When I first heard about this on Facebook, my first thought was – this can’t be real. This has to be some BRILLIANT trolling from some brilliant people. It has to be. I mean, what person could honestly want to make a sequel to the piece of shit movie that only made money because it was so bad that it was funny? A movie that the Internet mocked to death, to the point where it became like beating a dead horse. Who could really want a sequel. After doing some digging, though, I realized that this is 100% on the level. A Christian film company that offers a streaming service for Christian movies has the license, and has made a sequel to what was one of last year’s funniest movies. Let’s take a look at the official trailer, and see if this is either going to be painful or funny.
Who knew that Melissa Joan Hart had gone radical Christian? I didn’t. This is…painful. The first film, I’ll give it this – it had Kevin Sorbo. And he was so fun to watch! He was like a Captain Planet villain. It was great. Not to mention the mellow-drama that permeated the entire fucking movie. I loved it! Here, we don’t have that. What we have instead is one of the oldest recycled bullshit lines about how Christianity is forced out of public schools. This talking point has been beaten to death so much that it’s barely worth responding to! But this movie decided to run with it.
There are some points where I was laughing in this. For one, since when did public education put a hit out on teachers? The fuck?! Not to mention, I just LOVE the vilification of the ALCU. Wow. I’ve seen Saturday morning cartoons in the 80’s that were more subtle than this. Groj be praised! Because the ACLU is so EVIL! Right? Then they do a nice little rip-off of Inherit the Wind, where they take the idea that God exists to a courtroom. Shameless? Maybe, but it’s still a little amusing.
The biggest thing lacking from this movie is a fun villain! We need one! We need another Kevin Sorbo. A pity he died in the last movie (spoiler alert. Wait, never mind. You don’t care). There is no villain, other than the EVIL public education system. And our good Christian boy lawyer is going to prove to a jury that God exists. Part of me is curious to see how they will do that. They say that they will prove the existence of Jesus Christ. Okay, I guess that they could prove that a person named Jesus existed. Though, his story is awfully familiar to a ton of other savior stories circulating around the Mediterranean at the time. I can’t see how you could honestly prove the existence of Jesus as a divine being. Or a divine being at all. Oh, I’m sure that they’ll gloss over all the very valid arguments that there is no way to prove that he exists. Like the fact that ANY argument you make to prove the existence of God, I can use to prove the existence of Almighty Groj (linked here). Or the fact that God has NEVER shown his existence in a way that is verifiable and recorded, in the days when we have video cameras.
But we all know that that isn’t what this film will do. They’ll crank out some typical bullshit, like about how we all just know that God exists, or that you can see God’s existence in everything around you or something like that. We saw the “arguments” that these people have in the last film. But I’m sure that the jury will be swayed and totally believe. Then the school will become full of Christians and Christianity will win! Yay!
I will say that this film looks to have a modicum better production quality than the last movie, which got absolutely nothing right in terms of production elements. So there’s that, I guess.
Then they end the trailer with that god-awful song from the last movie. Wow. This film is going to suck, and without a fun villain to enjoy, I can’t honestly see anything here that makes me want to actually watch it. You all let me know what you think in the comments.
Until next time, a quote,
2 out of 10