Let’s Answer 24 Questions Black People (of Buzzfeed) Have for White People

Remember that post about the 30-odd questions that the women of Buzzfeed have for men?  Well, it seems that the hipsters who write their questions also have a video where they get some university black people and have them ask some more questions.  Only instead of it being a male stereotype that they are talking to, now it’s a stereotypical white person.  Given that it’s Black History Month, I thought it was a great time to talk about this.  Here’s a link to the video, now let’s get to answering some stupid-ass questions.

24. Why do you always make such horrible decisions in horror movies?
Why do you always die first?

23. Why do you freak out when black people are cast to play white fictional characters?
Depends on the character.  If changing their ethnicity means nothing to the traits of that character, then I couldn’t care less.  Like if they hired a black person to play James Bond.  But I got to be with A Dose of Buckley on this and say that don’t you think it’s kind of sad how you just take Hollywood saying, “hey black people, instead of writing interesting and unique characters for you, why not take some of our leftover with other characters?!”  Wouldn’t you rather have your own unique characters than some whitey knock-off?  Just putting that out there.

22. What’s the big deal if Idris Elba plays James Bond?
I don’t have one.  He’s a fantastic actor.  I still love his role as Stringer Bell in The Wire.  Sure, I found his character’s death cathartic, but that’s just because it was Omar and Brother Mouzone taking him out.  They are the two most boss characters in that whole show, killing an amazing, yet malevolent character.  Awesome.  I’m sure he could make a great Bond.  But again, rather than taking whatever characters the film industry wants to throw at you, wouldn’t you rather have unique characters of your own?

21. Why are big butts and big lips considered attractive on a white woman, but unattractive on a black woman?
Do you all just not follow how many people want to bang Nicki Minaj’s giant fake ass?  As for me, I am not a fan of either traits, on anyone.  It’s not that I like tiny butts, but I just don’t get the appeal.  And big lips just make me weirded out that I’m going to be swallowed whole.  Like someone will do that head thing from that one movie where it expands and rips the other guy’s head off.  No thank you.

20. Do you all really think Miley is the one who created twerking?
You really want to take credit for that?  That stupid-looking humping motion?  Really?  Well, if that’s your deal, I guess…

19. Why am I supposed to teach you how to twerk?
Please don’t.  I have self-respect.

18. Why is that white people act as though they have ‘discovered’ a new trend, when people of color have been doing it for virtual years?
Why is it that you assume that I give two fucks about trends?  I am 6’10-1/2″.  You know what I buy – clothes that fit.  You know what trends I follow?  Fuck all.  I do my thing, and I don’t think I discovered it.  I think I just do it.  Who the fuck cares about trends?

17. Why is it that when a black person wears her hair natural, it’s considered inappropriate, but when a white woman does it, it’s praised?
You assume that I give two fucks about you or your hair.  That’s cute.  I don’t care about her hair either.  Unless I know this person on a personal level, I don’t give two fucks about any of you.

16. Like, could you appropriate my student loans?
Oh hey, could you have appropriated mine?  Asshole.

15. Can you take that off my hands?
*rude hand gesture*

14. Why is it that white crime is seen as an isolate incident, while black crime is a representation of my entire community?
I don’t see it as a representation of my entire community.  I see gang crime as a representation of gang communities.  It’s part of why I want to end the drug war and legalize all narcotics.  We could watch the gangs get crushed by the legal market in a matter weeks.  Can there be patterns in crime?  Sure.  But that’s not an ethnic group thing.  It can be a poor neighborhood thing, or any number of factors, but I don’t just stick all black people into the category of, “you’re black, so therefore you’re part of this criminal activity community.”

13. Why does talking about race make you feel so uncomfortable?
Because these conversations never end well.  The moment that some honky like me makes any points about an ethnicity that isn’t my own, people just get pissed off and make me out to be some kind of virulent racist, when anyone who knows me knows that that isn’t the case.  It gets tiring to have to have the same conversations over and over again, only for it to go absolutely nowhere and you to just be labelled a racist anyway.  Who wouldn’t be exhausted by that?

12. Is it because you think you’re being perceived as racist?
More often than not, yeah.

11. You don’t really believe that racism is over because we have a black President, do you?
Do you just assume that all white people watch and agree with Fox News?  Is that it?

10. Why is it so easy for you to notice when there are no white people around, but you hardly notice when there are no black people around?
I grew up in a town that was almost-exclusively white.  Growing up, the only black people I knew was my cousin and there were the two black students that I knew in the middle and high school I grew up in.  Even Native Alaskans were rare in my neck of the woods.  That’s how redneck my part of the world is.  So yeah, I now live in a city that is vastly more ethnically diverse, yet I still notice white people more easily than I notice black ones.  It’s how I grew up.  Does that mean that I think less of them?  No.  I just notice things differently.  We’re all shaped by how we grew up.  The same goes for you.

9. Why is your goal to be colorblind?
I don’t give two fucks about color.  I take people as they come.  I don’t embrace this whole idea of “tolerance” culture.  Instead, I am apathetic.  That’s true equality.  I don’t give two fucks about you, aside from being annoyed that you seem to be lumping me in with all the other white people who you seem to think watch Fox News and buy that rhetoric at face value.  Take that away, and you’d be just some other person that I couldn’t possibly care less about.

8. There’s so many different kinds of people in the world, yet you can’t see color?
See previous answer.

7. Why do you wanna say the N-word so badly?
I don’t.  I’ve never had a reason to.  Granted, I’m not one of these people who think that in-context usage of that word makes someone a racist.  Like this guy who was making a video where he was talking about a video, and he got down to the comments section, and he couldn’t read that EVIL word.  Why?  Does he think that using that word when quoting a comment suddenly turns him into a racist?  Oh, right, this whole judgment is predicated on the idea that I am some horrible racist who loves Fox News.

6. Why do you always want to touch our hair?
I don’t.  Couldn’t care less.

5.  Why do you think that having one black friend makes you a cultural expert or not a racist?
I currently have no black friends.  The last one I had was my cousin, who I viewed as the brother I never had.  He sued me for over $100,000 after being the passenger in my car when I smacked into a tree.  By the by – I don’t view what he did as representative of all black people.  And I don’t view myself as a racist because I don’t give two fucks about any black person more than I do about any white one.  You’re all just strangers to me.

4.  Why do you feel comfortable cursing at your parents?
Um….what does this have to do with anything?  I guess I feel comfortable because I learned it from them.  Anytime family members come across my site and wonder where I got my language from, they instantly look at my mom and go, “her.  He got it from her.”  I don’t scream curses at them.  I just use them in casual conversation, just like anybody else.  Why?  Because I’m a fucking grown-up.

3.  Why do you feel like all lions lives matter, but all black lives don’t?
Well, for starters, lions are an endangered species.  There are seven billion people on this planet.  By the way, I don’t think that white people’s lives or almost an human being’s lives matter.  Do I celebrate when people die?  No.  But when it’s people that I don’t know dying, I don’t get all choked up.  I think The Amazing Atheist can put it better than I (linked here)

2.  What did Simba ever do for you?
What did you ever do for me?

1.  Why is it so hard for you to acknowledge your privilege?
There’s this great bit by the master himself, George Carlin, about privilege, that I recommend you check out.  Here’s a link.  Go watch that, and realize something – privileges are not something that you’re born with.  It’s something that you’re given, by those in authority.  And it can be taken away.  But that’s not how you use it.  You use it like it’s something inherent.  I can’t change the color of my skin.  Neither can you.  Neither can the Asian American who is, on average, paid better than both white and black people.  We do the best we can, with what we have.  Take that as you will.

That was less fun than the last video.  This is why I hate talking about race issues.  Until next time, a quote,

“Just when these American citizens needed their rights the most, the government took ’em away.  And rights aren’t rights if they can be taken away.  They’re privileges.  That’s all we’ve ever had in this country – a bill of temporary privileges.  And if you read the news even badly, you know the list gets even shorter and shorter and shorter.”  -George Carlin

Peace out,



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