native American looks like.  Honestly don’t care.

Should I put some war paint on?  Should I make my hair longer?

I think I see what’s happening here.  We got some butthurt people asking butthurt questions about their butthurt.  Some random person ruffled your jimmies and now you are coming to BuzzFeed to bitch and moan about it.  Gotcha.

Why do you think that we get everything for free?

Last i checked, I don’t have nationalized health care.

What’s up with the Washington R-word?

Why are you so afraid to call them Redskins?  I’m going to ask some of my native chums about this later and see if they are so hugely-offended by this term to the point that I guess it’s the native-equivalent of nigger.  Oh, I’m sorry, I said a word that a white person isn’t supposed to say.  I guess now I’m a horrible racist, even though I am using this word in context.  Call me what you like, anyone who knows me or reads my site knows better.  Racism is an active force.  I don’t give enough of a fuck for that.

Why do you think that real Indians all live on reservations?

I don’t.  Last I checked, my home state doesn’t have any technical reservations.  There are the native villages, but I don’t know if those are officially called reservations.  But this city has a TON of natives in it.  Believe me, I know what’s-what (in the butt).

So, what’s it like seeing yourself accurately portrayed in the media?

Okay, fine, I will give some points here.  I watched North.  I know how there are some bad stereotypes in the media.  But it’s not on everyone else to correct.  I mean, I can’t honestly think of a huge amount of movies with Native Americans in them.  Here’s a tip – if you want better Native American characters in films, make some movies and show Hollywood how it’s done.  Tell you what, you send me a copy (or a link to a copy) of your Indie native films, and I’ll watch them.  Hell, I’ll do a review.  Here’s hoping it doesn’t suck.

Why do you guys think we all know each other?

Who…thinks this?  I genuinely want to know.

Do all white people know each other?

Why yes we do!  I just got off the phone with all the white people.  They said that these questions are really dumb.

How are you enjoying our land?  It’s pretty nice, right?

Oh, is that the game we’re playing?  Do you think the native tribes that slaughtered one-another enjoyed the land they got for it?  What, you don’t think that happened?  It did.  All the time.  Because your history is no less violent than pretty much anyone else’s.  If you want to get on your high horse because of what happened hundreds of years ago and be butthurt little assholes about it, then you can fuck right off.  I personally haven’t taken shit from you, and if you think otherwise…see previous sentence. *rude hand gesture*

Here’s a lesson to all the butthurt ethnic groups on BuzzFeed – how’s about you try and not keep blaming people for what happened hundreds of years ago.  Food for thought.

Until next time, a quote,

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”  – Christopher Hitchens

Peace out,

Maverick

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