Lucien’s Review: Avengers: Age of Ultron

Avengers Age of UltronSo this is it.  The sequel to a superhero movie that set a new standard of quality.  I heard a ton of stuff about this film from people.  Namely that it wasn’t as good as its predecessor.  That didn’t particularly shock me.  Like I said, the previous film set a standard.  It’s hard to compete with that.  But I finally got around to seeing it.  A film that, by the way, Disney considers to be a financial failure.  That’s right, a movie that grossed $1.4 billion worldwide is a financial failure.  Is there any doubt in anyone’s mind that Disney is REALLY evil?  I’ve finally seen it, and…I don’t know.  Let’s talk about it.

For the one person who hasn’t seen it…okay, never mind.  I don’t need to summarize the plot.  Everyone’s seen this movie.  You know the plot.  Tony Stark decides to be an idiot and create a system that can act independently around the world.  It comes to life as Ultron.  Then it’s the Avengers vs. Ultron.  Yeah, no ones doesn’t know that.  But that isn’t what I want to talk about.

I could complain that this film is just as misleading as the G.I. Joe movie.  Yeah, it sure was an age for Ultron, wasn’t it?  What’s that?  He is dead by the end of the film?  I’d say spoiler alert, but you’ve already seen this movie.  So yeah.  This entire movie had some fantastic build-up, only for it to go…where?  Oh, that’s right – nowhere.  It just ends with everybody winning, someone that nobody really cared about dying, and nothing of importance happening.  This movie had so little impact that I honestly think that it might as well not have happened at all.  Ultron, the film that this movie was building up to be some kind of real threat, was a nobody.  James Spader’s great voice acting was wasted on this character.  He had all the Spader charm, and we’ll never get to see it again.  Great.

But all of this is just part of what is my issue with this movie.  I’m getting tired of superhero movies, people.  They are becoming so hard to distinguish from one-another.  All of these movies are so upbeat and non-confrontational that it makes the whole experience boring.  I can predict everything that is going to happen from start to finish.

But Lucien, you were all over Guardians of the Galaxy!  That movie is the peak of predictable!

I won’t argue with that.  It’s true.  But the difference is that in that film, as predictable as it was felt, it was all in the execution.  You had these fun characters and comedic factors happening.  The movie didn’t take itself too seriously, and was willing to enjoy itself.  That’s what gets me so excited for the new Deadpool film.  That also looks ridiculous.  Though, that film has the added bonus of being violent as fuck.  That’s a perk.  A predictable film needs to at least have something to offer me.

This movie didn’t.  I’ve seen these characters before.  Their witty banter was fun to listen to, but now I don’t feel like it means anything.  Plus, this film never felt like there was tension.  Ultron never felt like a threat.  He was like this weird plus-one at the Avengers party.  I get that kids like that sort of thing.  Maybe I am too far removed from this demographic to like that kind of entertainment.  I know, gasp away.  I basically called all of Tumblr and their obsession with the past immature.  It is.  My inner child wants more from movies.  Plus, I refuse to believe that kids are too stupid to be able to accept a story that can be a little dark and not treat them like they can’t handle serious stuff.  That’s why I liked Captain America: The Winter Soldier as much as I did.  Sure, the hero won in the end, but he won knowing that he had lost something.  He got someone from his past back, but that person just reminded me of how much he had lost and how alone he was.  It was a well-done movie that made a character who isn’t especially deep into something more.  That was great to watch!

Objectively, there is nothing wrong with this movie.  It looks just fine.  The fight sequences were cool.  Watching the Hulkbuster armor in action was cool.  As much as I think that his talents were wasted in this role, James Spader was still fun to watch.  The only fun I had with this movie.  But I just didn’t like this movie.  It felt like I was just watching the first movie over again, only this time with robots instead of aliens.  But it didn’t have to be this way.

For example – there is a clear schism that has been developing between the members of the Avengers.  Something that I figure is going to play out in the next Captain America film, which focuses on the Civil War arc.  I still wonder how they are going to fit all that into one arc, but hey, it’s the same people who made the last Captain America movie.  Those guys know their stuff.  Maybe they can inject some darkness into this cinematic universe.  Some stakes.  There we go!  That’s what this film lacked – stakes.  They REALLY need to up their game with these Avengers movies.  Or at least make it feel like there is something to fear.  You have, at the end, Thanos saying that he is done letting other people do his dirty work.  Okay, good!  How about we have him in the next Thor and Guardians of the Galaxy films?  Have him bust his way into Thor’s world and take the Infinite Gem there.  Maybe watch him beat the ever-loving fuck out of Thor.  Or better yet – have him kill him.  Then you can have him fuck up the Guardians of the Galaxy’s business.  We need some feeling that there is real fear.

This movie lacked that.  Nobody dies.  Everybody is saved.  The heroes win.  “Yay!”  Boring.  I was bored watching this movie.  It was like watching the sequel to Tron.  Cool ideas, great visuals, boring movie.  But I also think that I’m getting tired of these predictable superhero films.  Take a cue from the guys who directed the second Captain America movie.  Make these heroes feel human.  Make all of this not feel like we’re just counting down to when everyone wins.  That’s my review.  If you loved this movie, you probably hate this review.  Sorry.  But maybe you can see where I’m coming from?  Or maybe not.  Who knows?  As far as the Verdict goes, this film isn’t objectively bad, so I can’t hate it.  I just don’t find it all that great.

Final Verdict
6 out of 10

Peace out,

Maverick

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