Everyone Should Masturbate!

I haven’t done a post about religion in FOREVER!  No joke, it’s been a long time.  With all the insanity from the SJW community, I suppose that religion kind of took a back-seat.  No surprise, really.  The religious community in America has gotten very quiet lately.  Sure, there was the stupidity with Josh Fuckstain and his threatening violent revolution now that gay marriage is legal in all the States.  But I felt no compulsion to respond to that, because other people did that already and in a way much better than I on my written word site (which has made me so obsolete, since everyone is on YouTube now) could realistically do.  However, I was thinking about something recently – porn.  I know, I’m a guy in my late 20’s.  I’m sure this shocks you.  Let me explain.

It always amazes me when parents get freaked out when their kids look at porn.  Mine did.  Parents, I got a little piece of advice for ya – your kids are going to one day look at porn.  And that’s okay.  It’s one of those normal things associated with growing up.  Not just for guys, but girls too.  I did a poll of my friends, and the average age that both my male and female friends first saw porn was in their early to mid teens.  Unsurprising, given the world we live in.  So yeah, parents of all ages, your children are one day going to look at porn.  It’s a totally normal part of finding their sexuality.  If you want to sit them down and explain how fake porn is, that’s fine.  But you’re just gonna have to make peace with them looking at porn.  Trust me, it’s gonna happen anyway.

When religious people talk about how evil porn is, it always makes me laugh.  Just talking about Christianity (which I grew up with), and given how utterly sexist the Good Book is, the fact that they are able to make the argument that porn is a bad thing baffles me.  Did the verse about how the woman is to be silent (1 Corinthians: 14) or how the wife is absolutely a servant to her husband and must give him children or it is a shame unto her (Genesis 3:16) or that lovely story where Abraham rapes his slave because his wife can’t give him babies, and God tells the slave that she should serve her master and mistress however they deem fit (Genesis 16).  Oh, or the fact that God views women as the cause of all evil (1 Timothy 2:11-14).  It just seems really weird that Christianity claims to be for the purity of women, when there is a passage in their holy book talking about how women are the cause of all evil and unclean.  Funny how that works.

Then there is their beef with masturbation.  This goes back to a story in the Bible about a man who jerks off and lets his seed touch the ground.  That’s just nuts!  Is the implication being that all sperm is sacred?  If so, then here’s a funny thought – men are serial-killing potential infants.  Here’s a neat fact – the average sperm regeneration cycle is 74 days.  Unless you produce offspring at least every 74 days, your sperm is dying and being remade.  Those are potential babies that didn’t happen!  You sick bastards.  Not to mention, once a month, women go through a fertility cycle where their unused eggs are washed out of their body.  As Carlin put it, “during those delightful few days.”  Yeah, that’s about it.  So, no matter who you are, man or woman, you are spoiling lives without your control.  Don’t you feel like a piece of shit.  Remind me how masturbation is the problem?

Hardcore Christianity’s views on sex are so alien, to me.  Maybe it’s given that I was something of a romantic who put sexuality on a pedestal.  Intimacy is one of the most enjoyable (and deluding into thinking you’ll find happiness.  Love is a lie) things that a person can have in their life.  And here’s something to know – women get way more guilty about rubbing one out than guys get about jerking off.  Ladies, I will never know how that feels.  I hear that female orgasms as so much more powerful than male.  With that in mind – you owe it to the world to feel that!  Have the stars explode and your brain and body go numb.  I can’t do it, so do it for me!  No joke, get that vibe or your fingers or however you do it, and go to town, girls!  After all, we have to make sure that Jesus didn’t die for nothing.

In all seriousness, my pessimism about love and jokes aside, finding out who you are, sexually, is one of the biggest things you will ever do.  The same for kids too.  That’s why I tell parents to make peace with their children looking at porn.  You can talk to them about it (I guarantee that will be an awkward conversation) or what-have-you, but don’t stand in the way of them learning about their sexuality and who they are.  Take my word for it, one of the most emotionally-unsettling things that will ever happen is when they are unsure and are trying to figure it all out.  Porn doesn’t judge a teenager for what they are into.  It just helps them scratch and itch.  One they, they will find someone to be with, and they’ll learn more about life.  Until then, let the kids masturbate.  Hopefully you were able to masturbate a lot as well.  Hopefully you will do.  It is proven to be healthy for you.  So enjoy the teasing, ladies.  And the jerking, for you guys.

Until next time, a quote,

I have no right, by anything I do or say, to demean a human being in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him; it is what he thinks of himself. To undermine a man’s self-respect is a sin.”  -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Peace out,



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