SIONR: The New Hitman is Episodic?! What the F*CK, Square Enix?!

This company must want bankruptcy.  Clearly, it’s what they want.  How do I know this?  Well, let me tell you.  Some of you might have noticed yesterday that Square Enix has cancelled all digital orders of one of the games I was most-anticipating this year, the reboot of Hitman.  It looks awesome, but as is typical with modern gaming, and this company in-particular, they had to find a way to fuck it up.  According to a statement by the company, this game is going to be released in episodes.  That’s right, a game that was marketed as a AAA game that would be released in one go, is being released in episodes.  Here’s an article that details what’s happening, and as you can imagine, I’m more than a little pissed.

Square Enix, do you just not want money?  Is that it?  Are you hoping that people won’t play your game?  I guess that’s one way to go about it.  Because I’m not.  This is bullshit!  This is fucking bullshit!  When you market a game as being a complete game, then you release the complete fucking game?!  It’s so absolutely obvious that you don’t listen to fans, because what fans asked for this?  What fans asked for the remake of Final Fantasy VII to be episodic?  What imbecile who clearly should have been fired is telling you that this is what your fans want?  I want to know, because this fucking pisses me off.

You aren’t Telltale, Square Enix!  I can handle episodic games from companies like that.  My favorite game of last year was an episodic game.  But I accepted it because the developer is a tiny company and that was their biggest project to date.  This is IO Interactive!  Why the fuck can’t they just release the finished fucking game?!  Oh, what/s that?  It will be coming out at the end of the year?  Thanks, Square Enix!  Thanks for that.  Hey, will there ever be a disc version of Final Fantasy VII Remake too?  When will that be?  Two years from now?  Who knows?

How do these people believe that this is acceptable?  What people are telling them that?  Whoever they are, I want them drawn and quartered!  I’m not waiting for episodes of a game that was supposed to be released in February! (if memory serves on that) You are grifting gamers to be able to release unfinished products.  Now I get to wait till the end of the year for ANOTHER game that should have been coming out sooner.  This is Rise of the Tomb Raider all over again!  In case some of you haven’t been able to tell, this fucking pisses me off!

If this is what this generation of gaming is going to become, then I’m REALLY worried about the state of the industry.  I thought they learned their lesson.  I thought that maybe they had figured things out.  Last year and all the amazing releases that were at the top of their game.  But now this.  Two AAA games that are being turned into episodic ones for NO fucking reason.  Who are the people making decisions at Square Enix?  I’d like to know, because it’s abundantly clear that they either don’t know what gamers want, or simply don’t care. I mean, looking at this from a basic financial standpoint, there are a lot of opinions about episodic games.  There are people like me who are willing to give them a pass for good stories and good characters, but a lot of people hate them.  I don’t deny that I’m not a huge fan of them.  Either it is REALLY good, and grabs my attention, or I don’t get it.  But this isn’t Telltale.  These aren’t little Indie projects that aren’t expected to have AAA quality to them.  These are AAA games that are supposed to have high production quality to them.

Beyond a doubt, it is clear to me that Square Enix doesn’t listen to fan feedback.  Or if they do, it’s from focus groups or some other outdated shit.  I don’t proport to be some huge name on the Internet, but I know for a fact that I was not alone in my disgust for the episode announcement about the Final Fantasy VII remake.  Tons of people weren’t happy.  You’d think that would have been this magical thing.  What’s it called?  Oh, right – a clue.  A clue to Square Enix that maybe this new strategy isn’t going to work.  What’s more, it’s fucking bizarre.  I mean, why do this?  Their bullshit excuse with Final Fantasy VII is that the game would be too big otherwise.  That’s garbage, but whatever.  But what’s the reasoning here?  They’re saying that it will be released on disc anyway at the END of the year.  So why play it like this?  Do I smell microtransactions?  Maybe some Season Pass nonsense?

The thing that really gets me is – the episodes of this game are missions.  That’s right, each “episode” is just a mission.  At $10 a pop, and with the physical game being released for $60, that means that this game is going to have around 5 or 6 missions.  A current generation Hitman game, with only 6 missions.  That is BULLSHIT!  Gamers are being robbed!  And I am scared to death that they are going to play this out with Final Fantasy XV.  I’m scared because I likely won’t end up buying this game if they go that route!  I’ve been waiting for Final Fantasy XV for ten years!  I’m not buying it either if they go this route.  Why are you doing this, Square Enix?!  What is the motivation here?!

After the scorched-earth way that Konami left gaming last year, part of me is scared to death the Square Enix is looking to do the same.  All gamers have been wanting since the dawn of the microtransaction bullshit is for gaming companies to not sell us unfinished games.  Now that is EXACTLY what Square Enix is doing.  They are selling purposely-unfinished AAA games to us, and expecting us to accept that.  Well fuck that!  I am not supporting that kind of outright robbery!  You make a game, make it the whole fucking game!

We vote with our wallets, people.  And so long as gamers endorse this kind of behavior, they will keep doing it.  Keep that in mind when the first “episode” of this garbage comes out.

Until next time, a quote,

“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.”  – Dave Barry

Peace out,



8 thoughts on “SIONR: The New Hitman is Episodic?! What the F*CK, Square Enix?!

  1. Just because its episodic doesnt make it a bad game. So long as the release window is clustered together within a month, it should be okay. Look at Resident Evil Revelations 2, good game with plenty to it, even if you got it one episode a piece. It also helped that it $25 bucks, too.

    • This isn’t that. This is a full-priced, AAA game being released in chunks. That’s bullshit. If they can’t release the completed game on time, push it back. Get it right. Otherwise, don’t put it out at all. I take it from Telltale because they aren’t a AAA studio. I won’t be taking this from one that is.

      • Yeah, unfortately I dont have the patience for telltale’s release windows and end getting the season pass once its run. But they are worth it. But your probably right, its a bad business model. This also how FFVII remake going to sold as, so hopefully they will steer away from this method after seeing how Hitman fails.

      • From what I understand with Final Fantasy VII, it’s going to be even worse. They will be releasing each chunk of that for a full AAA price. In other words, the remake is going to be a three part, digital-only game that will end up costing $180 for all three parts. And I wouldn’t be surprised if Vincent and Yuffie are sold as DLC. That’s the brilliant plan there. What is wrong with this company. They make the sequel to Tomb Raider a timed exclusive (that I get to wait until the end of this year to get) because of a bribe from Microsoft, and they are dooming the new Hitman to bad sales because people who don’t have my patience (I’m not getting this game in episodes. Fuck that. I gave Dontnod and Telltale a pass because they are cheap and have good quality stuff for less) hate episodic games. This is fucking madness. Who is the person in charge at this company, and what have they been drinking?

      • The Japanese and eastern markets only care about numbers and trends, which were under regular trends before the mobile market exploded a few years back. So the gaming market doesnt know what the hell to do. Also, side this with the fact the most of the business executives from the previous generation in Japan and globally is being passed down to a bunch idiots that are just expected to maintain their company’s position and success. Instead the new generation is far to ambitious and cares only about profit, in order to catch up with the mobile market.

      • If Square Enix loses the western market, they will go out of business. Hoping that they aren’t about to go the way of Konami.

      • They’ve already been wading in the mobile money pool, so they know what they can get out of it, so that may be up in the air. I think the only one of the big japanese third parties that has the gamer in mind is Capcom, but that may just be polishing a turd with their reputation.

      • A company as big as Square Enix can’t survive on mobile games. They would just end up doing as Konami has been doing before last year, when they decided to give gamers the finger and burn down the bridges and the houses nearby on the way out the door. Slowly fading away into obscurity, cashing in on their old successes before they just gave up. Final Fantasy XV seemed to me to be the proving ground of their ability to make AAA games. But now it looks like the ground is sinking underneath them, and I don’t know what they mean to accomplish before it’s all said and done.

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