You know what I like – badass chicks. There’s a great line by Spike Spiegel about them which I will be closing this post out on. But the thing that really catches my attention is when there is a badass female character in a good game. Or a badass female character who can keep a so-so game from falling into obscurity. Some of you who have been reading this site for a long time may know where I’m going with that. The SJWs may claim that gaming doesn’t have good representations of women, but the reality is that they’re wrong. They’re all wrong. Gaming has a ton of awesome ladies, and we’re here to talk about 10 of them today. Note that not all of these characters are playable. Some of them are even antagonists. But good or evil, it is the fact that they kick ass and take names that matters.
10. Lara Croft
Tomb Raider (series)
Some of you might be going – wait, what? Why is she so low on the list? Well, the reason is that I’m talking about the newest incarnation. I haven’t played the newest game, because fuck Microsoft, but I want us to look at the iteration of this character from the reboot. She does do some badass stuff, and by the end of that game, she is pretty boss. But her boss levels start out small, and she builds up to it. Perhaps the new game has her being boss as fuck, but her innocence at the beginning of her story keeps her here at the bottom. But she eventually is able to get her twin-pistols, and in one of the greatest scenes of fan service of all time, blasts the head bad guy full of holes with them.
Another character who you all may be wondering why she’s so low on this list. Well, the truth is that while she is a kick-ass heroine, she isn’t the deepest character on the list. That said, she kicks so much ass! Be it guns, magic, or her own magic hair (as in the cast of the first game), this lady will fuck you up! The SJWs say that she’s demeaning to women, but I guarantee that if she was real, not one of those people would say it to her face. Mostly because she would put their ass down. She might not be especially complicated, but I would run from her all the same, if my name was on her list.
Final Fantasy XIII
Two things – 1. I’m only talking about the version of this character from the first game. None of those STUPID spin-off sequels. Those were all terrible. 2. She is the character who saves a game from being totally obscure. Final Fantasy XIII is a dull game, but she makes it worth remembering. If she’s not in Kingdom Hearts III, I am going to hit somebody. A soldier who is stern and stoic, when she is put in a situation where she only has her life and a mission to accomplish, then she sets out to do it, hell or high water. Sure, she is trying to destroy their entire society, but what can ya do? If the game you are in has to be boring, you might as well be the cool factor that makes it worth something, eh?
Tales of the Abyss
Here’s one of the badass females who is a villain. Legretta serves under Van, and she is willing to do whatever it takes to see his will accomplished. Like him, she also sees the Score as a form of slavery, that people refuse to break away from. At no point does her loyalty to the cause of breaking the world away from it ever come into question. Her faith in Van is unwavering. And she is willing to put her dual-pistols to work on you to make sure that you don’t get in her way. Here’s hoping that you’re ready, and have a good healer in your party.
6. James Kidd/Mary Read
Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag
You know what’s awesome – being a pirate. You know what’s more awesome – when you have a lady who is so good at pirating that she is able to hide the fact that she is a woman in almost plain sight. The scene where Kenway figures it out is one of my favorite scenes in the whole game. Kidd is not only a badass pirate, but she’s an Assassin as well. It’s a pity that we didn’t get to do more stuff with her. She clearly knows her stuff, and isn’t afraid to put Kenway in his place. She will manipulate a man that she sees as having some good qualities, buried underneath a ton of bad ones. It’s a bummer how it all turned out for Kidd, but she was still awesome while we got to know her.
Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain
Oh boy, all the SJWs really lost their shit with this one, didn’t they? Well, too bad. Quiet is not only a badass sniper, but also one hell of a fighter, and a good companion to boot. It’s just a pity that we never got to see too far into her and Snake’s relationship. There are signs that he liked her, but you never see too much happen with that. Quiet is a master assassin, who has a parasite inside of her that will kill her if she speaks English. The parasite saved her life after “Ishmael” set her on fire in the prologue of the game. It saved her life, and now she is back to fuck up Snake. In what is my favorite sniper battle of all time, you have the two of them going head-to-head with their rifles and steady aim. It’s hardcore, and awesome. If you choose not to kill her, then you have a partner who is so much fun to have in the field. When I was with her, it was the first time that I felt like a real mercenary. Like I was part of a two-man team that could do no wrong. It’s a bummer how the story with her ended, but that’s how it is. I would have liked her to become Snake’s right-hand woman. Perchance to dream.
Mass Effect (series)
Jack is probably one of the most fun characters I’ve ever gotten to have in my party. A deranged psychopath who has an overcharged biotic am, looking for a fight. Raised in a Cerberus facility, she was tortured and pushed to insane extremes, for the express purpose of creating a more powerful biotic. This backfired on them, however, when she used her power to escape, killing everyone who got in her way. When Shepard meets her, she’s incarcerated in a maximum-security prison. Covered in tattoos that almost make her tribal, she has a lot of emotional baggage. But she is always looking for a fight, and she will kill anyone who gets in her way. Thankful that I was never such a person. By the third game, she’s no longer in your party, but she’s no less of a badass. Only now, she has a cause to fight for – her students. Good on her.
The Last of Us
This pick might be a bit strange to all of you. After all, she’s just a kid, right? While that is true, this kid is no pushover. She is a fighter, and when she feels threatened or her people are threatened, she will throw down in a heartbeat, be it with a bow, a gun, or her trusty switchblade. They don’t shy away from the fact that she is a kid, and it’s made clear that she is afraid of the world, but I think that it make her more badass that she is willing to look past her fear in order to keep fighting. That humanizing factor just makes how hard she pushed herself more impressive. Oh, and the fact that she will smash the shit out of someone’s face with a machete. There’s also that.
2. Lady Maria
Bloodborne: The Old Hunters DLC
Not much is known about this woman, but oh my god! If there is a more awesome boss to fight in this game, or any game, I haven’t seen it. This chick will fuck you up! She attacks without holding anything back. She was one of the first hunters. Cooler than that – she has some connection to the vilebloods at Castle Cainhurst. Halfway through the fight, she shows that she can use the blood weapon skills that Cainhurst is known for, only without any detrimental effects to her health. When you get her health three-quarters of the way down, she lights her weapons on fire! This chick does NOT go down easy. It was the most intense fight I have been a part of, and this chick is so fucking cool. The last thing on this planet I would do is fuck with her. That would be very bad for one’s health.
And the most badass female character in gaming is…
1. Samus Aran
The definitive and first female badass in gaming, who else could it be? Samus has done it all. She’s brought an entire empire of hostile aliens to their knees, several times. She wiped out almost the entire metroid species. She gets corrupted by a mutagenic toxin, and comes out clean. No matter what the fight, she is able to overcome. A survivor in every term of the word, Samus will fuck you up. Her Varia Suit is cool, but she is also shown to be able to throw down without it. A soldier, a mercenary, a bounty hunter, she’s got it all, and those who cross her get on the business end of her blaster arm.
So, what female characters do you think are awesome in all their badass sexiness? Let me know in the comments section.
Until next time, a quote,
“I love a woman who can kick my ass.” -Spike Spiegel, Cowboy Bebop