Lucien’s First Take: GUN Self-Defense For Women

For those of you who have been living under a rock somewhere, there is a filmmaker named Derek Savage.  He made a movie called Cool Cat Saves the Kids, which was absolutely panned by everyone.  Here is a link to my favorite review of it.  Now, Savage wasn’t able to take criticism very well.  See, YMS was nice to him.  Or at least nice enough to the point that it didn’t get Savage really mad.  But other reviewers, such as I Hate Everything ripped the movie to shreds and were vicious and mean-spirited in the extreme.  Unable to handle people not saying nice things about his movie, Savage issued some DMCA take-down notices against the reviews he didn’t like, hurting not only the channels of others, but taking potential revenue away.  Real swell guy, Derek Savage.

When IHE made the issue very public, Savage doubled-down and made a video defending what he did.  Long story-short, after a long and drawn-out battle where Savage pretended to be a lawyer for another company (no joke, that really happened.  The whole story is on IHE’s YouTube channel.  Just gotta find the video), Savage decided to cut his losses and let the videos go back up.  I bring this up for a reason – because Savage made a film called GUN Self-Defense for Women (and apparently men too.  Really, it’s on the box art for this film) where he is going to teach women self-defense with guns.  Again who, you ask?  Well, Savage released a clip from the film.  Let’s see who these EVIL people are.

The Internet’s term for Derek Savage is Daddy Derek, from his role in the Cool Cat film.  With that in mind, Daddy Derek, you’re just swell.  I just love how that mom in this says, “let’s go play.”  I can’t be the only person who finds that SO unintentionally dirty.  There are some unanswered questions that need to be examined.  Like, what is she playing with these kids?  I think we all need to know.  Especially anyone in a position of authority.  Like, I don’t know, the cops?  They might be a touch bit interested.  Just putting that out there.

Next we have our villain – a fat person!  If any of you watched Cool Cat Saves the Kids, then you saw that the main “bully” in that film was a fat kid.  Now, we have a would-be mugger who is also fat.  What is with this guy and fat people?  Did a fat person hurt you, Derek?  Since you seem like the kind of person who Googles himself a lot, I have a feeling you’ll find this post.  So Daddy Derek, I’m gonna put out a couple of theories and you let me know which is accurate.  Because I think I’ve figured out why you don’t like fat people.

Theory # 1: When Derek was a younger man, he fell madly in love with a very portly woman.  She was very, very heavy, but that’s okay.  Derek loved her for who she is.  What a guy.  The relationship was going really well.  Derek was happy with her.  But then, one day, she leaves him.  And not just leaves him, she rips out his heart and crushes it.  By the time she was done, Derek felt like he would never love again.  Now he has a problem with all fat people, because of this one person.

Theory # 2: When Derek was a kid, he was fat.  A regular little Mickey Blumberg from Recess.  Only, where Mickey was really tall, so people didn’t mess with him, Derek was not.  He was very short.  Short, fat, and probably ridiculed to no end.  The endless teasing about his weight ended up culminating in him developing an eating disorder, and him being obsessed with getting in shape.  When he finally got there, he ended up hating who he was, and the fact that he was fat.  So now he has turned all this unresolved angst into characters in his movies.

So, Daddy Derek, which is it?  Let me know in the Comments.  Next up, why does the fat guy assume that because she has kids, she has money?  I mean, wouldn’t the assumption be that if she has kids, she doesn’t have money?  That she spends her money on the kids?  This is really dumb.  Not to mention – what mugger is stupid enough to do this in front of her kids?  And show his face?  Does fatty here not understand that she’s likely going to call the cops on him?  By the way, I noticed that she didn’t do that.  Like, maybe the cops would like to know that there’s a fat guy who has a very recognizable face and his in a blue shirt and blue pants trying to mug women in front of their children.  Seems that Daddy Derek didn’t learn his lesson from how bad his lesson were in Cool Cat’s movie.

You know, as much as I want to mock this guy, part of me does think that his heart is in the right place.  No joke, I can’t fault this guy for the movies he makes.  He wanted to help bullying, so he made a movie about bullies. He wants to protect women, so he makes a movie about gun safety.  The problem is that clearly, Daddy Derek is an idiot.  He gives terrible lessons, doesn’t grasp anything about people.  This guy is so delightfully stupid.  You wanna have a problem with how dumb he is, but as I said, he still wants to do the right thing.  There’s a strange juxtaposition between his stupidity and his good morals that is so much fun to watch.  I look forward to seeing this movie, when it comes out.  Might do a review.  Hey Derek, send me a review copy of this movie, and I’ll review it.  I’ll even try and be nice.

Initial Verdict
3 out of 10

Peace out,



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