Really Good Bad Advice: Number Four

Hello everyone.  Welcome to another installment of a bit where I find an advice column that people made and then supersede that person and answer the question myself.  Why?  Because I’m an asshole like that.  Today’s question is interesting.  You ever wonder how the rich and famous deal with their lives and their issues?  Well, today’s question comes from someone who is rich enough to have a maid and a gardener, and yet has issues with these people.  Let’s take a look.

Dear…is it Lucien again?

I have an interesting ethical — or perhaps a moral — dilemma.

This can only be good!

We spend significant time at a cabin we own and our longtime gardener and maid have keys to our home. The gardener also has keys to our cars.

When my wife and I returned to the cabin recently, I found two containers of a sexual lubricant on the kitchen counter. My assumption is that one of them used our home for a tryst and forgot to remove this evidence. The gardener and maid are both married. The bottles remain in plain sight on the kitchen counter and neither has claimed them or mentioned them.

I am reluctant to ask either of them because it might point to the other as being unfaithful and would expose them as having used our home for non-work-related purposes.

They do know each other slightly. Either could lie if I ask. Basically, because of my suspicion I am going to worry about their trustworthiness until I resolve whose it is and how it got into our home.

We have grown, unmarried kids. They have their own homes. I asked our son if these items belonged to him and he chuckled and said no. Now he knows (by deduction) that I suspect hanky-panky from one of the employees. My wife wants me to drop it.

What do you think I should do? — Concerned Homeowner in Houston

First off – damn!  These people are trusting!  They let their maid and gardener not only have keys to their home, but also to their cars.  Plural.  Oh, and their cabin, which I’m betting isn’t some shack, but more the kind of “cabin” that was in the game Until Dawn.  I wish I had enough money for this to be an issue.  There’s a dream life to have.

Next, I’m kind of with your wife here, in saying that you should drop it.  Prying into someone’s sex life is beyond unprofessional.  Now, there is the fact that they are using your cabin to fuck, so that is unprofessional on their part.  But I don’t know.  This seems like one of those things where it would be best to just let it go and not make too much of a deal about it.  After all, there’s no evidence that they are fucking each other.  One or both of them could be using that cabin to have an affair.  Interesting.  Makes me think of those old titles, “The lifestyles of the rich and famous.”  Don’t I fucking wish.  I will say that the fact that one or both of them was stupid enough to leave their lube on the kitchen counter says a lot about the quality of help you have.

Which might be the answer to your problem – is one of these people really stupid?  I ask because if that’s the case, then you know who you have to fire – the really stupid one.  Find the dumbest people among your help and then you likely have the culprit of this act of infidelity.  Although, wait, how do you know that they didn’t take their spouse up there to fuck?  That’s kind of an arrogant assumption on your part.  Just because it’s your cabin, you assume infidelity?  Methinks that you are looking for evidence of something that may or may not exist.

You ask me, either straight-up ask them, or just find the one who doesn’t have all their marbles together and fire the guilty party.  After all, them using your cabin for fucking is unprofessional, and that does make some sense to me why you’d want to can that person.  It’s not nearly as complicated as you’re making it out to be.

Until next time, a quote,

Lying, stealing, and cheating are commonplace.” – Joseph B. Wirthlin

Peace out,



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