I really think that Nintendo hates free publicity. Or maybe they just hate their fans. You know, I’m not sure what their deal is, but these assholes have decided to go so far out of their way to give the people who like their games the finger lately. It really is amazing just how much these people are working to insult the people who like their products and want to share that love in whatever way they feel is best. Let’s get into some history first.
Remember that remastered level from Super Mario 64 that was made and released for free by someone, using the Unity engine. It looked great, was taking in no profits, and was supposed to be love-letter to a game that they wanted to sing the praises of. Instead, Nintendo decided that they were going to take a big ol’ shit on that love and take it down for copyright. The people who released it were making no money. This was utterly-free publicity, and Nintendo took it down.
Next, have you heard how Nintendo is pretty much selling the Wii U up the river? Yeah, the deal with their new console, NX, has been going strong for a while now. All the people who spent all the money and buy their games are being shit on, all so Nintendo can make a new console that, according to rumor, will be underpowered in comparison to current consoles. Perhaps these people saw the history of Sega and thought – I think there’s some hope for us with that! After all, it wasn’t like the Dreamcast totally destroyed their company. We can totally get in on that action.
Or how about we talk about this year’s E3. They release a new Metroid game! Oh, wait, it’s not. It’s some stupid bullshit that doesn’t even have Samus in it, that has the Metroid logo plastered on. There’s also a new Star Fox game! One that has no online multiplayer, and looks SO stupid. I mean, have you seen the trailer? The arwing can turn into a giant chicken! I felt so bad for Fox when I saw that. A giant chicken! Do they have ANY respect for this character at all?! Oh, and there’s a new Animal Crossing game! Wait, no, that’s more of that stupid Amiibo shit. The thing that their company seems to be banking so much money on – stupid fucking toys that are integrated with every game they have released this year and will be releasing in the near future.
Now, however, they have decided to take a giant shit on people who go through a ton of work and have fun with their products by stripping away their livelihoods and then sending really fun PR letters whose sole intent is to tell the person – go fuck yourself for using our content! I’m talking about tool-assisted speedruns. A majorly-popular form of video on YouTube, and they have clamped-down hard. Thus, the people who worked to make those videos have seen all their work go to shit, and as was seen with at least one such individual, Nintendo has sent out letters that basically tell them that they can go fuck themselves and that all the work this person did means jack-diddle to them, because they don’t care about the promotion.
Wow, Nintendo. Just, wow. Do you just hate having fans? Is that it? Does people having fun with your product just piss you off? Oh, right, people having fun with it in ways that you don’t like. Like people who stream it on Twitch or who put out Let’s Play videos, or any other form of free promotion. Because you want your money that you somehow feel that you deserve for all of this. We live in an age when Sony integrated streaming right into their content. I am actually playing around with that stuff on my PS4. I might see if I can upload videos one day with this. Who knows. I mean to play around with it and see what’s-what. But that’s what Sony did. They put a way for streamers and gamers to upload footage right from their console. Why did they do this? Because streaming is big money! It’s free publicity! It’s good for business, you stupid fuckers! Sony knows that they don’t have to steal people’s revenue for it, because the streams and whatnot are going to bring in sales. They know this.
For those who say that Nintendo has a right to do this – they are going after speedrunners on YouTube! You think that they are going to have the tools that made the speedruns that they are going after offered? They said in the letters they sent out that that is against their policy. So Nintendo has effectively destroyed a form of expression for the sole reason of being butthurt that someone else is making money that they feel they rightly deserve. I guess they feel that marketing those stupid fucking Amiibos isn’t leeching enough of peoples hard-earned money for junk.
I am so ashamed of Nintendo. I grew up with them, and now I am humiliated that they exist. The work so hard to ruin the hard work of people who love their products, and the expectations of those who love the stuff that they made. And it’s all out of spite that they do this. The kid who made the tool-assisted speedruns didn’t deprive them of anything. What has been done to him was done purely because the greedy fucks at Nintendo want their money, and not to see their products altered in any way. One of the people who had their videos removed actually claimed that that’s it. He out. After all, the channel was shut down because of multiple copyright strikes. Real classy.
I have a slogan for the future of Nintendo – We put the F in Fuck You and all your hard work! Take that one for free, big guys.
Until next time, a quote,
“Look – fuck you. Fuck the plane you flew in on. Fuck them shoes. Fuck those socks with the bell on it. Fuck your gay-ass fairy fucking accent. Fuck them cheap-ass cigars. Fuck your yuppy-mouth teeth. Fuck your hair-piece. Fuck your chocolate. Fuck Guy Ritchie. Fuck Prince William. Fuck the point. This is America. My President’s black and my Lambo is blue, nigga. Now get the fuck out of my hotel room.” -Riley Freeman, The Boondocks