Grow Up, Lady (A response to Kim Renfro)

I am an immature person, in a lot of ways.  I am also very mature in others.  I get unbelievably-stoked about things I love, to the point of giddiness in the third degree.  I also get very serious and somber about things when I think that it’s appropriate to do so.  It’s a game of give and take, and I take that seriously.  But if there’s one thing that I hate, it’s when someone doesn’t realize when it is time to drop the overly-serious bullshit and accept some silliness.  When they are able to realize that, sometimes, you have to grow up by accepting the ridiculousness.  Which brings me to an article by a woman named Kim Renfro, who seems to have a HUGE problem with a husband and wife who are having fun with their marriage.  Yeah, it’s one of THOSE kinds of articles.  Here’s a link to it, now let’s talk about it.

The premise is this: a loving wife adoringly surprises her dear husband with a loaded gun and a mysterious note. A raging battle of bullets presumably ensues. The loser is responsible for cooking dinner.

Okay.  That sounds kind of fun.  I’m a giant man, so I wouldn’t do well at this.  I make way too big a target.  But it sounds like a fun way for a husband and wife to have fun together.

No, we’re not talking about actual guns, but rather, Nerf guns — the ones with the foam bullets that 8-year-olds want for their birthdays. And the scenario above is not from a book or television show or a movie; it’s a meme. It’s taken on several forms over the last few years, some iterations more popular than others, but the message is always the same: “Cool wives” buy Nerf guns for their husbands and “cool couples” know how to kick back, relax, and find the kid within themselves.

I’m…not seeing the problem here.  Husband and wives do all sorts of shit to keep their marriages interesting.  Everyone has their own way of doing it.  Some people have crazy sex outings.  Some people do scavenger hunts.  Every marriage is kept spicy and alive by people who are willing to do new things and be silly or have ridiculous fun sometimes.  That’s the whole point.  I am just dying to hear how you think that this is a bad thing.

It’s the most annoying meme ever. In the last year, it has become the poster for what a “perfect wife” should do, and what a “perfect relationship” embodies. It’s not about Nerf wars, it’s about looking at relationships and marriages realistically. The internet is good for a lot of things, but presenting things as they really are is not one of them.

Okay, who is saying that this is what the “perfect wife” is supposed to be?  This is one person who decided to have fun with their spouse, and him thinking that it was cute, taking a pic, and posting it online.  How on Earth does that tell someone that this is what a perfect marriage is supposed to be?  Do you honestly believe that everyone who is married is so stupid that they are going to see this and think that this is what they are supposed to do?  And I thought that I had contempt for people’s intelligence (or lack thereof).  People saw that pic and thought that it’s cute.  What’s wrong with that?

The meme to the right is what we’ll now call “cool wife with Nerf gun.” It’s not the first of its kind but it’s certainly the most popular.
Here’s the text:
Welcome home. I’m hiding in the house with a Nerf gun, here is the other one…
The loser cooks dinner tonight.
May the odds be ever in your favor.
This photo immediately went viral starting in the summer of 2014, when Tumblr users quickly began sharing it and adding captions like “marriage done right” or “This is the type of wife I’d be” or “my wife better do this!”

Yeah, people think it sounds like fun.  What is the problem here?  Are you arguing that people shouldn’t enjoy things?  Is that what we’re talking about?  I genuinely don’t get this.  This is so fucking strange, to me.  You are about to rail on people who like and want to emulate something.  Isn’t imitation the most sincere form of flattery?  Wouldn’t you be down with that?

You spend almost the entire middle section of their article showing that this was done by a guy who apparently tells Snap stories.  The implication being that this was staged.  It very well may be.  You then show how people have been either making fun of this (which is also funny, if you see some of the pics posted) and sites like Buzzfeed talking about how this would be a fun thing to do.  I’m not getting what your problem is.  Can you put clearly what your dilemma with this whole deal is?

This is why the meme is so annoying. The issue not only lies with the stereotyping it involves — if you do this, you’re a good wife — but it’s promoting the idea that doing one thing a certain way qualifies you as a perfect spouse. No, women shouldn’t use food or sex to win arguments, but are Nerf guns the solution? LOL, no.

Oh go fuck yourself!  What business is it of yours what people do that is fun?  NOWHERE has anyone stated that this is what a “perfect wife” is supposed to do.  Yeah, some guys probably think that that would be cool.  Some women do too.  As you point out in your article, there were plenty of gals who thought that this was sweet too.  If that’s what they want to do, and they are inspired, what business is it of yours to mock that?  Are you married?  Is your spouse all over you to do this?  If so, then you can tell him that you are not interested.  It’s part of that communication thing that makes relationships work.  Believe me, I really get that part.  Especially since I recently had my heart broken by someone who refused to talk to me when she had a problem.  There is no “one thing a certain way” for any relationship.  Anyone who has been in an actual relationship knows this.  You seem to believe that you’re talking to the dumb-fuck teens who liked Twilight.  Guess what – they had to grow up too.  They had to realize that love is complicated.  So will anyone who sees this meme you take such umbridge with.

Just like people who only post flawless selfies or Facebook updates about their lavish vacations, buying into the “cool wife with Nerf gun” idea is just another way the internet is able to convince you that everyone else around you has it figured out, and you better figure it out too.

This feels personal.  This feels like you got burned by someone who is fun-loving and didn’t want things to get too serious.  Someone who left you because they wanted something a certain way, and you didn’t.  I’m sorry about that.  I get it.  Been there.  But people who read and enjoy this meme and doing stuff like this are people who know that you have to do crazy things sometimes.  You have to be willing to change things up and take chances.  That’s a good thing.  I genuinely don’t understand your beef with the people who are enjoying themselves.  Is it because they are having fun?  This all feels like you got burned, and are mad at the person who burned you.

Lady, grow up and live a little.  Sometimes, a little silliness can go a long way.

Until next time, a quote,

I don’t think you can analyze love. It’s the greatest mystery of all. No one knows why it happens, or doesn’t. Love is a chance combination of elements. Any one thing might be enough to keep it from igniting – a mood, a glance… a remark. And if we could define love, predict it – it would probably lose its power.” -Neelix, Star Trek: Voyager

Peace out,



One thought on “Grow Up, Lady (A response to Kim Renfro)

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