Really Good Bad Advice: Number Two

Another week, another run-in with insane people who feel the need to tell people who are not me about their insane problems, and think that they are going to get something from this that is of value.  I really should make this a weekly thing, but sometimes I just can’t find the self-help nonsense that gets my giggle muscles flowing.  But now worries about that this week.  I found something that is so fun to read that I am going to take this apart piece by piece.  It’s just that worthwhile.  A reminder to all of us that parents are crazy, egotistical, and some people are just knucking futs.  Let’s get started.

Dear person who isn’t (thank God) me,

I’m a godmother to a wonderful 7-year-old girl. Her mother is my best friend of 20 years. She is an excellent mom. I do not have any children.

Oh, I can already tell – this is gonna be good.  Where’s my popcorn…?

Recently the three of us and a group of girlfriends celebrated a “ladies weekend getaway.”

When we got to our destination, I overheard my goddaughter ask her mom if she was going to “get drunk.” My heart broke a little.

Why?  Does this child’s Mommy Dearest always get plastered?  Lighting up with Caribbean Rum at 10 in the morning?  She should take my approach and wake-and-bake instead.  Much better.  Still, seems like this kid has a handle on the situation.  Why are you so distraught?

Later I was getting ready to join everybody in the pool, when the child came running to me, hysterically crying that her “mama was taking her clothes off.”

Um, kid, I’m just gonna put this out there – she does that a lot.  Why, when she had you, she did that very thing.  Then she got on her back (or her knees.  However she does it) and let some nice gentleman (who is never mentioned in this letter, so he must be a real winner) enter her.  You’re gonna have to learn this at some point, so you might as well learn it now.

I peeked out the window and sure enough her mom was topless. Honestly, it’s not that big a deal among the adults, and not so much out of character for my best friend, but her daughter was freaked out. I told her that Mom was being silly and that she should talk to her about her worries. She said she couldn’t because she would get in trouble. She didn’t want to return to the pool and so I stayed inside with her.

Geez, kid, you act like you saw a giant octopus monster coming out of her vag.  It’s just tits.  What is your deal?  You’re gonna have them too, one day.  Maybe.  Or maybe not.  Some girls don’t develop like others.  Still, you’re gonna have to make peace with your boobs at some point.  I can already hear the Tumblrites chomping at the bits to talk about the “gender binary” and how dumb it is…

Her mother came in about 20 minutes later. She told her daughter she was disappointed in her and that nude bodies were nothing to be ashamed of. (What was upsetting to the girl was seeing her mom drunk, removing her swimsuit and behaving foolishly.)

Um, no, that’s not what the kid said.  She said that her mother was getting naked, and that was her issue.  There were some earlier hints that the drunkenness seems to be a problem, the kid was having a freak-out about her mother’s tits.  And I’m kind of with the mom.  It isn’t that weird.  What is the kid’s issue with boobs, anyway?  For real, so much of my amusement about this comes from how nuts this kid got about her mom showing her tits.  I get the feeling that there is some history of this woman getting drunk and then getting naked.  Is Mommy kind of a ho, kid?  Just putting that out there.

I chimed in (bad idea?), saying I couldn’t stand seeing this young girl be silenced about something that was bothering her.

Yeah, chiming in was a bad idea.  And did the mom shut the kid down?  This story has plot holes.  Which bugs me because I think this is kind of funny.  I mean, why does this kid find nudity so insane?  Especially among females.  I mean, she’s a girl too.  Does she think that female bodies are gross?  If Mommy is a ho, then there might be something genetic here.  Especially since Daddy doesn’t seem to be around.  Man, this is getting kind of dark, isn’t it?

My best friend said, “I’m trying to teach her that nudity is not shameful. She’s very dramatic and freaks out about everything.” I replied, “You should have an internal barometer about what’s minor and major in regards to her ‘freak-outs.’

Given what you’ve told me, I’m kind of with the mom on this one.  This kid is freaking out about a chick being naked.  Unless there is some totally disturbed history of this woman getting naked with her kid in uncomfortable ways, it sounds like this kid is kind of nuts.  Just putting this out there – maybe there’s something to what she said.  And your advice is terrible.  From your own description, this kid was so distraught as to not want to be around her mother when all she was doing was showing off her tits.

Though, I think I’m gonna call it – there has to be some history here.  Some dark, disturbed history of this woman being naked around this child.  Naked and very drunk.  Makes one kind of uncomfortable, but hey, that’s the story we’re dealing with here.  If we peel back the layers, who knows what we’ll find.

She basically told me when I have kids of my own and am a perfect mother I should talk to her then.

I understand this logic, but I felt like I had a responsibility to my goddaughter.

Did I overreact? Did I do the right thing? What do you think – Distraught Godmother from Deleware

This is pretty easy – yeah, you did overreact.  Unless you want to peek in and see just how far down the Rabbit Hole goes on this, I would leave it alone.  This woman sounds kind of trashy.  I get that she’s been your best friend for 20 years, but she clearly has booze and nakedness issues.  And given the kid’s reaction, I have a feeling that these things are mixed.  Nothing good can come from trying to learn more about this, so I would just leave it alone.

So, that’s my self-help for the week.  If you find anything worth responding to, let me know in the Comments.

Until next time, a quote,

“You may pay for school, but you can’t buy class.”  -Anonymous

Peace out,



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