Your Pretentiousness About Portal Hurts… (A response to Jamin Warren)

It’s another episode of pretentious bullshit with Hipster McGee! (Insert audience clapping noise here) I believe that everyone has some amount of prejudice in them.  It’s impossible to avoid.  I have a Filipino lady-friend who has talked about how much the Asian communities hate one-another.  If I’ve learned anything from #BlackLivesMatter, it’s that the race-baiting is alive and well.  Whether it be where you grow up or some natural disposition is up to interpretation, but still, we all have that group of people we just don’t like.  It’s the way of the world.  For me, there is only one group of people that I have a problem with.  Just one – hipsters.  I fucking DESPISE hipsters.  Nothing good has ever been by or for hipsters.  EVER!  I defy you to name me something good that hipsters have made, and I will explain to you why it’s shit.  If you like hipster crap, chances are that you are one.  At which point you are going to hate this post regardless, so whatever.

PBS Game Show has this host named Jamin Warren.  He’s a pretentious fucking hipster, and I want him to contract some disease where he suddenly realizes the folly of being a hipster.  They are the worst.  This man clearly doesn’t game, from where I’m sitting.  Either that, or if he does, he is so utterly pretentious that he has to make every little thing in his life about feminism.  Doesn’t this sound like someone that you want to chill out with?  Yeah, I thought not.  In his latest video, McGee decided to explain how Portal is some feminist utopia.  This man’s reasoning is retarded.  I’ll share this video with you, and then we can talk about it.

Ever time I see this pretentious little faggot, I feel my intelligence dying a little bit more.  Where do I even begin with this?  For starters, McGee genuinely believes that almost every character in this game is female?  Chell, sure, but the reality is that since you almost never see her and never hear her speak, she really is just a silent protagonist for the player to insert themselves into.  So there’s that.  He then makes the argument that GLaDOS is a woman.  Um…she’s an AI.  The computer has a female voice, but there is no gender to it.  You’d think all the “non-binary” SJW morons would be all over that.  Wait, no, he’s praising feminism.  It’s all in service to the sisterhood.  However hypocritical they are be damned!  And how on EARTH does he know the genders of the turrets?!  They’re little AI robots!  They don’t have a gender!  What is wrong with this guy?!

Then we get assertion after assertion about how feminist whatever abstract concept he wants to make it about is.  He makes the argument that GLaDOS is a maternal figure, and that what she is doing is about female empowerment or some stupid thing like that.  It’s amazing.  Anyone could do this.  For example, here’s me with a “fan theory” about how the Uncharted franchise is about being gay.

If you look at how Drake is not the stereotypical male, and has some very feminine qualities, such as crying and showing a great deal of emotion, along with holding hands with another man, and how the woman he falls for is very masculine and takes change of her life, then it becomes clear that Nathan Drake is a gay man, and Elaina is his gay lover, packaged as a woman in order to appeal to a wide audience.

Did you see that?  That was stupid.  But let’s do another one.

Bioshock Infinite is about the struggles of Electra Complex within a man.  See, Booker doesn’t know but he is the father of Elizabeth, and you see him growing closer to her.  In one scene, she puts her hand on his and invites closeness by having his hand run along her face.  She reaches out to him later, when Songbird takes her, implying that she wants him to be with her, and doesn’t want to leave.

It doesn’t matter what your stupid button issue is, you can twist a game to make it so that that is somehow in line with your ideological purity test.  Which is what this entire video was.  It was an ideological purity test with one answer – feminism.  This guy decided to make inference after inference in order to prop up this pathetically stupid narrative of how empowering and feminist and whatever this game is.

You wanna know the funny thing – a very amusing troll was able to make a better case for Portal being feminist, without going into any of the ridiculous “fan theory” nonsense that Hipster McGee did.  And I think we’ll close out this post with that.

Until next time, a quote,

“I was able to sort out the following definition of your perfect feminist game.  The perfect game would be – an adventure puzzle platformer, with a low emphasis on time-sensitive events, created by enlightened, independent, western developers, starring a fresh-faced, strong-willed woman in combat boots who triumphs using her brain, without hurting anyone, despite being in a man’s world.  I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to find a game like that.”  – Margaret MacLennan, Anita – It’s time to stop

Peace out,

Maverick

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