Lucien’s First Take: Young Conker Hololens (Bullshit)

Conker’s Bad Fur Day is one of the greatest games for the N64.  You have this foul-mouthed squirrel committing bizarre, weird genocide in this huge little world where he’s all cute and cuddly, then vulgar and disgusting.  It’s a fantastic concept.  It was one of the most underrated games of its time.  There was a pretty cool remake that added some even more grisly stuff on with Live and Reloaded, but it wasn’t the original.  For one thing, they edited out a lot of the swearing.  That’s not cool.  Anyway, still so much fun.  I find out that Microsoft is making another game, only this time…it’s for the Hololens?  You mean that stupid product where it’s supposed to be like some holographic projection in your home, but the viewscreen is so tiny that it’s worthless?  Another of these stupid VR gimmicks that are going to last a year and then die?  Let’s see the damage…

There’s only one way that I can possibly respond to this in a way that makes sense.

Microsoft, what the fuck are you thinking?!  What the fuck was that?  What the fuck did I just bear witness to?!  I just got to see a stupid-ass video where Conker is turned into some mute bumbling idiot that you get to watch as it does random shit.  What the fuck is this?!  I am speechless.  Literally speechless.  I have lost the ability to describe how stupid the product that I just witnessed is.

Do you just want to shit all over your franchises now?  The stupid VR thing isn’t bad enough?  This is going to be the Kinect all over again!  You are going to take a product that could have been cool and then give it nothing but stupid bullshit that will eventually just lead people to want nothing to do with it.  It’s a good thing that you have so much else going for you.  Watching this, I can’t help but have the same thought that I have had about VR for another companies – who wants to game this way?  Who wants to game with a giant box on their head?  Yeah, when I get home from a long day at work, I want to put a giant, heavy box on my head to play video games.  Boy, and here I thought that I’d pick up a controller and then just turn on the TV and game.  But nope!  Now I can wear a huge device instead!  That’s so much better!

This “game” just took a steaming shit all over Conker and the license associated with him.  They took what should have been an awesome game and basically made it into some stupid crap that ties in to some worthless new product they have.  What has this company done to Rare?  First Perfect Dark, then Banjo Kazooie, and now Conker?  I despise this company so much.  This is why I have a PS4.  Because it is abundantly clear that Microsoft doesn’t give two fucks about their audience, and just wants to appeal to…you know, I honestly don’t know who this is supposed to appeal to.  Little kids?  Stupid people?  Stupid kids?  I don’t know.  And maybe that’s for the best.  Fuck this product.  Let me know what you all think in the Comments.

Initial Verdict
0 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

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