Look, whatever your views on sex, so long as what you do is consensual and doesn’t hurt anyone (outside of what is consensual, for all you people into the rough stuff in my audience), it’s your business. That is the mindset that I have subscribed to for all my teenage and adult life. As soon as I discovered girls, I knew the path I wanted to take. The fact that I am an unattractive giant didn’t help what I wanted, but whatever. I’m not one of these guys who blames the females for it. I know the hand I was dealt. In any case, that’s not the point. The point is that if you want to practice abstinence, that’s your choice. You’re free to do that. I don’t agree, but whatever. I’m just some prick on the Internet.
You know what you shouldn’t do if you are all for abstinence? Promote it via song. That’s something that you should not do. Why? Because it’s going to sound TERRIBLE! That’s a fact. There is no song about abstinence that sounds good. Especially when it’s a twist on a song by the vapid-boredom that is One Direction. Yeah, they can go one direction – up my ass. Wonder if I’ll get any teeny tweeny girls coming on here and being like, “you’re just jealous.” No argument. Of course I’m jealous that a bunch of talentless losers who clearly have their balls kept in mason jars are worth that amount of money. No doubt. But that’s not the point. A pro-abstinence group decided to make a music video promoting this idea that abstinence is virtue, and only virtuous girls are beautiful. Because fuck those sluts in the low-cut shirts and short skirts. It really makes me wonder – why do Fundamentalist Christianity and third-wave feminism not get along? They have so much in common, like fear of their bodies and their sexuality.
Listening to this was painful. Did you notice how many times they didn’t harmonize? It’s a music video, where they are just dubbing over a lip-sync anyway, and it still didn’t harmonize. That’s just…sad. But that’s really not what you notice, I suppose. The thing that really sticks out is just how badly this message is delivered. I bet that the team of fundies who sat in a room and wrote this out felt like they did such a great parody of it. Though, they probably don’t think that it’s a parody. They probably think that this is the “correct” way that the song should have been written.
It’s painful to watch, too! These poor kids who have been brainwashed into this ideology. Who won’t be taught about safe sex. Hey ladies, it isn’t just to prevent unwanted pregnancies. It can also prevent STDs. While they aren’t quite the boogeyman that they used to be (thanks to expansion of the use of condoms in the straight and gay community), it is still a very real thing. Safe sex education exists for a reason, and that reason is important. But I guess not as important as making sure that girls are “respectable.” Which, by the way, is so insulting to say to a girl. “Yeah, you’re respectable! So long as you don’t have premarital sex.” Um…fuck you. Just putting that out there.
Ladies, if you want to hold off on sex until marriage, that’s your business. But make sure that it isn’t just because your parents say that the penis is evil (third-wave feminism in a nutshell) or that having sex before marriage makes you lose your ability to be respected. When I was going to school, we were taught in middle school that every girl who has sex, for the guys who have sex with her, you’re having sex with the guys who already were with her. Sexist, insulting, stupid dogma, that treats women like they are wrong for doing what comes naturally to them. Do it for the right reasons. Just putting that out there.
Until next time, a quote,
“You guys aren’t making Christianity better! You’re just making rock worse!” – Hank Hill, King of the Hill