You Want More Money? Really? (A response to Tim Schafer)

Anyone remember Psychonauts?  That woefully-underrated game that everyone has been clamoring for for years?  Oh, wait, it’s made by Tim Schafer.  The guy who decided to insult women and minorities with a sock puppet at a game developers conference.  Yeah, maybe it’s for the best that it never went anywhere.  This is also the same guy who did a Kickstarter campaign for a game that ended up being called Broken Age.  Broken, there’s a fitting word for that game.  It was broken up into two parts, and everyone though part one was great.  But then there was part two.  A part that was so bad that it literally alienated everyone.  Not to mention the god-awful voice-acting and the unbelievably-childish innuendos.  One of which I’ll be closing out this post with.

Why did it have to be broken into two parts, anyway?  Well, it seems that Good ol’ Tim, whose name is an anagram for Mr. Shitface, can’t handle money.  Not surprising, when you see pictures like this…

Tim SchaferThis unprofessional jackass was so bad with money that he ended up having to ask his people for even more to make the second part of a game that treated its audience like they were five year olds.  Except, you know, with minds dirty enough to get some really bad innuendo.  This is a man who can’t control his ambition, and obviously has NO ONE at his studio who can ring him in.  It’s a studio full of yes-men and women, eager to please the boss.  Like George Lucas during the Star Wars prequels.

Now, Mr. Shitface is back, with another crowd-funding attempt to con gamers out of even more money, for a sequel to Psychonauts.  Already it has made over $1 million, and is likely to hit its goal of $3.3 million.  But here’s the thing – $3.3. million couldn’t make a 2D point-and-click adventure game.  How on earth do people think that it is going to be able to fund a 3D action-adventure game?  The first Psychonauts cost $40 million.  How on Earth is someone who so OBVIOUSLY can’t handle money going to make a sequel to a game as popular as that with not even a quarter of that?  Not even a tenth?  What is this scammer going to do then?

Mr. Shitface, I have to be honest with you – I am so annoyed that you are STILL able to scam people out of money.  You are exploiting people’s nostalgia to be able to make more money come in for your latest project where you are essentially jerking yourself off.  That was what Broken Age was.  It was a game that was designed to suck your own dick for two parts.  Your ego gone wrong.  It’s why you had to have Elijah Wood (who sounded medicated), Jack Black (who sounded phoned in) and Jennifer Hale in your game.  Because your ego needed its dick sucked.  Now here you are again, making sure that other people foot the bill for you to get your ego sucked again.  You know the funny part – you got annoyed that gamers didn’t buy the last iteration of your ego-sucking, after you fleeced them for money to pay for it to be made.  They paid you, and you were mad that they didn’t pay you more.  Your ego is a very impressive monster.

Crowd-funded games have been ranging from alright to pure garbage.  Some of these games are doing the smart thing (finally) and using the crowd-funding as leverage to show investors that there is interest in the game.  That is what the creator of Castlevania did with his new project, and what the creators of Shenmue III were trying to do with their Kickstarter.  In both cases, it worked.  They got even more money, and thus can make bigger projects.  Former devs from Rare are coming together to make a crowd-funded game that already has footage, called Yooka-Laylee.  These are the games that people should actually care about.  Don’t give money to a person who will go out of his way to give the finger to everyone who could potentially want to buy his game.  I wonder if the new Psychonauts will have a bit with a sock puppet in it.  Hey, Mr. Shitface, how about you have a scene where the main character is sucking your ego off.  At least then this game will be a little honest.

Until next time, a quote,

“I don’t wanna fork that.”  – Vella Tartine, Broken Age

Peace out,

Maverick

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